Ask Me Help Desk - I am confused

I am confused

My girlfriend and I of 3 years had broken up 2 months ago. She realized that she made a mistake and wanted to get back together. I was skeptical because this was the second time she had broken up with me inside of a year. She also called a break last summer as well. To make a long story short, after a few weeks, I decided I wanted to talk to her and try to work things out. She agreed, and wanted to take things slow.

After a few weeks, things were going good, and she said she wanted this to continue. Then yesterday she tells me that she doesn't want this right now, and it is over. I was caught off guard and told her I did not feel the same way, and that I wanted to work this out. She did not feel the same way. However, later on in the day, she asked to meet me for a cup of coffee. When she arrived We started talking, and I told her that after thinking about it, this was a good idea, and probably the best for both of us. As a result of this, she started crying. She said she does not know how long she will feel this way, and after some time I should not wait around for her. She also said that she wants to be friends, and wants me to be in her life.

The best thing I can do for myself is just lay low, and do my own thing. I do not know if she was doing this to try and get some kind of upper hand. Why would she cry if this is what she wanted?

Could there be someone else? Has she ever given you a reason in the past? Seem like there is something we are missing.

I asked her if she was seeing someone else, and she said no. It doesn't add up for me either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojo2982

My girlfriend and I of 3 years had broken up 2 months ago. She realized that she made a mistake and wanted to get back together. I was skeptical because this was the second time she had broken up with me inside of a year. She also called a break last summer as well. To make a long story short, after a few weeks, I decided I wanted to talk to her and try to work things out. She agreed, and wanted to take things slow.

After a few weeks, things were going good, and she said she wanted this to continue. Then yesterday she tells me that she doesnt want this right now, and it is over. I was caught off guard and told her I did not feel the same way, and that I wanted to work this out. She did not feel the same way. However, later on in the day, she asked to meet me for a cup of coffee. When she arrived We started talking, and I told her that after thinking about it, this was a good idea, and probably the best for both of us. As a result of this, she started crying. She said she does not know how long she will feel this way, and after some time I should not wait around for her. She also said that she wants to be friends, and wants me to be in her life.

The best thing I can do for myself is just lay low, and do my own thing. I do not know if she was doing this to try and get some kind of upper hand. Why would she cry if this is what she wanted?

I think she sees you as a door mat she will not appreciate you until she feels she lost you for good.

Its odd when someone professes love for you one day and then tells you its not working the next that is for sure. In my experience typically some influence, family, friends, or another person is the cause.

Sounds to me like your relationship is something that she takes for granted. No one deserves an emotional yo-yo. I would suggest that you think about taking a serious break from what sounds to be a lot of heartache.

Her feeling have changed, and it was hard, but she has moved in another direction, and so must you. The confusion will end once you accept it, and regroup, through healing, and rebuild a life you enjoy without her in it. Get over her and maybe you'll be ready to be friends, but for now the focus is on making yourself happy, not her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojo2982

She also said that she wants to be friends, and wants me to be in her life. The best thing I can do for myself is just lay low, and do my own thing.

"mojo2982" I'm just as confused as you are. :eek:

She has broken up with you [and then,normally I would say that there has to be
Strictly no contact] yet she still wants to be friends :confused:

As you say in your question,the best thing that you can do,for now,is just lay low, and do
Your own thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Her feeling have changed, and it was hard, but she has moved in another direction, and so must you. The confusion will end once you accept it, and regroup, thru healing, and rebuild a life you enjoy without her in it. Get over her and maybe you'll be ready to be friends, but for now the focus is on making yourself happy, not her.

I understand completely about putting myself first. I just do not understand why she would cry when I am telling her I agree with everything she wanted.

If a guy knew the answer to that question, he would be rich beyond belief. Not something for a guy to dwell on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

If a guy knew the answer to that question, he would be rich beyond belief. Not something for a guy to dwell on.

Amen to that, lol. What do you guys suggest for jealousy. I get so jealous and depressed when I think of her partying and possibly being with another guy. These are my demons.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojo2982

Amen to that, lol. What do you guys suggest for jealousy. I get so jealous and depressed when I think of her partying and possibly being with another guy. These are my demons.

You just have to remember that you are not together and as hard as it is to say, you have no reason to be jealous. Remember, she left you, not the other way around. You can be secure that you gave all you could to the success of the relationship and take some solace in that fact.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojo2982

I just do not understand why she would cry when I am telling her I agree with everything she wanted.

Perhaps she is an emotional person,and,when you told her what she wanted to know,she started to cry,as a way of relief

Who knows... I am hurt, but I am sure I will get over it. Sometimes, things like this prevent me from enjoying myself. I guess you can say I get depressed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojo2982

Sometimes, things like this prevent me from enjoying myself. I guess you can say I get depressed.

That's understandable,"mojo2982" after all you were with her for 3 years. Just don't
Stay depressed. You have to move on.

I am very very low key guy, I define being a homebody. Sometimes I beat myself up because I am not the type that likes to party.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojo2982

who knows...I am hurt, but I am sure I will get over it. Sometimes, things like this prevent me from enjoying myself. I guess you can say I get depressed.

Of course you are hurt. Someone you cared for and dare I say loved said she doesn't feel the same for you. You are hurt, but you will learn from it, grow from it, and heal. How fast is up to you. If you dwell on what you cannot change the process will be long and painful.

Trust that being depressed and hurt is totally normal for anyone. Those things always hinder us all from going right out and "having fun". Would you have traded it all to have never loved her? Of course not. Take time to for you. Be a little selfish and heal. Try, and I only say try because it is easier said then done, try to move on the best you can.

No matter what happens, if you find someone else, if she comes back to you, you will be all the better for the experience.

This is true. Have you ever felt afraid to go out because you might see her out, and you may not like what you see?

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojo2982

Have you ever felt afraid to go out because you might see her out, and you may not like what you see?

Do you mean,that,she would have a new partner,and then you would need to move
On?

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojo2982

This is true. Have you ever felt afraid to go out because you might see her out, and you may not like what you see?

Oh man have I ever... I can tell you a story about the first girl I was engaged to and thought "she was the one". We broke up (not because I wanted to I might add). She ran in the same crowds and even hit a lot of the same clubs I liked to frequent.

You know, I saw her a couple times and of course there was some odd times. We even hung out one night, the entire night together like old times (I don’t recommend this because it can open old wounds).

Long and the short of it was eventually it wasn’t anything for me to see her out. We are actually friends today and I am happily married to the person who I was meant to be with (not the same person; p). I would have never met and got married to my wife, never been able to treat my wife the way she deserves, never had the communication I have now, without having that previous experience.

I guess the bottom line is, you can’t expect to be over her today. You know that. Work on doing things that interest you. Spend time with family and friends. When you are ready, explore the possibility of another relationship.

I don't know what she has. I let my mind wander.

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Work on doing things that interest you.

If you keep up your interests,this will give you time to grieve over what you've
Lost :)

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When you are ready, explore the possibility of another relationship.

When this process is over [for however long it takes] then you will be able to move
On to a new relationship.

It is that simple, but it is easier said than done.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojo2982

It is easier said than done.

Well,"mojo2982" we've helped you the best way we can. It's now up to YOU to do
Something with it :)

I will try... I am still hurt and in shock

Man, just know you are not alone. You are not the only one that has gone through something like this and YES it is so hard. No one denies the fact that this is all hard. You have to get through the hard times to get back to the good ones.

Respectfully, I wish you the best during this time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smoked

man, just know you are not alone. You are not the only one that has gone through something like this and YES it is so hard. No one denies the fact that this is all hard. You have to get through the hard times to get back to the good ones.

respectfully, I wish you the best during this time.

Thank you so much... I really appreciate it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smoked

I wish you the best during this time.

So do I... Please take care of yourself :)

Is there anything else I can do to help this process?

Ok... so today, I come into work and I notice that she sent me a text message telling me that she hopes I have a good day. She then went on to tell me that she had a good weekend and the things she did. What is she trying to do??

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What is she trying to do??

... Get her interest in you going again!

How do you feel about that?

Well this is easier said than done. What should I do?

Well it all depends what you would like to do...

Fall for her TRAP [cos that's all it is]

Or... the strictly no contact rule?

I am sorry, but I am a little naïve with this stuff, but what is her trap?

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojo2982

What is her trap?

Her trap is to be nice to you,so that you'll get back with her!

If you allow that to happen,when it should be strictly NO CONTACT,she has
Then got you in the TRAP of GUILT for letting it to be so. :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojo2982

Ok...so today, I come into work and I notice that she sent me a text message telling me that she hopes I have a good day. She then went on to tell me that she had a good weekend and the things she did. What is she trying to do????

Keeping you on the hook as a safety net.

What I do not get is that she called it off... why would she want to get back now?

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojo2982

What I do not get is that she called it off...why would she want to get back now?

And you don't want her back... that's why you're SOOO confused!

DON'T give in by breaking the no contact rule.

No Contact will clear all your confusion, if your busy with what you enjoy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojo2982

What I do not get is that she called it off...why would she want to get back now?

She doesn't want to get back with you. She wants you in her life as a friend, so you will be available, and she doesn't have to be lonely. She also wants to keep your interests keen, just in case, and she wants to be sure your still thinking of her. That's what makes NC the way to go, as you get to name your own agenda, and path you take, without worrying about what her agenda is, or why she does, what she does.