My girlfriend moved out of my place 3 weeks ago. We have been together for over a year. We had alots of ups and downs. A week later after she moved out I went crazy and try to beg her to come back but she turn me down. I even went to work place a few time but she keep pushing me away. I know it's not my fault this happen but I got really desperate. I am OK now. Every time I text her try to work things out she blame me for all the pain I caused her. All blames. Before it was easy every time she got upset I was able to calm her down. I got upset and stop calling her because of all the blames. A few days later she text me and said she missed me. The next day I call her, she hung up and she said she's still unconfortable to talk. I got really upset and we got into a fight again. Now I didn't contact her for two days. I know I have to accept this and move on. I still got urges to contact her but it gets better. I try not to think about it. What advices can you give me on this?

Sounds like we're in the same boat... I'm still trying to save my relationship of 5 years as I type. I get a lot of the blame for the way things have been, but I'm beginning to realize that you got to give them space. Just keep up what you're doing now with the NC. Cooler heads prevail and once you've both cleared your minds, things could work out. Just make sure she doesn't have all the power over you.

Read the stickies at the top of the forum and continue with NC... It will take time but you will get through this

Sounds like the actions of someone who wants to finish with you but can't bear the thought of you not being theirs. Don't contact her, why should you keep trying to reconcile - relationships are a two way thing. In my opinion, this is finished - walk away with your dignity and have a bit of fun. If she tries to get back then its up to you but I would make her do all the work. Sadly, from experience these things just keep going round in circles until someone does actually does something to change or ends it completely.

Keeping NC is the way to go, as you regroup, and rebuild a life without her.

I guess she really want to end it otherwise why would she keep pushing me away. I have a very strong principal and I am rational. I rather be hurt but I won't let someone disrespect me. I will not take all the blames. How come she got off so easy or is she hiding it or she has someone else? I feel a lot better now than a few weeks ago. How come the guys always get it worse than the girls. Seem like girls can always find somebody else to fill their voids.

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Originally Posted by Roborat

Sounds like the actions of someone who wants to finish with you but can't bear the thought of you not being theirs. Don't contact her, why should you keep trying to reconcile - relationships are a two way thing. In my opinion, this is finished - walk away with your dignity and have a bit of fun. If she tries to get back then its up to you but I would make her do all the work. Sadly, from experience these things just keep going round in circles until someone does actually does something to change or ends it completely.

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I haven't talk to her for almost a week now. She still have my phone which I paid for. She txt me a few days ago and said she wanted to pay me $20 a month which is less than the $35 I paid a month. Should I cancel the phone? I didn't respond. She txt one of my friend also and it seem she still blames me. Please advise.

Yeah obviously cancel the phone and end the relationship... she still blames you and will continue to do so...

Sounds like a lot of drama and fighting. Leave her alone. As for the phone, if you need to deal with it, just cut it off or if you want to be nice: text her that you want to give her time to get her own phone so you will pay for one more month before you end service. That seems fair. Nothing else to talk about. She left. You owe her nothing other than leaving her alone. She will respect you more if you go away and give her space and silence.
Only ANSWER the question on this page here. Do NOT ASK a question.

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Originally Posted by Ash123

Sounds like a lot of drama and fighting. Leave her alone. As for the phone, if you need to deal with it, just cut it off or if you want to be nice: text her that you want to give her time to get her own phone so you will pay for one more month before you end service. That seems fair. Nothing else to talk about. She left. You owe her nothing other than leaving her alone. She will respect you more if you go away and give her space and silence.
Only ANSWER the question on this page here. Do NOT ASK a question.

You are NOT logged in.

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A few days ago she txt one of my friend and say hi. My friend ask her if she still love me and she said a little and explain to her why it didn't work out which are more blames. She said one of the reason is her family doesn't like me because I yelled at her in front of them this is a one time thing. I am a little bit disappointed. I mean I take her in and take care of her when she didn't have any money and no job. Now after she has a good job she leaves and really hates me. Should I answer her regarding her paying me $20 a month for the phone or I should just do the NC thing?

Hung,

I think its over.

One bit of advice: don't yell at your next girl. It's better to talk things out.

And hang in there...

We're here when you need.

Meh, I wouldn't listen to her inane ramblings that her family don't like you because you yelled at her. If you yelled and had reason then that's perfectly acceptable, if you just randomly lost the plot then I can see how that would bother her family. There is nothing wrong with getting annoyed, its human nature and to be perfectly honest I find people who never loose the head more discomforting - NOTE, when I say yell I mean raise you voice and show passion, not scream blue murder! You seem like a bloke with his head screwed on, go with your gut feeling and don't back down - sounds to me like you have done a lot for her and she has now gotten what she can and is possibly aiming higher. If she is telling friends that she still loves you 'a little', well that's no good in my book but I'm not sure where your esteem levels are. About the phone, if she is ditching you then cancel it.. I don't see why you should succumb to sentimentality when she clearly isn't.

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Originally Posted by Roborat

Meh, i wouldn't listen to her inane ramblings that her family don't like you because you yelled at her. If you yelled and had reason then thats perfectly acceptable, if you just randomly lost the plot then i can see how that would bother her family. There is nothing wrong with getting annoyed, its human nature and to be perfectly honest i find people who never loose the head more discomforting - NOTE, when i say yell i mean raise you voice and show passion, not scream blue murder! You seem like a bloke with his head screwed on, go with your gut feeling and don't back down - sounds to me like you have done a lot for her and she has now gotten what she can and is possibly aiming higher. If she is telling friends that she still loves you 'a little', well thats no good in my book but im not sure where your esteem levels are. About the phone, if she is ditching you then cancel it.. i don't see why you should succumb to sentimentality when she clearly isn't.

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Hi Bobrat,


She is the only person that I take care the most since non of my exes are that dependent. I even try to be closed to her boss by helping her so that her boss treat her better than everyone else. I took care of all the bills since she didn't make a lot of money. I yell mean raise my voice and I am stupid enough to try to beg her to come back when she left. I think the reason for all the blames is because I am the chaser now. I did the NC for a week now. I still have urges to call and text but I resisted it. The reason I didn't cancel the phone is because I had to pay $400 to cancel because the contract is still there. I'll probably transfer the phone to her name so she can take care of the bill herself.

It's hard to remember, but just because we do things for people does not mean they will do things for us... and of course, what we buy them cannot make them love us.

I think that this is a good sign that she is not right for you right now... you are giving more than you get.

Not fair right?

Let her go. Get that phone in her name.

And find someone you can give and take and share with.

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Originally Posted by Ash123

It's hard to remember, but just because we do things for people does not mean they will do things for us...and of course, what we buy them cannot make them love us.

i think that this is a good sign that she is not right for you right now...you are giving more than you get.

not fair right?

let her go. get that phone in her name.

and find someone you can give and take and share with.

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Should I answer her regarding the $20 dollar that she will pay me per month or should I ignore her for now. She txt me regarding this 3 days ago.

Man, I feel so depressed sometime. It's up and down. One day I am happy and the next I am not. It sux.

$20 per month?

For what?

You need space and so does she? I think that sounds silly...
If this is about the phone, just tell her it's in her name by September... the end.

Hi Hungtoronto

Sounds like you do too much for her and she is taking it for granted. If you do everything for her and put yourself down as a mat, then don't be surprised when she starts walking all over you.

Women and men alike want a challenge and I'm not talking about squaring up to her with clenched fists. There is a saying 'nice guys finish last' and although I don't believe that, I do think there is some element of truth to it. I used to be naïve and I would go out of my way to be the perfect boyfriend, I would never argue, fall in line with any decisions and all it ever won me was heartache. Im 31 now, have a wealth of experience and I can tell you that you need to be able to play the game.

My current relationship is going well and that's because both myself and my girlfriend have to try, we both have to make sacrifices and it shows the other half that although you may not want to do something, that you think they are worth it and will do it. If you constantly do everything asked then she will not see it as you making a sacrifice at all. Also, people want to go out with a strong person, I'm not talking about physically but someone who has principals and beliefs and will stick to them. You need to show that you are confident in yourself and she will then be confident in you - A simple example of this would be that in my past I used to get annoyed when my girlfriend would flirt with blokes. I know now that its just something that women need to do to give them confidence... men can get better with age whereas women think that they just get old and ugly, therefore they need the lift that getting chatted up gives them. As I said I used to get annoyed, now I don't.. if I'm not happy with it and feel like I'm being neglected, I will walk over to the best looking girl in the bar and start talking to her and believe me, when that happens my girlfriend is pretty quick to come over - problem resolved, no arguments and your point has been made. If I sat there sulking or came over and started arguing or starting a fight then I would be to blame and I would be damaging the relationship.

Don't get me wrong, I hate 'the game' but after years of thinking that you just do your best and things will happen - I know better. You do need to play it a bit and like everything on life, you do need to work to make it work! Please don't take this advice as me telling you to change completely and become a woman hating monster. You can still be a caring loving bloke but also have an edge too.

Finally, in regards to the phone... do you have it or access to it? If not then why is she expecting you to pay for it, and more to the point why are you even thinking about doing so? If she won't take the full contract then I would cancel it. I wouldn't care if it costs $400, it's the principal of it. She has decided that she doesn't want you so why not do as she wishes. Let her stand on her own two feet. Stop being a safety net... the only way she will see you in the proper light is when you aren't there anymore - its unfortunate, but that's life. As a female friend once told me after we finally got it out of her that her current boyfriend was abusing her when he was drunk - 'I used to think that my ex was the most boring bloke on earth but I would give anything to get back with him now'

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Originally Posted by Roborat

Hi Hungtoronto

Sounds like you do too much for her and she is taking it for granted. If you do everything for her and put yourself down as a mat, then don't be surprised when she starts walking all over you.
'

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Hi Robobat,

The reason it didn't work out is, like what you said it seem like I give her more than she actually giving me. I paid all the bills including the mortgage payment. She paid me 300 a month. I only expects her to cook and clean but she was never good at it and stop cooking all together. And overtime I stop giving, I got bored and don't care anymore because I don't see a future. It seem like what I give her is not enough she expect a lot more out of me. Like you said love is an investment, if you give her everything you have she'll take you for granted and leave.

I text her this morning regarding the phone I said "you can transfer the phone to your name that way you don't have to pay me call and talk to the rep"

She call me back right away 3 times which I didn't pick up the phone afraid that I would get hurt.

She text me back saying sorry but I don't want to make you think if you have my mail leave it in front of your door so I can come pick up. She also said she'll call and transfer the phone to her name.

You will be much better off concluding all business dealings with her.

Sounds like she needs to go to the post office and have all mail in her name forwarded...

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

I guess she really want to end it otherwise why would she keep pushing me away. I have a very strong principal and I am rational. I rather be hurt but I won't let someone disrespect me. I will not take all the blames. How come she got off so easy or is she hiding it or she has someone else? I feel a lot better now than a few weeks ago. How come the guys always get it worse than the girls. Seem like girls can always find somebody else to fill their voids.

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Women tend to deal with the emotional pain while the relationship is happening. That's why she kept getting "upset." She was in the kind of pain while in the relationship. And it's not necessarily easy for her now either, but she was more ready to give up than you. In time, you'll be more ready too.

As for why is it easier for women to find another partner, that depends on the woman. For some women, it's very easy to find another partner; for others, harder. Generally, young women have more choices, since they can go with men their own age or older, while older women have fewer choices, since older men become rarer, while younger men or more likely to go with younger women. So if you are a young man, you are at a disadvantage now unless you are unusually kind, quite successful financially and quite handsome. But as you get older, you will have the advantage--this is just biology and numbers, not a moral view.

One last observation. Anyone who claims to be rational is deluding himself. Humans are not particularly rational--we operate from emotion all the time. It is when we are most convinced we are being rational and not taking our emotions into account that we are most ruled by our emotions. So accept your emotional nature as a good and valuable part of you. It's an important part of what makes you able to make decisions and to evaluate situations.

It's perfectly normal to feel hurt right now. You've been rejected. Ow! This happens to nearly everyone at some point. But use the next few days or weeks to think about what you learned from this relationship that you can use in the next one. It's awful to be blamed for everything, but just as you aren't to blame for everything, neither is she. Maybe there were one or two areas where she was right. Is there anything you could do in the future so your next girlfriend won't feel upset so much? Think about how this pain can be used to make your life better.

Most break ups are life lessons, in coping with your loss.

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Originally Posted by asking

Women tend to deal with the emotional pain while the relationship is happening. That's why she kept getting "upset." She was in the kind of pain while in the relationship. And it's not necessarily easy for her now either, but she was more ready to give up than you. In time, you'll be more ready too.

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I think if we were compatible she wouldn't be hurt this much or she would not do things that make me lose it to cause her pain. I feel sorry for doing that but it is beyond my control. We are 10 years apart. She is in her early 20. I think she's too young and still doesn't know what she wants. I guess she live with me because she didn't have money and no job but now she got a job and be on her own she left. She like to compare me to her friends who marries these rich guys. It got me really upset. I didn't let her have friends since the people she hang out with are all about money and I don't want that kind of influence. I introduce her to my friends but she didn't get along with them.

We are not compatible, I am just stubborn keep trying to convince myself that it will work. I been down this road a few times. I'll recover, it just sux every time this happen.

Hi guys,

Help me out here, she text me at midnight and said I miss you darling. She said maybe she's drunk, maybe at this moment she doesn't want to hold me back.

I didn't want to reply and screwed up. Wot should I do. I have been applying the NC. Should I continue to do so or show that I care. I think I should be cold.


What if I want her back what should I do? Please advise.

Ignore it, it may be a drunk text which she will regret. Keep NC.

She's 20 and you're 30? Her mates marry older richer guys? If I were you I would steer well clear. Even if things work out then in my opinion its only a matter of time that she looks elsewhere.. I never trust people who get involved with a person because they're rich.

If you want to contact her and want to see what's happening then I would ask her to meet up and say whatever she is feeling to your face and not by text. She might have been drunk and missing you but that doesn't necessarily mean that she wants to get back. If you do feel the need to contact her, then give yourself one last chance and stick to it - personally I wouldn't but everyone is different. If you don't want to give her another chance then just ignore her and move on - its hard and you always think 'what if' but from experience if you keep stringing things out its only harder in the long run. When you start pining for her remember why you broke up - people always tend to focus on the good times and ignore the bad. Get out and do something, go to the gym and tone up, take up a new hobby or learn something new - do something constructive rather than moping about as it will only get you down.

Just in regards to your comment 'She is in her early 20. I think she's too young and still doesn't know what she wants.' - that is probably true but again that's something that she needs to figure out by herself and you hanging around won't get this decision made.

I have one saying that I live my life by... 'regret what you did, not what you didn't' so if your gut feeling says to have one more chance then do it, if you think that this is never going to work then walk away with a clean break rather then a painful separation. Whatever your decision is then make it and don't doubt it. Your life is yours to live so go out and do what you think is right and in the end just enjoy yourself. Its when you aren't looking that you generally find the woman you have been looking for.

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Originally Posted by Roborat

She's 20 and you're 30? Her mates marry older richer guys? If i were you i would steer well clear. Even if things work out then in my opinion its only a matter of time that she looks elsewhere.. I never trust people who get involved with a person because they're rich.

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Thanks for the advice Roborat,


She's is in her mid 20. When she was living with me though she stop hanging out with all her friends because she afraid she'll turn into them again. She was down the rich road before and she learned her lesson. She was afraid that it will happen again. But can people really change from who they are? She started to compare again the last few months because she got contact with them again. I got upset when I was compared. This was the reason why I got upset and didn't talk to her and she moved out which I didn't stop her this time. She tried to move out a few times before but I stopped her for different reason though.


I don't want to txt her and said I want to talk because a week after she left I already try to beg her and want her back but she keep pushing me away. I txt her, try to be nice but she blames me for everything. I did the NC and yesterday I txt her to tell her to transfer the phone to her name and then this is the txt I got. I think if she want to talk or give it another chance she would have say so. She said she missed me because she's drunk that doesn't mean a lot.

I think this txt message "I miss you darling. She said maybe she's drunk, maybe at this moment she doesn't want to hold me back. " is just her way of seeing if I am desperate in calling her so she can avoid me again. I am not falling for it. Wot do you guys think.

She call me today regarding the phone ask me how she can transfer it. I pick up the phone and I said I am busy and hang up. A moment later she txt me back and said it's OK she'll get another phone and send me mine. I think she's upset I said I am busy. Wot should I do?

Nothing to do, you have done it, so wait for the phone.

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Originally Posted by Roborat

Hi Hungtoronto


Finally, in regards to the phone... do you have it or access to it? If not then why is she expecting you to pay for it, and more to the point why are you even thinking about doing so? If she wont take the full contract then i would cancel it. I wouldn't care if it costs $400, its the principal of it. She has decided that she doesn't want you so why not do as she wishes. Let her stand on her own two feet. Stop being a safety net... the only way she will see you in the proper light is when you aren't there anymore - its unfortunate, but thats life. As a female friend once told me after we finally got it out of her that her current boyfriend was abusing her when he was drunk - 'I used to think that my ex was the most boring bloke on earth but i would give anything to get back with him now'

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I txt her yesterday regarding the phone, She called me and ask me how can she transfer the phone, I already txt her and explain this and I don't want to talk to her so I said I was busy she txt me back and said she'll get a new phone instead.

I txt her yesterday " Sorry I was busy and didn't have a chance to talk, if you need time to get your new phone I'll cancel the phone at the end of the month"

She txt me back with my phone and said she already got a new phone. I doublt that she got a new phone but anyway I already call the company to cancel the phone. It cost me 400 but you're right it's a matter of principle. The contract end at the end of the billing cycle. She called me last night but I didn't pick up.


You're right, I shouldn't be the safety net anymore that way she'll see the proper light. Thanks all for the advice, this site has been great. It helps calm me down and keep me in control of the situation.

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

I think if we were compatible she wouldn't be hurt this much or she would not do things that make me lose it to cause her pain. I feel sorry for doing that but it is beyond my control.

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Sounds like you are right that you are not compatible. You said you've been through this before. So I'm wondering what kinds of things would happen to set you off.

Sometime she act childish, for instant bad mouth me in front of my friends. Give my stuff away without asking me and when I talk to her about it she would talk back. It made me upset and when I am upset I don't talk and don't answer. It does drives her crazy and she wanted to move out a few times when we got these arguments.

I am not saying I am perfect here. I am sure I do things that are not right neither. I find that I can't explain things to her. Every time I tried, she would cry and that's the end of that I have to compromise. It seem that she can cry her way out of anything. I know I shouldn't do that and let her go because I am losing respect every time I don't stick to my principal.

There is a saying, you don't totally know a person until you live with him/her. Dating is so much easier.

Relationship is tough, things may be good at the beginning but it can change. My problem is that I don't know how to keep it the same like it used to be. How do you that when your mind tell you that I am sick and tired of it. Any advice on keeping the relationship exciting.

There are a lot of things you can do. One of the best ideas I can give you is to have a life outside of your relationship. Just let the relationship be part of your identity. Be confident... let her know that you are fine without her and that you are a stand up kind of guy. But you also have to know when it's time to throw in the towel.

Actually I do have a life outside of my relationship. Learn this from previous ones. I have a job and a side business and have friends who I hang out with every weekend. I find that living together there are problems that I can't deal with. Little things can set me off. Dating is easy, you don't get to see that person everyday.

I broke up with my ex over a month now. We've been living together for over a year. Below is the original thread. The last time we txt was about the phone which I paid for. I said I'll cancel it. She text me back said I can get the phone back anytime just give her a call. I txt and said OK thanks. That was a bit over a week ago. I went NC since. I don't seem to get any better with the NC. It hurt like hell and I missed her a lot but I stopped the urge to call and txt and not going to see her at her work place. I don't know if I am doing the right thing.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ng-249140.html

Yes, you are doing the right thing. I am also on a week of NC. It's hard as all heck, I know how you feel. But, listen to everyone here. The only way to get over it is to just say no. Take everything day by day. Someone here told me great advice:

If you have the urge to call/txt/check up on Facebook, whatever, tell yourself you are not going to do it just this one time. Then don't. Then when you want to call again, tell yourself the same thing again. I will not do it just this once. Before you know it, you can tell yourself, "Okay, I will not try and contact her today." Before we know it it'll be weeks, months, years, and gone.