Ok, I'm directing this question to the fellas because I'm hoping it will help me to understand how you guys think. If any ladies have some insight though that's cool too.

I've been dating this guy for about 3 weeks. We have a good relationship, but we're still in the phase where we are still learning about each other and play it kind of safe. So. Our primary means of communication when we are not together is text messages because it is easier than trying to catch either one of us with a phone call. So we talk using text messages and the two of us make loose plans for the weekend. Not really plans, just we're going to do something. So this day rolls around and I'm sittin' and waiting for him to let me know what we are doing. I even ask "are we doing something" and when I directly ask I get NO reply. Until I ask a second time and then either we decide to get together and hang out or he's busy doing something and we can't, but when we see each other again we're cool. No hard feelings just the same attraction we had before. So what's the deal. Why can't a guy just answer the question? What is the guy brain thinking when the girl brain is thinking: No answer I must have said something wrong!! Please, help I really want to understand. :eek:

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Originally Posted by tadita83

Ok, I'm directing this question to the fellas because I'm hoping it will help me to understand how you guys think. If any ladies have some insight though thats cool too.

I've been dating this guy for about 3 weeks. We have a good relationship, but we're still in the phase where we are still learning about each other and play it kinda safe. So. Our primary means of communication when we are not together is text messages because it is easier than trying to catch either one of us with a phone call. So we talk using text messages and the two of us make loose plans for the weekend. Not really plans, just we're gonna do something. so this day rolls around and i'm sittin' and waiting for him to let me know what we are doing. I even ask "are we doing something" and when i directly ask i get NO reply. Until I ask a second time and then either we decide to get together and hang out or he's busy doing something and we can't, but when we see each other again we're cool. No hard feelings just the same attraction we had before. So what's the deal. Why can't a guy just answer the question? What is the guy brain thinking when the girl brain is thinking: No answer I must have said something wrong!!! Please, help I really want to understand. :eek:

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To me, it sounds like his interest level may be a bit low. I have a few girls that I have made loose plans with in the past, and I was just too lazy to reply to them. I find if I know that I have them locked in early on, the thrill of the challenge is lost and I get lazy. That may not be the case here, but it could be. Then when they are indifferent and are more challenging or don't talk to me, then I will start talking to them more.

I'd try and be more of a challenge and tease, see where it goes.

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I'd try and be more of a challenge and tease, see where it goes.

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Seems to me,by going "hot & cold" like that,he's the type of person that finds it hard
To make decisions & keep them.

As this is a new relationship,being more of a challenge and tease will only put pressure
On the relationship.

The best way,would to talk to him honestly (& directly) NOT by text,but face to face

Hate to say it but: Some guys like to play games (little and big). Some guys like to "toy" with the ladies to see what they can get away with. I am not suggesting that this is what is occurring in your situation, but you *may* want consider what I have said.

Also, like another responder mentioned, attempt to speak to him FACE TO FACE. This allows you to watch is non-verbal communication. If you cannot speak to him face to face, then TALK ON THE PHONE about making plans, etc.

Texting is useful, but is not always the best tool to communicate.

A few follow-up questions: How old is he? Does he have a college education? If so, how much? Has he ever been married? How old are you?

Peace.

Hm. A lot of the answers have been that he's just not interested in you... but in my opinion, I think there were just a few faults here.

You two are both playing it safe; the neither of you want to seem too involved... just yet. With that said, you two made "loose plans," which... are, in fact, loose plans. It's up in the air. Also, you sat around and waited for him to tell you what you two were doing. Why? I know that the "guy is supposed to call first"... but... it's 2008. Girls can make plans and follow through just as well... and can often be helpful.

Lastly, you texted him. Sure it's great for, "hey, what's up?" but if you two had something actually important to talk about (in this case... your plans), you should have called him, no?

I'm not too quick to say that this guy has little interest in you... as I make loose plans a few times with girls, which rarely actually go through because like I said... they're loose plans... so I don't really count on it. I usually go about my day until either I think of something to do, or I run out of things to do, or she contacts me first. Doesn't mean I'm not interested, just means that I was busy doing other things.

Communication. Communication. Communication.

As a guy, I would suspect that you may have fell for a player. I don't have much info to go on, but anyone that don't answer calls & text would either have found something better to do or just not interested in doing something with you. If I were you, I would stop texting him and wait for him to contact you by phone or in person. Awhile ago, when I was dating multiple people I would always prioritize who I would go out with by my own interest. I may have broke a couple of hearts along the way, but I was honest with the ladies that I lost interest in and remained friends. Ask yourself this, Do I want to date someone that doesn't communicate with me? Good Luck.

What WhatN3XT said is possible... he may be ditching you, but... in my personal experience, I've done the same thing this guy's doing... and it's not that I was ignoring the texts or the calls... but it's because I was really busy doing something, or I just plain missed it.

I hate when a person takes forever to respond via text.

I tend to believe what the above posters have suggested that it may be a low interest factor. If he were more interested I believe that he would be devoting a lot more time to you.

I don't know his current situation though such as; is he extremely busy at this time i.e. has he just started a new job, is something going on in his life presently that is stressing him and taking up his time, etc. If not, then I go back to my prior statement above.

I think that building a lasting relationship (with the right person) usually takes a lot of effort and time. And texting should be used at a minimum. I agree that the direct approach, face to face works best.

If you are to find out where this possible relationship is going you need to have more direct contact. There are a lot of unspoken signs; eye contact, sitting close, hand holding, ease of conversation, expressed interest that can be viewed sometimes and not heard.

And this is not just a "man" thing either, many women react the same way as he is. And the reason I think is mostly the lack of high interest.

Some questions please: has he introduced you to any of his friends, does he do anything special when you are together like open your door, pull out your chair, offer you a drink, etc? I know not everyone does these things today but I am suggesting that if he doesn't show a keen interest even when you are physically together then I would begin to seriously question his motives.

When I dated before my marriage and after my divorce, some girls were what guys call "fillers" (not my term my dear) and were kept around to have fun with, dates for company, and other possible reasons. Please don't allow yourself to be one of these types. If you find things aren't improving or moving along as you would hope they would. Then I suggest you call a spade a spade and talk with him face to face, it will soon be a month. You should have some small idea about this by now. And from what you stated above, you should start getting some answers soon.

One final question... who is the one that mostly initiates contact, you or him?

Stringer

But... what if the guy's busy?! I understand that it's really aggravating... but some of us really ARE busy... or we don't hear the message sound. I've had exes get mad at me for this... but... really, in my pocket, I have my bberry for e-mails, another bberry for phone/texts, and a palm pilot for e-mails and scheduling.

... I'm CONSTANTLY beeping, like I'm a walking bomb. And as business comes first, sometimes, I just don't answer texts for a few...

I figure, if it's important, they'll call... right?

Ok Sneezy, understand what you are saying but efficiency is the WHOLE point of texts. Sometimes you say what you can in a text BECAUSE calling takes too much time. As we know, there is an entirely different language FOR texting simply created for time management. Why is it so hard to say... Can't talk. I'll hit u up l8tr or whatever? I feel like if someone is waiting for a response, the least anyone could do is give it to them.

Yeahhhh but I thought texting was also the halfway version of an e-mail and calling... so that I can respond to it whenever I want... but not so much that I have to go home and write up an e-mail?

I feel that this is a big problem between some people... my exes used to text me and then after 10 min or so, get another one saying, "um hello?"

... I was at the gym.. . didn't have my phone?

Perhaps it's just me... may explain a lot :(

Hi Sneezer,

"I don't know his current situation though such as; is he extremely busy at this time i.e. has he just started a new job, is something going on in his life presently that is stressing him and taking up his time, etc." -Stringer

"Some questions please: has he introduced you to any of his friends, does he do anything special when you are together like open your door, pull out your chair, offer you a drink, etc? I know not everyone does these things today but I am suggesting that if he doesn't show a keen interest even when you are physically together then I would begin to seriously question his motives." -Stringer

Covered...

Thank you sir... :)

Ok OK, both of you have valid points. Touche'... FOR NOW! But some people like to have a conversation via text... and what about those who just take forever to respond? That's rude.

Finger cramps?

Bathroom breaks? (I guess... you could text in the bathroom... but... I try not to. Not a big fan of taking my phone to the toilet)

Driving?

Perhaps... they can't think of a good response?

Perhaps they got a call?

I'm just making up excuses of course... I was never one to really like text-conversationing. Just seemed too impersonal for me, at least. Call me old-fashioned, but I like phoning.

I think the best thing for anyone to do is when they are not getting the response is just to pull back and let the partner initiate the text conversations... but I am a person that likes those little cute texts from a dating partner or boyfriend like what are you doing? How is your day going? They make me feel good...

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I've been dating this guy for about 3 weeks. We have a good relationship,

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It sure doesn't sound that good, and how could it be?? For one, drop the texting, and speak directly, and that would end a lot of confusion when your trying to hook up for a date. Your strangers getting to know each other, and frankly 3 weeks is to early to tell if this will work or not as the lines of communications are just getting started.

There could be a million reasons he doesn't answer his texts promptly, but should a delay be taken personally? Or more read into it than is necessary? For sure this freaks a lot of people out, so drop that mode of communications, until you have a better grasp of his routine.

Relax and go slow, and don't assume anything until you know him better, and you should be having fun doing it. You don't give much in the way of details like age, education, and employment, but I can tell you its to early to be tripping. If a week goes by, and he hasn't called, dump him as he isn't interested.

And what happens if the guy doesn't respond at all...

Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't make time for you, and there is no excuse.

First off, THANK YOU so much for all the answers that have already come in. Okay, to answer some questions and clarify the situation. Here's a little more:

I'm 25 and he's 33. So there is a bit of an age difference. No he has not been married, but he is facing a lot of stress with his job. I work with him and most of his friends I have met because I work with them too (summer job not my full time job). I'd say we both initiate about the same amount of contact, but when it comes to making plans, I'm usually the one that decides on the when and where and he decides on the little details. When we are together he is a complete gentlemen. Yes he gets me drinks and such. We hold hands, etc. He is very shy, but it seems to me that shy shouldn't be a factor after he we are already dating-- hard part over. And he's the one that texts. I have called him on two separate occasions. One time he just missed the call entirely and didn't return the message. The other time its like he never could find the words to say. So I gave in and did things his way. I think that he has a hard time talking on the phone so texting it is.

Hmm that is a bit of an odd situation. The fact that he rarely answers when YOU text him. Yet, he somehow manages to initiate a text and respond is also very strange... I man not totally sure but that certainly does create a red flag... fellas help us out here please!

What do you expect in 3 weeks? He has no idea what you want, how you want it, or when. You don't know what he wants either. Date and have fun, and remember a shy guy may take longer to respond.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Remember a shy guy may take longer to respond.

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Very interesting thought,"talaniman" :)

Perhaps this guy (as he is shy) is finding it difficult to put his thoughts,and feelings
Into words.

... It could well just be,that,he is still caught up with the idea of "being in love" but,
"talaniman" as you say,given tme,would be a very good boyfriend to have. :)

Tal, right on the head.. Shy guys often are worried about possible rejection, it will hurt themselves esteem if they propose something and you say "no" or go and not have fun

You have all put my mind at ease and given me some wonderful insight. Thanks a whole bunch. Everything you've said makes perfect sense. Thanks again:)

Yeah but throw us a bone here guys!

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Originally Posted by AmExp

Yeah but throw us a bone here guys!

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What kind of bone??

Well a guys are funny... The bone meaning guys should tell a girl straight up... I am just not that into you. So everyone can move on or whatever the case may be. He should be straight up.

... a what a beautiful world it would be if people actually said what they meant...

Girls should be honest and not say, "I need space"... when they meant, "I'm sleeping with someone else"

Exactly...

It certainly goes both ways doesn't it?

IT DOES. Maybe because I am a woman, I feel like guys are worse. I always fall for the guys who play games and have a big head about themselves mixed with secret low self-esteem/intimidation. I just use my experiences as a reference point.

Play hard to get...or easy to forget! With that said, it has only been 3 weeks into this relationship and now is not the time to cause him to think you are a needy person, even though you may not be. Texting a guy and asking him if you are going to do anything together that night may cause him to also think that you are relying on him for things to do, to entertain you. This may cause undo pressure on your guy way to early in the relationship. Guys like girls/women who have a life of their own and can add to the excitement of the relationship. 3 weeks is way to soon to have a guy bored or uninterested when obviously 3 weeks ago he was very interested. What I have found to be truth is that when weekend plans are not set in stone and there is a "maybe we'll do something or maybe we won't" type of thing. I don't wait around that weekend, I make plans for myself. I 'll get together with my girlfriends and we'll get our nails done or go out on the town and do a little "Bird watching" we call it. This is where we have fun meeting other guys and testing our flirting skills. Or I may just make plans for myself that night to take a bubble bath, watch a movie and eat ice cream...doing something for me. If the relationship is only 3 weeks old, don't commit yourself to this guy so soon...be exciting, be yourself and do the things you have always done before you met him. There is no need to have the "Talk" with this guy now, you will chase him so far away so fast and that is not what I feel you want to accomplish here. Believe it or not you are far more attractive to guys when you are not counting on them to make plans for you. There is an awesome ebook written by Mimi Tanner called "calling the men you date" I highly recommend it. It is the do's and don'ts about calling, texting and emailing the men you date. She gives some good advice that can make or break the relationship early on by making early mistakes. Just google Mimi Tanner and I am sure you will find her website. Anyway, I hope this helps and good luck with this guy.

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Guys like girls/women who have a life of their own and can add to the excitement of the relationship.

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Just because you've got a "partner" in life,it should NOT stop you going out
With friends & having fun!

If it is any consolation Ive been with my boyfriend for a year now and have known him for 5yrs. He is terrible at replying even to the extent he asks me if he can see me and I reply 'yea when where' etc then I get no reply! It drives me crazy and he knows so we laugh about it though. He is the same with all his guy mates etc so although it truly does my head in I've learned that its just his perso.
I don't know your own or this blokes situation or perso so it is hard to judge him however it may just part of him and no reflection on yourself at all? Tell him/ask him about it and see what happens? Even if it doesn't go down well then at least you know where you stand.

Good Luck :)