Ask Me Help Desk - Friend confessed feelings

Friend confessed feelings

Hi guys I'm new to the boards and find myself in a bit of a pickle.

I've recently got out of a long term relationship and am still in the recovering period - I'm not over her. I took the break up pretty hard and have been leaning on the people closest to me pretty heavily recently.To add insult to injury one of my best friends confessed that she was falling in love with me, I'm pretty angry at her for seeing me like that and for telling me because I'm just not in the right place. She knows what I'm going through and she's the person who I talk to the most about pretty much everything. I told her we would only be friends, that I didn't see her in that light and that I was glad she told me.

Now we are carrying on like nothing has happened but when we hang out I always make sure that our other friends are around also.. we never spent that much alone time together anyway so its not a big deal. However I do catch her giving me those glimpses and at times she is outwardly flirty with me which sometimes makes it awkward. I am treating our friendship exactly the same i.e I accept her phone calls & meet up when she asks etc

When we're all out (I should point out that my friendship group is made up of 6 of us & we do everything together) and females show interest I back off immediately out of fear of hurting my friend I do really care about her, but I'm starting to resent the situation.. and feel as though our friendship is somehow tainted now. I know I cannot cut her out of my life, because she hasn't done anything wrong.

Has anyone else experienced this type of thing? If so how did you deal with it?
Do you think I'm doing the right thing by staying friends with her?

You already told her how you felt, you can't help that there aren't feelings for her. You were honest with her, you have done all you can. Either way, she is going to hurt a bit. By you stopping the friendship or you moving.

Why won't she give my stuff back?

Without going into too much detail, my ex and I broke up 2 months ago (we were together for almost 4 years). I went and returned her stuff a few days after the break up with the intention of picking mine up.. but some drama went down and for speed purposes I went home empty handed. Its not as though she just has a few of my cd's or anything, my stuff actually fills half of her bedroom and some of the items are pretty expensive/ needed by me.
Right now she's ignoring my attempts at communication, which is fine and understandable but I'm just not seeing why she's hanging on to my stuff. Im sure I wouldn't want to see her stuff laying about my room on a daily basis? Any ideas?

She wants a reason to see you, talk to you, a connection with you.

Who intiated the break up?

*Also, feel free to scroll to the bottom of the page and read other similar posts, and see what advice and insight was given. It could be helpful.

She broke it off with me because she thinks I played away.

Maybe she is keeping your stuff to piss you off... or to get revenge because she knows you need it.

Lovely.. how immature.
Any ideas on how I should get it back? I can't go back to her house without a scene being made.

I'm not saying that IS the reason, but it could be.

Ask a mutual friend to go for you.

But that probably is the reason, the girl does not want to see or speak to me. That's perfectly clear.
It's a shame its stooped down to this level.. ill try and leave it for a bit longer & then send someone. I really just don't want to anger her anymore and getting my stuff back would be the means to an end.

That's why I said a mutual friend, not one of her friends.

Or send your Mom to get your stuff, do you think she would be a brat and deny your stuff to your mom?

No the way I see it now - I have my friends she has hers. We no longer have any mutual friends. I don't want my mom clearing up after me. Im sure ill get my stuff back eventually, I'll just wait it out.

Okay.

She wants to be in control, have things on her terms.

When my four year relationship ended, it took a few months to give each other our stuff back.. Actually some stuff hasent been returned... almost 3 years later.

I know its stupid, but he has a ring he gave me for christmas... that he was supposed to resize. I still want it back and I want it resized. I guess it gives me confort knowing that he has something of mine. Knowing that if she saw it, he would have to explain. And remind her that he was mine... those 4 years that she sat there and complained she wanted him. I hate her. Lol. I know its not mature. But the ring is mine, and we have talked about it. I just wish he would give it to me the way he promised to give it to me during our 3rd year of dating.

Anyway, I don't like getting my stuff back. Till Im cool headed, and feel I can see them. It gives me a chance at closure when I'm not crying my eyes out.

She's highly annoying, that's what she is.

Thing is there's never going to be a good time and id just rather get it over and done with.

Have you thought about having the cops go with you. If they are not mean they can help resolve the problem. If you get one that's nasty they won't.

If that don't work and you really want your things, civil court can help but your going need proof if she denied it.

Start making a list of things of value and try the cops first.

Thanks for the input tolerance the thought never crossed my mind.. I don't think I could let it get that far though. I thought I'd just check to see if there was any mystical reasoning behind why a woman might hold onto your things.. a bit clueless over here.

Is it possible to reconcile after cheating?

I didn't actually cheat but I hate to admit the intention was there (which is just as bad I know) My ex actually thinks it happened. We've been apart a little over 2 months. Contact is occasional. This time has done nothing but made me realise my true feelings for her and I'm ready to make every effort to get back into her good books.

How should I go about re-establishing a connection?
Should I wait for the next time she makes contact and take it from there?

How old are you??

21

Any advice guys?

Quote:

Originally Posted by PraginOut

I didn't actually cheat but my ex actually thinks it happened.

"PraginOut" that must have been very real,for your ex to think that it happened!

Quote:

This time has done nothing but made me realise my true feelings for her

This is a very good example of not knowing what you've got,until you
Lose it. :(

Quote:

We've been apart a little over 2 months.

"PraginOut" remember that this 2 months ,also,gave your ex time enough to
Think about the situation.

Will she get back with you... only time will tell.

If she hasn't seen things your way after 2 months, I think your wasting your time. Its telling she kicked you to the curb because she thinks you cheated, so what are the facts??

Quote:

Originally Posted by happy_jester

"PraginOut" that must have been very real,for your ex to think that it happened!

This is a very good example of not knowing what you've got,until you
Lose it. :(

You've got that right :(

Quote:

Will she get back with you... only time will tell.

As talaniman pointed out its already been a little while.. do you not think enough time has already passed?

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think your wasting your time.

Your honesty is appreciated, there's just this feeling inside telling me not to give up on her.. I'm sure this will fade.. well I hope so anyway.

Quote:

so what are the facts??

It's a bit of a long story.. a friend of ours developed a crush on me (she was spoken for). Me and my ex were pretty good friends with this couple. The guy finds out about his gf's feelings towards me flips out and leaves. The girl is deverstated a few months later she finds out she's pregnant, at this point most of her friends have turned theirs backs on her (due to various reasons which I won't go into) So emotionally I was there for her, she had no one and I felt awful about the whole thing. The guy comes back into the picture doesn't like our relationship and spreads rumours. My girlfriend was very suspicious. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love her (I did then and I probably love her even more now) She told me she wasn't happy about me spending time with her, that I was making her look stupid etc I couldn't deal with her jealousy but I told her that I would spend less time with the girl but I would not cut her out of my life completely because I couldn't turn my back on her like everyone else had. My girlfriend just got more and more suspicious as time went on it started to effect us pretty badly. She asked me if I had feelings for her I told her I had no romantic feelings towards the other girl (which was true) I did feel something for her but I'm not sure what that was. Anyway sorry for dragging on! Basically me and the girl get high together I'm too stoned to drive home so I sleep over (we slept in separate rooms!). BAD MOVE!
The next morning I go to see my girlfriend.. our relationships over. The girl had sent my ex a picture of me asleep and she's posing lying next to me! The text along the bottom of the picture said that I was hers now.

I could not believe the situation that I had gotten myself into.. I knew there was no point in even explaining the truth to my ex so I didn't.. and to this day she doesn't know.

Reading over my post my story sounds pretty immature, but I really want her back.

Sometimes you think people are your friend but their not. Your girlfriend and others saw things that you didn't, at the time you might have thought she was jealousy but not, instead was warning you about her but you ignore it.

One of boyfriend so called friend like him but he did not see it but only saw her as a friend. I knew she wanted more than that and waiting for her chance. One day he finally seen that she did not to be his friend but girlfriend and stop comunication with her.

In the end she set you up and from a girl point of view it don't look good. After the girl and he ex rumors and the text , can you blame her? If you and your ex was met to be then your will oneay reunite but only when and if she ever wants to be with you. It's up to you if you want to wait nothing guarantee no matte what you do, there's too much damage.

Every once in a while i'm speechless.

But, here goes:

1. How should i go about re-establishing a connection?

call her. tell her the girl set you up and you had just passed out and you hate her for framing you like that. say she doesn't have to believe you but it's true.
Still, as you must know, the mistake you made was getting high and passsing out. frankly, i don't think she's gonna buy it .
Anyway, here's the thing: you made the choice to get high at that house with a girl that was pregnant??!! Did i read that right? Was she still pregnant? I hope not.

2. Should i wait for the next time she makes contact and take it from there?

If you can't live without her, go to her house with flowers and hope for the best.

I am guessing this is not going to be your lifemate so I think it might be best to let it go otherwise and focus on school/grades/career and maybe less... weed.

Nah I can't blame her at all.. I know it doesn't look good. I'd be exactly the same to her if she did something like that.
So I should just continue to leave her to it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ash123

[B]

if you can't live without her, go to her house with flowers and hope for the best.

Isn't that a bit too easy?

Was other the girl getting high while pregnant?

The thing is this girl is one nasty piece of work.. turns out she wasn't really pregnant in the first place.The story is very detailed.. the girl just has too many issues and I fell for her games.

Well, I'd say you are not in a good spot.

You can wait - but it may be a long wait. Or show up with flowers if you are serious, and see if she comes around... no need to play games. You have already proved immature. So, a mature gesture is all you've got.

but again, i think this thing is over and you'd both benefit from a fresh start.

Ill try the flowers.. I have nothing more to lose.
The situation was crazy. But my ex and I had 4 good years together before and I just believe in her.

A fresh start with her is all I want.

She may ignore you and not talk to you ever again - and even close the door on you.

So, make sure you know exactly what you want to say - that way - no regrets. If you love her, she'll at least appreciate the gesture deep down. You've told her the circumstances of that night already via phone or email? I hope so.

Finally. Like I said. It's all you can do at this point. And if it doesn't work out - you can both have a fresh start - with DIFFERENT people.

I not sure flowers would work because it was me I'd throw it at you. Also, if she has friends they must put their input as well. You stated at your other post when you returned her stuff but went to get yours their was drama. If you go knocking on door again it might be more. If anything she needs time to clear her head and if this girl is a liar like you stated, she'll realize the truth soon. I believe she is more hurt, if anything, that you put yourself in this situation to have people doubt you and have rumors spread about you and this girl. Most all you paid no attention to her words. If your relationship was strong enough she'll return. You can't one minute ask for your things then ask for another chance. Let her clear her head and it might be a good outcome. You don't want to push it where as she would neve consider giving you another chance.

Ash123 I will tell her the truth but as liz28 has said flowers just won't work here.
I know I'm sending out mixed signals with me trying to get my stuff back.. but really I'm just trying to get my head around everything. It just feels like I need to be making some sort of effort? And no I certainly do not want to push her away any further.

When you do speak to her, if any, what is her tone like?

:-)

The truth is I think they should both walk away for a while.

The flowers were kind of a "why not". A final goodbye. A Hail Mary... better than a life of silence, but it is likely not that easy.

Honestly, I see two kids who need to get their lives together beyond just this... school/drugs/etc.

Whenever we speak her tone is angry.. she's either angry or ignoring me. Over the past month I haven't made any real effort to talk to her - I have been too worn down. I went on a trip the other week didn't think she knew about it but out of the blue she tells me to enjoy it I replied a few days later telling her that she's always on my mind - that was my last effort and I haven't heard from her since.

Flowers. :-)