I have a little dilemma my best friends brother & I always had a thing for each other but nothing ever happened because we both were involved in relationships but now we are both single. Our chemistry is nuts we have kissed & just recently had sex. I am very close to his sister however I am afraid that it may ruin things ( or maybe I am jumping the gun) because he has said in general he is not looking for another relationship since he has been in so many, he is a great catch he is a lawyer now & is working hard so he is enjoying his life now. But he never mentions not being in one w/me he just says that he doesn't even like to date. I am falling for him hard ( I broke up w/my boyfriend a month ago) but confused because he calls me everyday & everyone sees he is into me.

I did tell him I am definitely not a girl to just sleep with because I do not want to get hurt or be played with & he said he would never do that. He is genuinely a nice guy I have known him for yrs. My question is should I proceed w/caution or stop it before it gets deeper? He is already warned how I am feeling...

Let me know any thoughts or advice-thanks!

So you said you 2 just recently had sex and then you told him that you aren't just a "girl to sleep with"? Was this before or after he told you that he doesn't want to be in a relationship? Because there is a difference between sexual chemistry and chemistry in the emotional sense. And you do have to be careful because I lost my best friend who dated my brother. It's a bad place to be.

We talked about it before & after... he knows the type of girl I am... however can not deny the chemistry we have but that's not all we have together we talk & have many things in common... I just don't want to be hurt. My best friend & I talked about it already I will not lose my friendship w/her she is like a sister to me...

Well he sees things as why buy the cow when he already has the milk for free. You are still emotionally vulnerable from a break up with your ex, that you said you were depressed about and now you jump right into things. Not a good move

Romefalls19- I am not depressed actually I had closure w/my ex awhile back but I have always liked this guy... wait so now that I slept w/him I messed it up? Arghhh... I was a little pissed I did that but I followed what I felt... I definitely want him to buy the cow...

I'm not saying you messed up, I am just saying he may not pursue a relationship defiantely. It could still go either way, depends. I wasn't implying you are still depressed but you were quite shaken and seemed to be rushing into something.

There is no chemistry. Period.

Just sex.

U mean you think he won't pursue me because I already slept w/him? Or because he does not want a relationship... I want to get a guys point of view...

A combination of both, not wanting a relationship is something that can change over night because it happened to me first hand. But once you add sex into the middle of anything, things get complicated. So he may back away even further or may come closer. Its all how he feels about it

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Originally Posted by magrock

u mean u think he wont pursue me b/c i already slept w/him? or b/c he does not want a relationship... i want to get a guys point of view....

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Chances are, he's not going to pursue you.

After getting what's between your legs... there's no doubt about a relationship.

I attended an all-male high school for three years. I know what I'm talking about.

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Originally Posted by hjpan

There is no chemistry. Period.

Just sex.

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If you think I'm harsh, that's because you're in denial.

It's funny how people try to refute the argument when the evidence is present.

Not in denial but I do see what your saying... I just feel bad for what I did that's all & you are making it worse... just kidding... u think I can do anything now? I am definitely not sleeping w/him again... he texts/calls me everyday plus he knows my family why would he want to hurt me like that... he has a lot to lose here...

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Originally Posted by magrock

not in denial but i do see what ur saying... i just feel bad for what i did thats all & you are making it worse...just kidding... u think i can do anything now? i am definitely not sleeping w/him again... he texts/calls me everyday plus he knows my family y would he want to hurt me like that.... he has alot to lose here...

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The idea (from my view is)... if the girl I was dating had a history background of going on with different guys, regardless of relationship or one night stands... I'd dump them right off the bat.

Just like girls who don't like man-whores.

Same thing.

If you feel bad for what you did, there is no way of repenting because what is done has been done. For him, he texts/calls you is to get you to fuq him again... You need to step aside and learn about yourself before going on physically.

Hey! I feel you the same way. I just had sex with somebody and tried to get a relationship out of it and now nothing will come of it. You on the other hand have know him for awhile, so, and you said that people could tell he was into you, so, my guess is that he will come around and take things further!

OK I still think you are very harsh but respect your opinion! U do not know me to know if you would date me or not... I am 29 & never had a 1 night stand & very proud of it. So you do not have right to say that I am whore or sleep around... someone should report you not very nice what are r saying

If he stated that he don't want a relationship right now be cautions.

My best friend dated my brother and it also ruin our friendship because she was embrassed when they stop dating. I was against it but I just hope everything would have worked out.

Right now it sounds like your're having fun and enoying time with each other but your falling for him. Keep your feelings unde control in case you don't have the outcome you want but note you been warned.

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Originally Posted by magrock

ok i still think u r very harsh but respect ur opinion! u do not know me to know if u would date me or not... i am 29 & never had a 1 nite stand & very proud of it. so u do not have right to say that i am whore or sleep around... someone should report you not very nice what r r saying

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I'm not offending you but you must understand FROM A GUY'S P.O.V

You said you never had a one night stand? Then what was the sex called when you fuqed your friends' brother?

Isn't a 1nite stand when u never speak again to someone? I spoke to him the next day... whatever please get off my thread

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Originally Posted by magrock

isnt a 1nite stand when u never speak again to someone? i spoke to him the next day... whatever please get off my thread

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Depends on what your view is.

One night stand can mean:
Sex & no more communication
Sex & more communication

Your best friend might tell you now that now that nothing will happen to your friendship but more than likely something will. One of my best friends dated my brother for a couple years. We grew farther and farther apart and then things ended badly with my brother and her and to make a long story short we aren't even friends anymore. Before you do anything else decide which is more important in the long run, your best friend or dating her brother. I'm not saying that it couldn't work but I've seen bad things happen. And by the way, you can't always go by what hjpan is saying. Not every guy is like that.

I guess I am not sure... look I already feel bad I did plus I was under the influence I even cried after it happened.. so I think he knows I am not an easy person to handle I am very emotional which is why I am getting offended by your comments

No, I agree with the OP a one-night stand is when you sleep with them then never talk again. They were friends before, then had sex, then are still friends and talk afterwards

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Originally Posted by magrock

i guess i am not sure...look i already feel bad i did plus i was under the influence i even cried after it happened.. so i think he knows i am not an easy person to handle i am very emotional which is y i am getting offended by ur comments

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There is your problem. Don't be under the influence.

I don't understand why people turn to alcohol or drugs. It does not solve jack.

If you feel offended, best to understand instead of getting emotional.

Sex does not equal a relationship or guarantee it.

When he text or call is he trying to have sex again? Also, just curious what does he have to lose from messing around with you? This might be why he don't want a relationship with you.

When he calls or texts its to wish me a good morning or good night or how my day is going... its rarely I want to f**k u again... of course we flirt he also takes me to parties where he introduces me to his friends... he also came to my parents 4oth anniversary party... unless he is some BIG assh**e that I did not know then I think he has a lot to lose...

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Originally Posted by magrock

when he calls or texts its to wish me a good morning or good nite or how my day is going....its rarely i want to f**k u again... of course we flirt he also takes me to parties where he introduces me to his friends... he also came to my parents 4oth anniversary party... unless he is some BIG assh**e that i did not know then i think he has alot to lose....

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Of course no idiot guy would say "hey.. sex was awesome, lets do it again!" Since your friends' brother knows you're emotional, he'll play by emotions.

Being a guy is about getting around a girls' head.

OK so basically you are saying all guy are jerks & that a girl who makes a mistake by sleeping w/a guy this soon is worthless now... come on someone out there understand my view... I totally understand people are jerks & can use people but can a guy who his sister is like a sister to me want to hurt me intentionally? Tons of women are after him why me to mess around with...

No, not every guy is a jerk and just after sex. And now it does not make you worthless, no one can make you worthless besides yourself. You are priceless, when you look in the mirror, that is what you should see. I have said all along he may want more but afraid of attachment, its dependent on circumstances. Maybe have a conversation about this to clear the airways.


FYI, I slept with my present girlfriend before we got together as I was not looking to get hurt again in a relationship. Since then, we have been together, are perfect for each other and love each others company.

Thanks romefalls19.. that's how I feel we are our adults & we make choices... if this guy is for me then it will be no matter what!

I am happy for you everything went well w/your present girlfriend... good luck w/everything :)

Thank you very much, and I wish you luck with everything. Please keep my updated on what the outcome is, either way I know you will come through it

I will thanks :)

Magrock, my friend may be harsh, but the possibility is still there he is right, and even if he is wrong, this fellow may be as caught up, and confused as you are. Either way, better have a serious talk about boundaries, and defining what this attraction is about, and be honest about how to proceed, or how to end it. That's up to the two of you.

What's telling, you both are dabbling with the other, and trying to see what's next, and that's what dating is about. Finding out if there is something worth doing on the next level, and having fun doing it.

Don't skip that important step, and stop with the sex, as it only magnifies already intense feelings. Protect yourself by being real, and going with the facts, not follow your heart as you already see where that leads.

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unless he is some BIG assh**e that I did not know then I think he has a lot to lose...

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Come on, if this doesn't work, what has he lost?? Leave that assumption alone.

Facts, he has told you how he feels about dating and a relationship, but he calls you any way. If thats not curious confusion, I don't know what is so keep the legs closed, and meet each others minds by talking, and at least know how you both feel, so you can make a reasonable decision for yourself.

talaniman... yes I did think your friend was harsh however I understand his view boys will be boys & sex does not guarantee anything... I just wanted advice on what to do next... not make me feel worse... I really like this guy which is why I feel bad after I did it because I know it was better to "keep it closed" though we both had been drinking...

My next step is to enjoy his friendship & company but definitely keep it closed... we already had somewhat of a conversation but I will have it again soon... don't wan to smother him w/the "talks" all the time... but if he does attempt to sleep w/me again I will then have the conversation

What does "If thats not curious confusion, I don't know what is" mean?

If you really do like this guy then sleeping with him probably wasn't the right thing to do and being drunk when you did it probably wasn't the right time. But there's nothing you can do about it. It is what it is. Just let things be. This guy said that he's happy in his life right now the way that things are for him. And you're not a part of that. (as a g/f) I mean. You already know what to do. You answered your own question.

my next step is to enjoy his friendship & company but definitely keep it closed.... we already had somewhat of a convo but i will have it again soon... don't wan to smother him w/the "talks" all the time... but if he does attempt to sleep w/me again i will then have the convo

You should be careful being friends with him since you're have deep feeling for him and could be falling for him and only get yourself hurt.

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what does "If thats not curious confusion, I don't know what is" mean?

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Sometimes we take our liking, and being comfortable with a person, as a sign of something more, and we try to figure it out, which is what your both doing. That's what humans do, and that's exactly why you go slowly, and leave sex out of the equation.

Be warned that most times when friends get it on, it ruins the friendship, which is why we establish personal boundaries, and stick to them as feeling can come, and go, and be very confusing.

I must tell u that I am quite shocked that most of the comments have said to leave sex out of it... in society where we are sex driven I find it hard to believe people really hold back now a days. However I do agree that sex can get in the way & bring about too many emotions that are hard to control but how do you control yourself esepcialy that I have known him for yrs & we always felt that attraction. Is there a sign of a rainbow at the end of my story? Why is it negative that I slept w/him? I guess because I already did it & to be honest I resisted 3x w/him telling him we should wait but I am 29 & I made this decision.

talaniman- are you saying that we should be old fashioned like my mother has tried to enforce in me not to sleep w/men so quickly because the chase will be over. I must tell u I am confused because I thought that if someone is meant for you it will be & the person should not judge someone if they decide to sleep w/someone earlier on. This discussion has been talked about over & over w/my friends & I... can u give me some insight on what u think?

I think that we should make our decisions, based on facts and not just feelings, and sex gets in the way of seeing what's real, and what's not.

It has nothing to do with old fashioned, just realistic, as feeling change, and facts only change with more information. The more information, the better your decisions can be.

I also think you have to be healthy of mind, to make those important decisions, as they have far reaching affects on your life, as you can see for yourself, and the confusion your going through.

Just me, I have made enough mistakes in my own life to know better, and post so much here, to avail you of that experience, and save you some growing pains, or at least steer you to think before you act, as following your heart without your brain being engaged, is one big mistake.

We have only our choices to blame, when we fall on our faces. That's taking responsibility for our own actions, and that maybe old fashion, but very relevant today in the real world.

Yes I completely understand what you are saying... the thing is I already see myself falling for him but as of yesterday I am putting the brakes on my feelings, sex, etc. I guess I have always tried to "save" myself until I am ready because I know I am emotional so this time I let myself go because I known him for yrs I thought I could let my guard down...

I have told him many times that I am emotional & I do not want to get hurt either plus I just got out of a relationship myself so he knows that all of this

What should I do? I plan on having a talk w/him when we are both sober & in a different setting... I already find myself worrying he hasn't called or texted. He got me used to hearing from him everyday which to me confusing me because that's not a casual thing...

Take responsibity for your own wellbeing, and happiness, and don't put it on him.
Don't assume, when you can ask.
Never base your actions, or feelings on assumptions.