Today was a VERY interesting day. I saw my ex-b/f who I had not heard from or seen in SIX MONTHS!!!!!!!! I prepared myself for the day I would see him again. I was ready. I looked fabulous and fierce. Everything from the hair down to the shoes was in place and on point. I could see him out of the corner of my eye looking speechless. After 20 minutes of sitting back and sipping my smoothie. I eventually decided I was going to talk to him, very bold move. I thought he was going to run away or not want to talk but things were cordial.

I apologized for some of my actions (although he did not). He was just staring at me and smiling. I asked how his birthday was (I sent him a card and cd in early May and I got no thank you), but when I brought it up today he said thank you ( I think that was fake). Anyway, during our whole conversation his eyes never moved away from me the entire time we spoke (that made me feel really good). We just had a little chit-chat. There was a lot of smiling. As of now I am on summer break from college and he lives in the city where I go to school ( which I visited over the holiday weekend).

I was hoping that he was going to ask me to call him sometime or to give him my number again but he didn't do that. In fact, had I not walked over to him I am sure he wouldn't have said anything to me. I teased him and asked if he was engaged yet. He responded with have you ever known me to be the marrying type? He went on to further say why don't you just ask me if I have a new girl friend (I just looked and moved on, I did not ask him).

I really wanted to have his number again but no information was exchanged. Should I just assume he isn't interested because he didn't volunteer his new number or do I need to give it some time and see where things go? I honestly do want to get back with him but I hear he may be dating someone but I am not sure if that is true or a false.

What next?

I'm not a big fan of game playing, but personally I think I would've given subtle hints to imply that you were dating and doing great, instead of trying to get info from him. You might have looked at your watch, and said something like, oh... I'm going to have to go, I'm late for a date. He didn't have to know what kind of a date. It could've been a date to have lunch with a girlfrend for all he would know.

Nothing gets a guys attention, like hearing that you are doing great! Not just looking great, but getting on with things and not missing him like he may think you should. I wouldn't read too much into it for now. If you should happen to run into him again, don't try and get info to find out if he is involved with someone else. Tell him about important things that have been going on in your life, and leave it at that. I'm sure if he wants your number, he will be able to find it again somehow.

The best way to get a man's attention, is living well and being confident in yourself! Good Luck! :)

I wouldn't read too much into him looking you up and down. I'm sure you looked great, but he didn't ask if he could call,

Interesting point. Let me clarify though, I was not trying to "get information out of his life" I was merely teasing him about the situation. I asked nothing personal nor did I ask ARE you dating someone? Also, my ex is VERY prideful so because of our situation it did not surprise me he didn't ask to call.

I actually think you handled the situation pretty well... considering! He didn't see you looking pathetic, and crying into your smoothie at least. I would just make myself look oblivious, the next time you see him, if you know what I mean. Make it look like... oh heyyy... I didn't notice you were here! How are you doing? I'm in a bit of a hurry, but we can maybe chat sometime if you'd like. Then just make your exit! He'll find someway to let you know if he's still interested... if he is.

It seems as a casual enough conversation that caught him off guard. He was unprepared for you to be the bigger person and go and talk to him. He was probably expecting you to take off running for the hills. All you can do is give it time and hope for the best.

Would it have been inappropriate for me to say, "Call me sometime"?

It can't hurt to casualy mention that he can call you anytime if he needs a friend, or wants to grab a cup of coffee. If he doesn't call you, you are best to leave it alone. He didn't respond or call to thank you for the gift you sent, so chances are he may not call you either. You've got really nothing to lose by telling him he can call, but like I said, after that if he doesn't, you will just have to accept that the relationship is over.

Very true...

I don't remember who broke up with who, but if he ended things with you, do you really want to keep this thing going?

I agree, it seems to me that at this point he is not interested in having contact with you. So you telling him he can call won't harm the situation if he already doesn't want to talk to you, and would make him more comfortable about calling you if he does. If he doesn't- you get the closure you need to accept you need to move on and let go of false hope.

I also want to clarify again... I do not have hopes of anything. I was just trying to understand where this guys thought process is. Despite the fact that we are DUNZO, I still love him.

Hi AmExp
I think you handled yourself very well from what you have shared with us , however if he really wanted to get back with you he would have at least hinted at it somehow , or even tried to contact you prior to you meeting like that.
And if he does feel something different after your meeting he will contact you. Don't go chasing him and lose some of your dignity , even if he doesn't want to get back with you he would love you to chase him to boost his ego.

Don't get stuck with false hope , you've already done the majority of your suffering. Don't go back to square one.

Thank you. I mean I shouldn't want to get involved in that again and in many ways I do not simply because of how the relationship ended last time. But, how do you stop loving someone? That is very difficult for me to let someone go whom I love a lot.

Time... you just need to be patient.

And believe me , when you meet your next boyfriend , there could even be more than one , you'll look back at this and think what the hell was I doing pining over so and so.

You sound like your doing well , so just don't go backwards.

Good luck! :)

Thank you. I am certainly going to try. I don't want regression but it is so hard.

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Originally Posted by AmExp

Thank you. I am certainly going to try. I don't want regression but it is so hard.

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My pleasure
Its never easy I know , you just have to make sure you've learnt something from this and use it in the coming years.

I have but the sick thing is... deep down I kind of do want a relationship with him again... I just want it to be on a different level.

What YOU want he obviously can't or won't deliver. Don't waste your time or energy on something that probably won't happen.

Move on , and then you will find someone who will. You've probably heard the saying " When one door shuts another one opens" Well you have to let this door shut first.

True... but I just wanted to be in a situation where he saw me and just thought... DAMN, I had that. What was I thinking... I want him to be miserable the way he made me feel... I hate the fact that he looks as thought he is doing well.

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Originally Posted by AmExp

True...but I just wanted to be in a situation where he saw me and just thought....DAMN, I had that. What was I thinking...I want him to be miserable the way he made me feel...I hate the fact that he looks as thought he is doing well.

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It's perfectly normal to feel this way , but think about it , where does it get you?? Answer: It gets you nowhere and just makes you feel worse.

Believe me he would have felt awkward , and he would have gone away thinking how good you looked and how well you had held up.

Look
Bottom line is it doesn't matter what he thinks , what he does etc. It's totally out of your control.
It's all about you. Your number 1 so start treating yourself as that. Only you can do it.
And then sometime down the line if its meant to be it will.

You're right... I was better off just thinking he hated me (even if it wasn't true) but it helped me get through as to why he didn't contact me.

I know

But you see what just one encounter has done to you??

Yeah, but I had the opportunity to tell him to call me. I didn't. I feel like 4 months ago I would have said something like that. I am just hurt that I didn't mean more to him or that from what you all tell me he doesn't want to be with me. I have moved on in the sense of I can talk to and date other guys but I always compare them to my ex ( in my mind).

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Originally Posted by AmExp

yeah, but I had the opportunity to tell him to call me. I didn't.

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You shouldn't have to tell him , stop being a little puppy just sitting there waiting and letting him dictate the terms. Then you'll just get back what you had and that didn't work.

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Originally Posted by AmExp

I feel like 4 months ago I would have said something like that.

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You probably would have , and would have got the same result... nothing , and you would have lost some of your dignity.

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Originally Posted by AmExp

I am just hurt that I didn't mean more to him or that from what you all tell me he doesn't want to be with me.

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Perfectly normal to feel this way. When you get dumped you lose yourself esteem , and then are willing to go to extroardinary lengths to try to get this back. Don't fret it , like I said earlier it just takes time. But you have to be willing to help yourself.

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Originally Posted by AmExp

I have moved on in the sense of I can talk to and date other guys but I always compare them to my ex ( in my mind).

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Again this is a normal feeling , but you haven't really moved on yet. Like you said earlier you would still like to have him back. His actions clearly show that he isn't ready to come back.

Don't hang about with false hope , Let go and get on with your life. If you had done this months ago you would have been so much further in your healing process.

What makes you think I am hanging on to "false hope"? I guess what bothers me the most is that he probably does have someone new and it's so easy for some one like him to just gather up a new chick when someone like me is barely able to find a descent man ( when I have A LOT to offer).

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Originally Posted by AmExp

What makes you think I am hanging on to "false hope"?

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Because after 6 months you'd still take him back , you should have been a lot better than you sound you are , and you would have been if you had Let Go from the beginning.
Look I know its not easy and I'm on your side here , just trying to help. When you are emotionally attached to the situation as you are it's easy not to see the situation clearly.

But again what he does or who he see's is really out of your control , and by thinking about it your just hurting yourself , not him.

Good luck AmExp I have to go for the day but if you need to ask me anything else please do and I'll respond tomorrow :)

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Originally Posted by AmExp

Today was a VERY interesting day. I saw my ex-b/f who I had not heard from or seen in SIX MONTHS!!!!!!!! I prepared myself for the day I would see him again. I was ready. I looked fabulous and fierce. Everything from the hair down to the shoes was in place and on point. I could see him out of the corner of my eye looking speechless. After 20 minutes of sitting back and sipping my smoothie. I eventually decided I was going to talk to him, very bold move. I thought he was going to run away or not want to talk but things were cordial.

I apologized for some of my actions (although he did not). He was just staring at me and smiling. I asked how his birthday was (I sent him a card and cd in early May and I got no thank you), but when I brought it up today he said thank you ( I think that was fake). Anyway, during our whole conversation his eyes never moved away from me the entire time we spoke (that made me feel really good). We just had a little chit-chat. There was a lot of smiling. As of now I am on summer break from college and he lives in the city where I go to school ( which I visited over the holiday weekend).

I was hoping that he was going to ask me to call him sometime or to give him my number again but he didn't do that. In fact, had I not walked over to him I am sure he wouldn't have said anything to me. I teased him and asked if he was engaged yet. He responded with have you ever known me to be the marrying type? He went on to further say why don't you just ask me if I have a new girl friend (I just looked and moved on, I did not ask him).

I really wanted to have his number again but no information was exchanged. Should I just assume he isn't interested because he didn't volunteer his new number or do I need to give it some time and see where things go? I honestly do want to get back with him but I hear he may be dating someone but I am not sure if that is true or a false.

What next?

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I waited around for my ex and stayed in a bad situation for 5 years, in that the relationship was full of breaks and brief reunions. I can recognise what you say when you would like to feel you meant something to him, but seriously and I do not mean this to be harsh whether you meant everything or nothing to him your relationship is over. Maybe if you contacted him something could start up again, but is that what you really want? You do have a lot to offer someone but the hurt that you feel right now needs to be recognised. Don't stay stuck in a rut you deserve better and please don't let someone dictate your happiness. Stay strong and don't loose sight of what you really want and deserve.

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Originally Posted by AmExp

yeah, but I had the opportunity to tell him to call me. I didn't. I feel like 4 months ago I would have said something like that. I am just hurt that I didn't mean more to him or that from what you all tell me he doesn't want to be with me. I have moved on in the sense of I can talk to and date other guys but I always compare them to my ex ( in my mind).

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You were doing great moving on, and though you handled the meeting well, you walk away with those old feelings being stirred around again. This is but a glitch in your healing process, and until you can have fun and date others without comparisons to the ex, you must stay on the path of NO CONTACT.

Its hard to let go, we all know that. But why waste time speculating on him, and what's on his mind, when you have your own feelings to sort out still?

Yeah but now I am wanting to go back to him...

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Originally Posted by AmExp

Yeah but now I am wanting to go back to him...

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That feeling will pass if you let it. Be aware that that brief contact has only stirred up old feelings. Get busy with other areas of your life, and those feelings will fade.

Act on them, or dwell to long on thoughts of him, you talk yourself into something you may not be ready to handle.

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Originally Posted by AmExp

Yeah but now I am wanting to go back to him...

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You really never did say who broke up with who. Not that it really matters, but I will take a stab in the dark, and say he broke up with you. I would also venture a guess that you went to the café that you were at, expecting he may be there, because in your words you were looking fierce! You also said, that if it wasn't for you making the first move to talk to him, he wouldn't have noticed you.

I really get the feeling that this is more of a case of wanting something that you can't have, and you want to prove you can get it back. I'm not saying that you don't have feelings for him, but I think this has got more to do with you and not him. You might be hot, you might look fierce!. but unless he has a connection and a desire to see you again, hot and fierce will not get you anywhere. Being confident and moving on, will get the attention of someone that is just waiting to meet you. Confidence is a turn on for men. Don't confuse this with arrogance. The inside matters just as much... or more... than the outside appearance!

Move on! If he wants to get in touch with you he will. Otherwise, move forward with your life and start doing other things than thinking about who he is with, or what he is doing with his.

Yeah... I am going to let it ride out. It's whatever at this point. I should want to do better.

If you expect and require more, you will get more in return!

While that may be true, I still love that person. I honestly cannot move forward until I decide enough is enough.

I know it's a hard thing to do... trust me I DO! But hasn't he made that decision for you? If he has moved on, there isn't much you can do, but to do the same! If he changes his mind down the road, well then he does. Do you really want to sit around waiting for someone that isn't sure he wants to be with you? You should require more than that.

He shouldn't have made the decision for me... but in some ways he has because of a lack of communication. What are you to do when you still love them... honestly people??

ALSO, MY AVATAR IS NAOMI CAMPBELL!

THIS IS ME:

MySpace.com - MySpace.com - www.myspace.com/296824097

I know your Avatar is Naomi. Do you really want to follow in HER footsteps? She may be pretty, but she is one nasty B!

You are a beautiful girl. There is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who is confident and believes in herself first! I realise that you LOVE HIM, and miss him, but sitting around being depressed and only thinking of him isn't going to do you one bit of good. You would have a better chance at getting him back... seeing as that is your plan... by getting on with your life! Go out and be seen! Sitting at home and wishing him back won't get him there. He is probably out and about, and not sitting at home wondering what you are doing. Why do that for him... especially when he won't even know that is what you are doing?

Thanks! I wish I felt beautiful. I don't at all. I feel kind of cute.

Yeah, I had to clarify because some people were confused in other posts :) I love Naomi... while I do not know her personally, I like her style. She does seem lonely though.

I want to also clarify that I am not sitting at home and being depressed. I just don't feel like guys have interest and if they do, it seems that they want the goodies and then leave. I dated a few guys and then it ceased. Every guy I date, I also end up comparing them to him.

Well I looked at your picture. You are very pretty! Naomi does seem like a very lonely and angry person, and the only way she finds happiness is by trying to get as much attention (negative) as she can, to make up for her low sense of herself. That is sad! With all of the fame, money, and guys hanging on her, she seems like she is very lost.

I know it sounds cliché, but I would much rather be beautiful on the inside and be happy, than be gorgeous on the outside and be lonely and angry. All of that is plastic and fake! At the end of the day you have to live with yourself!

Like I said, I know you love your ex, but the best thing you can ever do to try and get him back, is to live well. If you do THAT, you may even find that you aren't so concerned with trying to get him back anyway!

Like I said, there is nothing more attractive to a man, than a self assurred woman that doesn't NEED a man to feel like she is loved. She loves herself first, and then you get the ripple effect from everyone! Not just from men, from everyone in your life!

Be self assured, but also remember to be humble and open to all peoople. Focus on yourself, and the things you want in your life, and everything else will have a domino effect!

Thank you for your words... this is very true. WHY are you single??