So my girlfriend just dumped me saying that she doesn't feel the same anymore. Last month she said she wanted space to figure things out cause things were different. We got back together after 2 weeks. And now a month later she wants to break up. I don't know what to do, she also said that she wants space but wants to keep talking to me and hanging out because she doesn't want to loose me completely because I'm still very special to her. And when I mean keep talking to her, she'll text me like one question, and then bring it out into a conversation then ask if she can call me to talk. I don't know what any of that means. She said right now she doesn't want to date anyone else but doesn't want to try to get back together. She lost feelings for me she said. But in the future she said she'd be open to the idea and would want to try dating again.




I know what I did wrong and it was cause if smothered her, but I want to try and get her back and I don't know how to go about doing so.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

So my girlfriend just dumped me saying that she doesnt feel the same anymore.

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That's a woman's way of saying you've changed your behavior that she was originally attracted to. You used to be a challenge and now your not creating that "excitement" with in her.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

Last month she said she wanted space to figure things out cause things were different. We got back together after 2 weeks.

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It sounds like she had not fully "removed" you from her emotional plate. In other words women let themselves down emotionally before they end the relationship. She thought she had, but not fully, so she got back together with you so she could keep you around well she went all the way through with it.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

and now a month later she wants to break up.

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Exactly my point.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

I dont know what to do, she also said that she wants space but wants to keep talking to me and hanging out because she doesnt want to loose me

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She is positioning you as a back up plan. She wants to go out with others who are challenging her emotionally but doesn't want to take the plunge should the relationship end, so she wants you to be around for that purpose.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

completely because im still very special to her.

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You are special in the sense she knows she can keep running back to you.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

And when i mean keep talking to her, she'll text me like one question, and then bring it out into a conversation then ask if she can call me to talk. I dont know what any of that means.

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It means she wants you to always be available on her terms, not yours.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

She said right now she doesnt wanna date anyone else but doesnt wanna try to get back together.

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She's lying. If Brad Pitt should up at her door and asked her out she'd jump. What she's really saying is she doesn't want to date you, but she doesn't want you to leave her forever because then she's got to deal with the feelings of loss.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

She lost feelings for me she said.

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Well I think she's telling you the truth. The feelings you created in her when you first started dating are no longer there. But she also thinks you so available that you will be there anytime she wants.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

but in the future she said she'd be open to the idea and would want to try dating again.

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Do you see what she's doing? She's leaving the door open for you so you have hope and so she can use that to string you along. If she wants to date you again then let her call you in a few months after you haven't talked to her. In fact, I'd say exactly that, tell her, "when your ready to earn me back shoot me a call and I'll see if I can make some time for you."

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

i know what I did wrong and it was cause if smothered her, but i wanna try and get her back and i dont know how to go about doing so.

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Quit talking to her. You said you smoothered her, I tend to think you gave her everything which means she had no reason do her part in this relationship. Once the challenge is gone, so is she. Now she thinks she can keep you around and talk to you on her terms. She doesn't think you are strong enough to walk away. So prove her wrong. Walk and don't talk to her, and hold her to her words. When she contacts you do not contact back, this was her break up so let her have it.

You know I think your right about one thing and I think it may be the cuase of everything. I have changed, but its just because I've had a bad past 2 months. It wasn't because of us it was because I've been stressed out. And I mean I'm sure distance has something to play with it, we've only see each other 2 times in the past month. Idk what to do, I don't want to walk away from her cause well I love the girl. Things are changing finally for me and I'm reverting back to what I was. Any advice?

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She lost feelings for me she said. But in the future she said she'd be open to the idea and would want to try dating again.

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Any female that tells you that, leave her alone. Never look back.

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I have changed, but its just because I've had a bad past 2 months. It wasn't because of us it was because I've been stressed out. And I mean I'm sure distance has something to play with it, we've only see each other 2 times in the past month. Idk what to do, I don't want to walk away from her cause well I love the girl. Things are changing finally for me and I'm reverting back to what I was. Any advice?

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Any partner who can't go through the thin with the thick, is not in love with you any way and not worthy of your love so don't waste time and emotion on them.

Save your dignity and self respect from an awful beating, and do no contact her never ever in life.

Not contacting her is kind of harsh don't you think? To be honest she's pretty much the first girlfriend I've had who's actually be honest with me about everything. Including all of this. When she herself gets stressed out she shuts down almost completely, even shuts her close friends out, and her family. None of this started till she started working 45-50 hour work weeks.

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Not contacting her is kind of harsh don't you think?

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Not for a guy who is wishing for something that he has been told he can't have. (a relationship) This is all you, full of false hope, and not accepting what she has done,(left the relationship) and you need to see some reality, and stop making excuses. That's what NO CONTACT can do for you.

She's putting you away in a closet until she possibly wants/needs you again... some random time in the future? That's how you see your role in life, some girl's dingy sweater to be used or not used at her whim?

I don't think so. Any girl put me in a drawer would have a surprise NOT waiting for her when she tried to open it again. I'd be long gone and not the least bit open to her ever again.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

Not contacting her is kinda harsh dont you think?

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You know what I think is not only kind of harsh but just plain insensitive, cruel, and uncaring? Dumping you not once, but twice. In fact bringing you back after she realized she wasn't done being over you so she kept you around another month just to satisfy her own emotions while yours weren't even considered. Now she is playing with those very same emotions and telling you that if you're a good boy maybe you will have a shot at her in the future... of course that will be on her terms which at this point her terms are emotional games a plenty. SHE asked for this break, so give her what SHE asked for.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

to be honest shes pretty much the first girlfriend ive had whos actually be honest with me about everything. Including all of this. When she herself gets stressed out she shuts down almost completely, even shuts her close friends out, and her family. None of this started till she started working 45-50 hour work weeks.

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I think she is being honest with you, but working 50 hour weeks should in theory help your cause not hurt it. The more she's away from you the more she should be missing you and looking forward to that time you two spend together. She's not doing that, she's dumping you (twice) and keeping you around on her terms with no regard for you. While she may be honest that her feelings have changed towards you, she is completely greedy when it comes to thinking of your feelings in the entire situation.

You've given her everything she's asked for up to this point, so now she wants to see how it is with out you, she's asked for it, so give it to her and let her think about it when you your not hanging on to her emotional games.

Stop talking to her!! Think about what she is really doing? Yes she still cares about you, but no not in that way. How do you feel after you talk to her all this time and then get off the phone and realize... "oh yah, she still doesn't want to be with me". Probably pretty bad... I know I did. She wants to talk to you because she feels sad about the whole thing too, and every time she gets to talk to you she feels better. She's keeping you available to her until she finds someone else... telling you that she is open to the idea of trying down the road is a lie. You can't believe them when they say that they aren't interested in finding someone else... because if they did tell you that they know you wouldn't talk to them any longer.

If you want some proof read my latest question on here... I got told all the same things you are being told and guess what... found out three days ago that she slept with someone over a month ago. You are torturing yourself by constantly being available to her needs.

Not talking to her is not harsh... breaking up with you twice is harsh. Go no contact for your own good and if she decides that she wants to be with you she knows where to find you, and trust me she will let you know.

Really my friend, I can tell you from experience that you are setting yourself up for more pain and heart ache down the road. You are not doing yourself any favors right now.

Read this, maybe my screw up can help you look at this a little better.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...dy-230410.html

All the best

So my ex and I broke up about a month ago, and she said afterwards she wanted to be friends. So we continued to talk on a regular basis. We kept talking and she started flirting with me again, she was telling me how she missed seeing me. And then we got on the topic of seeing each other (she lives 1hr 1/2 away from me,but we go to school together 8 months out of the year) so I told her that I'd come see her and we could go kayaking for the day, that was something we were planning on doing before we broke up. She was all for it and excited and took off work. Then about 5-6 days later she tells me her and one of her good friends are starting to see each other. So Me being me, I flipped out at her and we argued about it for 2-3 days going back and forth just to find out, they actually are not dating it just came up in conversation once about why they never tried dating. She told me "it's probably not going to happen because we live too far away and were not sure if it'll work between us". We ended on good terms after arguing and we said we'd try to make things work for the better, but probably be best we don't see each other till school. So now a few days after that, She calls me just to talk to me because she hasn't spoke to me in a few days, and she misses talking to me. When she talked to me she was telling me how she can't wait to get back to school and not have to worry about anything anymore. And then again it came up on the topic of me possibly going down to visit her again. She said she'd like to see me again, so I told her if everything was fine id come down in a week and a half to see her, or she said she'd come up here. She said the only thing that's worrying her is her parents being weird that I'm coming down.


Now My question is , I'm confused by her actions, I don't know what she wants from me anymore. She'll start by saying she just wants to be friends, but then it'll start turning into the fact that she misses seeing me and wants to see me.

Also note, we haven't seen each other in about 2 months.

I'm in a similar situation with my ex now and I think the best thing to do is to give them space to work out how they feel about you... if you feel comfortable with it then answer their calls and see them but only if you feel ready and always try and keep it light, don't talk about the relationship or a possible new relationship (easier said than done sometimes I know, I mess this up alot). Just make sure that you're thinking of your needs and what you want as well... if you want to move on then do so but if you really want to give it another go let her keep contacting you and take it slowly, one day at a time. Hope this helps a little. X

Sorry... forgot to say that I think she does miss you but she's a little unsure as to whether she wants you as a boyfriend or just as a good friend, she needs to work out if she just misses you because you had so much time together or because she loves you. She needs time to work this out so just keep doing what you're doing... providing that it's not causing you any hurt.

Thanks for the response, one of the reasons we broke up is because she was scared of the future between us. She always told me with me she had never been so comfortable with someone before. And when we broke up she said She was scared that I was going to think that this is it were in it for the long haul. And to be honest I never thought that because I know I'm too young but I don't think that something should end just because of a misunderstanding.

She said she lost feelings for me as well and I said things may not be as strong because we haven't seen each other in a while and seeing someone in person does a lot. And when I had mentioned that about a week ago she said she wasn't sure what would happen when she saw me.

I do want to give it another go if it works and I mean we talked about it a week or so ago that we would if it felt right but we were both worried about our friends what they would say. Because my friends would tell me to forget her and her friends would tell her I'm not worth it.

You both need to not worry about what your friends think... if you want to be together you'll find a way and will make it work but it will be hard. And when you do see each other again maybe your feelings for each other will come flooding back... sometimes time apart does make you realise that you want each other, a little space can work wonders. Just hang in there.

Thanks for all your quick responses,

She's a confusing girl and she's stubborn to boot. And when she gets stressed out over things she shuts down completely. And I know this summer has been somewhat tough on her because when she came home she always used to look forward to working but now she absolutely hates her job.

Funny thing is I'm trying to give her space and she just will call me on her own.

If anyone else has more advice I'd like to hear it

You will continue to be in this limbo until you cut off contact and heal from this break up. Go no contact and save yourself from this mind game

Aww darlin', she's playing with your heart... Don't let her do that.

Sit her down (or on the phone, however you choose) and tell her what you're feeling. Tell her that you're confused and that its pulling your emotions every which way... tell her that you can't do that anymore. Do as Rome says, its hard, but it will save your heart.

You deserve better. Don't let her hold you back from your future.

I wish you the best! :)

Ive told her that I feel confused by it. And she said she doesn't know what to do. To me I think she's confused as well and doesn't know what she wants but that's just me.

I feel like maybe I owe it to myself to just try till I can see her on a regular basis again.

Fact, you move closer she pulls away, you make plans, she cancels. I have two words for you

NO CONTACT!!

That's the only way to end her confusing you, and giving you false hope. Give your dignity, and self respect a break here.

At least take a few months for the emotional dust to settle so you can see things for what they really are, and not what you hope them to be.

I know I've already asked before but id like to hear what more have to say and now things are a little different.


So me and my ex broke up a month 1/2 ago and we still talked a little here and there and occasionally I would tell her I still loved her and she said she still cared about me but didn't love me anymore. She still wanted to be friends, then she told me she might be dating a new guy, I flipped out about it and then we got into a huge fight between both of us about what was making each other upset, things I did to upset her and things she did to upset me. After the fight she told me she's probably not going to date the other guy cause she thinks it won't work. And I told her that maybe we should cut back on talking as much until were at school. She said Ok, so I've for the most part kept my distance. But she keeps calling me and we keep talking on a constant basis and when we talk now, its almost as we talked when we were together. She's asking me to come visit her soon cause she misses seeing me.

I also told her that she doesn't need to call me or talk to me just because it'll satisfy me, and she said she's calling me because she loves talking to me and she wants to hear my voice.

Not sure what all this means. HELP

It seems that you need to figure out what you want... as you say that you want to distance yourself, but you'll pick up the phone whenever she calls.

Figure out what you want. Do you want her back? I don't recommend this... as she ended things with you, started to talk to a new guy, then ended things with him.. . this is how I see it. She ended things with you probably for this new guy. Not saying they did anything together, but they must have started talking or she at least had this guy in her sights. She tried it, didn't work, so now she's back on you.

If you don't want her back, back off. Keep your distance. Allow the both of you to get over it. If you want to be friends later on, then fine, but for now, you two need to get over each other.

Figure out what you want, then stick to it.

The hardest thing to do is cut off someone cold turkey. But that is what you must do. WALK AWAY. IT'S OVER.

In some ways, she's just toying with you. Plus, you keep talking to her, you're basically being a friend of hers. Do you really want to be her friend? If you do, be prepared to hear about the next guy's she wants to date. Do you want to hear that?

Next time she calls, tell her you don't want to really talk with her anymore. You guys BROKE-UP, it's over. Then that's it. MOVE ON.

It's hard, everyone knows that. But that is what you have to do.

--Cali

Cut her out of your life and go No contact and heal. You are only making things harder if you talk to her

The other guy, is one of her best friends she's known for a while, and it came up in conversation why they never went on a date. She was contemplating giving it a shot and she decided no.

You may be right she may be toying with me, but the type of person she is I don't think she could. Yeah I'm being stubborn and in denial maybe but I know who she is.

She's had a rough couple of months and has been like shutting herself down and one of the nights she's called me recently she kind of just broke down and toldm e everything that has been bothering her. And she knows now also like if she said I want to get back together I'm not jumping into it I made it clear with her if she wants to get back together its not going to be an immediate thing.

I agree, it's time to move on.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

So me and my ex broke up a month 1/2 ago and we still talked a little here and there and occasionally i would tell her i still loved her

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So you have put yourself in the position of being available at a moments notice and given her a free pass. The emotional stuff is women's field. You let her direct the love, you stand your ground and hold back otherwise you are going to wind up getting played further... and make no mistake, she's playing you.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

and she said she still cared about me but didn't love me anymore.

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That means her she finds you somewhat predictable and boring, but she doesn't want to drop you for good because she knows you'll always be available.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

She still wanted to be friends, then she told me she might be dating a new guy,

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This should not be a surprise. That's why she broke up in the first place.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

i flipped out

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Why? You broke up 6 weeks ago.

If getting dumped wasn't a wake up call, shouldn't this be as to what she thinks of you?

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

about it and then we got into a huge fight between both of us about what was making eachother upset, things i did to upset her and things she did to upset me.

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So, you flipped out, then you got into a fight. Women love to play emotional games and they love drama. She got both. You played right into her game.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

After the fight she told me shes probably not gonna date the other guy cause she thinks it wont work.

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So that should tell you that if she thought it was going to work, she would continue dating him. All that being said, why bring it up at all, if she's not going to date him. Luckily you have me, and I have the answer. It got you to "flip out" so she could test you to see where you are at and how you were emotionally when it came to her. It's all part of her game. You're her pawn in that game.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

And i told her that maybe we should cut back on talking as much until were at school.

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You should have told her flat out... not maybe but flat out that you were done talking to her period. Maybe implies you can't make decision, flat out says you're a man who doesn't put up with her crap.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

She said Ok, so i've for the most part kept my distance.

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Start doing it for the entire part.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

but she keeps calling me

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Why not, you don't make a firm decision and she's got a game to continue playing.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

and we

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And YOU

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

keep talking on a constant basis

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Well, you've been talking for 6 weeks since the break up. How's that working out for you?

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

and when we talk now, its almost as we talked when we were together.

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I know. Everybody reading this knows that. Because she needs to keep you as her back up plan. It's painfully obvious to those outside the emotional bubble your in. It sucks being in the bubble, but at the same time, if she's going to use you, have have to make the decision to man up and not allow it.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

Shes asking me to come visit her soon cause she misses seeing me.

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Huh? She misses seeing you so she asks YOU to visit HER. Doesn't exactly sound like she misses you that much. Tell her... if you insist on talking to her, which I don't know why you would, that if she wants to see you then she can come see you. If she starts telling you something like she doesn't have a car, tell her they have invented the bus.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

I also told her that she doesnt need to call me or talk to me just because it'll satisfy me,

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No offense, you sound like a complete wussy. I say that as someone who has a lifetime of wussy experience, I've been there myself so I'm not attacking you, but let's grow a pair here. You are telling her you love her, "flipping out" over other guys, but then turning around and saying don't call you to satisfy you? I see this and I'm a guy, a girl is doing somersaults to have this kind of thing handed to her. She gets to not only play her emotional games, but also test them on you because you keep coming back for more, and then try to give her excuses for reasons not to talk to you. Man up and cut her off, this is your decision to make, not her game to play.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

and she said shes calling me because she loves talking to me and she wants to hear my voice.

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Sure she does. Your voice is her emotional game and dumping ground. Meanwhile you sit in emotional neutral for 6 weeks stuck trying to figure out what's going on. Your being played, and worse yet, you allowing it. It's one thing to get used and dumped. It's another to let it go for 6 more weeks while she gets away with more emotional damage.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

Not sure what all this means. HELP

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It means get the hell out, and don't look back.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

the other guy, is one of her best friends shes known for a while, and it came up in conversation why they never went on a date. She was contemplating giving it a shot and she decided no.

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But, none the less she did consider it.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

you may be right she may be toying with me, but the type of person she is i dont think she could.

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Are you and I talking about the same person. She's not toying with you, she's using your a$$ for her emotional game.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

Yeah im being stubborn and in denial maybe but i know who she is.

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Yeah so do I. She's the girl using you. Give me a break, she is acting like every other girl does in the same situation. Don't start up with this "I know her, and none of you do," BS. Women have a pattern of behavior that they follow and if she has such a high interest in you she'd be coming to see you, not thinking about another guy, not deliberately starting fights with you, and overall not disrespecting you.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

Shes had a rough couple of months and has been like shutting herself down and one of the nights shes called me recently she kinda just broke down and toldm e everything that has been bothering her.

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Really. Are you surprised? She's made you her emotional tampon, and you continue to accept it, so who else would she call to dump her baggage on.

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Originally Posted by makinbaconx

and she knows now also like if she said I wanna get back together im not jumping into it i made it clear with her if she wants to get back together its not going to be an immediate thing.

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Then why talk her? Then why tell her you love her? Then why be there when she calls wanting to talk emotions? I know you think you are controlling this, but she is in complete control of this situation. You need to cut all contact... 6 weeks ago, but now's a good time to start.

I would listen to these guys, and seriously, they know what there talking about. If you don't believe me, click on their names, and read their stories, and you'll see they said the same things you have.

They were stubborn, and in denial, as are you.

They cried begged and thought they were in control, just like you do.

They found out the hard way, it was over, and they needed to move on. Just as you will.

They ended the games, and confusion, and got healthy, and wiser, and happier, since they aren't stuck on stupid any longer (sorry guys), and its just a matter of time before you, get with the program, feel the misery, and pain, and deal with it in a positive manner.

How did they accomplish this difficult task?
No Contact, buddy, at all, and don't let her contact you.

Tal, had to spread the rep, but he is right. Read mine or Sneezy's, I can bet money he would agree, we acted like guys with no spines when we first broke up with our exes. Tal kicked both of us in the arse REAL fast. So I also want to say thank you

She wants her cake and eat it too and she is obviously not considering your feelings in any way, shape or form. Tell her that it is sending too much mixed signals to have her keep contacting you so you would appreciate that she give you time to heal by leaving you alone. She didn't think of your hurt breaking up so why be so soft that you cave in to her needs?

She is calling you because she wants to wean away from you so SHE doesn't have to deal with the harshness of breaking up. Why let her have everything to her convenience.
Tell her NO contact she made her choice.

In My opinion, your ex sounds like a very needy person. She needs someone that she can always turn too and that she knows cares about her. She knows that you are still in love with her so she keeps coming to you for comfort. She has peace of mind knowing that you are in love with her and she doesn't have to have any ties to you because you two are no longer dating. Its a win win situation for her. I imagine that you two talked a lot while you were dating considering you live so far away from each other. I hate to say it but you have become her best girlfriend that she can confide in and tell everything too. Why do you think she told you about a guy she was thinking of dating? She has put you in the friend category and she thought it was safe to discuss that sort of thing with you. Apparently it wasn't. If you don't want to get hurt anymore than you already are, stop contact with her. She keeps telling you she misses you because she doesn't want to loose her "friend" not the love of her life.

Hey everyone I've posted about this before so those of you who read before prob know somewhat of the story but I want to know what my ex wants with me.

So I got back to school and hung out with my ex girlfriend when I got her, we both wanted to see each other really badly. But she said before I came over to make sure I didn't say anything stupid or do anything stupid. We took a walk together and talked and stuff and I know she said she just wanted to be friends but she was holding my hand and all when we were walking. I didn't really make anything out of it and just kind of kept walking.

The next day she wanted to talk about some things that happened over the summer. So we were talking, and she was teling me about things with herp arents and all. After the dust kind of settled she wanted to watch TV, so we sat there but she wanted to just kind of lay there together like we used to when we were dating.

Later in the night I went out to a party at a friends house and she was texting me asking me if any girls there flirting with me.

So my question is, what does she want? Does she want me back?

It sounds like she may be wanting the best of both worlds and she is lonely. Or maybe she doesn't quite know how to separate the two... most people I know can't be friends with their ex, especially if they have a history. Most others will probably say stop having any contact with her, etc... I say that you should probably be cautious and take it slow. Don't be needy or clingy at all... continue to be her friend, but do the things you did before you met her... hang out with your friends, just live your life. Don't get your hopes up because girls have a way of changing their minds in an instant.

Yep Guidostern is right. She wants her cake and to eat it too.. And you are letting her, which is the worst of it all. She ended it, and your still dangling to that hook she set you off on. CUT THE CONTACT!

Yeah I plan on being cautious, and I already told her I'm not getting back together unless I'm sure its good for both of us. Its also been the first time we have seen each other in 2 1/2 months. I kind of want to tell her if we date again I want to forget what happened between us and start over but I don't know if that's being to hasty.

Not at all one bit hasty - that would be the best thing to do IF you decide to get back together. About how she's acting, she probably just misses the affection and having someone be with her. Just be careful and don't bank too much on anything. Enjoy your "Single" life and spend time with her if you both feel like it.

Yeah I'm not sure really, she's a strange girl a lot has been going on in her life lately so she's been kind of a mess. I already told her this is fine and all but she needs to square things away with her family first. But she's been really apologetic lately to me about everything that's happened cause she's been upset a bit also because all my friends as ty as it is, have been different to her and she's bothered by that cause we used to be all close. And she was kind of the outsider coming in.

I want her back but don't know how to do it lol.

Whatever you do, don't let her play with your emotions... you have to be strong and stay true to yourself. If you do want this to work out, you did the right thing by letting her know that it's going to be on your terms and not hers... now the ball is in her court... don't worry though, there will be plenty of other girls... you can count on it.