Ask Me Help Desk - Just got dumped

Just got dumped

So me and my ex girlfriend dated for about a year. For my entire senior year of high school, we obv. Went to prom together and shared so many more memories.everyone thought of us as the "it" couple. We were both on the prom court and everything was just amazing.she was the love of my life, and we pretty much spent every day together. College was bearing down on us and we were going to be about 300 miles apart. Our original descion was to stay together and be there for each other during this new experince. Just recently she explained how she felt it would be best to be apart so she doesn't have to worry about having a boyfriend and she doesn't have to worry about how she acts at college. Our relationship was amazing, but we did have many fights. We always solved them within a few hours, but they were exhausting on both of us. Finally, after a year of dating, a 4 hour online comversation leads to us breaking up. She said she didn't feel the same way anymore and lost her love for me. I was shocked and heartbroken. Now I'm sitting here wondering when the right time to call her is. We never talk online, we never text or anything else like that. We still have the same friends and I've acted cool calm and collected when I see her at gatherings. There is no way she thinks of me as desperate, or depressed after the break up. I reli want to be together again and I'm totally ready for a relationship through college. I'm still madly in love with her, and I'm not sure if I'm redi to move on just yet.so my questions are 1.) when can I call her. 2.) how can I win her back

1.) when can I call her.
When you have gotten over her, and have a happy healthy life without her.
2.) how can I win her back
She is not yours to win or lose, what she does is her choice.

I'm going to be honest and blunt. If she wants to break up, chances are you trying to "win her back" is just going to push her farther away.

Secondly, long distance relationships RARELY work.

Thirdly, if you feel that she thinks there is a chance for your relationship to work, then stay friends with her, and be there for her when she needs it. And things will take the natural steps to where they should be.

I know for a fact she is having a hard time with the breakup, I know that doesn't mean she misses me and wants to get bak together 2m but to me I guess there is still hope in my heart. I reli feel she is just testing the water and seeing how college life will be without me in it. Her friends keep telling me to just wait it out and eveyrthing will be OK. My friends and I think its just a break and that we will be together shortly.

It sounds like she just wants to enjoy college life and that may mean dating. She just wants to let you down easily. Move on.

Do u think dating other people will show both of us how important and amazing we were together? So maybe for our relationship to work, we had to break up to make sure we were right for each other

That could be the case. I don't know what is in her head, so I don't know.

Very true, thanks for the adivce=]

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her friends keep telling me to just wait it out and eveyrthing will be OK. My friends and I think its just a break and that we will b together shortly.

Please don't let her friends fill you with false hopes.

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we had to break up to make sure we were right for each other

That will take a long time to find out don't you think? Take her at her word and let her go.

So would it be a good idea to start dating another girl, cause I do have someone in mind. I don't want to hurt my ex, cause eventually when we both move on I want to be friends with her, I understand that might take awhile, but I don't want to mess up any chance at friendship I may have later on

If you are in a place to date again, then I don't see why not. And if you don't want your ex to know about it, don't tell her.

I won't tell her but I'm sure she will find out. It's a rough situatuion. She was my first love and its hard to let go. It hurts me cause I was so surprised she can just throw away all the memories we had over a year in one night. I guess it just shows she didn't appreciate me as much as I appreciated her

That's not true. Just because she is growing up and trying to enjoy her new life doesn't mean that she didn't appreciate you. That's ridiculous. My first love and I were together for 6 years, after high school I moved out of state and he went to college... It just happens. High school sweethearts rarely turn into marriage or life long partners. It's such a huge growing stage that its hard to grow together sometimes. You just usually grow apart. And your first break up is always such a learning and growing experience.

well yeah this isn't my first breakup but first time getting dumped. My parents worked out actually, but they broke up 5 times so I guess it's a learning experince. All I know is I'm trying to move on with my life, I've been working out more, and doing things with friends. But its killing me not being able to talk to her=/

That's why I said, RARELY. It's not unheard of, just rarely happens.

It would be a good idea to just go out and enjoy yourself...

Why force yourself to date someone else when that's just a train wreck waiting to happen?

Do yourself a favor and just live your life. Hang out with your friends... and if you're going to college, do the college thing... party, have fun

hey thanks a lot for the advice ranger, I guess u can say it's a train wreck. All I know is she didn't deserve me and I'm going to move on. I still miss her like hell, but that's normal during a break up. I hope we can be friends someday=/

Dating others isn't a "get her back" tactic. That's TOTALLY rude to the girls you date, and you miss out on the chance to find an even better relationship.

Date to meet others, to have fun, steal a few kisses, practice being a gentleman, learning things about girls your ex doesn't even know to teach you. This is the time to gain experience.

Someday down the road maybe you two will date again. Right now it's not needed at all. Make EXCELLENT use of this opportunity to get out there and reap the benefits of life.

Let tomorrow take care of itself. First and foremost, never be a LIAR when dating. Don't date one girl to manipulate another. That's a lie... you have more character than that, right?

I think we ned to date other people so we can see how awesome we really were together. I guess sometimes u need to break up to make sure that person is right for you=/

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Originally Posted by pol5019

i think we ned to date other people so we can see how awesome we really were together. i guess sometimes u need to break up to make sure that person is right for you=/

In some cases that can happen, you realize that you two were really good together. But, please do not start dating other women in the hopes of this happening. It isn't fair to the other woman/women. Plus, lets just say that the new woman develops strong feelings for you, and you are still thinking of your ex. It will totally hurt this new woman. Rebounds are not good, Pol. You should take time out from dating for a little while to gather your thoughts, heal from this relationship, and go out and have fun with your friends and in college. This is you time now. No need to bring another woman into this, unless you are over your ex.

POL..

It's just got to come naturally. If you do things to "spite" someone else that's not natural, and like we've all been saying, bad news. I'm only a year out of college so I still remember what it was like for me when me and my girlfriend in college broke up. She hurt me pretty good but instead of dwelling on it, I just did what any other college student did. I went out, had fun with my friends, and just enjoyed the ride.

I went to Penn State so it was easy to not have to see my ex and having that NC was wonderful. I eventually started feeling good about myself, and I was once again able to meet new girls and not have any feelings towards my ex.

SOMETIMES you and an ex can go a while without seeing each other, get back together and things could be different. But beware... if this happens down the road proceed with caution. You may end up in in another sticky situation... take it from me because I did just that. I got back together with my ex after college thinking that she was mature and got her BS out of her system, only to be hurt the same way she hurt me the first time.

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Originally Posted by pol5019

i think we ned to date other people so we can see how awesome we really were together. i guess sometimes u need to break up to make sure that person is right for you=/

Until you accept what your going through, and cope with your loss in a positive way, any thing you do will be driven by hurt emotions, and false hope, that will lead you to more misery, and pain than your in now.

Healing, and seeing things in a realistic way, will better help any future decisions you make for yourself, and others. Now you can surly try it your way, that's your choice, but don't expect any positive results, unless you get the facts and learn to cope with your own feelings. All of us here had to go through the same process of growing, and learning..

OK now I have john mayer tickets that I got for me and her when we were still dating. We haven't talked at all and its been a week. I have both tickets, and the concert is on July 9. so I guess it would be a bad idea to go as friends? Cause, there are no hard feelings anymore, we are just trying to get out of that awkward stage. If we are friens by that time, do you think it's a good idea to take her? Should I ask her for the money? And thanks for the advice everyone, it really did help. Its hard but I'm moving on with the next chapter of my life=]

Taking her will make you miserable trust me. Doesn't matter if you have a great time or not, it will make you miss what you have lost.

Me, I get another date, or
Sell the tickets

Anything but take her. Your right, I don't believe your over this, but just want someone to agree that taking her to the concert is a great idea. ITS NOT!!

I won't sell the tickets cause I love john mayer but ill try and bring someone else I guess.

On another note, I can't seem to forget all the good times we had, and its crowding my brain. I most deff don't want to forget her or the memories, but I do want to move on cause she broke my heart, so I just don't know how to keep those special times with me forever, but at the same time not miss her

Time, and enjoying your life will fix you right up! What do you think us old folks do, when we are sitting on the porch, reliving all those good times, and the people we shared them with.

My ex has her grad party next Friday. Her mom texted me two days ago asking me how I was doing, and saying her and her husband missed me around their house. She also said how she hopes to see me a the grad party. Now my ex and I have had some contact but nothing really major. I'm not sure what I should do about going to the party or not.

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Originally Posted by pol5019

my ex has her grad party next friday. her mom texted me two days ago asking me how i was doing, and saying her and her husband missed me around their house. she also said how she hopes to see me a the grad party. now my ex and i have had some contact but nothing realy major. im not sure what i should do about going to the party or not.

No... party with YOUR FRIENDS

I am in the same boat as you. If not, even longer. I was dating my girlfriend (now ex) of one year four months. 2 weeks prior to university finals and 2 days before her high school graduation, she dumps me and tells me that she does not have feelings for me anymore. From that day on, it's just hard to live cause we made love (had sex) multiple times. Now, I'm out and not really looking to date. As a matter of fact, I am confused on either relationship & sex or just casual sex with different girls.

Regardless, I am focusing my mind on passing English at community college and going to advanced training school for a medical career. Not to be a show off, but if I pass advanced training school with a certificate, I may end up earning 15k-30k/year (speaking from a 19 turning 20 year old student). Just do what you need to do...

hjpan thanks for that advice, but like I'm missing the sex a lot, and how did u get over that. I don't want to just go out and have sexual relations with some random girl. To me its special, and my ex was a special girl. And I'm having a hard time getting over all the memories we had, cause we had a ton. Also I miss her family! We went away together on skiing trips so we bonded a lot. I don't know its been two weeks and its still hard. The only goood thing I have donw recently is not contact her at all in the past two weeks. Which is good cause she wanted space.

Pol, your asking the right guy the right question, LOL, as you two could really be twins.

Uh was that sarcasm?

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Originally Posted by pol5019

uh was that sarcasm?

Not at all as he is dealing with the same things. Read his post, and see if you two have something in common.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...st-230736.html

No we totally do I just didn't know what u meant by it.

He meant that they two of you are in similar situations...

Yeah I got that now

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Originally Posted by pol5019

hjpan thanks for that advice, but like im missing the sex alot, and how did u get over that. i dont wanna just go out and have sexual relations with some random girl. to me its special, and my ex was a special girl. and im having a hard time getting over all the memories we had, cause we had a ton. also i miss her family!! we went away together on skiing trips so we bonded alot. idk its been two weeks and its still hard. the only goood thing i have donw recently is not contact her at all in the past two weeks. which is good cause she wanted space.

Well, that is also a issue I am having. I don't know if I want casual or relationship sex. I am in the same boat as you; my ex was a virgin and so was I... it was very enjoyful when we did it together but how I got over that? The best way is to not let your brain control you.. basically, focus your mind on other stuff besides sex. Sure, genetics and evolution have described human beings, especially males, as sexual beings and females as emotional beings...

I have been told BY GIRLS, both online (including AMHD) and in real life, that they'd date guys and have sex under multiple conditions. One of which is NOT TO BE PROMISCUOUS.

It's easy to say, but you have to motivate your brain to think others besides sex. For me (as a college student), there are some hot girls on campus but I say to myself "is it worth the trouble just to have 5-10mins of pleasure (considering just insertion)?" or "what's more important? Education, money, & good career or different girls every day/night or week?"

HJ, I am proud of you... Before you wanted to sleep around and now you see the bigger picture. I hope that more people who go through break ups and the "withdrawal" from sex can learn from your story.

As for Pol, take time to heal pal. You are missing the companionship of your ex, which is totally understandable. Don't go out and look for random nights of companionship because you will just feel cheap and used the next day. Not that I think you would go that route but just fair warning.

yeah I don't think I could ever bring myselff to go out on random nights to do random things. I'm still having trouble with the memories, I can't seem to get them out of my head. I don't want to forget the good times, I want to cherish them, but latley that's all I can think about

As far as the talk about missing the sexual part of the relationship - it is a memory just like any other memory of your relationship. It will fade just as all of the other missed memories have faded. Someday you will find someone again and you will be able to make all new memories.

It might be a tough memory to deal with, but it will fade in time.

The thing is I don't want the memories to fade. Of course I want to move on with my life and date someone new but I don't want to forget these memories. I mean, we dated all senior year of higgh school, ran for prom king and queen together. To me that's a lot of special moments of my life I shared with her. I'm sure in the grand story of my life, they will be trivial but right now it doesn't matter. I can't get my mind off the image of me and her