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I found naked pics of my bf's ex in his drawer. I knew she was sending him letters and regular pics before because she said she wanted him back... but he NEVER showed me these pics. I was so pissed I just left and I really just want to end it with him. Should I? If he's keeping secrets why would I want to keep him around. BTW, we've been dating for a year.:confused:
Are these pics sent since you two have been together? Why is he still accepting her letters? This is a great reason to not trust him.
As a guy I say get out of it and fast...
Today in his drawer tomorrow in his bed [or maybe its already happening]
Sorry but its really unhealthy
You deserve better
Oh give me a break! Men are visually aroused, it turns her on to show him what he is mission out on, and it turns him on to see the flesh. I bet the night he got those pics you two had great sex, you might of even thought to yourself, "What got into him"? If he has no desire to be with her, he is still your man, and leaving because he has male tendencies is not a great idea.
Leaving because he lied about whether he is messing with her is a totally different subject.
So if your significant other was receiving and KEEPING naked pictures of their ex, you wouldn't be bothered? You wouldn't mind that he is still accepting her letters? He's telling her its acceptable. He's being dishonest and sneaky. These are all qualities you want in a significant other?Quote:
Originally Posted by SmartNsexa
As long as he is thinking of Codelle when they had the sex if they did, that's fine
But was he?
And even then its not right again Im a guy what would I know
He shoud have been throwing her letters out, or merely sending them back unopened. IF he was getting them, he needed to have told you what she was doing. I would say too many issues, get out
I agree with Chuck, h should have never opened the letters, put return to sender on the envelopes and dropped it in the mailbox. And he should have told his girlfriend about it. He's being dishonest, why put yourself through a dishonest relationship that will just hurt you in the end?
MAybe its me, but it wasn't clear that the pictures were sent within the last year. Is it possible that they were sent to him while they were going out and he has just yet to get rid of them? Granted, they probably should be boxed away, but that's much better than receiving naked pictures while the two of you are dating.
Sounds as if your b/f isn't handling his business very well with the ex. When were the pictures sent? If there old, they should be put away, if they are recent he should have told her to back off, and refused any contact from someone who is romantically interested. Leave those pictures where he can find them, so he knows you saw them, and make yourself unavailable.
I agree with Tal, if they are old they should be gone. New, you should be gone.
Personally, when me and my ex split, EVERYTHING got deleted. Pictures, e-mails, messages, saved texts, basically anything from her.
They are your past, if you live in the past you can't enjoy the present
I agree,in that,why put up with dishonesty?? (there's NO need for it! )
Also,leave the past,in the past!!
If there was nothing morally wrong about keeping them then why hide them?? Because he's a looser! Get out and find someone who will give u there UNDIVIDED attention! Xx
I'm going to have to disagree with the people that said he should have PUT THEM AWAY, He should have THROWN THEM AWAY if they are from before. I know I wouldn't want naked pictures of someone that my boyfriend used to sleep with in my house.
Once again, I completely agree. Nothing more to add to that.Quote:
Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma
Personally I wouldn't allow my boyfriend to have old or new naked pics of his ex, that is a big fat NO! He shouldn't even be talking to her or having any kind of contact with her. You need to find out what's going on, and if he wants to get back with her ditch him, and if he wants to stay with you then he needs to end contact with her and toss those pics.
OK just to get all the facts out. My boyfriend is from jamaica and so is she(she still lives there). We met a month after he got here and have been datin ever since. He was talking to her behind my back and I found out so I told him to stop and he agreed, but a little while later I found out he was still talking to her so we broke up but got back together. Then after that she kept sending letters and pics he showed me them, they were actually a joke for us but he never showed me the naked pics. So yes, they're old but I never even knew about them. UPDATE: I broke up wit him last night because of the whole sit. But he came to my window and literally would not stop throwing pebbles at my window until I agreed to talk to him. I have no idea what to do.
What did you tell him and what did he say to you? Did you tell him that you will not accept his ex's writing to him or even sending any kinds of pics? Does he understand how you feel? I think you should really talk with him and then see how you feel.
Dump him, don't ever talk to him again. This is a recipe for heartbreak.Quote:
Originally Posted by codelle1
Just to play devils advicate, but unless we are married, no way do I get rid of any old momentos. Are you crazy???? How would I feel if I got rid of old keepsakes and then you dumped me?Quote:
Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma
I'm going to have to disagree with the people that said he should have PUT THEM AWAY, He should have THROWN THEM AWAY if they are from before. I know I wouldn't want naked pictures of someone that my boyfriend used to sleep with in my house.
I've never been married, but I have been in three long term relationships where I thought marriage was inevitable, and that was the same to me. If they were keeping naked pictures of exes they were being dishonest and secretive. I don't find those admirable traits in a significant other, and would assume ulterior motives in keeping these "momentos" or "keepsakes". What is the desire to remember what an ex looks like naked? Who cares? You are with the one you are with for a reason, and not with the ex for a reason. Why would you want those things?
Because they are mine.
And just because you aren't married to the person that you are involved with, you think they would be okay with you having those things?
Not necessarily. Marry me and not just think you will, and you have a say what's in my drawer. What your asking is only for my wife to say anything about, not some date of a few months, ( a year, Naw, not even)Quote:
If they were keeping naked pictures of exes they were being dishonest and secretive.
I'm talking about long-term serious relationships. If you see a future with someone why would it matter whether you are married or not, you should take this person's feelings into consideration.
Its perfectly okay, and its okay to have your mementos too! Till I marry you, it wouldn't be my business, what you have in your underwear drawer, because I wouldn't be looking through them.Quote:
Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma
I think that at this point we should just agree to disagree...
I think that a long-term serious relationship and being married can be virtually the same thing just without the paper. I agree that a relationship of a few months shouldn't necessarily affect these things. But me, for instance, I've been in a relationship for almost two years now, and we live together and plan to get engaged in a few months. If my boyfriend had pictures of his ex naked all hell would break loose. Vice Versa.
Agreed. If you've still got one foot somewhere else, and if you are inconsiderate of their feelings, they should take and invest their time elsewhere.Quote:
Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma
Mmhmm.. Suuure, Tal... :)Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
My partner of ten years has a vibrator in her top drawer that she doesn't know I know about.
Now... should I presume she's thinking of me when she gets off with it when I am no less than 20 feet away?
Likewise... she has two books of erotica. Am I to assume she thinks of me when she reads it?
Yes... the gf's of the past are a touchy subject.
So he had pics of an ex that were explicit.
Mkay... well... he's an idiot for not getting rid of them or for not hiding them better.
If this is all that it takes to tear apart the relationship, it wasn't that strong to begin with.
My pictures and notes from my ex's are solidly, securely kept away. I have taken sensual pics of my ex's as I have of my bethrothed.
If you want to damn me for my history and my life, OK.
The boyfriend in this case is an idiot for keeping these things all but in the open. He's a moron.
But honestly, if this is all there is to put against him... can we call him a moron who might be a decent guy and let him off the hook a little??
If I threw out every scrap of every relationship id been in before my wife, id have no history.
Sure... explicit pics are a different level... but really... do you believe your lover has erased all memories of all men that came before you and after you?
Erotic books and vibrators are different. You never had a relationship with them. There's not a past. I don't mind my boyfriend looking at porn, unless it was of his ex... it's just a different story.
Plus she's fat and ugly... she probably would have broken the camera anyway :P
But... You're comparing apples to... carburetors! A vibrator or a book your S/O uses to get herself off is an inanimate object. It's not a naked photograph of her ex. It's not the same.Quote:
Originally Posted by kp2171
I think me and Sokay are on the same page here...
Before I jump into this jungle here... I'd like to say that I'm a 22 year old guy. With that said, I agree with kp in that I haven't thrown everything that my exes have given me. I've kept notes, cards, pictures (not explicit ones) in a box and have kept it somewhere in the closet. This doesn't mean I go in there and look at them and think about them, but it's more memorabilia than anything.
I also currently have some pictures on my computer from my exes (welcome to the digi-world) that are explicit. Do I look at these? No. However, I haven't deleted them... again, as sick as it sounds, it's more memorabilia than anything.
I'm more worried that your boyfriend didn't keep it locked up somewhere (not to hide, but to just stash away) and that he had it out in the open, than if he had just kept it. I'm a packrat, I keep EVERYTHING. I still have movie stubs from when I was in the 3rd grade.
So, with that said, now that you've found it, I suggest you two sit down and talk. If he denies looking at these, then ask him to get rid of it. If he admits looking at them from time to time, then there's a real issue.
Whether KP is comparing apples to carburators is not the real point. The point he made was, what is my significant other thinking about when she uses or looks at these items?
People go through life following rules of "safe" conduct. "You might get hurt!" Life is about pain, and risk-taking, and decision making. The boyfriend loves the OP. He may change his habits to what works for her. That is for them to discuss, not for us to be afraid of.
Chihuahua: "I think me and Sokay are on the same page here..."
Very much so. It's offensive. He should have tossed those.
Especially he shouldn't be accepting any contact with the ex at all if he's involved in a serious relationship with someone new, and he definitely shouldn't be accepting, nor keeping naked photos of her. There shouldn't be any need to hang on to pictures of that nature, especially given the OP's claim that the ex is trying to get him back! It is offensive to her, and rightly so.
Bottom line, no matter which way you slice this, my advice to the OP is: Walk away, and don't look back. He's not worth your time or energy.
Well actually, that is the point. He was making comparisons with situations and *types* of objects, that were not the same, and did not have the same connotations. So yes, the fact that he was comparing apples to carburetors is exactly the point.Quote:
Originally Posted by simoneaugie
I agree... these things are disrespectful.
I think this may be one of those defining moments in a rather young relationship. I think after she calms down, they will talk it out. She was just caught up in the emotion of the moment.
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