Ask Me Help Desk - Should I just.

Should I just.

It has been about a month after my girlfriend of one year & four months dumped me. She told me she has no feelings for me anymore and I felt like sh*t. But I picked myself up and continued my first year of college; unfortunately, I did not pass basic English so I will be attending a community college.

The issue is about my relationship lifestyle. For some reason, I do not know what I want from a relationship. My guy-buddies/friends are encouraging me to start finding girls and having casual sex. But, my mind tells me that I should find girls and have a relationship and then have sex.

I really don't know what I should do..

Q: Should I go for casual sex or relationship & sex?

Go for a relationship. You'll find more respectable girls. Girls that are just into casual sex, well, no one really wants them and they tend to have a ton of issues. Find a nice girl, get to know her and don't listen to your friends.

Some people enjoy sex, just for sex.

I am not one of them.

Yes, I've had my share of sex without an emotional connection, and it was never really very satisfying, not to mention, at times, dangerous.

There is nothing that compares with being intimate and erotic with someone who you are very emotionally connected with.

I say relationship, then sex, especially given the context of your post, and what your mind is telling you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockstar714

Go for a relationship. You'll find more respectable girls. Girls that are just into casual sex, well, no one really wants them and they tend to have a ton of issues. Find a nice girl, get to know her and don't listen to your friends.

True...
I did ask a friend of mine (girl) if she'd date a man-whore or a guy who is either a virgin or non-virgin... she said she'd date the guy who is either virgin or non-virgin..

Oh yes~ girls opinions work too!

If you're looking long time, then don't be a man-whore. I have had so many man-whore friends that its ridiculous. I never slept with them, but we were really good friends so they let me in on all kinds of secrets. The girls that slept with them they had no respect for, didn't really care about and just used, but the girls that played hard to get with them, those were the girls that made them melt. Those were the girls that they fell all over and wanted to be with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockstar714

If you're looking long time, then don't be a man-whore. I have had so many man-whore friends that its ridiculous. I never slept with them, but we were really good friends so they let me in on all kinds of secrets. The girls that slept with them they had no respect for, didn't really care about and just used, but the girls that played hard to get with them, those were the girls that made them melt. Those were the girls that they fell all over and wanted to be with.

Maybe I guess it was the environment I grew up since I attended an all-guys military high school. Majority of the guys pretty much influenced me =/

During my senior year, I had a room-mate who was a man-whore. He told me about different girls and how sex was awesome...

Yeah I'm sure it was awesome, but did any of those girls stick around?

Its up to you, do you want a plethura of girls and one night stands, or do you want something meaningful that won't make you look back and regret things? The thing with having all the girls, you have a higher risk of STDs, pregnancies and psycho girls...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockstar714

Yeah I'm sure it was awesome, but did any of those girls stick around?

Its up to you, do you want a plethura of girls and one night stands, or do you want something meaningful that won't make you look back and regret things? The thing with having all the girls, you have a higher risk of STDs, pregnancies and psycho girls...

That is another factor I am considering..

Psycho girls xD? Hahaha!

You have them one night, they think you're committed, start calling you 24/7, stalking you... I've seen it happen.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockstar714

You have them one night, they think you're committed, start calling you 24/7, stalking you...I've seen it happen.

That is harsh :O...

What if it's like 'Knocked Up' except there's no pregnancy involved xD?

Well if its like "knocked up" but there is no pregnancy involved, then its not really like knocked up, now is it?

Yeah, you can find the girls that just want casual sex, but what happens if one of you gets emotionally attached and then the other isn't? Or what if pregnancy does happen?

I'm just saying, in the long run if you find a nice girl, you may be happier. Have you ever been a man-whore, or have you been in relationships?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockstar714

Well if its like "knocked up" but there is no pregnancy involved, then its not really like knocked up, now is it?

Yeah, you can find the girls that just want casual sex, but what happens if one of you gets emotionally attached and then the other isn't? Or what if pregnancy does happen?!

I'm just saying, in the long run if you find a nice girl, you may be happier. Have you ever been a man-whore, or have you been in relationships?

I have only been in one relationship out of my 19 years of living.

I've only been in 2.

I dated a lot, and I know from my experience with a few of my friends that once you give it up to a guy (as in someone you're not in a committed relationship with) then they are gone.

I have a friend that has only been in 1 relationship, however she sleeps around, and guess who never calls her again? The guy.

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? Do you really want to be with another girl every night? You will start to lose respect for each of the girls you do this to.

What do YOU really want to do? Not thinking of what your friends TELL YOU to do, what do YOU want to do?

hmm

true :O

I'm off to my daily exercise of running... I just need some time to myself to think

I'll be back to receive more advise

At some point you will figure yourself out, and be comfortable with you, and love yourself enough to do what's best for you, and not the rest of mankind. Do what makes you happy, not necessarily popular, because after all, when you meet your maker, It will be just you trying to explain yourself.

Just my opinion, do what makes you happy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

At some point you will figure yourself out, and be comfortable with you, and love yourself enough to do whats best for you, and not the rest of mankind. Do what makes you happy, not neccesarily popular, because after all, when you meet your maker, It will be just you trying to explain yourself.

Just my opinion, do what makes you happy.

thanks..

I just don't know what will make me happy =/

Get out there, and find out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Get out there, and find out.

Well, I thought about casual sex and it's true that the few minutes of my life will be very pleasurable..

But, I also thought about relationship and sex...

it's difficult since there's going to be attachment going on~

any more advise :D!

Alright.. I was talking to a friend who lives in England, male as well, and I asked if I should go casual or relationship..

He said casual... his reason was "the pleasure" ....

lol

Don't do anything you will regret, or be ashamed of. A few minutes of pleasure is never worth the price you pay when there are attachments. Unless you're a cold hearted playa!

We all go through that journey of finding out about ourselves, and you will be no different. For now pleasure will do you no good, as you are still processing your last life lesson, and that's coping with your own feelings, in a realistic positive way. Walkaway from it without learning, you will go through it again, until you get it, no matter the pleasure you find.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Don't do anything you will regret, or be ashamed of. A few minutes of pleasure is never worth the price you pay when there are attachments. Unless your a cold hearted playa!

We all go thru that journey of finding out about ourselves, and you will be no different. For now pleasure will do you no good, as you are still processing your last life lesson, and thats coping with your own feelings, in a realistic positive way. Walkaway from it without learning, you will go thru it again, until you get it, no matter the pleasure you find.

Thanks :D

@girls: what type of guy would you want to date xD?

Quote:

@girls: what type of guy would you want to date xD?

Its up to you to convince them you're the type they want.

Personally, I like a guy with confidence that isn't scared of a relationship. Someone that knows exactly what they want and will do anything to get it. The guys that just want sex, they can all disappear for all I care. They're nothing but douche bags and they only want one thing.

Hahaha~

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

It has been about a month after my girlfriend of one year & four months dumped me. She told me she has no feelings for me anymore and I felt like sh*t. But I picked myself up and continued my first year of college; unfortunately, I did not pass basic English so I will be attending a community college.

The issue is about my relationship lifestyle. For some reason, I do not know what I want from a relationship. My guy-buddies/friends are encouraging me to start finding girls and having casual sex. But, my mind tells me that I should find girls and have a relationship and then have sex.

I really don't know what I should do..

Q: Should I go for casual sex or relationship & sex?

This may come across as a bit offensive and not politically correct, but you need to know the honest truth, that your friends either don't know, or don't see long term enough to tell you.

If you go around having casual sex, and IF you get some random girl pregnant, (not to mention catch or spread a disease from or to a random girl). You will drastically alter (Read: Limit) your future, and have to compromise in areas that you would not otherwise have had to, had you kept your body and your lifestyle guarded and free from encumberments that could have been avoided, had you had the self control to do so. It happens all the time. It's not luck, it's choices.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sokay

This may come across as a bit offensive and not politically correct, but you need to know the honest truth, that your friends either don't know, or don't see long term enough to tell you.

If you go around having casual sex, and IF you get some random girl pregnant, (not to mention catch or spread a disease from or to a random girl). You will drastically alter (Read: Limit) your future, and have to compromise in areas that you would not otherwise have had to, had you kept your body and your lifestyle guarded and free from encumberments that could have been avoided, had you had the self control to do so. It happens all the time. It's not luck, it's choices.

I will think about that =]

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

@girls: what type of guy would you want to date xD?

Personally I prefer introverts. The so-called 'Strong, Silent Type'. Few and far between though. Guys always think the need to have a 'Catch', or a 'Gimmick'. Hard to explain I guess.

Confidence, in and of itself, is an overrated quality, at least to me. I think if they question themselves a little, or if they've been through enough experiences to know that life doesn't always give you what you want, maybe that's a good quality to have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sokay

Personally I prefer introverts. The so-called 'Strong, Silent Type'. Few and far between though. Guys always think the need to have a 'Catch', or a 'Gimmick'. Hard to explain I guess.

Confidence, in and of itself, is an overrated quality, at least to me. I think if they question themselves a little, or if they've been through enough experiences to know that life doesn't always give you what you want, maybe that's a good quality to have.

Oh :O

You know they say there is somebody for everyone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You know they say there is somebody for everyone.

Yeah, I know, I think I may be the only woman who feels this way (?).

I hear women, (and men) both saying all the time, that they really value the characteristic, 'confidence', in a mate.

But what does the fact that they're confident tell you, really?

-Could mean they're healthy and well adjusted?

-Could mean they're self-centered, arrogant, or don't care about others' feelings?

-Could mean they've been pampered in life, and always gotten what they wanted?

Who knows? Any of these things could lead to an affect of 'confidence'.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sokay

Yeah, I know, I think I may be the only woman who feels this way (?).

I hear women, (and men) both saying all the time, that they really value the charictaristic, 'confidence', in a mate.

But what does the fact that they're confident tell you, really?

Could mean they're healthy and well adjusted?

Could mean they're self-centered, arrogant, or don't care about others' feelings?

Could mean they've been pampered in life, and always gotten what they wanted?

Who knows? Any of these things could lead to an affect of 'confidence'.

Is it true girls dig guys with 6-pack and muscularity..??

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

Is it true girls dig guys with 6-pack and muscularity..??

Some girls do go for guys who have big muscles. Again I'm different in this and definitely can't speak for all women.

I've always been most attracted to guys who are lean. I like them to have a little bit of muscle tone, but not bulky. Something along the lines of that bike rider, Lance Armstrong, his body type looks best to me. Even a little less muscular, and a little less 'superhuman' than him is fine. I pretty much don't usually find myself attracted to guys who are thicker, whether it's because of fat or muscle. I guess that's just me.

I know for a fact that a lot of my friends do like guys with a thicker build than my preference, which is fine with me, because that leaves more for me!:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by sokay

Some girls do go for guys who have big muscles. Again I'm different in this and definitely can't speak for all women.

I've always been most attracted to guys who are lean. I like them to have a little bit of muscle tone, but not bulky. Something along the lines of that bike rider, Lance Armstrong, his body type looks best to me. Even a little less muscular, and a little less 'superhuman' than him is fine. I pretty much don't usually find myself attracted to guys who are thicker, whether it's because of fat or muscle. I guess that's just me.

I know for a fact that a lot of my friends do like guys with a thicker build than my preference, which is fine with me, because that leaves more for me!:)

Hmm...

My view is that most people who have casual sex aren't looking for anything. The few one night stands that I've had were with guys who I would never want to date or with whom I would never even consider having any type of relationship. It was just for a bit of fun. I'm sure they're nice guys though.

I've also discovered that I only enjoy sex when it's with a person that I have feelings for. Is it like that for you? I think it just depends on what you want and what you're looking for at this time in life. If you're paranoid about STIs, pregnancies, or, as someone articulated, "psycho girlfriends" (although there are a fair share of psycho boyfriends out there as well), there is the lonely road of abstinence. :D

However, I don't think casual sex or sex early on automatically screams NO COMMITMENT. Once again, it really depends on the person. For instance, with one ex, I abstained from sex until we were in a relationship. On the other hand, I didn't wait for another ex, and we ended up getting into one anyway. He didn't lose any respect for me and I didn't lose any respect for him. In fact, he was attentive both before and after.

It's your choice. If you're going to choose casual sex though, PLEASE practice safe sex!! (I'm really paranoid about STIs and the like... ).

Quote:

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

My view is that most people who have casual sex aren't looking for anything. The few one night stands that I've had were with guys who I would never want to date or with whom I would never even consider having any type of relationship. It was just for a bit of fun. I'm sure they're nice guys though.

I've also discovered that I only enjoy sex when it's with a person that I have feelings for. Is it like that for you? I think it just depends on what you want and what you're looking for at this time in life. If you're paranoid about STIs, pregnancies, or, as someone articulated, "psycho girlfriends" (although there are a fair share of psycho boyfriends out there as well), there is the lonely road of abstinence. :D

However, I don't think casual sex or sex early on automatically screams NO COMMITMENT. Once again, it really depends on the person. For instance, with one ex, I abstained from sex until we were in a relationship. On the other hand, I didn't wait for another ex, and we ended up getting into one anyway. He didn't lose any respect for me and I didn't lose any respect for him. In fact, he was attentive both before and after.

It's your choice. If you're going to choose casual sex though, PLEASE practice safe sex!!! (I'm really paranoid about STIs and the like...).

Well, that is the problem.. I don't know if I want casual sex or relationship & sex =/

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

Well, that is the problem.. I don't know if I want casual sex or relationship & sex =/

Hey I'm not trying to come across like some kind of anti-sex prude, but seriously, what's wrong with good old fashioned masturbation? I mean you'd have zero chance of getting some stranger pregnant, or catching some disease.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sokay

Hey I'm not trying to come across like some kind of anti-sex prude, but seriously, what's wrong with good old fashioned masturbation? I mean you'd have zero chance of getting some stranger pregnant, or catching some disease.

I already masturbate before =/

Sex feels different.. lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

I already masturbate before =/

Sex feels different.. lol

Ahahahaha!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

ahahahaha!!!

What?

I found the comment amusing. Lol.

How old are you again, hjpan?