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-   -   Confused in relationship/freindship (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=228208)

  • Jun 18, 2008, 11:57 AM
    wantu
    Confused in relationship/freindship
    I like a girl who works with me.This girl is in relation with another guy for 1 and half years.This girl also likes me and we are friends.I know that the guy with which she has got a relation is not a good guy and exploits her time to time.But she loves him.Not only I but lot of my collouges say the similer things about this guy.No one speaks good about him.
    I told her to leave him.But she told me that she cannot leave him because his dad expired last year and if she leaves I'm then he will break emotionally.

    She told me not to expect anything more rather than freindship.I told her once that I like her and to leave him.

    I like her very much and want to marry her.

    She knows about this and also likes me.We share many things among us.I haven't tried to kiss her yes but I have hold her hands manytimes and she never told me not to hold.

    I am confused with many suggestions coming from my friends and want to really close this one.
    How can I understand what the girl is exactly feeling.I have told her time and again that I care for her and want to be with her. Please anyone suggest !
  • Jun 18, 2008, 12:01 PM
    Kitty1978
    Keep some distance and don't show much interest, she will come to u automatically, that's what I guess :)

    But don't try to destroy somebody else's relation, its just not nice... no matter whse and for what...
  • Jun 18, 2008, 12:03 PM
    andrea_louise
    There is not much you can do, if she won't leave her current boyfriend for you. I think you are wasting your time trying to be with her. Find someone else
  • Jun 18, 2008, 12:19 PM
    JBeaucaire
    Ramp it down a notch. "I like her very much and want to marry her." What's that about? You want to marry a girl you've never even dated.

    Dude, it is one thing to be attracted to a girl and take an interest. It's another thing to start spouting life-long desires, you need to keep your feet on the ground if you want to successfully choose your lifemate. OK?

    So, at this point you only have one moral option - you can express your interest in her and let her know when she's available/free, you'd love to spend some time with her.

    That's it. Nothing more. Her feelings and random advice from others is irrelevant unless/until she's free to pursue them with you. Til then, back off.

    Oh, and if she DOES free up and start dating you, start looking at your job options, too. Working with your girlfriend won't work for long.
  • Jun 20, 2008, 10:16 AM
    wantu
    Confused part 2
    There's new development.
    One of my friends was coming to office with this girl I like. They were having normal talks and he was discussing with this girl about what once I suggested to him that (he (my friend) likes a different girl and there is a situation and I told him to not get over excited and just to watch the situation and act accordingly.

    You will not believe the girl told my friend that how come he could say something like this when he himself is over excited.

    Please Suggest. Should I avoid this girl for some while.

    This one is in connection with my frist Question ?
  • Jun 20, 2008, 10:33 AM
    confused1145
    I don't really understand your situation so all I can say is follow your heart and do what you need to do.
  • Jun 20, 2008, 11:07 AM
    talaniman
    I think your way out of bounds telling her what to do about her love life. Not your business at all, so stop wasting your time with someone who clearly doesn't want what you do. Take the hints she has been giving you.
  • Jun 20, 2008, 11:08 AM
    talaniman
    You really should leave her, and her business, alone.
  • Jun 21, 2008, 06:18 AM
    wantu
    Confused Next
    While I have made someone priority in my life now how to deal with the situetion and just be like friends again.

    Avoiding cannot be a solution what I think !

    I like this girl like anything and wanted this girl in my life.

    I can do anything to get her in my life and she knows that.

    I don't want to be stubborn but I think I love her.

    I cannot think of anything else apart from her.When she comes I find the sunny weather after the dark cloudy sky.


    She is one I find like a flower.I don't know how I am going to think life without her.

    Its going to be interesting now in my life.
  • Jun 21, 2008, 07:09 AM
    talaniman
    That's very romantic and poetic. Is it realistic, given the facts??
  • Jun 21, 2008, 07:25 AM
    wantu
    Yeah that's right but that's what I am feeling right now.
  • Jun 21, 2008, 07:57 AM
    confused1145
    If you feel that strong about her and she feels the same for you than try to make things work.
  • Jun 21, 2008, 10:09 AM
    wantu
    I don't know whether she also feels for me the same way.she tells my friend that I am overexcited about this...

    What do you suggest me ?

    My friend suggested me to avoid her for some days.

    I cannot do that when I see her I tend to smile and cannot stay without speaking with her.

    Please suggest...
  • Jul 21, 2008, 12:27 PM
    wantu
    Difficult situation
    I have got a difficult situation here. I love a girl and we work together. But she loves some other guy who previously used to work in the same company but now he is working some other place. I as well as she also knows that he was not serious about the relationship however as she loves him very much that is the reason she can't think any other else.

    I share a friendly relation with this girl and I have told her that how much I love her. But she has repeatedly told me to not to expect more than friendship.

    Recently her boyfriend is having affair with a girl who works with him in the other workplace. So, she wants some help from me.

    I told her to stop this and put an end to this relationship. I explained her that how important she is to the others. This girl likes me that I came to know from one of my friend. She recently told me that she needs time to get out of that relationship.

    I want suggestions how to handle the situation better.

    Life is too short to think too much.:confused:
  • Jul 21, 2008, 12:51 PM
    Romefalls19
    Don't sit around waiting for this girl, one minute she doesn't like you and then her relationship starts to crumble and she likes you. I smell rebound, sorry buddy
  • Jul 21, 2008, 01:48 PM
    wantu
    Nothing to feel to sorry buddy.
  • Jul 21, 2008, 05:20 PM
    JBeaucaire
    I was with you until the end, then you lost me at "this girl likes me that I came to know..." I'm sorry, is this a WHOLE NEW girl different than the one you were talking about up until then?

    I don't even know what you're actually asking if that's a second girl.
  • Jul 21, 2008, 09:54 PM
    talaniman
    Even if she breaks up, she will not be realistically ready for anything relationship wise for a good while, and no guarantee she will be looking at you in that way, so forget romance, and stay within the co-worker, friends boundaries
  • Jul 22, 2008, 10:18 AM
    wantu
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by JBeaucaire
    I was with you until the end, then you lost me at "this girl likes me that I came to know..." I'm sorry, is this a WHOLE NEW girl different than the one you were talking about up until then?

    I don't even know what you're actually asking if that's a second girl.

    No its the same one.
  • Jul 25, 2008, 01:17 PM
    wantu
    I need to understand
    I have already explained my relation with this girl in earlier questions that I have asked in this same website.


    I understand that this girl is my friend but whenever I tell her to leave her boyfriend she tells me that she cannot because she loves her too much and other reasons like his dad expired last year if she leaves her then he will breakdown and many other reasons.

    What I think is that she doesn’t love him but just attached with him due to some attachments. Whenever I ignore her she feels little bit
    Angry and puzzled.

    . When she cannot make something’s that she wants she always talks to her boyfriend very loud (on the phone) as if like I will feel jealous and angry.

    If I feel bad about it then she laughs and feels very happy. When I feel unhappy she expresses her concern.
    She asks for many helps and we share many small secrets among us.

    But whenever I tell her to leave him she gives me excuses like “you don’t know how hard it is to leave someone when you are in love “

    “u will never understand”

    And many more.


    I don’t understand what actually is happening.


    If she doesn’t feel the same way why she is reacting like this and if she feels the same way why she is avoiding accepting that.

    Do girls take time to accept if they love someone?

    Please analyze and suggest me.
  • Jul 25, 2008, 01:23 PM
    N0help4u
    You can not tell her to leave anybody it has to be her own decision in her own time.
    Your telling her to leave him can only lead to problems like her resenting you, her thinking you are a control freak and her wanting nothing to do with you.
    You don't really know what she feels for him or if she would ever really want to leave him
    She may say she wants to leave him that does not mean she is seriously considering it or planning on it.
  • Jul 26, 2008, 07:16 AM
    talaniman
    You can lead a horse to water..!

    Back off, and let her come to her own conclusions, and actions... and consequences for those actions.

    You are to closely involved.
  • Jul 26, 2008, 07:42 AM
    wantu
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by talaniman
    You are to closely involved.


    Plaese explain me about this . And also let me know about my role in this.. if any !

    And how should I react to the happenings.
  • Jul 26, 2008, 07:54 AM
    N0help4u
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by wantu
    plaese explain me about this . and also let me know about my role in this ..if any !

    and how should i react to the happenings.

    You are reading too much into her feelings for you. Just because she laughs when you are happy and cries if you are sad does not make a love story.
    As long as she is into her boyfriend you have to back off with not letting your emotions take over.
    To react you need to accept her as nothing more than friends and do not read anything into her words or actions.
  • Jul 26, 2008, 08:22 AM
    talaniman
    What she does about her b/f is up to her, not you. Stop giving advice to her as she is not listening. Let her vent, and stop trying to help her fix it.
  • Jul 26, 2008, 11:20 AM
    wantu
    Then why she will be jealous when I am talking to some other girl !
  • Jul 26, 2008, 11:24 AM
    N0help4u
    Because some girls (and guys) are just jealous and it doesn't matter if they want to be with you or not. Sort of like 'If I can't have him nobody can' She wants claims on you but not be with you.
  • Jul 26, 2008, 11:25 AM
    wantu
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by N0help4u
    You are reading too much into her feelings for you. Just because she laughs when you are happy and cries if you are sad does not make a love story.
    As long as she is into her bf you have to back off with not letting your emotions take over.
    To react you need to accept her as nothing more than friends and do not read anything into her words or actions.

    Then why she told my friend that I am over excited about her.She also told my friend not to tell this to me.

    Don't u think that she also does the same thing... i.e.read my feelings./actions.
  • Jul 26, 2008, 11:27 AM
    wantu
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by N0help4u
    Because some girls (and guys) are just jealous and it doesn't matter if they want to be with you or not. Sorta like 'If I can't have him nobody can' She wants claims on you but not be with you.


    But she is not about other guys... yes I have noticed that for few months.
  • Jul 26, 2008, 11:39 AM
    N0help4u
    Face the fact that she just wants to be friends and you are reading too much into everything.

    She told my friend that I am over excited about her MEANING YOU like her more than she likes you.
  • Jul 26, 2008, 11:47 AM
    hjpan
    Find a girlfriend who is worth the time and less drama.
  • Aug 2, 2008, 08:54 AM
    wantu
    Started avoiding
    Hi

    I started avoiding this girl (I have mentioned already in my earlier questions)as she is involved with her boyfriend.

    I got suggestions that I should not tell her to leave him or should not bother about her relationship.

    So, I started avoiding her.I was closely involved in her activities but now I reduced everything and started to keep distance with a smiling face.

    But now I notice that she gets irritated,angry and sometimes disturbed.I don't know why.

    I had a talk with her regarding this and she told me that she wants me as her friend.I told her that I am her best frienddddddddddd.

    She doesn't want to leave her as well she doesn't want to leave me as well

    Please \suggest me.
  • Aug 2, 2008, 04:49 PM
    talaniman
    Tell her your tired of hearing about her problems with her b/f. Simple and honest.

    Why do you give her more than she gives you, friends or not.
  • Aug 16, 2008, 11:57 AM
    wantu
    Confused in relationship
    I love this girl who is my best friend and we share every small things.She tells me about her boyfriend every small details about their relationship and some things that her boyfriend also sometimes doesn't know.

    We had good times,we work together and laugh,throw jokes and really like each other.When she is not there I miss her too much and same with her.She misses me when I am not there.


    She knows that I love her and she is excited about that.

    But recently she told me that it was a mistake that I did by coming between their relation.

    Simply I don't understand !
  • Aug 16, 2008, 12:12 PM
    LaLoUn
    Hi.. yeah I understand her because I have the same situation ! U love each other like a FRDS not more... u think that it is LOVE but its not.. but its OK u can try again ! Good luck
  • Aug 16, 2008, 12:26 PM
    LostInHisEyez
    You're supposed to be her best friend and nothing more (especially when she's seeing somone) how you feel may complicate things and make her uncomfortable. Let her have a few days by herself, and don't get mad if she hangs out with her boyfriend because that's what people do when they date... you may love her, but does she love you?
  • Aug 16, 2008, 12:45 PM
    N0help4u
    You are getting too emotionally attached and she may realize that and told you that to cause you to step back a bit. Her loyalty is with her boyfriend no matter how great you two get along so that is complicating things. Do the right thing and back off.
  • Aug 16, 2008, 01:41 PM
    wantu
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by LaLoUn
    hi .. yeah i understand her coz i have the same situation ! u love each other like a FRDS not more ..... u think that it is LOVE but its not .. but its ok u can try again ! good luck


    Thank You very much.


    I wish that every wish come true
  • Aug 16, 2008, 01:45 PM
    wantu
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez
    You're supposed to be her best friend and nothing more (especially when shes seeing somone) how you feel may complicate things and make her uncomfortable. let her have a few days by herself, and dont get mad if she hangs out with her boyfriend because thats what people do when they date...you may love her, but does she love you?


    I don't know ?

    But if she would have loved me then why she would have hanging with her BF.
  • Aug 16, 2008, 01:51 PM
    N0help4u
    She loves you as a friend/she loves her boyfriend as a commitment.
    You are reading too much into her 'love' for you it is nothing more than love the attention.

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