Ask Me Help Desk - Is my man ditching me?

Is my man ditching me?

We've been together for a year. He used to be sweet, acknowledges my feelings, communicates his woes, now he's shutting me off and it's hard to fish "I love you".I noticed his more frequent need for silence which is upsetting because he doesnt say it in a nice way. I'll just know it when my calls are ignored and when he answer's, he's irritated and wont buzz be for 3 days or more. He said Im becoming impatient and told me to just date someone else so I can get off from his back. He didnt tell me we're over either when I asked him. Help!

Do you like being ignored, shut out and unacknowledged??
If you don't and that's your own account of the way he's treating you then you shouldn't wait around for him to tell you it's over... The decision is yours, His actions are all the answer you need!

I just thought that "honeymoon' stage is over and he needs space. Its just annoying that he doesnt explain why and what's his problem. But what bothers me is that he wants me to date someone else I'll be occupied while he's thinking. Why would he want me to do that?

If he wants you to date someone else, that means that he's just not that into you anymore. He probably still cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you and that's his way of letting you off easy.

Maybe he doesn't want to be with you any more.. So he treats you that way so you can end things.. He wouldn't feel so bad if you broke up with him.. IDK I could be wrong..

I dont think he has someone else either. Need of air, Lost that loving feelin or fed up are the only things I think making him act this way. What do you all think? Guys....?

I asked him if he does still want me around, If are we over he didn't confirm it either som confused. I wont hang around if he doenst want me anymore.

I cannot speak for him. But I would not tell a woman to date somebody else unless I was looking for an excuse to end the relationship. That is a harsh and mean comment to make.

He used to tell me before that I can date other man. When we had this NC week, this guy contacted me but nothing really special happened. I told him about it when we got back together I told him about that guy. That next day I'll be taking him out. He said he can't wait to hear what will happen like he's teasing me that I can't do it. I called him afer 2 days, he's ignoring it. Whe he did answer me he told me he's sick of my Shi* then told me that he has now someone else to share burden of me...We're not talking for 4 days now.

He sounds mean and emotionally abusive to me. Why are you staying with him?

He was nice and loving man to me for the entire year that were together. I dont consider him emotionally abusive because he makes me feel good about myself. He wants me to succeed and praises my achievements. Its just now I find him different specially after our NC week. BTW we had NC week because "I dont read between the lines when he needs space and said Im demanding." What do you all think?

How are you demanding? It sounds like he is calling most of shots. How much input do you have in the relationship?

He was sweet, do most what I want. Its just when he started lost his consistency like sweet text (everyday), calls and turn down my invites to date, I feel bad because I felt he's changing. I dunno. Im always there for him. Im always around anytime he wants me. Thats my input. Ima lways there. Whenever. Im confused,men!

I hear you. I wish I could be of more help to you but I cannot. I do feel for you though and it can be no fun of that I am certain.

Sometimes people are just so inconsiderate and it totally baffles me.

It doesn't seem like you are the problem or that you pushed him away in any sense... Like someone said before: he's just not that into you anymore.
This isn't the end of the world for you though, If you stop putting energy into thinking and concerning yourself about him you may come across someone who will appreciate and enjoy your company... Dont linger in sadness/confusion over this guy. It's a complete waist of your precious time!

Any respectful guy would just end things instead of leaving you out there like that and being emotionally abusive. If you have feelings for him, give him space and see how things pan out... I can tell you that if a girl treated me the way he's treating you, I wouldn't be so nice. Yeah, he may have something going on that's bothering him, but that's still no excuse to treat or talk to you the way he is. I'd drop 'em like a rock off a cliff.

Relationships are in constant change. They are usually either getting steadily better, or getting steadily worse after the initial "honeymoon months". Sounds like your honeymoon period is over and things are on the decline.

I doubt it matters at this point what excuse either one of you use to end this, somebody just needs to man up and do it. It could be you.

Quote:

told me to just date someone else so I can get off from his back. He didn't tell me we're over either when I asked him. Help!

His words and actions are crystal clear, this relationship is over as far as he is concerned. What a dufus jerk.

On your part, disappear from his life and regroup.

I agree.. He is treating you like s*** why are you still there?. Bc he used to be sweet, & loving?. well he's not like that any more... Get out and find new things.. There are better guys out there... Sometimes you got to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve...

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Originally Posted by damaged

I agree..He is treating you like s*** why are you still there??...Bc he used to be sweet, & loving???...well he's not like that any more....Get out and find new things..There are better guys out there...Sometimes you gotta forget what you feel and remember what you deserve...

So very true damage, so very true.

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Relationships are in constant change. They are usually either getting steadily better, or getting steadily worse after the initial "honeymoon months". Sounds like your honeymoon period is over and things are on the decline.

I doubt it matters at this point what excuse either one of you use to end this, somebody just needs to man up and do it. It could be you.

We didnt talk for 5 days and when he texted me, his first line was " How's u& that new guy going on?" I replied "Oh, the sour faced is back!" He said "Not really im just wanted to say hi." .
"whats that suppose to mean? I asked "Is it over?" then I keep my eyes close.
" I told you I dont want a responsibility of having a GF at this time."
"Ok. I get it. Its the same thing U said to your ex. Bye." I said.
" I know you you willbe fine without me. You're beautifull and intelligent girl. Any man would be so lucky to have you."
I couldn't breathe after that. I was suppose to finally turn my phone off when a new message from him beeped.
" Is this what u really wanted?" He asked curiously.
" No. Ur the one who's dumping me. Im just giving it to you. Its best not talk to me anymore."
" I dont want to totally cut my contact with you. I just dont want to drag you in my misery at this point."
" I can't recognize you anymore. Ur irritated...a lot and I dont understand why. What do you want me to feel?"
" I have issues that I have to address on my own. Can u ride in a storm?"
" What issues?"
" Its a long story."
" I'll call you."
" No. Save the minutes. I'll buzz you when Im ready."

Thats our last conversation yesterday. Thanks for all the input.

I'm sooo sorry this happened, but we all saw it coming from how he was acting... Be strong and try to not contact him...

He sounds really mean and controlling to me. Sounds like you would be better without him in the longrun. Will not be a fun break though if you go through with it but you will have lots of support here. I wish you all the best.

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Originally Posted by Guidostern

Any respectful guy would just end things instead of leaving you out there like that and being emotionally abusive. If you have feelings for him, give him space and see how things pan out...I can tell you that if a girl treated me the way he's treating you, I wouldn't be so nice. Yeah, he may have something going on that's bothering him, but that's still no excuse to treat or talk to you the way he is. I'd drop 'em like a rock off of a cliff.

Not that Im justifying his actions, he has depression for like a decade now, he takes anti-depressant for it so mood affects his a lot. He's making me fall out love either but since he was 98% responsible and good person the entire year that we're together, I'll give him space. I mean I'm not just cutting it off and I have options besides him.What do you think is the maximum wait time?

There's never really no set time. It could be a month, 2 months, 3 months... You never know and sometimes that person never comes back, and if you wait it could lead to depression, anger, loneliness, etc. I know it might be hard but don't you think your be better out without him and use this time to reflect what you really want in a man.

I can relate to what you are feeling. Keep in mind that if he truly cares about the relationship he would care about your feelings as well. Don't allow him to treat like dirt because you are so much more than that! Don't call him AND delay calling him back if he calls YOU! In the meantime, start going out and meeting men of yourself worth. Remember, people treat you as you allow them to. Walk in Peace!

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Originally Posted by liz28

There's never really no set time. It could be a month, 2 months, 3 months...... You never know and sometimes that person never comes back, and if you wait it could lead to depression, anger, loneliness, etc. I know it might be hard but dont you think your be better out without him and use this time to reflect what you really want in a man.

We had quarrels in the past and we dont talk for 3 days. One whole week totally NC is the longest that we had and this is the worst behaviour I've seen. We fight but he doesnt ignore my calls before.

He said that things will be just TEMPORARY, so I'm giving a chance for that "temporary". He normally clears his mind in 3days. I'll give him 1-2 weeks NC (deleted his numbers in my phonebook for sure). I guess thats fair enough then I'm moving on if nothing will happen. Hey, I got some other men waiting! They're all nice men and I dont want anyone of them to be just my rebound. I just want a be careful in my actions so I won't have any regrets that if decided to finally turn my back, that I should have done this and that. When a person's patience in love wore thin, there's nothing else to do.

Thanks for all the advises. I read each one over and over.

He's using a passive aggressive approach on you. He's breaking up, but using words meant to make him seem like he's doing it to "protect you", when the truth is he just doesn't want to admit this is completely his idea, he wants anything you feel badly about this to be YOUR fault.

It's cowardly and manipulative. I bet talking to him about anything personal gets very frustrating. He's being all "logical" and ignoring what he's doing to your feelings. He's ignoring it on purpose, by the way.

Oh, and there is NO maximum/minimum wait time. Waiting for what? If you mean "how long should you wait for him?" That's such a sad question.

Look, if you DO put your life on hold and wait this guy out, you are being honest with yourself about you're waiting for, right? The guy who can treat you so cavalierly, can disregard your feelings and make you feel like the pain you feel is your own fault... you do know that THIS IS THE GUY you will be getting back?

The honeymoon is over. The sweet and doting behavior that we all get at the beginning of a relationship is NOT what will be returning to you, it will be this guy.

So, what exactly are you waiting for THAT for?

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Originally Posted by joyziegurl

Not that Im justifying his actions, he has depression for like a decade now, he takes anti-depressant for it so mood affects his a lot. He's making me fall out love either but since he was 98% responsible and good person the entire year that we're together, I'll give him space. I mean I'm not just cutting it off and I have options besides him.What do you think is the maximum wait time?

It's good to know that you have other options. At this point it's up to you whether you take them or decide to be drug along side him and be miserable.

As far as the wait time, there's really no way to say that. It sounds like he doesn't want you to be miserable though. Just wait, stay true to yourself and have NC with him. Believe me, if he wants things to start back up, he'll let you know. I wouldn't wait around for it though.

He's not intrested in you anymore he did at first I bet your a good person beautif in everyway but sometimes guys are like that I just had a relationship and the guy was ike omg I love and we talked about ou feeing about 3 days later he hardly spoke to me just like your boyfriend is doing and then my boyfriend chaeted on me if he's telling you to find other people that means he wants to see other people you did nothing wrong at all he's the 1 just find someone else he's not good

Don't put your life on hold for anyone, especially for one that has too many issues and doesn't share them with you. That's not love, but the sign of a selfish b@stard, that can't be honest with himself, or you.

Find your happiness without him. He doesn't deserve to be loved by you, sorry. I know its not fair.

What happens if he calls you up tomorrow and wants back in your llife? You take him back and then a month or two he does the same thing. To see what type of person he is you should write a list of his good and bad quality, be honest, and see what out weight each other. Maybe that could help.