Ask Me Help Desk - Do I contact her ?

Do I contact her ?

OK its been a month and a bit since me and my ex split. She dumped me by text and never let me have my chance to say anything to her. Lately I've doing a lot of work on my own and so have had lenty of time to think of things that I wanted to say. Now that its been so long and I still feel so bottled up, should I/cud I send her an email saying everything I wanted to say starting with 'firstly this sint trying to win you back, its just the things I never had the chance to say to you... ' what do you think?

I think not...

But I just feel so trapped with all the things I never said

Keep no contact if she wants to hear it she will contact you

My advice write it down in a letter your never going to send it will help you get a lot of the things off your chest

Yea I'm going to do that today. I'm going to write the whole thing put it away and know that 2morow I will be gla di didn't send it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by srulik86

yea im gonna do that today. im gonna write the whole thing put it away and know that 2morow i will be gla di didnt send it.

Good idea.

One day you will be fine to send her a letter, and then you can do it. However, I can guarantee the letter will read much differently then...

I agree with everyone, stick with no contact you will come back the next day and feel better than you didn't send it

I'd have to go with everybody else too... stick to NC and the letter is a good idea.. its a way of saying what you feel without actually talking to her... be careful & don't send it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by srulik86

ok its been a month and a bit since me and my ex split. she dumped me by text and never let me have my chance to say anything to her. lately ive doing alot of work on my own and so have had lenty of time to think of things that i wanted to say. now that its been so long and i still feel so bottled up, shud i/cud i send her an email saying everything i wanted to say starting with 'firstly this sint trying to win u back, its just the things i never had the chance to say to you...' what do u think?

It is very inmature to dump someone over text in my opinion, unless she is 13. Move on to a girl who gets it and has the guts to call you and COMMUNICATE.

Hey I agree with everyone here too
NO CONTACT its been as hard as hell for me to do the same thing and you get your moments and you get your days I find certyain things will remind me of her then I think... maybe I will just to get closure...
You know something my friend closure is b/s
It's a word you use to have contact again...
Why she did this to you in such a manner is horrible and not right...
But SHE dod it and she needs to live with it...
Does it get better?
Of course it does but its not an overnight thing I cried 4 times yesterday and I'm a grown man... I just blubbered..
Then coming in to work today that light shone on me again... the one from the end of the tunnel and you know something... its getting brighter by the day... it's a way off but it is getting brighter
Talking to her will make things much much worse hang in there a little longer you have many here who will help
Its funny we forget so many other magnificent things in our lives while we concentrate on them...
Just remember this... for every minute you sit round worrying about her and thinking what she is doing you lose on your own life...
Take a look round today my friend and embrace 'other things' I'm trying I'm like you its not easy but by god it DOES WORK!

Mr sadsackm I thank you! Everyone tells me the same thing but for soe reason your response really hit home and really gave me a wake up call. Eveyrthing you say is right! Thank you everyone. Do you use msn? It would be good to talk online.

Quote:

Originally Posted by srulik86

ok its been a month and a bit since me and my ex split. she dumped me by text and never let me have my chance to say anything to her. lately ive doing alot of work on my own and so have had lenty of time to think of things that i wanted to say. now that its been so long and i still feel so bottled up, shud i/cud i send her an email saying everything i wanted to say starting with 'firstly this sint trying to win u back, its just the things i never had the chance to say to you...' what do u think?

No, don't contact her. If you harbour any desire to get back together with her, then any contact must come from her.

Bear in mind that she dumped you by text. That is cowardly. Why would you want to be with someone like that anyway?

I agree, don't contact her...

I was dumped over the phone, which bothered me for a while, so I can imagine that text is that much worse. In time it won't bother you anymore, but it still makes you feel like you were owed a little more than that.

Exactly. 4 weeks previous she came up to me crying her eyes out syaing she is brekaing down that she idnt with me anymore. I gave her the chance to talk after she had spent the previous 4 months playing complete mind games and mucking me around. But being a decent human being I gave her the chance to talk. But when she decided it was over again she didn't and still won't give me that chance.

I've maintained NC for about two years now. I see my ex every now and then and she even came up to me once while I was talking to some friends and we had a normal conversation. Were there any feelings involved? Absolutely not. Was it weird and a bit strange? Of course! Just today though I sent her an invitation to be my friend again on a social network site (she had tried many times before but I denied all offers) and I offered a chance to meet and catch up. I did these things knowing 100% sure and confident that I have no feelings for her and that since we dated for 6 years and I knew her for longer than that that its only normal for us to have some form of communication open. You've only been apart for a month. You can lie and say that you are ready to talk to her but from my experience I know that it took me months if not years. Don't do anything you are not ready for. I think the letter is a great idea. I wrote a lot when I went through my breakup. Don't just write a letter to her though. I would suggest you write down your thoughts, feelings, ideas, and anything related to the relationship. Write poetry if you have to and most of all continue using this forum and talk to more experienced people. I really don't think you're ready to have any contact with her. Keep this mine too. She left and never gave you a chance to speak your mind which to me is very disrespectful. Do you want someone like that? Ask yourself a lot of questions and try to answer them on your own because in the end, regardless of all the advise you get on here, only you can help yourself.

I completley agree. What kind of respect is that. She claims she was too annoyed at me to even think about meeting up and talking... but I mena come on. Just like that she turns and goes right, uve been in a miserable mood - I'm going to dump you by text! And that's it! Shows me that she neve cared at all! Really annoying! AND I KNOW THIS IS FOR BEST! But its so hard, because I really miss the girl I used to go out with! And horrible knowiong poele who don't care for her like I do/did, see her and have abetter relationship wiuth her than I do and ever will again!

Quote:

Originally Posted by srulik86

i completley agree. what kind of respect is that. she claims she was too annoyed at me to even think about meeting up and talking.....but i mena come on. just like that she turns and goes right, uve been in a miserable mood - im gonna dump u by text! and thats it! shows me that she neve cared at all! really annoying! AND I KNOW THIS IS FOR BEST! but its so hard, coz i really miss the girl i used to go out with! and horrible knowiong poele who dont care for her like i do/did, see her and have abetter relationship wiuth her than i do and ever will again!

These are just some of the reasons for NC my friend. It is MUCH easier to remember who they were when you were together. If you can come to the understanding that it wasn't meant to be, and respect and remember them how they were, you avoid all of the confusion and questions which come from watching them change.

Perhaps they won't change at all, but just in case they do, get lost. It hurts to watch someone yo knew so well for so long change like that. You don't need that confusion.

I just feel so used and played by this girl. Ikeep thinking of when we first met. It was like love at first site... we were besotted with each other and now we're strangers. It's so sad. Time to get back to me. Get my career up and running, get fit, read more and do things I've never done before.

srulik86 -
I don't mean to be a b I tch but I've read your other posts saying how aweful you treated HER as well. Don't blame her just to make yourself feel better because you know deep down it was not all her fault. That will just harm you more in the long run.

It is sad!. When you think about the moments you spent together and the things you did & the "love".. but nothing lasts forever!. so now is time to move on!. & like you said: Time to get back to YOU, your career, your health & everything else... Good things will come!. (they promissed) :)

Squeaks 77 I did not once say it was all her fault! I am completely totally aware of the mistakes I made. But she's the one who let us go and finsihed by text! Bloody text! I saw a girl once for 2 weeks... and after 2 weeks I had the deceny to tell hr I didn't want anything serious... TO HER FACE! I;m not blamimg just her. I blame both of us!

Hi. I think it is totally immature to dump someone by a text message. I think its her loss you should find someone far more mature and better than that. I know once you have feelings for someone its not as easy as that but after meeting other people it must only get easier. Will someone please do my post I just put on please. Its about pregnancy thanks :)xx wish you all the nest with relationships

Quote:

its just the things I never had the chance to say to you... ' what do u think?

Your letting those feelings distract you. Life doesn't always give us the closure we need.

I find that it's the mornings I feel worse. And moments during the day! Though last night at midnight I had just come bac from meeting with a friend and walking across embankment bridge (which me and her did often), I was a wee bit drunk and I just starred out over the river thames, listenig to incubus, thinking 'she should be here with me right now' and I got really down. But I have things to be looking forward 2. like I had just come back from a meeting with my friends who I'm setting up a theatre company with, but things like this, all the good things I want to tell her about, not because I want to impress her, but because I want to share these things with her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MR SADSACK

Hey I agree with everyone here too
NO CONTACT its been as hard as hell for me to do the same thing and you get your moments and you get your days I find certyain things will remind me of her then I think .....maybe I will just to get closure...
You know something my friend closure is b/s
Its a word you use to have contact again...
Why she did this to you in such a manner is horrible and not right....
but SHE dod it and she needs to live with it...
Does it get better?
Of course it does but its not an overnight thing I cried 4 times yesterday and im a grown man...I just blubbered..
then coming in to work today that light shone on me again ....the one from the end of the tunnel and you know something .... its getting brighter by the day... its a way off but it is getting brighter
talking to her will make things much much worse hang in there a little longer you have many here who will help
Its funny we forget so many other magnificent things in our lives while we concentrate on them...
just remember this.... for every minute you sit round worrying about her and thinking what she is doing you lose on your own life.....
take a look round today my friend and embrace 'other things' im trying im like you its not easy but by god it DOES WORK!

So true. I cried on and off all day yesterday too. I was dumped on Sunday.

I go through so many different emotions. Currently I am doing a job which mean I spend all my time on my own. Just found out that the last 2 single mates of mine both have gfs... so I'm all on my lonesome. I go through emoptions of wanting her back so much, to hating her and feeling so much anger towards her, then I just really miss her, other times I just don't care. Is this normal?

You sound normal to me friend. Remember thoughts are only thoughts and are okay. Just don't act on those thoughts and you will be okay. I am sure those feelings of hate, love and anger will gradually diminish over time. But they will take time. Your mates may have GFs but they are still your mates and they are still there for you to some extent are they not? Are you exercising that will help deal with the pain.

I too have been tempted to call and beg her to come back but I will not allow myself to. I hate pain and begging her to come back will only cause the pain to last longer.

Your emotions are the same as mine. A couple of days ago I had a book that she lent me and forgot to get from me. I took it to a friend's place and we shot up with all manner of guns. I hope she asks for it back one day the look on her face would be priceless.

Hahahah that's brilliant! Alas I have no stuff of hers to shoot up. She has my copy of chasing amy though which sucks as its one of my favourite films. Do you use msn f104. amybe we could talk on there. I have a lot to say and I want to talk to someone who knows.

Lol... if you dot have anything of hers make like a big doll that loos like her and shoot that.. IDK.. im just giving an idea :D

Haha not a bad idea! I just get so angry when I think about her sometimes! Grrrrrr!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by srulik86

hahahah thats brilliant! alas i have no stuff of hers to shoot up. she has my copy of chasing amy though which sucks as its one of my favourite films. do u use msn f104., amybe we could talk on there. i have a lot to say and i wanna talk to someone who knows.

Dude my MSN/e-mail is [email protected] feel free to contact me.

Of course I am at school at the moment. But when I get home in about 3 hours I will be at my computer.

Cheers buddy, I've just added u and will speak to u later.

Quote:

Originally Posted by damaged

lol...if you dot have anything of hers make like a big doll that loos like her and shoot that..IDK..im just giving an idea :D

Of get old records that only cost about 10 cents each and smash them with rocks that also feels great.

It just burns me. Ex's say things like "Oh this is the happiest I have ever been" and " I love you so much" or they tell there friends and familiy "He is so good to me and blah, blah, blah" and then they kick us to the curb.

Quote:

Originally Posted by srulik86

cheers buddy, i've just added u and will speak to u later.

Cool mate!

Quote:

Originally Posted by f104

Of get old records that only cost about 10 cents each and smash them with rocks that also feels great.

It just burns me. Ex's say things like "Oh this is the happiest I have ever been" and " I love you so much" or they tell there friends and familiy "He is so good to me and blah, blah, blah" and then they kick us to the curb.

I know exactly what you all mean. It is so hard.

Yep exactly. I mean 4 weeks before we split she actually had a breakdown because we were together and she said she had been crying for days and couldn't live without me and how she's never felt this way about anyone. 4 weeks later, she dumps me by text and that's it.. she's fine and apaprently we don't work well 2gther and its not meant to be. Hahaha its actually laughable... I mena how messed up is she? Or me for beliving her crap!

Hi Srulik,

You aren't messed up at all for believing her. You really loved her and thought she loved you too. Feel proud that you are so nice, and that you did believe her, even though she did this. You are a really good guy, and you know how to love someone. And you will certainly fall in love again with a woman who truly deserves to be loved by you.

Awww starlite1 thank you. I am human and I know I make mistakes, big ones sometimes, but one thing I do know is that I did love her and I do know how to love and I look forwad to being with someone who will love me back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlite1

I know exactly what you all mean. It is so hard.

It is interesting how both men and women who get dumped seem to experience similar feelings.

Its weird. It's that feeling of being left behind! I ended things with her 5 months ago when she kept messing me around... and although I missed her, I actually felt very strong, oin control and able to move on easier. Then now she dumped me... I feel lost, alone and really sad. Both me and her av reversed roles.