Ask Me Help Desk - Worst b-day of my life

Worst Birthday of my life

Today is my birthday and I feel like dying... My ex text me to wish me happy birthday and its killing me... I spent my last birthday with him... I feel so bad... I hate him so much... I wish I could forget him... OMG I don't know what to do anymore:(

How long have u been split up for?

2 months...

You are allowed to feel like crap, it is still early days and there is still feelings there.

Did you have any contact with him before your birthday?

Yeah, I saw him on mother's day... after that he kept contacting me until I asked him what does he want from he.. He said my company, but I said I can't just be friends.. so we stopped talking and today he txtd me.. but I feel bad.. I don't want to hurt any more... I'm tired of crying when I think about him.. I hate the fact that only time heals.. I try to be happy but sometimes I can't... Im tired!! :(

Do start deleting his texts without reading them. You feel bad because you allow him to do this to you.

I know how you are feeling I split with my ex 3.5 months ago and we have been NC from day one. I saw him a week before my birthday and I thought he would have text me but he didn't and I had the worse birthday but then if he did text me I would have felt worse, do you think you would be the same?

Best thing you can do if you can change your number and as much as you can move on. It will be hard I'm 3.5 months on and still cry when I think of him

Even if he doesn't text me I feel bad... before I met him I was happy.. now I'm never happy even though I try to be..

U will look back on this in a year and think what was I doing. It is hard I'm going through the same thing, I check my phone all the time just in case I missed that text or call.

How long was you with him for

I don't think he's going to text me anymore... he did it today because it was my birthday but he won't do it again.. and even though I miss him everyday I don't contact him... he's the one who always comes back to me, and I'm stupid enough to allow him... seriously I just want to forget about him completely... I don't think he's the man for me, but still I suffer for him... I Want to FORGET HIM :(

I don't know how to explain this but I don't think its he I miss... I miss his company, having someone to talk to/hang out with all the time...

We were together for 2 yrs..

You will get stronger, 2 months is nothing , not long @ all especially after a 2yr relationship.

In my 3.5 months I haven't had any contact and I doubt very much mine will be back.

I wish you the best, try and get new hobbies go out with friends find stuff to distract yourself, it could well be that you miss having someone there but if he did came back and say lets try again a few months down the line you will be back here

I hope I get stronger!. I don't think I want him back... I don't feel he's the one for me but why do I cry?. why does this bother me?

Quote:

Originally Posted by debbiew1984

in my 3.5 months i havent had any contact and i doubt very much mine will be back.

Do you miss him a lot?/
Do you want him back?.

Damaged, listen to me.

He sent you a message on your birthday. He is trying to ease his guilt. He feels guilty, he knows he hurt you and probably didn't want that, but didn't want to be in the relationship anymore.

There is NOTHING wrong with you not responding. In fact, I think it is best as you seem too fragile still to text him back. After this long of a period, if you cannot text him and not hold onto hope, just let it go. If he is mature enough, and cares enough about you as a person, he will understand.

Do not get caught up thinking that he will take it as a personal attack. Even though he is your ex, he still cares about you as a person, if he had not, you would not have lasted 2 years. I know its tough to ignore contact, you feel bad for ignoring them, but it is best for you - especially if you are in a fragile state.

You do not need him as a crutch.

Quote:

Originally Posted by damaged

i hope i get stronger!!...i don't think i want him back...i dont feel he's the one for me but why do i cry??..why does this bother me??

do u miss him a lot?/
do u want him back???..

I miss him loads I still love him and will do for a long time, my break up came from no where and all he wanted was space but yes I do want him back but I have gone NC for them 3.5 months I won't change now.

It bothers you because you still have some feeling there, its normal. Your crying for the same reason also. 2 years is a long time to be with someone then nothing. Its just like grieving. I wish I could get past this stage also. Do you have many friends to go out with to take your mind of things

Quote:

Originally Posted by debbiew1984

but i have gone NC for them 3.5 months i wont change now.

This could be inspiration for damaged.

After 3.5 months, you must feel MUCH better then you did the first few weeks. The healing is amazing, once you can realize it.

I do feel better but the tears are still there I still cry, he spoke to my sister last night made me feel sick that he could speak to her and not me.

Damaged you will get through this we are all here to help you and to listen

The thing is that I don't want to contact him... I don't want to get back with him because I've realized he's not the one for me.. but I'm still bothered.. I still cry and I just want to stop.. like I said before I think I miss his company.. My friends are always busy and when I ask them to go out or something they tell me they're busy.. I do things by myself.. I go to the gym, the beach, movies.. but sometimes it gets to me.. and when I was with him I always had someone.. he was my friend and I guess that's what I miss the most..

Your feelings are normal.

I know that my ex and I could not get back together. It just simply wouldn't work. That doesn't mean that I don't miss her. It doesn't mean It doesn't hurt to think about her being happy with someone else...

All it means is that I cared, and it was real.

Yea.. sux missing them.. but at least we know we can truly love huh? :)
It'll get better.. I know that.. even though I hate admiting TIME is the only solution..
Can't wait for that day though!! ;)

Listen to bigbird as he is so right. Even though you know it isn't forever you got use to the guy being around for so long, and you cared. So now that its over, your whole soul has to adjust to the changes. Give yourself a chance to heal, by not being in contact with him, in any fashion, or form, no text,Facebook, none of that, and the emotional dust will settle, and it will get better. I know you have read the stickies haven't you? Please take the suggestions, and learn to cope with the pain. It won't last forever, unless you let it. Sorry for your loss.

Thx guys.. ur the best.. Im glad I can always talk to you ( every time I do, I feel so much better) :)
<3 you all

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Please take the suggestions, and learn to cope with the pain.

The best part about learning to cope with the pain is that it is a lesson you will use over and over again throughout your life. Not only in relationships, but all aspects of life. Learning to survive a loss is a crucial life lesson.

Hi Damaged,

I am so sorry that you are so upset. I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. I think you are doing the right thing by not responding. I know it's hard, but you are definatley doing the right thing. I am sending you a great big hug!! Please know all of us are here for you, and if ever you want to chit chat, send me a pm, okay?

Karen

We are definitely here for you damaged, just as you are there for me.

Just us humans looking out for each other with nothing to gain except the knowledge of experience..

-Sik

Thanks for everything.. but I'm having the worst day of my life... I know its my fault but I just can't help it.. I don't feel like doing anything...
Guys I wasn't like this before... I want to get back to my old self but I just can't... it hurts too much:(

I know I have said this before but it is time, I am feeling the same as you, I spend most days laying around or sleeping thinking of him, when I do go out I a thinking of him. Only difference between me and you is that I want mine back but deep down I know I won't get him.

It's a killer, just want that time to be here now.

If you need a chat I'm always here to listen xxx

Quote:

Originally Posted by debbiew1984

i know i have said this b4 but it is time, i am feeling the same as you, i spend most days laying around or sleeping thinking of him, when i do go out i a thinking of him. only difference between me and you is that i want mine back but deep down i know i wont get him.

Debbie,

I hate to say this, but do you try to keep yourself busy?

I don't mean offense by this, but it almost seems as if you allow yourself to sit home and think about it. After 3.5 months it seems you should be beyond sitting around thinking about him. That is almost 100 days of NC!

Perhaps you need to try to change up your daily routine. It might help you to stop thinking about him so much if you make changes in your own life...

Just a suggestion...

Your right bigbird, I do need to keep myself busy, I love this man so much I just want him back. He doesn't seem to be taking the break up well either as he looks a mess and has let himself go. But no matter how I feel I will not break my NC!

You have a great attitude for NC, just try to keep yourself busy so that you don't think about him as much and slowly it will all fade.

The way I look at it he said he wanted space I have given him it, and the one time I bumped into him he respected me more it.

So I will continue my NC no matter how hard it is.

Quote:

So I will continue my NC no matter how hard it is.

That's the right attitude, and you'll get the benefits of your decision.

NC the best thing to do!. hard but necessary :/

How u feeling today damaged?

Few hrs ago I wasn't feel that good.. but I've been watching tv(lol) and I'm feeling a lot better... still have my moments when I get sad... but I guess that's part of the process.. well enough talking.. lol

How about you debbie?. hows your day been so far?

I just been moping about feeling sorry for myself, but I'm feeling a bit better at the moment. I'm up and down all the time keep checking my stupid phone.

We will get there in time! X

Lol my phone is connected to my email so its going off a lot when you guys reply due to the subscribe thread feature of the site.

I've gotten so used to it now that if it goes off, its you guys and not her... which atm, Id prefer (if she wants NC, She's Going to GET IT! )

:)
-Sik

Lol, I would still think its him if I had that!

I think with me at the moment I just think he was asking about me Friday night was in a place where he knew my family would be but was scared. So there must be something there still to ask

But then I think he wanted to come back then pulled out of meeting me to sort things out so I'm all confussed with the situation

But 3.5 months isn't that long really if he does just want space just wish he would hurry and snap out of it!

Quote:

but 3.5 months isn't that long really if he does just want space just wish he would hurry and snap out of it!

Its much to long for waiting for the fool to change his mind.

I am waiting and I'm not at the same time, its very hard to just move on and forget.