I have been dating a guy off and on for over 3 months but don't get to see him often as he has a son and between that, his job and his church, I am a distant 4th place. He had to break plans with me tonight and I asked him why (via e-mail) and if he was dating anyone else, we'll because I jumped the gun, he freaked out, saying "this is why I don't date". I thought that he was lying, cheating or didn't want to be with me, when that wasn't the truth.

I have apologized but haven't heard from him and don't know if we have any future or not after this.

Please pray for me and pray for my paticents and how I can get though this.

I am 31 years old, never married and really like this guy!

What do I do?

I need some prayers, I have been dating a guy off and on for over 3 months but don't get to see him often as he has a son and between that, his job and his church, I am a distant 4th place. He had to break plans with me tonight and I asked him why (via e-mail) and if he was dating anyone else, we'll because I jumped the gun, he freaked out, saying "this is why I don't date". I thought that he was lying, cheating or didn't want to be with me, when that wasn't the truth.

I have apologized but haven't heard from him and don't know if we have any future or not after this.

I am 31 years old, never married and really like this guy! Should I consider this over because I was stupid?

What do I do?

Hmmm.. sounds rather defensive on his part! There is usually a hidden meaning behind an outlashing response like that.

All you are looking for is honesty. If he can't be honest with you, then there is something else going on. You two HAVE been dating. What is the relationship like? Are you open to see other people? Did you feel you were exclusive? These things need to be understood to keep miscommunications from happening (at least, as much as possible).

If you were open to dating other people, then it is none of your business and you shouldn't have asked. But if you were led to believe that he wasn't seeing other people, then he needs to explain himself.

The relationship has been good when we are together. But... the time together is few and far between because of his son (he has full custoidy) his job, his church, (he's the had maintenance man) and then me down the list... but we talk often and when we do it's good.

I think I am demanding too much.

Well, what's the terms of your relationship (sorry to sound so "lawyerish" lol but I couldn't think of a better word)?

Is it assumed that you are free to see others?

If so, you are demanding too much. You have to give him his freedom, as well.

If not, then he shouldn't have reacted that way and should have given you an honest answer.

If he "freaked out" over what I consider to be a reasonable question, given the circumstances, then I would consider him to be a paranoid whack job. If you don't wish to become his doormat, you should end the relationship. He is probably carrying excess bagage from a failed marriage/relationship and will take his anger out on you. I may well be wrong, but this was my gut reaction to your post. I wish you the best

Let's see.

His son is more important than you.. that makes sense.

His Church is more important than you... thats a so-so, but OK.

His JOB is more important than you...

I'm sure this guy has lots going on, but if doesn't have time for you, then move on. You have only been dating this guy for 3 months... just go and find yourself a guy who doesn't have a million other things to do.

Oh yeah, the fact that he went nuts on you isn't a good sign either.

It does not seem as if he is willing to make time for a relationship in his life right now. Did he ever tell you why he had to break his plans with you are did he just get mad and leave it at that? If he just got mad that may be a sign that he does have something else going on. If he did tell you and it was reasonable then you need to decide if this relationship is one that you want to be in if you know you are not going to get the time or importance level you desire with him right now.

Hi, Single,
Three months isn't a very long time, as I am sure you know. I am 64 yrs old, married now for 29 yrs to a very wonderful lady. My first marriage ended in divorce after 7 yrs.
The answer before mine is very good, and brought up a good point; why did he become upset with you asking a simple question? Most men would not have minded that question at all.
I'm sure he is a very nice person, but his life is, apparently, already filled up. He could be just using your question as a "way out" of any relationship right now.
You are young, and I'm guessing a wonderful person. Meeting new men willl not be very hard for you at all! I do wish you the best of everything.

It's hard to tell from your post, but:
Did you really pressure him for an answer, or just casually ask?
Did he really freak out, or did just have an annoyed expression?

To be fair, if you repeatedly asked the same question because you wouldn't accept his answer, I think he would have every right be annoyed with you. It shows you have no trust.

Could it be that you are subconsciously trying to sabotage your relationship?

If I am on track here, and you really do want a life with him, just call him and apologize. Make a joke about being insanely jealous. He'll be fine.

If he is carrying baggage as others have suggested, then you should probably reconsider sharing your life with him.

I do not think that you were being stupid at all. As another posted it sounded like he got really really defensive and in a way that makes it sound as if he has some guilt? Why would he react that way? Why would he make you feel so stupid? When you are not! You had questions and your tired of not being an important part in his life. So the question to you and the question you need to answer is. Can you be with somebody that always puts you in 4th place or do you want to be with somebody that always puts you in 1st place. It is all about choice. It is all up to you. Hope you this helps.

And yes I will prayer to God that he will guide you in what is the right path for you to take to make your life better and that he will comfort you in all times good and bad and that you are always protected and always comforted.

Joe

I didn't pressure him for an answer I just asked (but it was though e-mail and we all know you can't read tone in e-mail). He just had an annoyed expression, again, from what I could read in e-mail.

I have never asked this question before, he's a busy man, with me after his kid, job, work and church. Then dating. He's been honest with me from the beginning about that.

I wouldn't think that I was subconsciously trying to sabotage your relationship, but I am a woman and do stupid things, by over thinking these things.

I have apolozied, via phone and e-mail, he hasn't called back or responded. So now is our cooling off period when I can't do anymore and he can play games by not responding to me. (Is that really a game anyways).

Thanks for all your help. I really appreciate it.

I could be barking uo the wrong tree.. ;) It's happened before.

Another point I think you should be aware of -

You need to turn around your self-negativity. When you say negative phrases to yourself, you reinforce those thoughts through your subconscious mind. Turn around those statements. Say "I am a smart woman and I like to be prepared" or "I've made a mistake that I can learn from".

A positive mental attitude will make a huge difference in your life.

I agree, attitude change will make for a huge difference in life.

Dear singlecubfan,
From experience, men do not want to be smothered. Men likes to be the one to do the chasing not the chasee. Even though it is hard to do, play hard to get, keep yourself busy by doing what you have been doing before you met him. Of course you are a distant 4th, he is being responsible by putting his child first before everything else. He has a child to support and his job is very important to him. Once a person takes care of his spiritual needs, everything will fall right in its place, and he is doing just that by going to church. He had one bad experience with a woman already, so maybe he is just taking his time and do not want to be rushed and smothered. If you really like this guy, just be patient and be there for him. I am pretty sure that, that is what he needs right now. Raising a child alone is no easy task, especially finding a mate that would love his child as well. One more thing, do not show your insecurities to men, they do not like that. Men loves women who are in control, who can hold down the fort while they are off to work. Hope this helps. :)

I agree - 3 months is not a long time.

Little advice - you CAN NOT worry if the person is seeing someone else - ever. AND if you bring it up - IT ALWAYS SETS THE RELATIONSHIP WAY BACK!! If you are not comfortable with this then he isn't the right guy. You also come across as needy and insecure.

I would defintely pull back and not contact him. There are several red flags here.

He may not be that into you - a guy or gal that is into WILL cross oceans, quit jobs, climbs walls to be with you.

You have been given some good advice by all the other posts on this thread... Ok so you guys have only being seeing one another a very short time, well this is the normal stage where people are love sick and want to be together non stop pretty much, so its not a good sign that he keeps putting you off and making plans...

Question you need to ask yourself, why did he split from his wife?? Does it have anything to do with him never being around, or having a temper and blowing up easy??

I think what you need to do is make a set time for you both to get together and talk things over about what you both want, and where you are both heading too! If he breaks this meeting with you then I'd just find someone new that's willing to spend time with you... His child will always come first so your going to have to deal with that, if that's an issue for you then you are not matched.

Also if he blow you out tonight via email, hell that just sux and that is a very, very bad sign that this dude is not being 100% upfront with you.

I will keep you in my prayers that you get some kind of answer to what going on...

Communication is key. BUT, over communication = smothering.

I think she should wait at least 2 weeks to talk. Give him space. Sho that she is independent of him.

People WANT what they can't have!! - if you make yourself TOO available to someone - they take you for granted - always.

I agree with Philly S&C and Jesushelper76. To me you sound like you may have been in a previous relationship where everything was "your fault". Let's hope that you have never said, and never will say "What did I do wrong to make him hit me?"

You guys are all right on so many fronts. It's amazing how helpful you are all to me. I was the main responsibility for blame in past, and I am working to overcome that but it's hard. Any thoughts on just shutting my mouth and leaving it alone?

From the male prospective, I just want to know how to make things right. I said I was sorry still no response from him. That alone makes me feel bad, I am only human, I care about him, and I want to think of this as just one of those down times in the ups and downs in life. But I guess only time will tell.

Any advise on when,if or should I contact him? A few weeks?

Give it time... a lot of time. IN fact, as much as it takes. Get busy with your own life. And when he does contact you.. still be busy. Don't take the first opportunity to see him. Let him know that he cannot just hop into your life whenever it is convinient for him. Don't be mean... just be too busy to see him for once. It's the laws of attraction... pull back and make him come to you. Hopefully, he will realize that you have a life as well and if he wants to be part of it, he will make time for you.

(NOTE: This is ALL based on whether you want to keep seeing this guy. If he can't seem to make ANY time for you, I would say to forget him and find someone else. You cannot be expected to be available whenever it is convinient for him. Find a man that ENJOYS your company. I have a life... three jobs, a daughter, I bowl league (weekly), I play pool tournaments (weekly), I play a dodgeball league (weekly), and I play softball (weekly... well, when it's the season)... AND I still find time to spend alone with my girlfriend! )

My advice would be to not contact him. I don't believe that your best efforts can exorcise the badgers from his cage. Many years ago when I divorced the mother of my children, I pleaded to a friend, "but I love her". My friend's response was: "How can you expect someone else to love you when you don't love yourself." I took these word to heart and came to appreciate my own company. Take a break from seeking a relationship. Get yourself a dog or cat who will not ask anything from you but food and affection, and give you more love in return than you can stand. Read a good book, enjoy the company of your friends (and yourself), do nice things for others, and a man worthy of your affection will find you. Best wishes.

[I tried to agree with DrJizzle, but wasn't allowed. Good points!]
Singlecubfan - Get over it. So should he. Yes maybe you asked the "no no" question, and being female and over curious, I am more than guilty of this too. But hey! You wanted to know! Stop beating yourself up about it! He chose to react the way he did, and you're accepting it as a kind of punishment almost. Perhaps it gave him a fright. You won't know unless he ever chooses to say anything about it. And maybe you won't hear from him again to know that answer... and that's why you have to let it go. You needed to know for yourself, and you asked. That tells me this:
It's important for you to know where you stand with someone.
He got defensive, and backed off. That tells me this:
He's not comfortable "explaining himself" to anyone (whether for past reasons or no)
Either way, the ball is in his court in a sense. No, don't contact him. It will appear clingy no matter what excuse (well this female often has found "reasons" to text or call or email... "he has that cd i need back" or whatever) you try and find to make contact with him. DON'T DO IT!
Meanwhile, this should give you the time to consider the reality: How do you feel about sharing him with so many others? This is unlikely to change. So don't wear rose tinted glasses: you falling in love with him is not going to make his schedule less hectic. Save yourself the heartache now if that kind of lifestyle does not suit you, i.e. if you feel you are "fitting in" to when he has a free minute.
It sounds like he made it easy to victimise you, perhaps knowing you would be a little paranoid (and probably overapologetic - rough guess?). Take a step back. You did nothing wrong, let him come back to you if that's what he decides. He could be really missing out by not doing so, but you don't have to spell that out for him either :cool:
Let us know what happens! Good luck x

I have been dating a guy off and on for over 3 months but don't get to see him often as he has a son and between that, his job and his church, I am a distant 4th place. When there is time to get together something doesn’t work out for one of us. Last night, I finally freaked and said that I was feeling ignored. (via e-mail) and he said “right now I am as there are some other things more important than pacifying me that he needed to tend to.” Of course this upset me. Is this normal for a man who has kids? I responded by saying “that I appreciate his honestly” and said that I care about him and will be out of town for a few days, and happy to know where I stand. But I am hurt. Is this normal?

Please pray for me and pray for my patients and how I can get though this.

I am 31 years old, never married and really like this guy!

What do I do?

Yes, he is a busy guy. I wouldn't push him, or this will go nowhere. That is GREAT that he is honest with you, let him make the moves now, he knows you are interested.

Hi, Single,
I remember a question very similar to this one, posted a little while back.
He was hones with you, saying he has more important things on his mind right now. The words about "pacifying you" should be a warning signal. He is not that interested in you. If he were, he would not have said that. He really doesn't want any relationship now.
Since you have only known him for 3 months, (approx 12 weeks), isn't really a long time at all, and already he is telling you he doesn't have time.
I would definitely start looking around at other men. I do wish you the best.

I remember a similar question before, could be from the same person? Maybe! Wish I had the same answer as before I would share. If this person really likes you he will make time for you no matter what. He is not doing that so that should tell you, you are not that important to me. I do not care how busy somebody is when you have a love in your life or that your interested in you do everything to make time. He is not doing that.

Joe