Ok so I met this guy 3 years ago through a friend of mine and we hit it off right from the start. We talked ALL the time. But he's going on 20 and I'm going on 17. So my parents see an issue with it. Especially now that he is in the Navy. He's coming down to see me for my birthday and it's the first time I will have seen him since I was 15. And I can't wait. The only problem is that my parents have told me to stop talking to him. I hate disobeying them but I don't feel like they have a right to keep me from him. And as if that wasn't hard enough he dropped the l- bomb (love) last night on the phone. Am I wrong for still talking to him? I don't want to upset my parents but I don't want to give him up.

So, you were 15 when you met him.. You waited this long, and you can wait a little longer, especially if this has been a long-distance relationship.

Your parents are just protecting you - that's natural instinct and I don't think they really 'hate' him. They might just feel that you are not ready to get involved with a soldier who might get deployed and never come back - they fear this might be worse than breaking communication now. I would not do anything behind their backs that you might regret later. Look at their point of view again and try to understand their possible reasons behind their request.

Ask them if they would be willing to get to know him as a friend, not a boyfriend yet. Meeting half-way is better than not at all.

Hope this helps, and please keep us posted.


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Sorry young lady but between the neighbor and this 20 year old, your decisions about the opposite sex are not very good at this time as he could end up in the same jail as your neighbor.

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I hate disobeying them but I don't feel like they have a right to keep me from him.

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They have every right as parents to do what it takes to keep you safe. Including sending Navy boy to JAIL. Yes you are jail bait for all the older males and you need to recognize this and obey your parents. When your 18, things will be a lot different so wait until your of age. That ain't now either.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...uy-216902.html

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Quote: batgirl
And the last thing I want to do is get HIM in trouble for this.

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By T-Man

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If that motivates you fine, because messing with you sends him to JAIL!!

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Take a hard look at what your going through, your making that transition from girl/ to woman, and your behavior is important and has consequences.

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They don't mean it in a rude way they just think that I have a seductive nature. Which makes situations like this unbelievably hard.

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And you love the attention your new found sexuality brings you from mature males. How about acting like a caring human, and not a seductive siren. Your smelling yourself kid, and your mind needs to catch up with your body.

OBEY YOUR PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stay out of trouble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Discovering a seductive nature is also normal at your age, just learning how to control it and not get into trouble is what takes working on.

Find out all you can about this - other women's experiences, good and bad.. the more you are informed and understand the better for you to keep it in check and stay safe.

Nothing is worth losing the respect and love of your parents - and believe me, they know what you are going through, so talk to them.

If there is an acting group at school, join and test your abilities there - at least that's a safer environment than internet or neighborhood.

You told me of your future career goals, so learning about your emotions now and controlling them should be considered as a good place to start your studies.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

And you love the attention your new found sexuality brings you from mature males. How about acting like a caring human, and not a seductive siren. Your smelling yourself kid, and your mind needs to catch up with your body.

OBEY YOUR PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stay out of trouble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Excuse me... Act like a caring human instead of a seductive siren?? Not to be rude but I am by no means going out of my way to attract older men to me. I go to the mall and do normal teenage activities. I don’t plan to attract the opposite sex at all. It just so happens that along with the teenage boys who are attracted to me, I have older men who like me too. This does NOT mean that I’m not a caring human. I am insulted to say the least. You don’t know me and it is awfully rude of you to make such a hasty assumption about me.

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Your smelling yourself kid, and your mind needs to catch up with your body.

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You know your attracting older men, and your behavior is not one of caring, as they can go to jail, but of inexperience because despite the consequences, are you doing everything you can to avoid trouble? Case in point, the fellow in this thread.

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Am I wrong for still talking to him? I don't want to upset my parents but I don't want to give him up.

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You have two paths you can go down, attracting older men and rejecting them and saving them from jail, (caring human) or entertain their advances and encourage it (seductive siren). Which have you done so far? Give yourself a chance to let the mind mature as the body has, was the whole point. It was not mean't as an insult, just food for thought.

Okay. Fair enough. Thank you for pointing that out

Just so you know, I have had this same conversation many times with daughter, and the neices I raised. I'm sure you've had the same conversation with your parents, so don't ever think we would hesitate to send these guys to jail, or whatever it takes to protect our own blood, from predators. That's really why I hope you listen to your parents, and be patient, they have your best interest at heart.

I know you are right Talaniman! It's just hard to do the mature thing. Like with my neighbor that is easier because I know deep down that I can't have feelings for him because he's married. And I couldn't live with myself if I ever did anything with him. With this boy it's different. And I know my parents have my best interest in mind. I don't know. Thank you for your input and helping me see this from a different light.

Ok, you have not "seen" him since you were 15, so you have either emailed or chatted or something. But if you have not seen him in 3 years, he can not "love" you, he may be in heat since he has been to navy boot camp, but love is not what I bet he is feeling.

Honey, just like in your other post regarding your neighbor..

This is not discovering a favorite brand of ice-cream and eating it until you burst, or a band that you absolutely go crazy over - that you sneak off to see them!

This is discovering your sexuality and seductive talents and enjoying it so much that you are letting it get out of proportion and take control over you, although professing innocence and inability to do anything about it. This is walking on dangerous ground.

It takes two people to be involved here - one who plays 'innocently' with it, and one who might not believe that it is so innocent and put you in a very dangerous situation wanting more than what you are thinking of giving. Believe me, this 'game' can wind up getting you raped and/or killed. Just read the papers or watch the news.

Again, this is not a game of tag where you can stop and go home when you feel like it. You have a responsibility to yourself and others to curb yourself. So, please heed our warnings - we do know what we are talking about. Talk to your parents, or other adults you trust and hope that they help you through this dangerous stage. They know you better than we do and can give you hints on a few things NOT to do while in this stage of growing up.

Get informed on this type of behavior and how to cope - and STOP acting like Jailbait.

If we did not care, we would not bother to spend time trying to help you understand how serious this issue is.

Talk to you later...

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I think we all know what's going on, as its strange we never hear of guys her age, just older ones. I don't believe in coincidence.

So do enlighten me... what is going on?

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Originally Posted by batgirl2009

so do enlighten me... what is going on?

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Your Profile says:

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Just your not so typically 16 year old girl. Trying to help and get help. Figuring out the rules to the game of life!

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When you first joined, you answered to a thread from Dec 1,2007 - replying to a young girl who was obsessed to get pregnant. You said that you'd love to also but feared your parents wouldn't go for it so you stick to babysitting.

Then you tell us about dreams of/with your neighbor.

Finally, your love for a person you met once, and willing to risk parental anger if they don't permit you to see him because he's older and in the Navy..

OK, we know it's hard growing up enough as it is, but when going 'drastic' like this on us, and professing to be an innocent virgin.. please don't expect us to sit back and think that all is well in your young mind.

We do have intelligence, resources and the ability to comprehend when not taken seriously. That last rebuff toward Talaniman was uncalled for and you know it.

So, until you can convince me that you are up-front and serious, I am through with you and will no longer waste my time or energy - it is short enough as it is.

Is that 'enlightenment' enough for you?


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How come you mention only older guys, and say nothing of the ones you go to school with?

Well the first reason is because I go to an all girls school but that doesn't mean that I don't have contact with boys my age. I mainly don't bring them up because I don't have problems with teenage boys. Our interactions are not this complicated and don't have too many issues. You know aside from the whole "he just wants to get in my pants but I won't let him" kind of thing. Or him getting upset because I can't go to the mall on the weekend. My last comment that Chery was offended by was by no means supposed to be rude. It was a an honest question and I'm truly sorry if I upset you! I meant no harm.

The only real difference is the older guys really want in your pants but they have learned better ways to act to get there.

Young lady you are smart, and well written, and have a lot to look forward to, if you don't make a lot of bad decisions you will carry for a long time. Stay away from the older guys, and make your parents proud.

Thanks Talaniman. I'm trying and I want you to know that I'm really thinking hard about everything you have said.

Your not wrong for taking responsibuility for the reason that you like someone. You should obey your parents though... but for ytour feelings you should make the decision on who you are with and who you are not, I mean your eitghteen for crying out loud.

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Originally Posted by batgirl2009

Well the first reason is because I go to an all girls school but that doesn't mean that I don't have contact with boys my age. I mainly don't bring them up because I don't have problems with teenage boys. Our interactions are not this complicated and don't have too many issues. You know aside from the whole "he just wants to get in my pants but I won't let him" kind of thing. Or him getting upset because I can't go to the mall on the weekend. My last comment that Chery was offended by was by no means supposed to be rude. It was a an honest question and I'm truly sorry if I upset you! I meant no harm.

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I guess, going to an all girl's school, study/homework, family activities and a few trips to the mall don't give you much of a chance to interact with many other 'boys' your age - (the time factor prevents serious communication). But just be aware that the internet and neighborhood (strangers and married men) are not the safest way to learn how to communicate with the opposite sex.

Just be patient with yourself and stay safe. You'll have plenty of time later as long as you keep an eye on your priorities in life, such as education and career first. And, I think that this is what your parents hope too.

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Originally Posted by Kati-Katt

Your not wrong for taking responsibuility for the reason that you like someone. You should obey your parents though....but for ytour feelings you should make the decision on who you are with and who you are not, I mean your eitghteen for crying out loud.

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Well I'm only 16 not quite 17 yet and certainly not 18. And I know I should obey my parents. And I've talked to him about it and he's disappointed but he understands that my parents are just looking out for me. So as much as it hurts, we will continue to be friends. Which allows me time to grow up and gives us both time to think about whether we are really right for each other. It'll be hard but it's only for a little over a year and I hope to learn and mature a lot over that time and then see if our paths cross again

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Originally Posted by Chery

I guess, going to an all girl's school, study/homework, family activities and a few trips to the mall don't give you much of a chance to interact with many other 'boys' your age - (the time factor prevents serious communication). But just be aware that the internet and neighborhood (strangers and married men) are not the safest way to learn how to communicate with the opposite sex.

Just be patient with yourself and stay safe. You'll have plenty of time later as long as you keep an eye on your priorities in life, such as education and career first. And, I think that this is what your parents hope too.

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I totally understand that. And boys really aren't a big deal right now. I only take the time to post the issues that matter and the ones that I could get seriously hurt in (hence the one about my neighbor and this one). The other issues are stupid and petty and I barely waste MY time dealing with so I wouldn't bore you guys with them. I know how to communicate with the opposite sex, I'm just not that interested in it. Going to an All Girls School has taught me that. Which explains why these 2 issues are so big to me. The small interaction I have with the opposite sex is with older men which (in my neighbors case) makes me uncomfortable. But I do have a good number of guy friends who are my own age that I hang out with on a regular basis.

I'm trying to be patient and safe. And really think about what you guys and my parents are saying. I have a lot that I want to do with my life and I think that sometimes I make decisions (even the passive ones- like allowing my neighbor to continue what he does) what could hurt my chances of accomplishing those things. Thank you for helping me see that. I'm sure my parents have said it but it hearing it from someone else too helps!