All right, so about almost 2 months ago my exgirlfriend and I had broken up. We had been off and on (mostly on) for about a year and half. I had to leave for college, but she still had to stay back in our home town. We had done this the past school year with me leaving, and even though it was hard we stuck it out. We were pretty close we spent all of our time together.. (which I actually didn't like at all). When I left I rememeber her telling me "i will always love you." But to know that the next day after I left she claimed she didn't have enough time for me in her life, and for a guy in general. I had been through a break up with her like this before, it usually would last a week and we would get back together. This time 2 weeks went by, she had told me she didn't like anyone else and still missed me.
I had found out after 2 weeks of us being apart she not only slept with another guy, she has a boyfriend (2 different guys). This killed me. We were each others first, and she always said we did it out of love. I believed her. I don't know why it kills me so much to see her with someone else. It blows my mind how fast she is able to move on and I haven't been. Weh we would text each other she would tell me how much she still loves me. But she has all these guys she talks to and likes. Probably overall since we broke up 2 months ago she has slept with about 2-3 guys, and hooked up with at least 5. I don't get it when we were together she was so loyal to me. (as far as I know). She would go out of her way to do things for me, and I would too. I never saw her as a person that would change into what she is now.
When we first started dating she had issues with settling down with one guy, but we had a real connection. She now tells anyone she is with for less then a week she loves them. What was I to her then? I can't move on that fast. Yea I am doing a lot better then I was the first month all of this had happened. But even now I am scared about going to my hometown and possibly seeing her.
Everyone would say "wow she is so much happier now." Even one of my close friends decided he liked her a lot more, and wanted to be her friend over mine. One of my other friends said he is cool with her and would hang out with her. I don't want them hooking up. They are my friends, and when we were together, they hated her! Now they are all chill with her. I feel like she took everything I had in that town away from me.
I want to move on and find someone who will treat me better then she did, but I had fallen in love with her family. She doesn't have any friends to get close to, she just wants to get clsoe to any guy that is remotely interested in her, (which doesn't take much cause she has a lot guys look for). I just think its messed up how this is effects me. I want to feel better. I really do Some days ill feel great. I just need help. Advice on how I should see all of this. Thank you.

She sounds very needy, the fact she 'needs' to have someone in her life says it all really. Very sad :(

Leave her in the past and don't bother with contacting her as it will serve to further confuse you. NC is the best tool for healing, that is no contact. Delete her numbers, emails, Facebook, myspace, msn.

Sometimes we never get our 'closure' and the only way to move forward is concentrating on you and your life and with time you will get to a happy place once more. Try and change your life around. Learn from this relationship and take your lessons into the next. Go travelling, do something you've allways wanted to do, go to the gym and reconnect with old friends.

Anyway good luck.

don't cheat on communication....that's the key.

Break up like she went to prison... no calls, no texts and keep your eyes open.
Someone will find you or you will find them.

Then check the survival guide below.

Good luck...

You are not alone.

Thank you all for your help. The only problem is I'm a very jealous guy.. it kills me to think or even hear about her with another guy. I know I treated her my best. But still... once I was her only now I'm not.

It's a tough one to get over Ill give you that. The thing is, you need to stop finding out about what she is doing(easier said than done I know). If you keep thinking about her with other guys it will eat you alive. I don't know how to stop the thoughts from occurring though aside from staying really busy.

Im 2 months into the breakup, and 35+ days of no contact, which feels so good now.

Think of this as a chance to change everything in your life. You are in a new town (for school) and you will make some incredible friends and meet some great girls. You will probably see this as a blessing later on, after you meet a ton of girls in college. As for your friends back home, if they were truly your friends they would stick by you.

You mist strive to know NOTHING....

At some point - BOOM - you don't care anymore. That day comes after many months of your brain not seeking any endorphins from an old source. REPLACE and your brain will help you... gym, other girls, movies, trips, friends... and no cheating... that's how the magic change happens: INDIFFERENCE.

Yea, I know that day will come. I guess I feel that since she already has someone else, that I should too. I can't see how she can move from guy to guy like that without feeling bad. Especially after just getting out of such a long relationship like ours.

Ive come to the realization that you can't focus on the why or the how of what they did. It just spirals out of control until you are a mess. As hard as it is, you just have to focus in on the fact that it happened, that its not coming back and the future is all that matters now.

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Originally Posted by Fixer12

Yea, i know that day will come. I guess i feel that since she already has someone else, that i should too. I can't see how she can move from guy to guy like that without feeling bad. Especially after just getting out of such a long relationship like ours.

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dude, when we are in love we ascribe qualities to people they may or may not have... she's going through a 'Ho period... George Clooney couldn't get her to behave. Be glad you were first in line... just don't be LAST IN LINE - ewww... move on, stud. You were there FIRST!


Ash has spoken. Go forth and prosper.

That is an awesome way to see it! I never really thought about that before.

Fixer12,

Some good advice above. But no good unless you decide to take it and use it. Good luck.

Well thank you so much everyone. I haven't talked to her in almost a week. It feels good. I am able to actually continue for small amounts of time without my mind wandering around. The encourgment is great. Even though I know there are more people going through this, I still feel like I'm the only one at times. Thank you. The advice has been great!

Your be fine. You won't be if you brake NC. Keep busy and don't mope about

Glad to help.

All right, I had been doing a really good job up until recently. One of my pretty good friends had gone to my hometown (where my ex is) and saw her this weekend. I guess they started talking again. (Before they somewhat hated each other.) So they had broken the silence.
When my ex and I broke up the first time before the summer, they had texted each other a lot about hooking up. (when I thought they hated each other). They had sent pictures to each other of themselves, and stuff like that. I had told my friend recently that I was really uncomfortable about them talking, because it would still hurt me a lot if something did happen. He had told me "dude i have no intentions of hooking up with her. But she is pretty chill and i'd liek to hang out with her."
So now I find out that they are talking online and stuff about hanging out next time he comes into town. Well I really don't know what this is about... I honestly don't know how to take it. If it was any other guy, sure I couldn't care less. But if they got together, I know it would be 10x harder for me. I guess I really need to think of someway to get over jealousy. Any advice would be great. Thank you so much.

I don't think it really is jealousy, but because he is souposed to be your boy and they were never friends before then why now? That seems a little funny to me. I don't know about you, but there is this little thing called code of conduct where your friends don't hook up with your Ex. Don't sound like he is a real good friend. I would try and talk to him about it. I don't know the situation with your X but I would re look at how much of a good friend he is to you.

I agree with Foxy, if they supposedly never liked each other before and now he thinks that she is "chill" something is not right. You should reeavaluate your friendship because his response is a little on the shady side

As you keep no contact, from the ex and heal your mind, you can better evaluate whether you need new friends.

Yea, I ended up talking ot him about it. When he was back in our home town she had came up to him and gave him a hug saying. "hey how are you." Then they just talked about how "he and his sister look alot alike" for 2 minutes and it was over. He told me about this earlier.
So I told him that it was still bugging me how they were talking, cause it made me feel pretty uncomfortable. He told me "I dont know why this is becoming such a big issue, because there is no intentions that i have. She doesn't have my number, i dont have hers. And im probably not going to give her mine, and i really dont want hers. I think she is doing this knowing that its going to bug you, and you are letting it."
See the thing is now I'm feeling like I am doing something wrong. I mean chances are not much is going to happen, but still.

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Originally Posted by Fixer12

Yea, i know that day will come. I guess i feel that since she already has someone else, that i should too. I can't see how she can move from guy to guy like that without feeling bad. Especially after just getting out of such a long relationship like ours.

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I'm about 3 weeks into it and have been finding it difficult to get these thoughts/images out of my mind. Thoughts/images of her being with someone else or caring for someone else. It makes me sick to my stomach and lose control of my thoughts. I don't know what to do. I know that's her prerogative, but it's killing me. I thought it would get better, but it seems like its getting worse.

I found for myself, that the thoughts of my ex with her new guy really really really hurt for the first month. But once I TRULY decided to heal, it started getting better. The only real approach to it is realizing that from the EXACT moment they decided to leave, what they do or who they do it with doesn't matter. Its not an easy thought to process at first, but with time and practice it gets easier.

I had the same thoughts (and she left me for him within an hour) about her with him, her laughing with him, going out, having sex, etc. I couldn't think of a worse pain if I tried. The only way I could be OK (and I use the term OK loosely) was to accept that she's gone and that it doesn't matter what she's doing. I erased her MSN, her Facebook, her pictures, her phone #. Out of sight out of mind. It didn't work at first but every day was a little bit easier.

The out of site out of mind is difficult because I have class with her. I agree with you, there's not worse pain than seeing the one you love, the one you planned your future with, in someone else's company. It hurts because my dreams and plans are shattered.

The cool thing is, here is your opportunity to make new plans, new dreams for yourself. Ones that only YOU can be responsible for, and you make happen.

Thanks for the motivation. I don't actually see it as cool though. I know what you are getting at. The pain and hurt is blind siding everything. I wish there was something to do to make it go away.

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Originally Posted by needofhelp

Thanks for the motivation. I don't actually see it as cool though. I know what you are getting at. The pain and hurt is blind siding everything. I wish there was something to do to make it go away.

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No contact and hard work does it for most here, and if you must see them, then be brief, busy and unavailable.

All right. So I have been doing a pretty good job with the "no contact" part of the deal... until yesterday... so yesterday while walking to class I get a text from my ex saying "i just saw a picture of us together that we had taken before you left, i miss you so much." So I wrote back telling her, "its ok it happens i run accross those types of things all the time." We text or a few more minutes but it ended up with her saying, "i miss you so much and in ways i want us back together because we were so happy together. I still love you." I had told her, "look you have a boyfriend, but i promise you i'll always be here for you as your friend, in my heart i will always love you only because you left yoru mark in my life."
Then basically after that it was the end of the conversation. So basically what I don't understand is that we have been broken up for almost 2 months... She already has another boyfriend, and hooked up with a few guys in between their relationship.
After a few hours I texted her asking her "so are you feeling better now?" She said, "yea because i realize no matter what we will always be friends." I had told her, "well yea maybe depends on the choices you make."
I'm usually pretty good about keeping the silence... but every week or so she will text me about these kinds of things... and that's as far as they go. Yea I miss her and think about her still, but I don't want to get back together with her at all.
Why is she out there saying these kinds of things to me? She has had another boyfriend for over a month. I am so ready to move on... I just wish my mind would go with my body.

Don't respond to the text, some women like to rub things in... or expect guys (and yes I mean that in the Plural) to be hanging on while they want to make no commitments.

Play into her old tricks then don't be surprised if you go through this all over again. Sometimes you just have to cut off all contact to avoid this. And yes, I rode the bus for an entire year in college with a girl I broke up with over something she did when we had plans for something. (she disappeared to see an old boyfriend for about 3 days when we had concert tickets) and I didn't speak to her in that whole time. Oh she tried, but I wouldn't answer back. She hurt me pretty good and I wouldn't let her get to me a second time.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Don't respond to the text, some women like to rub things in...or expect guys (and yes I mean that in the Plural) to be hanging on while they want to make no commitments.

Play into her old tricks then don't be surprised if you go through this all over again.

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This is a good point. Don't get yourself thinking about what she is saying or texting you. In another post, someone wrote that people want their cake and eat it too. She's with someone else, while she has these feelings for you? Do you want to be with someone who can be with another person, while having feelings for you? That isn't right. You said you are ready to move on, and that is a great achievement, don't back peddle. Or you will be back to where I am.

I have been trying so hard to move on.. when it first happened I thought that when I got to where I am now... I would feel completley better... but I don't. I have been staying busy... probably to busy... when I come down from it all... it just sucks. In my mind I am completely mad at her and hate her for everything she is doing... but then ill remember the memories, or she will talk to me and in my heart... I can't hate people its just not my nature.
I think that yea... she is waiting for next time I come home to try and get back together with me or something... because why else would she try to stay so attached to me when I'm just trying to let it all completely go... yea I love her.. I always will... I'm just sick of being down all the time... I'm waiting for that GREAT day but.. I'm so sick of waiting

She is merely stringing you along in case things go wrong. She enjoys knowing the comfort of having you to fall back on. Don't be that doormat! If she really loved you she would be with you right now.

Yea. I am just getting so sick of everything. I don't see how being in a completely other town still has reprocusions like this

No one wants to be in this situation. It hurts and its going to hurt for while. How long will it hurt depends on how you cope with it. There are going to be good days, and some bad days. Eventually, the bad days will get less and less. Know that you are not going to be in this state forever, feelings and emotions will change. I have my good and bad times, and its hard. No one is saying it's easy. Hang in there.

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Originally Posted by Fixer12

i have been trying so hard to move on.. when it first happened i thought that when i got to where i am now... i would feel completley better... but i dont. I have been staying busy... probably to busy... when i come down from it all... it just sucks. In my mind i am completely mad at her and hate her for everything she is doing... but then ill remember the memories, or she will talk to me and in my heart... i can't hate people its just not my nature.
I think that yea... she is waiting for next time i come home to try and get bakc together with me or something... because why else would she try to stay so attached to me when im just trying to let it all completely go... yea i love her.. i always will... im just sick of being down all the time... im waiting for that GREAT day but.. im so sick of waiting

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As long as you talk with her and respond to her you aren't even taking the first step of moving on.

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I'm waiting for that GREAT day but.. I'm so sick of waiting

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Then stop waiting, and stop talking to her. Your stuck, so get out and do what you enjoy, and stop being available for her confusion. YOUR CHOICE!

I think the key solution here is to concentrate on your present.

A great day will not come if you are not making it a great day. You maybe feeling down in the dumps, but you are in control of how you make your day great and move on. I'm not going to kid you and say it's easy. It's going to take small steps and the strength to get yourself moving on. You can not wait for anyone. You will only regret waiting later if she doesn't come back. You may come to terms and say that she may not be the one for you. Focus on yourself and make the best out of it. Don't expect her to come back, if she does don't jump right back into it. Have a talk and think what's best for you. Good luck and hang in there man. You are not alone, this happens to the best.

Yea, that's a very good way to see it. I remember before I was in a relationship I used to always tell people, "its all up to you, its just your outlook on life." I have no idea why I had forgotten that until now.
All of you are 100% right. SO what if she goes out and possibly hooks up with one of myfriends? I don't care. Yea, at least I can say I am a better person then she is.
Going through these lessons makes us who we are. Better people, smarter people. I mean she isn't even in the same town as me... so who cares?
Things will get better, its all up to me to make it better. I realize there isn't anything holding me back except my own thoughts of being scared about what might happen next. Thanks!

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Originally Posted by Fixer12

yea, thats a very good way to see it. i remember before i was in a relationship i used to always tell people, "its all up to you, its just your outlook on life." I have no idea why i had forgotten that until now.
All of you are 100% right. SO what if she goes out and possibly hooks up with one of myfriends?! I don't care. Yea, at least i can say i am a better person then she is.
Going through these lessons makes us who we are. Better people, smarter people. I mean she isn't even in the same town as me... so who cares?
Things will get better, its all up to me to make it better. I realize there isn't anything holding me back except my own thoughts of being scared about what might happen next. Thanks!

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That's the key step my friend. There might be times that you will think of her and that's normal. You got to keep at it and remember who you are. The hurt that you have right now shows how strong a person you are, a person that has a lot of love to give and able to care about others. This is normal, you will only get better. Brighter days are ahead.

"For every dark night, there's a brighter day"

I know they will. I am so ready for them to come! Everyday I feel a little bit different, its just hard the days where stuff comes up. But your right, brighter days are ahead. I am so looking forward when I can feel like my old self again... its just been such a long time since I have been single... have to get used to it all over.

You are not going to get used to it because it's not going to be the same as before, when you were single. You are a new person, stronger and more knowledgeable person now. The core person of who you are will be there, don't forget who you are. Make the best of your days and we will all look back at this and laugh one day. That day will come, how soon it comes depends on you. Keep it going brother.