Ask Me Help Desk - I hate being jelous?

I hate being jelous?

I have a boyfriend, we have been together just coming up to a year.once he felt like he had 2 email this girl behind my back to be her friend apparently, but he asked if she was single andlet her say she wanted to rip my hair out, a few days after that I went on my boyfriends facebok and found the messages. I called him up and confronted him. He simply said you have driving me to this. We soon split up for a week, then he came running back because he realised he missed me.he now every now and again goes out and pictures start appearing on Facebook and she says sly little comments now and again which winds me up. She has a boyfriend though.I bring her up every now and again me and my boyfriend have massive arguments about it. He says he doesn't care about her but I'm so paranoidi don't know what to do. I need to stop this how can I. I do trust him but not round her because she does things to wind me up and she succeeds.

First off, coming from a person who used to be 10x worse than where you are. You can't say that you trust him but not around her, you just don't trust him in general. Saying that you don't trust him around a certain person is a lie to yourself. The quicker you realize that the sooner you can't start to recover. What he did betrayed your trust, no doubt about that one but being jealous doesn't help the situation.

Try to seek out counseling, read books and any available information on the interwebs about jealousy. It will help you realize why you are in fact jealous and what insecurities it all stems from.

If you generally are a trusting person, this jealousy might be just the feeling of being betrayed. Did you ask him why he chose this girl to email with? What did he give as a reason that you 'drove' him to it? What type of sly comments do you get from this other individual? Did he ever meet her in person?
Lots of questions, huh? - Well, I at least need to know more to figure out if your jealousy is justified and if he is worth your time now and in the future, so see what you can provide for me.

One thing for sure, it is not healthy for you to continue with this being unresolved. You need answers and peace of mind.

So, get back with us.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

If you want to be with him and you said "he doesn't care" about this other girl, then tell him he can't have contact with her if he wants to be with you.

There can't be such a thing as selective trust. You should be able to trust your man in a room of playmates as you would non-attractive people... so if he has given you any indication that you can't trust him, well, he needs to re-establish your trust and you have to be willing to let go and do so. If he continues to abuse that then you need to move on because it may be harder for you down the road with a new boyfriend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hollyvictoria

i have a boyfriend, we have been together just coming up to a year.once he felt like he had 2 email this girl behind my back to be her friend apparently, but he asked if she was single andlet her say she wanted to rip my hair out, a few days after that i went on my boyfriends facebok and found the msgs. i called him up and confronted him. he simply said you have drivin me to this. we soon split up for a week, then he came running back because he realised he missed me.he now every now and agin goes out and pictures start appearing on facebook and she says sly little comments now and again which winds me up. she has a boyfriend though.i bring her up every now and again me and my boyfriend have massive arguments about it. he says he doesnt care about her but im so paranoidi dont know what to do. i need to stop this how can i. i do trust him but not round her because she does things to wind me up and she succeeds.

I agree

Quote:

Originally Posted by squeaks77

If you want to be with him and you said "he doesn't care" about this other girl, then tell him he can't have contact with her if he wants to be with you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by squeaks77

If you want to be with him and you said "he doesn't care" about this other girl, then tell him he can't have contact with her if he wants to be with you.

I don't agree with that, because it will start with one person then slowly migrate to more and more things. You either chose to leaves the past in the past or leave him behind. Don't impose rules on someone. Love is like sand, if you hold it too tight it slips right through your fingers.

Both very good points. If you do that, if could lead you to basically bully someone in a relationship which would make them do exactly what you don't want them to do and then you will never have a valid trust for me for which they have earned on their own.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I don't agree with that, because it will start with one person then slowly migrate to more and more things. You either chose to leaves the past in the past or leave him behind. Don't impose rules on someone. Love is like sand, if you hold it too tight it slips right through your fingers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I don't agree with that, because it will start with one person then slowly migrate to more and more things. You either chose to leaves the past in the past or leave him behind. Don't impose rules on someone. Love is like sand, if you hold it too tight it slips right through your fingers.

But he also needs to leave the past in the past and that includes the woman he felt "driven to". That doesn't sound like an innocent liaison at all!

As lame as it may sound he bascially should want to avoid this person. Knowing that something bothers your mate and doing so anyway has only one result long term.

Quote:

Originally Posted by squeaks77

But he also needs to leave the past in the past and that includes the woman he felt "driven to". That doesn't sound like an innocent liaison at all!

I think the avoiding the person situation comes down to the relationship that he has with her. If he has been friends with her for a while and they have known each other, forcing him to choose is the wrong thing to do. On the other hand, if they just started talking with the email that you mentioned, that I really don't see why he needs to keep in contact with her.

Just remember forcing someone to choose a significant other or their friends is a bad idea.

You give off an arrogant vibe. I'd bet he did it to piss you off, remind you that you're not the only one.

Whatever it takes you need to stop arguing, and do some talking. Your letting this female, who has a b/f, come between you and him, and that's not good. Talk and listen to each other, and work together to solve your problems, or what's the point in being in a relationship? You can't let others break you down like that. Your giving her way too much power over you. Your b/f doesn't help things either. How old are you two?

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Originally Posted by ForeverZero

you give off an arrogant vibe. I'd bet he did it to piss you off, remind you that you're not the only one.

Ignore this self described zero!

Hey squeaks, it's perfectly okay to disagree with someone's advice but to insist on name calling is not exactly mature. Within the rights, Forever has given sound advice and been around longer. I also got the vibe that the poster came off arrogan by saying he realized he missed me and the comments about him running back to her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Hey squeaks, it's perfectly okay to disagree with someone's advice but to insist on name calling is not exactly mature. Within the rights, Forever has given sound advice and been around longer. I also got the vibe that the poster came off arrogan by saying he realized he missed me and the comments about him running back to her.

All he did was judge her WITH NO ADVICE GIVEN!! This is not JudgeMeHelpDesk. If her question was "Do I come off as arrogant?" his answer would have been appropriate.
I actually gave her advice, not posting just to get my numbers higher.

All he did was judge her? Did you read his whole post? He told her that she came off arrogant, then proceeded to tell her that he could very well be doing it to let her know she isn't the only one.

If you want to look at the advice you gave her, not many people would agree with giving someone a choice of her or me because then you are trying to control the relationship. I have been down that road and it only leads to worse things and please, no caps as it gives the impression of yelling

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

All he did was judge her? Did you read his whole post? He told her that she came off arrogant, then proceeded to tell her that he could very well be doing it to let her know she isn't the only one.

If you want to look at the advice you gave her, not many people would agree with giving someone a choice of her or me because then you are trying to control the relationship. I have been down that road and it only leads to worse things and please, no caps as it gives the impression of yelling

So your wife would have no problem with you hanging out with some chick she found you having inappropriate text messages with? I seriously doubt it!! But you understand every relationship like no one else does don't you God.. . opps I mean Rome? And I will use caps for emphasis whether you allow me to or not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

If you want to look at the advice you gave her, not many people would agree with giving someone a choice of her or me because then you are trying to control the relationship.

BINGO (not yelling:) )

First off, I'm not married. Second, asking if someone is single is far from inappropriate. Is it wrong? Sure! But inappropriate, to me, means sexual passes through a text. Never once did I say I understood every relationship, I simply add my advice to the situation and so far, it seems to be that people think it's decent enough. And as far as the caps comment I sent to you, that was sent through a forum admin, so it's not me allowing or not allowing you to do something. Please go back and read the forum rules, thank you

Where are the forum rules by chance? Having trouble finding them but I am curious and should them as well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

First off, I'm not married. Second, asking if someone is single is far from inappropiate. Is it wrong? Sure! But inappropiate, to me, means sexual passes through a text. Never once did I say I understood every relationship, I simply add my advice to the situation and so far, it seems to be that people think it's decent enough. And as far as the caps comment I sent to you, that was sent through a forum admin, so it's not me allowing or not allowing you to do something. Please go back and read the forum rules, thank you

They are posted on the FAQ page. I saw one of the admins of the site saying about the CAPS directly, but also found this. Hope it helps amIwrong

I. Posting Rules

Ask Me Help Desk insists that members abide by the rules and policies detailed below:
Post only questions or answers to questions. Miscellaneous statements and general conversations belong in the Member Discussions board.
Use the best English you are capable of. "Chat speak", all caps, lack of punctuation, etc. can be annoying, and will frequently result in the post being either unanswered or removed.
Use a meaningful, specific title for your question.
Do not disparage any member publicly on the forums. If you state that you disagree with the answer of another member, please explain why politely.
Do not post any comments that are obscene, vulgar, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws.
Do not post content that is significantly equivalent to content found elsewhere on the internet if it can be linked to.
Do not post copyrighted content unless you are the copyright owner.
Do not misrepresent yourself.
Do not use multiple usernames.
Do not advertise or spam. You are welcome to include information and links in your signature to a reasonable extent, but do not refer or link to your products or services in the body of posts.
Do not quote a previous post unless your post would be confusing otherwise.

Thanks, I think hopefully I have been doing so, just making sure.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

They are posted on the FAQ page. I saw one of the admins of the site saying about the CAPS directly, but also found this. Hope it helps amIwrong

I. Posting Rules

Ask Me Help Desk insists that members abide by the rules and policies detailed below:
Post only questions or answers to questions. Miscellaneous statements and general conversations belong in the Member Discussions board.
Use the best English you are capable of. "Chat speak", all caps, lack of punctuation, etc. can be annoying, and will frequently result in the post being either unanswered or removed.
Use a meaningful, specific title for your question.
Do not disparage any member publicly on the forums. If you state that you disagree with the answer of another member, please explain why politely.
Do not post any comments that are obscene, vulgar, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws.
Do not post content that is significantly equivalent to content found elsewhere on the internet if it can be linked to.
Do not post copyrighted content unless you are the copyright owner.
Do not misrepresent yourself.
Do not use multiple usernames.
Do not advertise or spam. You are welcome to include information and links in your signature to a reasonable extent, but do not refer or link to your products or services in the body of posts.
Do not quote a previous post unless your post would be confusing otherwise.

Yea, from the posts I have read from you they have been great. Keep up the good work!:-)

Excelente

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Yea, from the posts I have read from you they have been great. Keep up the good work!:-)