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Me and my 7 year boy friend broke up, after that day it appears that he was courting someone else... but its truly unfair because we had 7 years relationship just to dump me like that when he found someone new... what should I do to win him back? His my life, my entire life from high school to college life we're together... now I feel like I lost everything I have no reason to live and to do things... please help me, tell what should I do to win him back... help
No contact.. He shoulndn't be your life. I promis you this from a guys point of view. If you sart dating or he hears about you going out having phone he will be calling.. DO NOT CONTACT HIM FOR AT LEAST A MONTH..
Best way to get a guy back? Get over him, completely and totally.
Of course, then you won't WANT him back.
Life isn't fair, honey. I say that not to be mean, but to point out the reality of the situation. You need to live for YOURSELF, not some schmuck that would dump you after 7 years for some stupid chick he met and wants! Would you honestly tell your friend to go out with a guy like that? I wouldn't! So... why the heck do you WANT him back?
Cry, mourn for the relationship, but DON'T LET THAT JERK BACK INTO YOUR LIFE! He's so not worth you! You deserve better!
Synnen & crushedovernover: thanks for the advice... I been trying to get over him because its been a month but the harder I try the harder for me to cope up... I'm longing for him so much since we haven't been talking I know I should really be so angry for what he did, but I guess the love is greater than angriness.
:(
I don't think you can win them back, they have to want to come back. But not contacting them is the best thing you can do.
DJ1963: thanks for the reply... okey ill try best to do that
Quite honestly, the more you TRY TO GET OVER SOMEONE, the longer it will take because you still focus your energy on that person. By trying to get over someone, you still let them occupy your thoughts. STOP!
You will get over someone in due time. TIME is the only remedy for these situations. But the point is, there IS A REMEDY. You have to accept the pain and loss, you have no choice. The first thing you must to is STOP THINKING ABOUT GETTING HIM BACK.
Once a relationships goes on "break/breaks-up", you can never go back to it. You're longing for the safety and the comfort of what you knew, not just the guy who left you.
IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. You have to realize that at some point. Feel your pain and do what you must to MOVE FORWARD and whenever you find yourself looking back, remember HE GAVE UP 7 YEARS to court someone THE NEXT DAY!! Who in their right mind does that? No one who is mentally and emotionally sound.
Also STAY BUSY. WORK, WORK, WORK. If you don't want to go out with friends because you aren't up to it, STAY AT WORK LATE, WORK HARDER, GO FOR A JOG.
YOU DON'T WANT THIS TOOLBAG BACK!! YOU WANT THE SAD, LONELY, DEPRESSION TO GO AWAY. Don't confuse what you think you feel for what you really want. TIME will make it better.
You'll come out a much better person after this ordeal. And you'll BE FINE.
--Cali
ilovcali: thanks for the enlighting message you know this the most darkest moment of my life because his my best friend to, that's why its hard that I lost a best friend and my boyfriend...
You know its really hard yeah the more I ignore the feeling the more I feel the longingness
For him... I do miss him a lot despite everything...
Hi I'm the one who post the "how would i win my ex boyfriend back" (about me & my b7 year boyfriend broke up... then the next day he courts a new girl)... earlier this forum,
Now I'm asking from all the advice that I'm getting they say that I should leave him alone and try not to communicate... the thing is I'm trying my best but the more I suppressed myself from trying to communicate with him the harder for me...
"my question is physical distance like going abroad or somewhere every far would do much
help for me... because every now and then im tempted to go to him and see him every though we broke up already...."
Please start here:Quote:
Originally Posted by exbestfriend
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html
Just stay with us on this one..
We will help you through the stages.
There are stages in all break-ups and you are still at the first..
Don't give up, and by all means, keep us updated.
Try to be a little more elaborate about your feelings, fears, hopes, and tell us what you thought was so 'great' about this jerk. That will help you put things in perspective.
Soon, you will realize that he is not the only guy in the world who has qualities and it will knock your socks off.
C.U.on the forum, and have a good weekend.
P.S. Try and keep busy with friends and stay out as long as possible so that you won't be alone at your place too much. Go to a new pub, park, movie, etc. Just DON'T stay at home moping.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif
Funny enough, I am going through the same thing, yes physical distance is good, don't communicate in way shape or form. Everyone will tell you that. I am actually trying to win my ex girlfriend back and she has a new boyfriend, so the only thing you can do is let it be. You can't force anything, remember that. What ever happens is meant to be, just let it go and see what happens. There is nothing you can do.
One goes through many forms or stages of the breakup. Usually starting with, "What have i done?" "I want you back", "I must win them back"! Bla bla bla.
However after a pronlonged period of no contact your probably find you just don't want to know about the ex, what there up to, they dumped you! Who cares. Be the one that got away if you ask me!
They chose to no longer have you in their lives. Give it right up their sodding asses = D
Distance is good, its good to change your lives at least a bit after a break up but don't go moving countries just because of one guy or girl! Unless you want to :)
When there is a knot in a rope... even if it mends, it usually never gets back to its normal shape... so even if u get back with him... it will never b the same... so honey... take it as one of life's experiences and always Thank God for whatever he does...
You may be so used to this ex after so long, during your young years, and are use to him, and know nothing different. It takes time to heal from the death of a relationship, but you will heal, and be able to move on, as long as you cut all contact with the ex, and disappear from his life. Easier said than done, but you can build a life your happy, without him.
Speaking of healing..
Consider your broken heart.. imagine a broken bone and go through the steps..
1) it hurts like hell and needs mending, you cry and wonder how this could have happened.
2) gets examined, diagnosed and receives a cast. The cast prevents further damage and keeps the bone immobile so that it has a chance to heal.
3) once the cast has done it's job, we go to physical therapy to regain full movement to the appendage.
Now see the heart:
1) it hurts like hell and needs mending, you cry and wonder how this could have happened.
2) gets examined and diagnosed (you realize that someone has HURT you)
And receives a cast (the cast here is NO CONTACT) The NC prevents further damage and keeps the heart protected so that it has a chance to heal.
3) Once NC has done the job - and it never happens overnight - you take small steps in your social life to regain your self-awareness and self-respect.
And in both cases, it takes a whole lot of time to heal. You also remember what broke that bone and avoid further instances of the like. In a relationship, you learn what to avoid in the future.
It also pays to spend that time being constructive instead of destructive.
Keep us posted on your healing process - we will help wherever we can.
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You shouldn't persist... that's where I am right now with my ex girlfriend and it gets annoying to her that I am trying to insist back on a relationship... what I'm doing right now is keeping a low profile... the best to do is let this guy come to you... just stay away and let him decide what he wants...
When breakups happen... they happen for a reason. My dear it's definitely hard to even comprehend whys and how's... and almost hard to forget the person... but I want an honest answer from you... is it because u're lonely that's why you want him want him back or because you love him still? I think you know very well what he did to you... so definitely it's could not be because you love him that you want him back... it's more of a feeling of not being together with someone who loves u... and believe with time... u will realize you wouldn't want him anymore...
Anything that keeps you from contact with him, is a good thing in my opinion.
I would like to no the answr of this question. And if they miss you enough even if they broke it off will they have enough balls to come back.. Or will they expect the dumped to come back eventually..
We don't know crushed! Nobody knows, every one is different. Most if not all will probably not be back. It was broke for a reason and most of the dumpers were probably glad to get out of the relationship anyway. The only way to surely be happy is to go no contact. If they contact you they contact you but more often than not its never or you have moved on.
Once the dumper has moved on, they rarely comeback, or look back. Sorry, but moving on yourself is the only option. Let me ask you, if you would take someone back after you dumped them, and moved on?? I know your looking for an excuse to get back with him, but I see no way. Your desperate and that's not healthy for you.
I understand... but we all know how excruciating the longiness is... I'm dying to see him, hug him, kiss him... I'm so jealous knowing he has found a new girl over me... the fact that you know oh God I just can't accept that everything we been through he just throw it away...
I know maybe God has other purpose... at least this early I would know he will not be that faithful with me... that he not forever love me the way my love for him is...
Maybe I'm just some girl for him, I mean he probably doesn't see me to be with him for the rest of his life like he promise... this is so painful experience for me...
me and my 7 year boy friend broke up, after that day it appears that he was courting someone else... but its truly unfair because we had 7 years relationship just to dump me like that when he found someone new... what should i do to win him back? his my life, my entire life from highschool to college life we're together... now i feel like i lost everything i have no reason to live and to do things... please help me, tell what should i do to win him back... help
Hello guys I'm really confused now... after we broke up... after month he says that he thinks he still loves me and he is so uncertain about the new girl too. I don't know he says he don't understand his feelings... I'm vulnerable at this time and I'm afraid that I might give in to him again and I'm really afraid that he might leave me again...
I'm still in love with him, but I'm really hurt of what he did to me then now he said he is really sorry and he regrets it... but its unfair that he just come and go in my life when ever he pleases... so I told him that only time will tell if we're meant for each other... but my hearts aches for him... I wish if this time its true that he really sorry then I'm so happy...
Please advice me... or perhaps he just miss all the things we used to do... you know
STAY STRONG, STAY STRONG. Don't give in to this wishy-washy guy. He's using and abusing you. STAY AWAY FROM HIM. And tell him to stop talking to you. What he's doing with you is NOT NICE. But you are letting him do it by continuing to talk to him.
Don't date someone you can't trust. YOU CAN'T TRUST THIS GUY. RUN!!
And STAY STRONG. We all know it hurts. BUT IT WILL PASS. STAY AWAY FROM HIM.
--Cali
Yes ilovecali I know I should really be strong because I still love him but I don't want him to just come back and then if ever he feels uncertain again about his going to live me... maybe I can't take that anymore if it happens... thanks ilovecali
Hi guys after almost a month of break up my ex tells me that he was sorry and he regrets everything... but I told him time can heal me and the wound he created... I suffered a lot I beg a lot, and I cried all the tears for him to come before... I mean its not too late its just that after the time apart it somehow gives me a chance to think more about myself and what I really want in the relationship... I sort of dated once and intentionally made him found out that through a friend... he said he was really jealous about it and he thinks he can't take it if another guy touchesme sort of like that...
But during my appeal to him to come back he almost cried pleading that his in love with this girl (his neighbor)... I'm confused now should I believed him or not... but because of this site and some time apart from him I was really thinking a lot... I think mydecision is to pursue my going abroad for work... because time and distance can make us both think if we still want this relationship
7 years is a very long time to just throw away I'm just glad now at least he knows it too...
Thanks guys
Have you found out if it is true that he's in love with someone else?Quote:
Originally Posted by exbestfriend
Yes, first I made him chose between us, but he choose her... two, I asked him to be totally hones... at first he was denying everything... but then he gave in and said he is in love with her... that he likes her a lot and doesn't really want to be with me except continue to court her instead... he thinks she needs him more that I do... because I can take care of myself much more stuff like that... :mad:
Don't try to win him back.. I know how much it hurts right now I'm going through yhe same thing. The more I tried winning my ex back the more I got hurt cause she insisted that it was over. The best thing to do is to give it some time.. He might seem the world to you right now but in a few weeks you start realizing you need to move on and not dwell on a relationship. Length in a relationship is just a number . You felt greatly for him
And now you could move on and say you have loved. Don't go running after him.. If he loves you he'll come to you. He needs to realize. But don't sit around waiting for him either. Live your life.. Go out with your friends.. Get a hobbie. Keep yourself busy. You'll be fine!
Hi I'm exbestrfiend I have previously posted on theis site before about my breakup with my boyfreind for 7 years. (almost) after the day he broke up with me I realized I was already replace with some girl in their neighborhood. She was really pretty that I know why and of course we went to ups and down before and we have also problems. I'm still not over him and I still love him but I I'm still very angry of what he did to me before all my humiliation from the people around us and I even also beg the new girl to stay away from him. But then they still continue.but I really love him before but his the one to give in and break up with me. He said he fell in love with a new girl.. men,, I cried so bad and I beg so much for 1 and half months.. I really lost myself before and then I realized I have to stood up and let go... so I went away I quit my work and move to singapore and work here and start a new life!
After 4 month he said he will come here with me and will start a new life again( I heard they didn't went well and also separated).. then I was really having second thoughts but I said okey... but when he got here I realize that I'm still not over with the feeling of angerness to him and I still very mad at him. Its like my pride I still love him but I'm fightingmyself.. I don't know help me I want him still but I can't give my trust again because I was really badly hurt for what he did to me before... besides while we are away I tried so hard to gain myself and to stand up when he comes back I was really happy but pain is still there. I know we can't be happy because I know that pain in the past will continue to huant us. He went home again to his work and I feel jealous knowing the girl is neighbor. Help me what to do.. is my decision to let go is the right decision I'm making?
It's a decision that I might regret I know but after I said we wait for the pain to heal for sometime he rarely calls me maybe his also trying to move on himself. Wahhh I don't know what to do I'm so confuse... advise
Please see my breakup guide below.
Hang in there!
A
I would get over him to be honest...
I mean if he went out with a girl immediately after going out with you, and then immediately after things don't work out with the new girl - he comes back to you - and you take him(mistake)...
He wouldn't have had a time where he would be alone, hence the chances are he hasn't changed much... This could mean that it's very probable that he will hurt you again..
He knows that you're there for him , whenever , so now he's taking you for granted.. If he is never scared of losing you (because you allow him that power) then he will walk all over you like a welcome mat.
Like it's been said many times before on this site. No Contact.
You deserve better treatment than that.. Imagine how much he values you to start going out with someone immediately after breaking up with you (you were together for 7 whole years!) Of course you're angry! You have every damn right to be angry...
Tell him to pack up and leave you alone.
You have done the right thing for yourself, and now you must heal, and that isn't easy after a 7 year relationship. It will take time, and a lot of strength, and work on your part. There is so much pain to heal from, but it can be done, once you make the decision to love yourself, and what you want, more than you love him, and what he wants. He had a chance, and blew it, so now, its you being happy with yourself, and moving on from the selfish ex. Please click on the 4 posts in my signature, for some really good insights, and ideas, of how to move on with your life. It starts with, NO CONTACT, from him at all. No calls, texts, emails, or smoke signals. Disappear from his life. Banish him from yours.
I know I should move on no matter what but its feels like dying each step I make to go away I can't totally step out... I'm so afraid and the more I try harder the painful and harder it gets...
I really tried not contacting him but it feels like end of the world hehehehe seriously its really hard I know I shouldn't be but I'm really jealous to that girl... I can hardly breath the thought of them to gether... help what I need to help is myself because I'm the one who can't accept and forget and forgive... I'm so down now I don't know what to do I'm beginning to loose focus again to work...
Click on the links in my signature, and get some insight into your situation. Your feelings are normal, and we have all been through your pain.
7 years is a long time so its normal that you feel this way.. I only got out of a 9 month relationship and it's been a month since we broke up and I feel like breaking down sometimes as well - so I can't even begin to imagine how you feel.. But I know from reading what you said that you deserve better than this, and whenever you feel down you should come on here and read what you told us, and instead of feeling sad or jealous or whatever, you should feel angry! You should love yourself enough to not allow things to be the way they are... Why should he be going out and having fun while you're at home, alone and depressed thinking about him?
Love yourself and don't allow this to happen.. Meet up with friends, go out, meet new people.. it won't make you forget him but it is a step towards feeling better.. You'll never forget him but you can heal from this.
Time heals all wounds (cliche` but true).. what you should avoid now is maintaining contact with him.. because that will delay the process and that's where you will be in pain.
Thank for the comments and help... id don't how to get through this I know I should... its insecurities and jealous is hovering around me... that delays my process of moving on... gosh I still for him a lot and I hate myself that I'm actually still in love with him despite everything... I don't know how to take all the pain away thanks for all the advices I really appreciated it otherwise I just be stck in my room crying over hm...
If he did it to you once he will definitely do it again so get over him and move on plenty of fish in the see you will love again you will find mr right trust me it happened to meQuote:
Originally Posted by exbestfriend
Wow thanks for this inpiring thoughts I know what I should do but the greatest enemy is myself hehehe but I'm really taking all this words as they say mind over matter...
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