Right, ths is kinda hard to explain so ill cut it down a bit lol...
My fiances parents live in scotland, im in england, and he has a job in scotland so he's up there most of the time. When we're together in life, he is the most adorable person you could ever meet, but while hes up there he rings me on a night to say goodnight and see how my days been etc.
But on the phone he seems like he doesnt want to talk to me. I ring him constantly.. if he doesnt answer my texts or dverts my calls.. it makes me ring and text him more. Hes told me it annoys him.. and i know im going to lose him if i carry on. But i miss him so much and when im not with him just feel like i constantly need to talk to him.
How can i stop this? I love him with all my heart, we've been together 2 year and i really dont want to lose him!

Please help me. Many thanks;; xx

Have you always been this way? He calls you in the evening but does not want you to call or text him? That sounds strange. I don't understand why you cannot call him or talk more than once a day, but you need to get out of this "constant need to talk to him" thing. That sounds a bit obsessive

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Originally Posted by Laydee Artois

Right, ths is kinda hard to explain so ill cut it down a bit lol...
My fiances parents live in scotland, im in england, and he has a job in scotland so he's up there most of the time. When we're together in life, he is the most adorable person you could ever meet, but while hes up there he rings me on a night to say goodnight and see how my days been etc.
But on the phone he seems like he doesnt want to talk to me. I ring him constantly.. if he doesnt answer my texts or dverts my calls.. it makes me ring and text him more. Hes told me it annoys him.. and i know im going to lose him if i carry on. But i miss him so much and when im not with him just feel like i constantly need to talk to him.
How can i stop this? I love him with all my heart, we've been together 2 year and i really dont want to lose him!

Please help me. Many thanks;; xx

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Yeah I know.. that's what my question was.. how can I stop? Lol.
And he works during the day.. but like... he'll say he'll ring me at a certain time, then he won't. Then he ends up ringing me at like 1am etc.
I don't actually mind, but he could easily take the time of like 2minutes to text or ring me.

Do you think he is seeing someone while he's there? Is that why you are being so obsessive or have you always been that way?
He needs to be told to call you at a decent hour though, that is really rude.
I'd stop anwering his calls a few times and see if he stops calling you altogether or call you more often

Guys are generally not phone people. I've learned that when you're having a conversation with a guy on the phone, keep it brief. They're simple creatures, usually. If he's told you that your constant calling/texting bothers him, he's meaning it. Be lucky he calls you each night and asks how your day has been and to say goodnight. Most girls would kill to have that happen.

Before I got my first boyfriend I would always call guys and leave messages and wonder why they never called me back. Then they'd always say "i don't want to see you anymore cos you call too much." Then I got with my ex and he said the same thing, so I stopped calling him and stopped texting him and it would take him days or weeks to call me or text me. You are so lucky he calls you once a day. You have a keeper.

Just tell yourself that he'll call you your usual nightly call and you know he's OK. He will appreciate you more because you've respected his wishes at not calling and texting so much. He may even call you/text you more because he appreciates you. And you can always sit down with him and tell him your concerns. Say "this is why I text/call so much, its because..." and help him understand, in turn he'll help you understand how he feels.

To homegirls answer.. NO I don't think hs ceating on me. I trust him 110%. Trust is not a problem in our relationship.

And to rockstar.. that actually makes lots of sense thank you. And.. I have actually noticed that when I just sit and leave it until he calls me, he's normally in a much better mood.
He says to me; "you know ill call you everynight, whether its early or late." Which I know he will. But I don't know.. it gets to a certain time and I just think why the hell hasn't he rang me.. and normally it turns out he's watching TV or something.

I don't know. Have you any advice on how I can stop being obsessive? Because believe me I've tried.. it just doesn't seem to work...

Xx

How old are you two? Age will account for a lot of this. But he is your fiancé, not your boyfriend and you two have been together two years. I don't understand why calling him is a problem.

Im seventeen, he' twenty. What has age got to do with this?

ROCKSTAR HAS JUST EXPLAINED I TO YOU BLAINTLY.

What are you getting at?

The whole not being obsessive thing has to come from you. YOU have to tell yourself its OK, everything is fine I don't need to call because I miss him. Maybe you could start writing in a journal or something when you miss him and feel the need to call, or just focus your energy in a different direction, keep busy! Take up knitting or an art or an exercise class or SOMETHING just to take your mind off calling him...

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Originally Posted by Laydee Artois

To homegirls answer..NO i dont think hs ceating on me. i trust him 110%. trust is not a problem in our relationship.

And to rockstar..that actually makes lots of sense thank you. And.. i have actually noticed that when i just sit and leave it until he calls me, hes normally in a much better mood.
He says to me; "you know ill call you everynight, whether its early or late." Which i know he will. But i dont know.. it gets to a certain time and i just think why the hell hasnt he rang me.. and normally it turns out hes jus watching tv or something.

I dont know. Have u any advice on how i can stop being obsessive? because believe me ive tryed.. it just doesnt seem to work...

xx

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Have you always been obsessive? Has his being away always been, or is this just lately?

I think it is a bit disrespectful of him to not pay attention to the time and call you so late at night, and I also don't understand why he gets upset if you call him maybe one time during the day.
It's a give and take thing. If he knows how you are, he should accept a phone call or text from you. Ignoring it says you're not important. Maybe this is why you are obsessed.

I have never been obsessive with any of my ex's. But then again, I've never loved anyone as much as I love my fiancé.
The whole 2 year I have been with him, our relationship has been like this, normally I go up scotland then he comes to mine. I see him everyweek.
The thing is, I met him on the internet years ago;; this is how I first ever met him, then obviously we met up etc. But.. I didn't see him for a whole year before I met him, so I couldn't miss him because I'd never been with him to miss him, but ever since we met in life.. I constantly want to be with him. We are actually waiting for our house to get done in scotland as we're both going to live there. But that won't be for a few months yet.
Its like tonight... he text me at around 5pmish saying he was at his mums (his mum and dad don't live together)... and I've tried ringing him twice but each time he's diverted my calls.. which you have to at least understand why that is making me pissed off? Lol.

I don't know. I love him more than anything. I just miss him and want to be with him.
:( x

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Originally Posted by Laydee Artois

Im seventeen, he' twenty. what has age got to do with this?

ROCKSTAR HAS JUST EXPLAINED I TO YOU BLAINTLY.

what are you getting at?

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Age has a lot to do with it because now that I know how old you are, that explains it. You guys are young.
I'm looking at it from a mature adult perspective, late 20's to 30 something.

He is mature xd. I am.. kind of. When it comes to us I am mature.
That's got nothing to do with this; I'm not obsessive because I'm only seventeen! I'm obsessive because.. I don't know why.

That's why I need help! Lol.

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Originally Posted by Laydee Artois

I have never been obsessive with any of my ex's. but then again, ive never loved anyone as much as i love my fiance.
The whole 2 year i have been with him, our relationship has been like this, normally i go up scotland then he comes to mine. I see him everyweek.
The thing is, i met him on the internet years ago;; this is how i first ever met him, then obviously we met up etc. But.. i didnt see him for a whole year before i met him, so i couldnt miss him because i'd never been with him to miss him, but ever since we met in life.. i constantly want to be with him. We are actually waiting for our house to get done in scotland as we're both going to live there. but that wont be for a few months yet.
Its like tonight... he text me at around 5pmish saying he was at his mums (his mum and dad dont live together)... and ive tryed ringing him twice but each time hes diverted my calls.. which you have to at least understand why that is making me pissed off? lol.

I dont know. i love him more than anything. i just miss him and want to be with him.
:( x

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Well for one thing you are very young and so is he, and while you have known each other 2 years, you really have not spent a whole lot of time with each other. Do you go to school and do you plan to go to college? I think you need to concentrate on getting a life, do you have hobbies, friends?
The fact that he ignores your calls does not help matters. Are you sure you want to move away from home and be with someone who treats you this way?

Yes because I love him.
I work as a care assistant.
I have a life, friends and hobbies. These don't stop me obsessing.
All I want is to be with him, to have him hold me whenever I want instead of having to wait until the next time I see him.
It gets to around midnight and I think.. oh well he's not going to ring me 2night.. and I try and go 2 sleep... but I can't sleep unless I talk to him.
Sad? Or maybe its just love.
I don't know.
All I know is that I need to change. He told me I don't need to change,that he's just not used to the attention, that he loves me and that I should stay the way I am because he loves me uncondionally.
But I need to change.I know I do. I just cant.

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Originally Posted by Laydee Artois

He is mature xd. i am.. kind of. wen it comes to us i am mature.
thats got nothing to do with this; im not obsessive because im only seventeen! im obsessive because.. i dont know why.

thats why i need help! lol.

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You are not obsessive. You are a 17 year old who is having a long distant relationship with a 20 year old (in my country,that would border on illegal especially since it's been going on since you were what 15?) who is calling you obssesive because he only wants to talk to you when he wants to.
It is perfectly normal for young couples to be talking to each other more often that once a day.

Stop being available for his once a day calls and see what his reaction is. In the meantime, get a social life. That will take your mind off him. You may even meet someone close to home who has no problem talking to you more than once a day.

Your obviously not understanding what I'm saying.
I Don't want to meet anyone else. I love him. I want to be with him for the rest of my life.
Apart from the phone thing we are absolutely fine.
I know its annoying him, you don't know what I'm like so your bound to say that lol. Im honestly very obsessive when it comes to ringing him. And I understand why he gets fed up because if he was doing it to me I would have told him where to go a long time ago.
I just need a way to stop being obsessive all the time. He said he doesn't mind me ringing and texting him... but not at indecent hours and while he's at work. Which you must see is understandable.
Im not blaming myself and I'm not stickng up for him.
But I'm the one that needs to stop being obsessive and change. Not him.

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Originally Posted by Laydee Artois

yes because i love him.
i work as a care assistant.
i have a life, friends and hobbies. these dont stop me obsessing.
all i want is to be with him, to have him hold me whenever i want instead of having to wait until the next time i see him.
it gets to around midnight and i think.. oh well hes not gna ring me 2night.. and i try and go 2 sleep... but i can't sleep unless i talk to him.
sad? or maybe its just love.
i dont know.
all i know is that i need to change. he told me i dont need to change,that hes just not used to the attention, that he loves me and that i shud stay the way i am because he loves me uncondionally.
but i need to change.i know i do. i just cant.

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Then he needs to love you enough to stop ignoring your calls and respect your need to talk to him more than once a day.
This one reason long distant relationships don't work. They hardly work for adults, I can certainly see the feelings of desparation in a teenager.

But then again... when I'm at work.. I come home from work and just want to chill out, watch TV etc. and that's when I don't mind when he rings me.
Which is the same for him... when he comes home from work he wants to have dinner then sit and chill. Normally he doesn't finish work until 10pm... which is why he rings me so late. It doesn't bother me that he rings me late because I'm always awake anyway. (I find it hard to sleep at night; have done since I was very young).
I have just spent the whole week with him.. but he had to go back up to go to work today. I hated saying goodbye.. he went bk to scotland on Tuesday.. and all I've done since he went home is cry. Going to bed without him being in it and holding me is the worst thing in the world to me. Which is why I... crave? Him ringing me.

I don't know.
I don't know why I posted this in the first place.. I'm just making myself get in a worse state lol.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You are not obsessive. You are a 17 year old who is having a long distant relationship with a 20 year old (in my country,that would border on illegal especially since it's been going on since you were what 15?) who is calling you obssesive because he only wants to talk to you when he wants to.
It is perfectly normal for young couples to be talking to each other more often that once a day.

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I agree with you 100%, homegirl. It does seem kind of odd that he only calls you once a day, I mean at least he's calling you, but diverting your calls to his voicemail and <b>only speaking to you when he <i>wants</i> to</b>, that's not right. He can't be that busy. I'd be kind of skeptical of this, I really would. Homegirl has a huge point, you are only 17, he is 20 and you are miles apart. I know its not something that you want to hear, but there has got to be an underlying issue here. It almost sounds like he's having his cake and eating it too.

I'm curious, has he given you a ring, have you met each other's parents yet?

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Originally Posted by Laydee Artois

Your obviously not understanding what im saying.
i DONT want to meet anyone else. i love him. i want to be with him for the rest of my life.
Apart from the phone thing we are absolutely fine.
I know its annoying him, you dont know what im like so your bound to say that lol. Im honestly very obsessive when it comes to ringing him. and i understand why he gets fed up because if he was doing it to me i would have told him where to go a long time ago.
I just need a way to stop being obsessive all the time. He said he doesnt mind me ringing and texting him... but not at indecent hours and while hes at work. which you must see is understandable.
Im not blaming myself and im not stickng up for him.
But im the one that needs to stop being obsessive and change. not him.

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You are obsessing because you are young and your boyfriend is in another country. You are feeling very insecure. Maybe a bit of counseling will help.
You have this romantic picture in your mind of life with him and you don't even want to entertain the thought that it may not work, which is where a lot of your obsession is coming from.
I can't tell you how to not be desperate. I can only tell you what I think and you are not wanting to hear that.

Yes I have an engagement ring.
Yes we've met each others parents.
He stays with me and my parents one week, and I stay with him and his the week after, etc.

He doesn't only ring me once a day. He rings me on a morning when he gets up for work at 7am.. when I get up to go to work too.. then he rings me on a night after work... and texts me during the day when he's on a break. But apart from that then yea.

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Originally Posted by Laydee Artois

But then again... when im at work.. i come home from work and just want to chill out, watch tv etc. and thats when i dont mind when he rings me.
Which is the same for him... when he comes home from work he wants to have dinner then sit and chill. Normally he doesnt finish work until 10pm...which is why he rings me so late. It doesnt bother me that he rings me late because im always awake anyway. (i find it hard to sleep at night; have done since i was very young).
I have just spent the whole week with him.. but he had to go back up to go to work today. I hated saying goodbye.. he went bk to scotland on tuesday.. and all ive done since he went home is cry. Going to bed without him being in it and holding me is the worst thing in the world to me. Which is why i... crave? him ringing me.

I dont know.
I dont know why i posted this in the first place.. im just making myself get in a worse state lol.

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Do you live with your parents?

I know I don't like what your saying partly. But that doesn't mean I don't undersand or know were yor coming from.
Because believe me, I know exactly what you mean.
And yeah, maybe it won't work out...
But at the minute, like I said, we are great aprt from the phone thing.

Its like right now... he textme at 5pm, I haven't heard from him since... he has to be up for work early tomorrow.. and now I'm starting to get irritable.. because now I'm thinking.. when/or is he going to ring me?. u get what I mean?

It really just sounds like you need to focus your attention on a hobby or a class or something, then. That's really the only way to not be obsessed is to FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION SOMEPLACE ELSE. When you're obsessed with something all your attention is on that one thing, so pick up an afterschool activity, an gym membership, a book, knitting, scrapbooking, something to divert your attention

And yes I live with my parents.

Well.. thanks for all your advice. I really do appreciate it. And don't think I haven't took any of it in.. because I have. Whether I liked it or not.

One more thing... what do I do now?. he said earlier he'd ring me tonight... so do I try ringing him... or leave it and see if he rings?

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Originally Posted by Laydee Artois

Yes i have an engagement ring.
Yes we've met each others parents.
He stays with me and my parents one week, and i stay with him and his the week after, and etc.

He doesnt only ring me once a day. He rings me on a morning when he gets up for work at 7am.. when i get up to go to work too.. then he rings me on a night after work... and texts me during the day when hes on a break. but apart from that then yea.

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Now first you said you only talk to him and night and he doesn't text, now you say you're communicating with him several times during the day. Which is it?
I'm not understanding this whole relationship. You're sleeping together at each other's parents house... You are a 17 year old playing adult games and you are confused and desperate.
I have no clue what to tell you that won't make you mad. So I'm going to just stay out of this. If you were my 17 year old daughter, some 20 year old guy would not be sleeping with you in my house.

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Originally Posted by Laydee Artois

Well.. thanks for all your advice. i really do appreciate it. And dont think i havent took any of it in..because i have. whether i liked it or not.

One more thing... what do i do now? ... he said earlier he'd ring me tonight... so do i try ringing him... or leave it and see if he rings?

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Let him call you.

LEAVE IT!
If he says he'll call you, don't call him. Ever. No matter what. Lol, you don't want him to think you're desperate and needy, do you? Lol

Just kidding, but I've learned that if a guy says he'll call you, don't call him first, its one of the biggest turn offs for them.

Well.. I got a text message delivery report.. which means his phones on.. which is a start I guess.
Thanks. Ill wait then. He always rings me before 1am. So if he hasn't rang me before then, then it means he won't ring me tonight.. which will really make me angry lol.

And towhat you said homegirl.. here it is legal to have sex when you're sixteen. I pay my mum money to stay here, I buy my own food,clothes etc. She loves my fiancé to bits. Even if she wouldn't let me sleep with him, I would anyway because its got nothing to do with her.

Ok, I will say this, heavens only knows that someone had better not call me while I am working several times a day. And to be honest many men hate to talk on the phone a lot, I know I am one of those, and as for as text, I think I have done 3 my entire life, if someone needs to talk, tey can call. He is still calling, so if you "need" to talk, you write it down, all day all the things you wanted to tell him and send it to him in a email or tell him about it when he calls.

But yes age has a lot to do with it,

[QUOTE=Laydee Artois]well.. I got a text message delivery report.. which means his phones on.. which is a start I guess.
Thanks. Ill wait then. He always rings me before 1am. So if he hasn't rang me before then, then it means he won't ring me tonight.. which will really make me angry lol.

And towhat you said homegirl.. here it is legal to have sex when you're sixteen. I pay my mum money to stay here, I buy my own food,clothes etc. She loves my fiancé to bits. Even if she wouldnt let me sleep with him, i would anyway because its got nothing to do with her.[/QUOTE]
It does have something to do with her because she is your mother and it is her home. It is called respect.
At any rate good luck.

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if he doesn't answer my texts or diverts my calls.. it makes me ring and text him more. Hes told me it annoys him.. and i know I'm going to lose him if i carry on

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I think you have way too much time on your hands, to sit and be this OBSESSED with speaking to some one. I know about that wanting to be together stuff, especially with the distance, but you must at least try to restrain yourself, since you know it annoys him. My gosh young lady, can't you think of something else to do. If not you will make both of you miserable. Make a list of the things you could, or should do, and then add things you enjoy, and instead of pining for his presence, get busy. Ask your mom about things like this, as you are young, and know nothing, so be willing to learn. Now get busy with that list. Life is more than love, and kisses my dear, its some hard work.