Hi, I have a small question. Why do we always fall in love with the wrong person? And by doing that end up being hurt all the time but have a great difficulty to let go!
Thanks for your time.
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Hi, I have a small question. Why do we always fall in love with the wrong person? And by doing that end up being hurt all the time but have a great difficulty to let go!
Thanks for your time.
We fall in love easily because we want to love and be loved. We tend to take whatever comes along, and then we just get comfortable in it. We stay for many reasons- dependence (emotional, financial, etc.), fear of being alone, fear of hurting the other person...
It sucks, but that's what happens. I doubt very few people are actually happy in their relationships. Convenience, comfort, and routine are what most long-term relationships consist of.
Everyone settles.
Not true.
I have been married to a wonderful man for 13 years, together for 18. Not everyone falls for the wrong guy, that's just until you meet the right guy. You have to kiss allot of toads before you find your prince.
I'm with my husband because he is my best friend, lover, and partner in every way. I'm not here because of convenience, comfort or routine, those things just happen. I'm here because I love being here, otherwise I would leave.
Not everyone settles, most people that I know are truly in love with their significant other. You just haven't found the right person yet. Don't give up.
Ososad, if that's how you feel then that's what you will get, if you are unwilling to give love a chance then love will not find you, that's the way it is.
Good Luck all.
Until we learn what we want, and what we don't, we tend to pick the same type of partner, and worse, make the same mistakes, over and over, as we put all into that one, and those intense feelings make us forget the real world, so we fall very hard, when our very high expectations are not met. Most times, its not even the person we chose, but the security, and companionship, they provide. Many of us are afraid of being alone, and have a fear of being rejected, and unloved. Until we grow enough to love ourselves, and be happy with who we are, we always will depend on someone else, to make us happy. Not very healthy.
I don't think we do.
The problem is a lot of people are in love with the idea of being in love. We meet someone, think they are cute, we ignore the red flags that pop up along the way, we don't listen to the advice someone may give us regarding that person, and so we have allowed ourself to fall in love, or at least we think it's love.
Its true We fall in love easily because we want to love and be loved. We tend to take whatever comes along, and then we just get comfortable in it. We stay for many reasons- dependence (emotional, financial, etc.), fear of being alone, fear of hurting the other person...Quote:
Originally Posted by Andreas_111
Some easily falls in love for security or to forget the last loved one!
Yes we atened to hurt as we fall yet rise back up stronger and better for the same reson we fell, but we allways look back at those things and realis how much we learned from it
Well I hope I've hleped u! :)
Taking whatever comes along is not falling in love, it's settling or being with someone for convenience sake, being with someone for the wrong reason. That has nothing to do with love.Quote:
Originally Posted by ososad
Long term relationships are long because there is love and commitment.
I've been married 32 years and I didn't marry for convenience sake. Love is what has kept me in my marriage, what has gotten us through the difficult times.
You only settle when you agree to continue in a relationship that you know is not good for you and is unhealthy. This is different than compromising, which is present in all relationships. Compromising is not ignoring what is important to you, but choosing your battles. No, there is never a perfect relationship, but that does not mean that you have to settle.
I just talked to someone who has been married for about 55 years and he said that people expect too much and should be more willing to settle. But you are saying the opposite. It's hard to believe that everybody gets a shot at the kind of happiness you have found. I am more and more thinking that a lot of people just don't get to live happily ever after. Maybe life just isn't necessarily happy for everyone or even most people. That doesn't mean it's not worth living.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
Asking
I have to spread some rep, but these are excellent points mom of 2 has made.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of 2
When I say settle, I don't mean don't compromise or not accept the person, I mean don't settle for less in terms of, if you know a person is not right for you, don't settle for them just to have someone.Quote:
Originally Posted by asking
No one lives "happily ever after", there is compromise and work and hardships in the best of marriages. But love and commitment keep them going. I think some people want to be in love, or they want to be married without realizing that there is common sense involved. You don't ignore the actions of a womanizer and expect him to be faithful, you don't keep hanging on to a creep just because you want to be with someone. You have to care enough about yourself to not accept someone who is not good for you.
I you find yourself always falling for the wrong person, you have a problem. You need to ask yourself why you continue to ignore the signs, why you gravitate to the same kinds of people. Love has nothing to do with that. That is more about self esteem and common sense.
I was using "happily ever after" loosely, not meaning literally in the fairy tale sense, but that I would say most people don't seem to be as happy as some people here say they are--at least in terms of long-term partnerships.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
As for self respect, I just wonder where the line between compromise and asking for too much is. You don't settle for someone who is married, of course; or who cheats, of course; or an avowed racist, of course (see other thread); or someone who is immature or irresponsible; or someone who lies; or someone of a completely different religious faith because maybe you are violating THEIR values every time you eat a ham sandwich; and so on. When you add up the list of reasons people exclude one another, how many are left? How strictly do you define cheating? Lying? That will make a huge difference in the number of people you exclude. I'm not saying it's wrong to exclude people whose values are different. Just feeling a bit discouraged. I guess I'm asking what are reasonable reasons for excluding someone and what are not?
If you two feel very strongly about opposing things, that is asking for trouble. Differences in religion can work if you two are on the same page as far as raising your kids are concerned or you agree to disagree on things. It also boils down to respect. You compromise on things. But only you know what you will not compromise on and those are things that need to be discussed before marriage. You tell each other the things that are important and the ones you can deal with. Communicate and you can work through just about anything. But if you know the guy is the type of man who does not think he should compromise, or if he thinks your role as a woman is something different that what you believe it is, why even go there? That is what I mean by using common sense.
Everyone has a good point. Let me add something though: In the beginning of the relationship you always see what's good in the other person. That in one sense blinds you! You want things to work and you don't want to be too selective because that's looks bad. Also the other person shows mostly its good side to you in order to make a good impresion! Later on you fall in love and then bad things start to happen. Arguments, disrespect, lies etc And then you are disapointed but its still very difficult to let go and separate because you trully love the other person. Then what happends? Either you separate or you chose to stay hopping that things will get better. But that is a very hard dicition!
But that's exactly why you go slow before you hang your life on someone's star, as not only do you find out more about the partner but yourself as well. Life is full of tough decisions, but as you gather facts to make that decision, common sense will guide you. As hard as that decision may be, at least you aren't just making it by emotions only. It must be balanced by fact, common sense, and your own feelings.
Had to spread the rep, but your words are dead on! Loving yourself is where your happiness starts.Quote:
You have to care enough about yourself to not accept someone who is not good for you
Yes! Yes! Yes! This is so very true!
I am in that spot right now. Known her for a few years, Wanted what I couldn't have it seemed. Finally had a chance to date. So excited... So happy... So beautiful...
Friends and family loved her. I fell head over heels in love. Put her on a pedastal. Talking about the future with her, calling her several times a day. Thought about her 24 - 7. 3 months into the relationship I'm surprised she's still breathing I smothered her so bad. She's gone exactly for that reason. Now I've lost a friend as well.
I need to get professinal help. Maybe some temporary meds. Can't stop crying and thinking about her all the time. The worst part is I am blaming myself for" What Could Have Been? " I need to address my issues before this happens again.
I now realize that I am not happy with myself. Like alcohol or drugs, she was a band aid.
My only salvation is that this happened now, and not after a marriage or having children.
However long it takes, I need to get my head screwed on right before I can date again.
If I don't, this will happen over and over.
Thanks to all of you on this site!
This has been my safe haven for the past week.
Thank You so much!
I wish you the very best and much success in your healing process.
Well... you can call it lack of experience... you only fal in love when you want to... I mean who want to be alone in this world... everyone need a companion... so they fall in love... its a part of life... just take it as it is...
Well everyone just wants to be loved, so when someone treats you well, you start to like it and gain feelings for them.
I'm in love with a guy that my parents don't like and are trying to make sure we have no contact, but really he is a good guy..
Tnks for your opinions. They have been very helpful. I wish love wasn't so blind! The think I wonder is: What does it take to love someone? I mean does staying with her a large time make you love her? I know you must like the others character, care a lot and also have a sexual attraction, but what else? I have some idea on this but I want to hear what others have to say too.
If you have all those things that attract you to a person, you spend enough time with them you can love them. If you are attracted to a person and their qualities romantically, real and lasting love can grow. But by the same token, you can love a person and not love them romantically.
Oftentimes, people are looking for the "bang" to happen to let them know they are in love, when they could already be in love. It's like not being able to see the forest for the trees.
Love is complicated, but I don't think it's blind. Love does not blind you to faults, love lets you see them and choose to love the person in spite of them. You are blinded because you choose not to see them.
JMHO
I wish I had the answer to that. Love hurts.. this is a lot easier said than done. However, remember that you can't be happy in a relationship or truly find love without loving yourself first. I struggle with it everyday. You deserve all that life has planned for you. Don't settle for someone who does need you, respect you, or cherish you. I try to tell myself that everyday. But its hard. I fell in love with someone I know was mentally incapable of having a lasting relationship because of the way he lives his life, but I couldn't leave him until I wasn't given a choice because I cared about him too much and worried about him too much to not be with him. Hang in there things will get better!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Andreas_111
True...
If nobody fell in love with the wrong persons, then these poor souls would never have a chance to be loved...Quote:
Originally Posted by Andreas_111
Love is not selfish.
I don't think we fall in love with the wrong person, I feel as though we fall in love with the right person at that time and as time changes so does the person and feelings. Sometimes we change with them, sometimes we change against them. It all depends on which way your heart grows, if you like the person they are changing into, then you will most likely change with them. Sometimes we change against them and into something that their heart doesn't agree with and then the relationship has a decline and ultimately ends. For whatever reason this is, it leads us to the next loving heart that we will explore and share our life with.
Me too, I want to know just why when we feel that we loved someone more than ourselves he/she reject this love. What make me crazy he/she not concerned about anything you did. I loved a girl even more than anybody can imagine. I'm wondering why loved her for that much. She didn't care about me. She always try to make me angry by laughing with another guys. Sometimes I feel she concerns and sometimes I feel she didn't. I can't understand what she wants!! She knows I loved her. I don't what I want to say except life is hard even its harder if you stupid. And its cool to hate and fool to love hate everything is the best cure for your life even hate life itself it will be much better. Sorry guys I know most of you will think I'm a crazy man. Yes I'm she make me crazy.
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