Multiple threads merged for entire story

Me and my boyfriend were dating for just about 2 years when we broke up.
Painful experience, tears, screaming, anger, depression, etc. the thing that hurt me the most was that he told his friends that one of the reasons he left me was because I wouldn't have sex [18 and a virgin and I'm pretty damn proud of it.] so he moved on quickly and got with a girl who was "easier" to "talk" to about sex. They had sex - and they were only dating for about two months. They broke up. He calls me up one night. And ever since then he's been trying to make it work for us again...

I don't know about you people, but I think virginity is a very special thing that you only give to ONE person that you know you'll always love- regardless where life takes you- a special gift- etc.

And if he lost it so quickly to someone he didn't love, what does he have to prove to me that he loves me, when I can offer him that? I feel cheated out of it you know? It sucks knowing that if we ever got back together sex will come up eventually again[we were sexually active, just not all the way] and I know that he can't give me something that means so much to me.

I just might be a psycho for making it such a big deal, but it just makes my skin crawl knowing that he did that to another girl that he didn't even love, when we were together he said he would wait forever until I was ready. I get so very angry at him.

I just don't know what to do, because this is stopping me from being with him again. It proves my theory of him dumping me for sex, and that he really didn't care about what I had to say. I just don't think I can be with him after this anymore even though it's the only thing I want most in the world is to be happy with him

People, please take this seriously, I've spent two years of my life with this man, and I love him so very much, and I plan to go to the marines this summer, and I need to know if he's worth coming back home to when I graduate... or if I can go straight overseas and forget all about it.. and him..

Thanks for reading.

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Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

i just might be a psycho for making it such a big deal, but it just makes my skin crawl knowing that he did that to another girl that he didnt even love, when we were together he said he would wait forever until i was ready. i get so very angry at him..

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I'm a guy and I don't think you are Psycho. If what he did makes your skin crawl do you think you can ever get past that? Virginity is different to a lot of people and obviously it means a lot to you and that is a great thing. If you can get past that then I say give it another shot but if you can't you are going to be wasting your time. Good Luck in the Marines!!

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Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

painful experience, tears, screaming, anger, depression, etc. the thing that hurt me the most was that he told his friends that one of the reasons he left me was because i wouldnt have sex [18 and a virgin and im pretty damn proud of it.]

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If that was his reason, and know wants to get back together what do you think will change? He will still want to have sex and still pressure you. Bottom line.

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Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

so he moved on quickly and got with a girl who was "easier" to "talk" to about sex. they had sex - and they were only dating for about two months. they broke up. he calls me up one night. and ever since then he's been trying to make it work for us again...

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He got what he wanted out of that relationship and then decided he wanted to come back to the familiar safe relationship he had before. Did he maybe have some remorse, or feelings of loss. Probably that and more. Doesn't change the way thing will be once you let him back. Things will be great for a while and go back to the same.. You will probably end up right back where you are today. (maybe)

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Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

idk about you people, but i think virginity is a very special thing that you only give to ONE person that you know you'll always love- regardless where life takes you- a special gift- etc.

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This is a very true statement but I think it's a must that I point out that you mentioned him and you where actually sexually active, "just not all the way". Not trying to be mean here but you must know that you shoot this statements validity down by being sexually active in any way. I think it's a common problem today that people (girls a lot of the time) think that if they don't have penitration they are still a virgin. Maybe in the medical sense but virginity is more about purity...

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Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

[we were sexually active, just not all the way]

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Your feelings are valid. You need to think about what you want in a relationship. Do you want a guy who is going to leave you every time he does not get what he wants sexually or otherwise?

He is not worth getting back with.

You clearly stated that your virginity was precious to you and he obviously didn't repsect that.

Hi Lostin.. you are only 18years old so the fact that you broke up with your boyfriend is not the end of the world trust me. I am 26 years old and when I look back at my boyfriend when I was 18 I think to myself, what was I thinking?

The fact that you are a virgin is VERY special. Don't give it up for a jerk off who left you because you valued your body. The guy I lost my virginity to at age 20 was a complete jerk and I wish I had saved my virginity for my now husband.
I am very impressed by your strenthe and ability to stand up for your morals. I admire that about you. I wish I had had the same strenth. I was pressured into doing it for fear of losing him but even after I gave it up he left me anyway. One thing you should know about sex is, it has nothing to do with love. A man does not have sex for love. Men (some women too) have sex for pleasure and fulfilment. They can meat a girl in one day and be in bed with her that night and that is a fact. So don't let this guy fool you into thinking the reason why he wants to have sex with you is because he loves you.If he really loves you he will repect your decision to wait.

So if he wants to work things out just let him know that he can but he must not expect you to give up your virginity. If he says 'no' to that then that means he doesn't really care about you, he is just interested in feeding his male desires.
It is very special thing don't waist it.

hope that helps :)

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Originally Posted by sassyT

The fact that you are a virgin is VERY special.

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Amen, you are very smart and strong. Im 100% sure you will make the right decision ( you already did) Never lower your standards/values for a partner. It will always come up again. You need someone that respects you as much or more than you do.

Sweetie, you deserve a man that holds his virginity as the same treasure that you do and there are men like that out there. This man doesn't; therefore, he is not on the same page as you. I agree with Breake, it will come up again. Lowering your standards and rejecting your value system will only bring you disappointment in the future. When you find that special man that you want to give that gift to, you'll know. Don't settle for second best.

Don't ever feel that you are a psycho simply because you are waiting to have sex. And don't EVER settle for anything less than that in a partner...

You deserve the best. He's out there, don't stop looking.

Oh, and good luck in the Marines! Make us proud! :)

What he did was dirty. From the sounds of it you can and should wait for a person that you will not have to question whether what you are doing is right.

And yes, Good Luck in the Marines, And Thank you for your service too.

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Originally Posted by HistorianChick

Sweetie, you deserve a man that holds his virginity as the same treasure that you do and there are men like that out there. This man doesn't; therefore, he is not on the same page as you. I agree with Breake, it will come up again. Lowering your standards and rejecting your value system will only bring you disappointment in the future. When you find that special man that you want to give that gift to, you'll know. Don't settle for second best.

Don't ever feel that you are a psycho simply because you are waiting to have sex. And don't EVER settle for anything less than that in a partner...

You deserve the best. He's out there, don't stop looking.

Oh, and good luck in the Marines! Make us proud! :)

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Have to spread the ratings again, but totally agree with you dear.

Another thing, maybe one day you will meet a man who is not a virgin, but one who respects and cares enough for you to stop seeing other women and is willing to wait for you because he found that special someone in you. Don't put him down for it and give him a chance to prove how much he cares.. we all deserve a chance or two, and being human, we tend to make a few mistakes on the way to growing and finding out what really is of value to us. But this guy that left you because he could not wait is not worth it, in my opinion - and he certainly has not had enough time to realize how special you are nor has he had time for inner growth.

Bless you for joining the Marines - that's an exclusive military unit that not everybody can graduate in. We all know the world is not perfect and it's too bad that military is necessary, but making that choice certainly shows me you set your goals high and are very special.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_11.gif

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I need to know if he's worth coming back home to when I graduate... or if I can go straight overseas and forget all about it.. and him..

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You being a virgin has very little to do with his behavior, and if a guy breaks up because of no sex, then he didn't care about you in the first place. He went and got what he wanted, and now he's back? He doesn't deserve the time of day so don't look back, and focus on your life, and career with the marines. Good Luck!

I'm a virgin and I'm 19 turning 20 this year and I would NEVER give it up to anyone who would just up and leave because he's bored. 2 years doesn't seem like a long time to me, especially if you're doing other things.

Gee Talaniman, was the greenie you gave me suppose to be sarcastic?

I'm known for stating the obvious!

my rant about love/men
[ you are allowed to disagree but do not bash me for it. they are my opinions]
[fyi- andrew/conrad is my boyfriend.]

if he were to walk away i would be sad- but i know when to give up- especially if he told me that he hated me. i dont get why some girls wait forever and ever just to hear that they hate you, or that they never trully cared, and still take them back.

i bet whoever is reading this is like, ’oh but you took conrad back.’ did conrad ever say he hated me? he said he was happier, and you know what i did? i moved on. i hung out with my friends, tried to talk to another guy, and he apologized, and he cried about how sorry he felt. unlike some guys who just say sorry and expect to see everything okay again. and girls are stupid enough to just be like, ’he’s back with me and thats all that really matters.’

what about the nights you spent crying, waiting for him to call when you knew he wasnt? what about everyday you saw him being happy knowing that it wasnt you that was making him happy? why dont girls see that love isnt everything.

now i love andrew with all my heart, but if he had ever said that he hated me, i wouldn’t be with him.and we’re not technically dating, so, yeah.you could consider me as one of those stupid girls who waited, becuz i did. you could tell me ’you cried everynight too.’ thats right, i did. becuz i knew that something was still there in my heart for him. but once he said he didnt love me anymore, and that he was happier, thats when i got my fatass out of bed, stopped crying, and started to live life again.

time waits for no man, or woman, so idk what the hell you’re doing sitting in bed giggling on the phone with your boyfriend, happy, pretending that its all okay, when you should be grilling his about why he ed up, or why he said those things. im not singling out anybody, there are a couple of girls that i know who are happy just to have their guy back. but when did girls decide that men mean the world to us females? forget that!

like i said, i love andrew. with all my heart. but he knew he ed up. we spent quite a bit talking about it. and now i think in my heart, things are better again. and yeah, i might be a little soft because i love him, but that dont mean im gonna let him do that again.

girls:wake up and realize that he did use you, wake up and realize that that even if he said those mean things to his friends, he said it to somebody and meant it.you need to wake up!,this is the real world, there's no happily ever after and no prince charming. all you can hope for is get a good job, and maybe a nice house, and maybe a guy will grow up and realize that enough is enough and that agirl really did care for him.

like i said, i love andrew, and none of this has to do with me and him, but to all the girls who cry and wait, who should really move on and find themselves. but what are the chances of anyone reading this-actually listen?
shame...

I read it and I listened. I agree that break ups suck and but you can take the time to learn about them and move forward. It's times like this that began to challenge the core of who you are and allow you to change for the better.

I would like it if someone would message me and give me their AIM so I can get personal advice. Its about a boyfriend, and a horrible thing in the past. If someone could help me it would great.

Honey, this is a public forum, I doubt very much that anyone is going to give you their email address, heck, we aren't even willing to use our real names.

If you need advice then your best bet is to start a thread and ask your question. It may be hard for you to write, I've been there too, I wrote about my past, something I never wanted to tell anyone, but I did it here, and I'm so glad that I did.

We are here for you when you decide that you want to talk about it. I hope you do, obviously this is something that is weighing heavily on your mind.

Good Luck, and remember, helping people out is what we're here for.

:eek: Ive been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and some months. During our whole relationship we've had only one major break up, and only a couple of 'breaks'. From the beginning his mother never really liked me for some reason, and the father just didn't seem to mind. I guess it because my boyfriend lived with her and spent all his time with her. I understand that she doesn't want to lose her child or whatever, but you know- he's growing up. And that was TWO years ago! During those two years she fought him on the phone threatening to call my parents to break us up, and called me a 'spic' when she was drunk one night [yes, I am hispanic, and my boyfriend is white.] its hard to forgive her, but I'm willing to keep my mouth shut for the sake of my relationship with my boyfriend. Its driving me crazy! I love my boyfriend dearly, but whenever I hear her voice on the phone I cringe because I know she's pretending to be nice just to get on her son's good side again. I feel horrible because I haven't done anything wrong but I feel like I'm tearing my boyfriend and his mom's relationship. What should I do?:eek:

Well honestly, you should not worry about your boyfriends relationship with his mother. He needs to figure out a good balance. It sounds like that the mother is hateful and possibly racist. It happens so often. Believe me it does, with different cultures it makes the stresses of relationships harder to deal with. Who cares what the mother thinks and focus on you and your boyfriend. Hopefully when these things are said, your boyfriend stands up for you. Have you tried being civil no matter what she has said to you, know its hard but you should also be truthful on how you feel. Confide in your boyfriend.

OP, do you think you can change the font back to normal font, I am having a really hard time reading your post. Thanks.

1) Could your boyfriend understand love, life, and you under the condition that he was raised by an ignorant and narrow-minded mother?
2) Do you really confirm your love to him?
Talk to his mother privately that "I love your son." And let her know she is a racist in your eyes. If the answers to my question are no, he doesn't deserve you for a future with your sacrifice.

At work i got out early, and i called my boyfriend so he wouldnt visit me [i work at a diner] and when i called he didnt pick up, so i called his house..and his dad picked up and when i asked where he was he said, "he said he would be with you all night." and i panicked. what if he gotten into a car accident this and that, bla bla. He finally called me and i asked him where he was, he said, " i was with my dad the whole time." that worry quickly turned into anger and i called him out , " i called the house. dad said you were supposed to be with me." he laughed as if he got caught and said that he went to see a movie with his best friend, who happens to be a girl. i was so mad at him because he always gives me white lies, and whos going to stop him from giving me a white lie- to a huge one. Which he's also done. So i admit, i did this out of anger i broke up with him. i tried to cal him back when i calmed down and offered to see him but he simply said, "you were the one to break up with me and i dont want to see you." he hung up on me and i started to cry, and i texted a friend and asked if i could chill at his house. he said yeah i was fine. well we were just watching movies and he held my hand and my heart was beating like crazy...and i knew something was gonna happen. because he asked me,"if i kiss you will you hold it against me?" and i just said no. and we started making out and eventually we had sex.twice. and when i woke up, i was in his bed and i was kinda shocked. i wasnt drunk or anything, but i never thought i would do that. ...but i did..and i dont really feel bad for doing it. my ex confirmed the breaking up, and said he doesnt want to get back with me for a while, but what i feel bad about is that now i may have two guys hearts. i know its horrible and im a bad person. ...but i just dont feel horrible, when i usually would. theres something wrong with me! im having random sex, i broke up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, and i dont feel bad at all! whats going on in my head?!:( :confused:

Maybe breaking up with your boyfriend is more freeing than you thought and that confuses you. It is easy to stay in a relationship because it is what we know, it is comfortable. But consider whether you want to be in a relationship with someone you can not trust to be honest with you. He obviously not only has lied to you, but to his father as well. Perhaps a part of you is relieved to be out of the relationship, so that could be one reason why you don't feel as badly about the breakup as you think that you should. This is only amplified by the fact that you now know someone else is interested in you... so you really don't "need" your boyfriend.
Just be careful not to jump right into another relationship because it makes you feel better. If you are interested in the new guy, take things slowly, see whether something more is there that you want to invest your time and heart in. Might be wise to just take some time for yourself until you feel that you have your thoughts and feelings sorted out. Too easy to get things all muddled up if you add the excitement of a new relationship right away.
The truth shall set you free... you know the truth about your ex and his lack of ability to be honest, and now you have been set free.

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Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

what i feel bad about is that now i may have two guys hearts. i know its horrible and im a bad person. ...but i just dont feel horrible, when i usually would. theres something wrong with me! im having random sex, i broke up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, and i dont feel bad at all! whats going on in my head?!:( :confused: [/B]

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Don't worry, you don't really have either guy's heart. Your ex is a liar, and your new fu<k buddy is an opportunist. You aren't a bad person, you're just fickle and immature and drunk on hormones. It's normal, and you'll grow out of it eventually. In the meantime, use protection, or better yet, abstain until you're mature enough for a real adult relationship.

Sex it doesn't prove anything don't ruin your life now when you have sex it is a waste of like its not the awnser I really have to love a guy to have sex if you do it, it won't help you it dosnet make you happy at all forget the first guy... hes a loser I had guys like that you don't know how complicated my life is if you have sex with a guy he justs leves you right after to go do it with someone else!! Then your left with to jobs and a baby... its not worth it he's a loser don't go for him your really not a bad person you just don't know wats happing right now then by you know it you will start to find watz going on I know your going to turn out to be a strong person---tay :)

After two years(on and off) of being with my boyfriend, I decided I couldn't do it anymore.
In the past... 6 months, he dated two girls while we took a break. The first girl was barely two weeks, we got back together, the next girl was about two months, and we got back together. This time, we broke up over a lie about where he was and who he was with. (he said he was with his dad, his dad told me he was with me- he ended up watching a movie with his friend) so I called it quits. All I wanted was for him to just tell the truth, and to be committed. He said that's what he wants, but not right now.(he just wants to have fun. That's all he wants.) so again, he found another girl. He told me she meant nothing to him, but he just couldn't be with me. I told him that I couldn't be in his life. You know this is the guy I was with, my first everything, and I just needed time to get over that. But he just calls me immature and says it's a stupid idea. I think its because he needs my thoughts and advice, I was like a little thereapist. Just the other night he said that he was with a girl that meant absolutley nothing to him, and I was who he wanted to be with. And just yesterday he denied it, and was going to be with her. I told him that being with her meant losing me. And he seemed okay with it. I was/am heartbroken by it. I'm leaving for college in August and I just thought that I would have something or someone to come back to.. but at the same time if history repeats itself- this relationship will end and he'll find me again. But I'm tired of going through all this pain, but at the same time when we are together, he makes everything go away. I know that I just have to let him go for now, but at the same time, would it even matter if I just let him go forever? I'm at the point where if I move on, I'll miss him, or that if I stay here and watch him be happy with another girl, that my heart breaks. I don't have a great relationship with my mom (dad out of picture) and my friends don't give me great advice. I'd just like something that can just make me open my eyes and realize either "he was a jerk." or "he just needs some time" thanks.

You take him back, no matter what he has done, because you think you need him to be happy. Nothing could be further from the truth, as you must learn to do the things to make yourself happy, without him in your life. Once you realize this for yourself, you can move on beyond the dependence of being with him, to find happiness for yourself.

My advice is to go to college and forget this creep every existed. You will find new friends and great guys in college. And this is a great time to not be involved, there are plenty of new opportunities in college. He's not worth your time, end it for good, and don't look back.
He's a weight that you don't need.

You are welcome.

Looking for something to open your eyes and realize he's a jerk? Read your post. I'm not seeing anything there that suggest he might be good for you.
Go on to college, that first year will be difficult enough without having to deal with him. He is not making you happy or secure, he is just familiar and constant, but a constant pain.
Move forward and be happy.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Looking for something to open your eyes and realize he's a jerk? Read your post. I'm not seeing anything there that suggest he might be good for you.
Go on to college, that first year will be difficult enough without having to deal with him. He is not making you happy or secure, he is just familiar and constant, but a constant pain.
Move forward and be happy.

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Absolutely true.

I'm not defending him, but he has a lot of mental problems.. and I guess I was mainly there to play therapist for him. I want nothing but to be his friend now, if we ever could, but I'm not sure. Thanks though.

Then he really needs to go to a professional. But don't feel sorry for him. You could possibly be friends after a break up, but give that some time.

Yeah, I talked to him and I told him that I care for him but I can't be friends with him until I can finally put him as a friend level. He said he understood, and that he hopes that someday we could get back together in the future.

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Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

After two years(on and off) of being with my boyfriend, i decided i couldnt do it anymore.
In the past ...6 months, he dated two girls while we took a break. the first girl was barely two weeks, we got back together, the next girl was about two months, and we got back together. this time, we broke up over a lie about where he was and who he was with. (he said he was with his dad, his dad told me he was with me- he ended up watching a movie with his friend) so i called it quits. all i wanted was for him to just tell the truth, and to be commited. he said thats what he wants, but not right now.(he just wants to have fun. thats all he wants.) so again, he found another girl. he told me she meant nothing to him, but he just couldnt be with me. i told him that i couldnt be in his life. you know this is the guy i was with, my first everything, and i just needed time to get over that. but he just calls me immature and says its a stupid idea. i think its because he needs my thoughts and advice, i was like a little thereapist. just the other night he said that he was with a girl that meant absolutley nothing to him, and i was who he wanted to be with. and just yesterday he denied it, and was going to be with her. i told him that being with her meant losing me. and he seemed okay with it. i was/am heartbroken by it. im leaving for college in august and i just thought that i would have something or someone to come back to..but at the same time if history repeats itself- this relationship will end and he'll find me again. but im tired of going through all this pain, but at the same time when we are together, he makes everything go away. i know that i just have to let him go for now, but at the same time, would it even matter if i just let him go forever? im at the point where if i move on, i'll miss him, or that if i stay here and watch him be happy with another girl, that my heart breaks. i dont have a great relationship with my mom (dad out of picture) and my friends dont give me great advice. i'd just like something that can just make me open my eyes and realize either "he was a jerk." or "he just needs some time" thanks.

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The more we hold on to something, the less it stays. More importanly, the more we try to gain the less we have. In other words, if you stay you will more then likely be unhappy, but there will be those moments when life seems perfect, in his arms. But be mindful that that is a lie for there is only the moment, and if the time before is good but the moment is bad, then you will feel bad. If the time before is bad, and the monet is good, the you will be happy. (or will you wonder and worry that the future is going to be bad?? ) The past is history, the future is a mystory, but the now is a gift - that is why it is called the present. YOu know what you must do, have faith in yourself, and take responsibility for your individualism, and freedom to act, think, and feel.

No one knows what the future has in store, for it is clouded by many unforseen things, but the now, is now, and is all that matters. Be mindful of the future, but not at the expence of the moment. You don't know that you won't meet a super guy at school, you've never bin there, in that momnet, for every momnet is fresh new, and full of possibility. Embrace it and enjoy the ride.

Peace be with you.

Me and my ex went through a really bad breakup, and he just recently got a new girlfriend. I was wondering if I should message her about my side of the breakup, because from what I hear he's talking a lot of crap, and she seems like an understanding girl so if I tell her my side she probably won't break up with him, but not let him talk so badly about me. I'm scared though, because I still have a lot of feelings, and she just might date him out of spite and not notice my feelings. What should I do? Defend my name and get my feelings hurt, or, keep quiet and have him run his mouth?

EDIT- thank you guys for the advice, I guess its more of the thought of making them happy, and them talking about me, makes everyone think I'm some depressed stalker when I'm not. He's the one to always text me, or tell me he still loves me. (We were together for 2 years). I know that if his new girl would find out she would leave him and he would get what he deserves. But I know that for now he's happy, and that's all that matters (besides my happiness which I will most definitely get. No matter what.) the only reason the people talk, is because they want to see us together rather them, but he won't listen, and the new girl has no clue at all about it. But again, thank you guys for your advice. I'm still really sad about losing him but.. it happens I guess?. I really am heartbroken by it all. He told me last Saturday that he loved me. And then maybe two days ago he wrote me that he still cared. He won't leave this other girl for anything and they've been dating only two or three weeks. He's told all my friends what happened, only his side. I'm just incredibly tired of the petty drama, and if I could I would want to get my boyfriend back, chances are its not going to happen, so I just got to move on. Right?

Reasons it is pointless

*Love is blind she will think you are making things up and exaggerating for spite
*He will continue talking his crap, she can't control his mouth
*He/They will probably harass you in other ways than spreading stories.

So telling her will not do any good

To defend your name when you hear the stories tell the ones you hear it from your side.

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Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez

Me and my ex went thru a really bad breakup, and he just recently got a new girlfriend. i was wondering if i should message her about my side of the breakup, because from what i hear he's talking a lot of crap, and she seems like an understanding girl so if i tell her my side she prolly wont break up with him, but not let him talk so badly about me. I'm scared tho, because i still have a lot of feelings, and she just might date him out of spite and not notice my feelings. what should i do? defend my name and get my feelings hurt, or, keep quiet and have him run his mouth?

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Hey,
I see your point here but feel its best you don't say anything. I know this will hurt but in time you will feel better. If you speak to her she may feel you are making it up and make situations worse for you and as for him if he is bad mouthing you he probably will say worse if you talk out. In time I believe the saying what goes around comes around with have an effect. Hope this is some help. Best wishes x

Just let it go, it will make you seem like a pyscho stalker. Stop checking up on him, just forget he exists! He has a new life, new girlfriend just let him be. If you go around trying to set every rumor straight you encounter in your life you will spend all your time defending your life rather than living it. Rumors die down, they get old and new things come about to talk about. Just let it all die down

Tell his new girlfriend that he's a double-face jerk who talks trash about everyone behind their back.