Ask Me Help Desk - Trouble with conversation/communication

Trouble with conversation/communication

I have having trouble with communication, she says that it is hard to talk to me and I am trying to figure out a way to change that. We know a lot about each other, but I sometime can't think of anything say. Then there a loooooonnnnnggggg silence what are good topics that will keep the conversation going?

Try talking about things that you would like to do with her like traveling,kids,getting married,things that you would like to do in the future.ask her if she ever really wanted to go somewere [maybe take her] ask her what she would like to do in the future.
Think of things that she likes to do like sports,hobbies,her job and maybe talk about them

Get her to talk about what she likes, and be a good listener. A sense of humor helps. How old are you anyway?

There are mutiple things that you could carry a conversation about, something's you think of you might think were stupid to bring up but you never know still you talk about it, just loosen up a little bit...

Instead of offering things to talk about.. I'd like to pick at the idea that you're running out of things to say to her...

How long have you two been together? (if you guys are actually together... it wasn't specified in the post)

Granted, some couples get "bored" but I always saw this as a red flag

How often do you two talk? Because if you guys are constantly calling/texting/talking to one another, yeah, things get dull. If this is the case, try to lessen the amount of talking...

I like to think that I have mastered the art of communication as there have been very very rare occasions in my life where there has been awkward silence because of myself.

Of course, it takes two to have a conversation... typically, if you ask how her day went, you'd get some kind of story, when this happens... listen! Listen and pick out bits of information that you can relate too. If you have a funny story about a certain thing she said or if you have shared a similar situation. If she says that she did "nothing", tell her that she's boring and that she had better say something interesting or you're going to walk away/hang up.

As I said on ihatewestseneca's comment... most women can't wait to tell you about their day... and unlike most guys, who usually say the bare minimum, women go on and on about every single detail (i.e. - I woke up this morning... but then my alarm went off after I woke up... which was funny because I had set my alarm for... )

I DID go on a date with this one girl who had barely anything to say the entire 3 hours I was with her... it was a shame as she was smoking hot. But yeah. It happens.

*author's note: I know I made some stereotypical comments up top about how women love talking and men always get bored. It's true. I said it.*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaballo

I have having trouble with communication, she says that it is hard to talk to me and i am trying to figure out a way to change that. we know a lot about each other, but i sometime can't think of anything say. Then there a loooooonnnnnggggg silence what are good topics that will keep the conversation going?

I am 23 we have been seeing each other for about 7 months. We do talk all the time, several weeks ago we broke up because of our communication prob. We are still good friends and she wants to try and work things out. We went on a date last night and I couldn't believe that we talked the hole time we were out. I just want to continue talking but I do run out of things to say. For the first time in my life I cried when I told her that I loved her, I even made her cry. Do you think that I should write down things that would be good to talk about, or no.

I wouldn't write down entire conversations, but if you think of something you wanted to tell her during the day, it wouldn't hurt to write it down... although she might think it was a bit weird if you whipped out a notepad and started talking to her.

Do you guys have certain things both of you like? Art? Music? TV shows?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaballo

I have having trouble with communication, she says that it is hard to talk to me and i am trying to figure out a way to change that. we know a lot about each other, but i sometime can't think of anything say. Then there a loooooonnnnnggggg silence what are good topics that will keep the conversation going?

Yes we do

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaballo

I have having trouble with communication, she says that it is hard to talk to me and i am trying to figure out a way to change that. we know a lot about each other, but i sometime can't think of anything say. Then there a loooooonnnnnggggg silence what are good topics that will keep the conversation going?

What makes a person hard too talk too?

After all that talking, your both tuckered out. Maybe go skating, instead of dinner. Frisbee in the park, bowling. Non verbal communications, and interacting with each other is communicating also, and fun. That's what its about, is the fun. Talking is great, but laughing is better. Get a sock draw a face, and pull it from under the table, humor, fun, enjoy and make her enjoy. Listen up, get a name for sock face. Let him do the talking, as he can say anything.

Haha did you try the sock idea, and did it work. I don't know if I am going to try it we will see what happends.

The point is be creative, and Mr Socko worked just fine.

You know she's a keeper when you introduce Mr. Socko and she doesn't run.

... actually, I may use Mr. Socko... except I may run when she's OK with it. Really.

If it is a stream of conversation you are after, people like to talk about themselves. If you ask a question that requires that the person give something of themselves in the answer you can ask questions about it.

Take a general subject like music. You said you had similar interests. Pick something she likes and ask her what she likes about it. She will say something that you will be able to ask another question about. At the right time, share your views and pretty soon the two of you have a conversation going.

Remember there are five parts to communication. You think it in your brain. You mush the thought into words you know. You speak the words in a language. She hears the words and has an understanding of what they mean. She forms a thought in her head. That thought was influenced by limitations of the three middle steps. I think conversation mostly has to do with correcting the inaccuracies introduced by that process.

I have to say that in my experience, one isn't comfortable with someone else until there can be some rather long silences. You have to get to the point where you don't and she doesn't worry about the fact that there is dead air. It is just the next step up in the relationship.

I tend to like dates you can share experience, like amusement parks, concerts, museums, and beach volley ball, all my exes loved beach volley ball. Less talk, more interactions.

Well thanks for all of your input I will try to put some of it too action. I will keep in touch.

I guess I have one more question... how I do get rid of a guy that is trying too take my place?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaballo

I guess i have one more question.... how i do get rid of a guy that is trying too take my place?

Its not up to you to get rid of him... its up to your girl. If she really wants to be with you she'll tell the other guy to back off. Don't do anything stupid like have a "talk" with him, if you have to see him just be pleasant, don't be a jerk, even though you want to. So yeah, if you're really worried about him talk to your lady.

Never sweat the competition. Just be yourself, and do your thing with confidence. You are not his competition, you're the MAN. Act like it, and keep the head up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaballo

I have having trouble with communication, she says that it is hard to talk to me and i am trying to figure out a way to change that. we know a lot about each other, but i sometime can't think of anything say. Then there a loooooonnnnnggggg silence what are good topics that will keep the conversation going?

Well thanks for all of your input, we are experiencing things that we haven't before. We have become more open with each other, and I am sure that this is just one more step to a greater and more personal relationship. As it turns out she did tell this guy to step aside. Although they are still friends. Through the past 3 weeks I have learned more about myself than I could have possibly imagined. I am now going to a phyc doctor for some help about my dep. I am not scared anymore.