3 threads merged/edited.
This is an older post so please read the whole thing for background info and current feedback

My Ex Girlfriend And I Broke Up 3 Months Ago. She Broke Up With Me Because I Was Going Out With Myfriends Too much.she Told Me She We Are Not Getting Back Together Anytime Soon And That She Fell Out Of Love For Me. She Cries About The Situation When We Talk About It Or She Gets Very Angry. I Want To Move On But She Still Calls Me Or Text Messages Me Often Which Makes It Harder For Me.what I Want To Know Is What Is Her Intentions? Im Confused On What To Do.. please Help:

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Originally Posted by BILLYJADEN

I Want To Move On But She Still Calls Me Or Text Messages Me Often Which Makes It Harder For Me.what I Want To Know Is What Is Her Intentions? Im Confused On What To Do.. please Help:

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You just answered your own question

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I want to move on

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that right there gives you your answer. Don't make her uncertainty blind you to what you want. If you really want to move on then stop all contact, if you have to change your number do it. Whatever it takes for you to unconfuse yourself take action. The reality is that I don't think you have healed completely from this relationship and you can't with her lingering in and out of you life.. tell her that you need time to yourself, and ask her to not contact you. Then stop the contact and do what you need to do to be happy.

Should I think she still wants something with me? Or is she trying to teach me a lesson? What is her intentions?

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Originally Posted by BILLYJADEN

Should i think she still wants something with me? or is she trying to teach me a lesson? what is her intentions?

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My concern with this is that she made a decision to break up, I don't really know the details, or if she in fact talked to you before the breakup about spending more time with her and not your friends. If she loved you and seen that their was a problem, she could have communicated this with you and allow you to change or maybe you didn't think it was a big deal no matter what she could have talked to you.


To add salt to the wound she not only broke up with you but SHe also made it clear that she fell out of love with you.. FLAG
SHe made her decision to break it off, she could be realizing this was a mistake, but she can't manipulate the situation and keep holding it against you. It was her ultimate decision to break up. If she feels she made a mistake she should have said something by now, and want to rekindle, but if she is just calling you to keep blaming you for the breakup, then why do you want to talk to her or even get back with her.. You are not even together and she calls you and get angry, and cry for her decision.. blaiming you when she stated she doesn't love you. SO what are you holding on to?

Ive told her that I'm a changed man but she doesn't believe me. She tells me she is happy being by herself.Ever since we broke up we have kept in touch. We talk almost everyday. She text message me and calls me to see how I'm doing. Im moving on. But I want to know what her true intentions really are by her calling me/texing me all the time?

Well to tell you more about the situation. She has taken me back 2 times for the same thing. I have to admit I do love her and I want to work things out slowly but she doesn't want to give me another chance. Ive told her to stop calling me or text messaging me to make things easier for me. I just think its ridiculous how a person doesn't want anything with anyone but yet still wants to stay in touch.

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Originally Posted by BILLYJADEN

Well to tell you more about the situation. She has taken me back 2 times for the same thing. I have to admit i do love her and i want to work things out slowly but she doesnt want to give me another chance. Ive told her to stop calling me or text messaging me to make things easier for me. I just think its ridiculous how a person doesnt want anything with anyone but yet still wants to stay in touch.

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Easy, because they are hurt, she is hurt by you not choosing her over your friends, but she made a decision to end it therefore she must live with her decision. You on the other hand obviously was not willing to change, and therefore have to accept the consequences.. and because You guys have already been in and out of the relationship I think its best that contact for now be obsolete.. Until you can fully heal... You need to find out what it is that you want and what makes you happy. Because if you needed to be with your friends all the time, that means their could have been a void in your relationship.. some incompleteness because if you really want someone nothing will keep you away.. I mean nothing... Can their be friendship? Perhaps it can be later in life.. not right now its too soon after the breakup to try at friendship.. You need to heal first and get yourself together emotionally and mentally.. Otherwise you will keep going back and forth breaking up and making up, and eventually it will become sour, and can even lead to never being friends.. If you want friendship you have to let go.. who knows maybe when you both mature a little later you can reestablish a friendship, or maybe not.. The bottom line is let go, no contact is strongly advised...

Thank you so much. I agree.

How much time did you spend with her/your friends?

Well of course she's happy being single. She still gets to talk to you every day. This is what we call "having her cake and eating it too". Don't let her have it both ways. No relationship No Contact. Stop responding to her and calling her. Do this at least 2 weeks and see if she's still contacting you. If she is, politely tell her that she wanted a break up, what else is there to talk about. In the mean time, go out and have some fun and get your mind off her.

Well I Rarely Went Out With My Friends But In Her Mind She Thought I Went Out Too Much. She Is Very Insecure And Unfortunately She Has A Trusting Issue. She Is Very Jealous. When She Calls Me I Tend To Be Too Pushy On Asking Her When We Are Getting Back And Gets Angry About My Questions. By Me Accepting Her Decision I Just Don't Get Why She Would Call Me So Often Supposely To See How Im Doing? She Text Me Senceless Text Messages About What's Going On With Her Which Leaves Me In Doudt If She Wants Something With Me Or Is She's Done With Me For Good. Or Probably She Just Wants To Make Me Misserable.

Thank You For Your Answer. Do U Think She Is Sure She Made The Right Decision.

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Originally Posted by BILLYJADEN

Well I Rarely Went Out With My Friends But In Her Mind She Thought I Went Out Too Much. She Is Very Insecure And Unfortunately She Has A Trusting Issue. She Is Very Jealous. When She Calls Me I Tend To Be Too Pushy On Asking Her When We Are Getting Back And Gets Angry About My Questions. By Me Accepting Her Decision I Just Dont Get Why She Would Call Me So Often Supposely To See How Im Doing? She Text Me Senceless Text Messages About Whats Going On With Her Which Leaves Me In Doudt If She Wants Something With Me Or Is Shes Done With Me For Good. Or Probably She Just Wants To Make Me Misserable.

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Well her contacting you could be her jealously, she keeps in contact to know what you are doing.. perhaps this can also be a reason... now that you mention she is insecure and jealous. I suggest you just stop contact, there is no need to keep torturing yourself...

That's True.I Agree With You.

Bill my friend, either you are naïve, or didn't really read, what the poster said. She has no reason to be exclusuve with you, as she still has you anytime she wants, and is still free to do whatever she wants, and when ever she wants, because you will let her. Forget talking to her, as she did dump you, so stop kissing her butt ,and get a life.

Thank You. Im Going To Stop Thinking On What To Offer This Person Adn Safe It For The Every Special One That Comes In My Life. Givng Her Too Much Importance Is What Is Keeping Her With This Game. Thank You So Much For Your Straight Forward Answer.

There you go, just love yourself, and someone who deserves you, will want to share what you have, and that's special. Good luck, I like your attitude.

I think this is more accurately described as: "She is having your heart and eating it, too."

Thank You...

Bily, she split with you because you spent too much time going out with YOUR mates and not giving her enough attention. Maybe she is trying to see if you really have changed or not. If you have then show her how much you have changed and if you get back together then learn from your mistake

I Did Give Her Enough Attention.its Just Selfish Ness On Her Part. I Know I Can Show Her The World And Make Her Happy. But With Her Rejections And Being So Sure Of Me Being There She Is Making It Hard For Me To Do That. I Don't Want To Emmbarase Myself.

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Originally Posted by BILLYJADEN

My Ex Girlfriend And I Broke Up 3 Months Ago. She Broke Up With Me Because I Was Going Out With Myfriends To much and things we couldnt agree on. Ive told her that im a changed man but she doesnt beleive me. She tells me she is happy being by herself.Ever since we broke up we have kept in touch. We talk almost everyday. She text message me and calls me to see how im doing. Im moving on. But i want to know what her true intentions really are by her calling me/texing me all the time?

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I think that you are prolonging the pain. You should show her that you've changed by not being so dependent on what SHE thinks and WANTS for herself. She is being selfish by not allowing you to live your life in the manner and degree to which you are comfortable. She's probably the type of person who really LOVED your friends up front so they would convince you "what a great catch she was..." HA! Women do that all the time and then they become resentful of you when you give soooo much of yourself and start "taking back"... you have the right to have your space. You're not married to the woman! Don't continue to "drag" this s**t out as my ex would say... she's stringing you along because she can't deal with her OWN pain of the separation... let it go before you go completely insane over this!

Exactly.after we broke up in january she wanted to work things out in her own way. She said we can work things out slowly but if i say i want to be alone u need to leave me alone.. thats when i flipped out and said hell f*&k no there is no way i work things out that way. Anyway i told her to get to the point and she falt out told me she wants to be alone and she doesn't see us getting back together anytime soon. After that i get text/call on the weekends and weekdays. Sometimes we hang out for dinner. But other than that i just don't know what she is holding on too. What i don't get is how she want to keep in touch if she doesn't want to be with me?

BILLYJADEN my friend... I hopoe this will help you... came from a cool rap song. "IT'S OKAY TO LOSE SOMEONE OVER YOUR PRIDE...DON'T LOSE YOUR PRIDE OVER SOMEONE YOU LOVE..yeah baby...that's what I'm talking about. She wants to be alone.....leave her alone. Looks like she's calling all the shots here - and you're letting her. Stop it my friend. She's playing games with you...I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy. I have not contacted my "ex" in over a week and the feelings are still "raw"... but hey, does he care enough to call and find out how I'm dealing with MY pain? Nope! And... do I care? NOPE! I only care ABOUT ME right now, and so should you. Let her go.. there are so many other deserving women out there for a man like you. BUCK UP (as my dad would say... )

Oh Yea.. ill Do That.. your The Best.. thanks.. I Know This Will Defenitely Help.. first Serious Relationship Here.. thanks

Me and my ex girlfriend tried to work things out 4 times for the pass year. I know it sounds stupid and pathetic but I never knew love would take me this far. For the pass year its being an emotionally roller coaster for me. My ex would text me and call me with tears that she wants me back trusting her I would take her back and for some reason she would take it back and say she is confused after two weeks.Ive being there for this girl and be the best boyfriend I can be. I did my research if another person was involved and nothing seem suspicious.its being 1 month since the last time she's done this and I took the initiative to cut it off completely.Shes tried to contact me on private calls but I've ignore her and went to the NC rule. Im still hurt but I really would like to know why she did this 4 times after begging me that she is so sure she wants to be with me. Last Saturday I had a dream with her and out of the blue I broke my NC rule. I texted her how she was doing and what was new in her life. I also asked her if she was still confused and she responded "why im i asking her that question". After going back and forth on why I was asking that question I felt stupid so cut of the conversation after agreeing we are just going to be friends.. After all the run around with the question her response was "what difference does it make if she is or not". I responded that its just something that came to mind.. neatless to say she said no she is not confused... any advice

My advice to you is to pick up and move on with your life, without her. I can't begin to guess why she's acting the way she is and I don't want to try. But she obviously isn't right for you and you need to accept that fact.

Thanks for the response. S_cianci. So do you think its normal for a girl to act this way... She is 24 and I'm 27.. I'm willing to move on but before I do I would like to really know why she did this to me after me being the so called perfect boyfriend and the man of her dreams.

One thing that you need to learn about females.. Never try to figure out what their thinking. All that does is drive you crazy and cause you to have grey hair by the age of 30.. Think for yourself and do what's right for you and everything will work out in the long run. As s_cianci posted, I would move on and worry about what I needed to do to better myself. It might take a while but things will get better

She did it because you kept responding and letting her know you were there at her beckoned call , and she'll keep doing it if you let her.

Let her be and find someone stable you can have a proper relationship with , lifes too short to waste on unhealthy relationships.

I agree... You do need to think about yourself first..
There is always 2 sides involved when dealing with relationships.. You never know what is going on in her head or in her heart, but if you do continue thinking about what she's thinking you are def going to drive yourself insane..

You never know.. Maybe she is confused.. Maybe you guys went through a lot and things pushed her away... or maybe she is not in love... Or maybe you she does not deserve an amazing man like you.. There are so many maybes, what's ifs, whys.

If God wants you two to be together then it will happen...

I suggest you don't ask her how she feels because In my opinion you might just be causing pressure and stress on her especially if she does not know what she wants...

Put yourself first... You never know what can happen in life... Take it day by day

A relationship consists of two people who contribute to make the relationship work. You can only take care of your part and do what you can to support and care for your partner. When the other person does not, then there really isn't much you can do. Whatever your ex may be thinking or feeling, you cannot always know and you really cannot change it. You must continue with your life and move on. Of course it will hurt and it will be hard. But if you've been the best boyfriend you can be and she cannot decide what to do then it is time to move one and find someone who WILL love you and who won't be confused. Best of luck!

What I got to know from this, girls cannot be easily understood. Either they are tough, or we guys are not so matured to understand them(have to agree). I have also gone through situation like this. All I learnt is patience and perseverance in a good way. Don't be pestering her or irritate her or take your anger out on her, leave it cool. She will realise, and if that has to happen and will come back to you slowly. But, you should have a neutral emotion, not too sad, not too happy, at the same time, not sad and not happy too. I know its confusing, but just be in touch with her, make her feel by your silence, that you want her and that you cannot live without her, at the same time, you not taking the approach to get her back. She should and would ultimately. Pray to God, definitely he would help. There is nothing impossible with God.

It doesn't sound like she fell "out of love" with you if she still cries about the situation ending. Love is a very deep emotion that can manifest itself through feelings of hate or denial, but if she is hurting from the break up, then she is still in love with you. It sounds to me like she wants to be in "control" of the relationship, and if she cannot have you for herself and manipulate you into leaving your friends behind, then she will perform a maneuver in her life with is what I call self destructive behavior in order to obtain control over you. She will make it look like YOU'RE the reason the relationship isn't working, when all in all, she just may not be clear on what she wants from life. She may not want you to "discover" things about herself that may cause you to leave her in the future. Maybe she has a fear of abandonment so she will most likely destroy what you have together by using a superficial means of self-sabotage. How many relationships has she "ended" in her past... or how long were any of her previous relationships. That would be a good indicator of why you are not together now. If she has established "patterns" like this in her life, it doesn't mean she cannot love anyone... it just means that she doesn't really know how to express it effectively. She's afraid of it.