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Hi everyone.. I just want to know what everyone thinks about this.

I'm almost 20 years old and my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years on Monday =). Right now I live with my cousin in an apartment, but she is graduating in the spring so I need to start looking for a new roomie. My question is, do you think it is a good or bad idea to have my boyfriend move in next year? By the time we move in together, we will have been together 3 years and I will be a junior in college. The apartment I live in right now is 2 bedroom. I think if we moved in together, we would each have our own room just so we can have our privacy when we want it.

In a way I really want to live with my boyfriend, it would be great to always have him around. But on the otherhand, I don't want to get so sick of him to the point where I don't want to be with him anymore, you know? I could definitely see myself spending the rest of my life with this guy, but I do realize I am young and have a lot of time ahead of me.

Thoughts, ideas, tips... appreciated =)

Give it the extra year. By then you will know and yeesh by that time you might even decide to just get married. As far as getting tired of each other if you love each other that much and give each other their own space (keep your individuality and not try to change each other) it should work out as good if not better than any other relationship.
I always hear older woman say they wish their husband wasn't retired cause NOW he is on their nerves :)

My boyfriend and I did a kind of 'test run' where we lived together for a couple of months in one of our houses, we tried during a stressful time (exams) and a really boring time when we were in each other's company 24/7. It let us know that moving in together was a good idea, as we didn't annoy each other at all, even when nothing was going on in our outside lives. You should try a test run as well and see how you get on. :)

You have some time to think about this, a good things really. You come across like you have a good head on your shoulders. Take your time and everything will be fine.

There's never going to be a perfect time to move in together, if that is what you want to know. If you both want to try it, just do it. Yes moving in together can be a great way to ruin a relationship, but if you can't pull it off after 2 years then you may not be able to pull it off at all.

The risk is things don't work out and he moves out (or you do), and it spells the end of the relationship. Or maybe he moves out and you guys keep going. Either way, it isn't the end of the world. If you both want to try it out, give it a shot.

In my opinion, you should NOT be moving in until you are committed to each other (married).

I'd go so far as to say that you should never, ever marry someone unless you've lived with them. When would you want to find out if you can successfully live with someone? When you are married? Not a good idea. And no, just loving someone is no indicator that you can live with the person.

Well.. I'll start this by saying that my boyfriend evidently is extremely jealous and I find it really weird.
I'll start at the beginning and I hope its not too long.

This summer I started going back to gymnastics to get in shape for college cheerleading tryouts. I brought my boyfriend along because he wanted to watch. Well, he started participating in the sessions and learned how to tumble a bit and really liked it. We tried to stunt together one day and it went OK.. but I just had him stunt with me because my instructor was helping someone else.

Anyway.. I tried out for cheerleading in late August and made the team. Everything has been going pretty good but my boyfriend is really jealous. There were a few spots left on the team and he said he kind of wanted to do it.. and I told him no because to tell you the truth.. I don't want to get sick of him.. we're together all the time except for cheerleading.. and it's like my thing.. my special hobby.. my time to be with friends and do what I've done since I was 5 yrs old, you know?

Well.. tonight he comes in at the end of my practice and is sitting there watching. I was talking to this guy about how to fix this tumbling pass he was working on. Practice ends and I walk over to my boyfriend and he says that he needs to talk to me. We get back to my apartment and we're sitting in the car. He tells me that he wants to cheer and when he cheers with me it's the only time he feels like we're a team.
He's never been a cheerleader in his life.. now all of a sudden.. since I'm doing it, he wants to.
In the past I took my lifeguard test because I wanted to be a lifeguard, well guess who had to go get their lifeguarding certs too? Before that I needed a job so I applied at a telemarketing place.. and he had to do that too. I just feel like every time there's something I want to do, he's on my heels having to copy it all and it's a bit annoying.

He ended up storming out of my car because I told him that I didn't know what he wanted me to do about the situation since every spot is filled now.
I don't know.. I don't even know what the question is here.. but what do you all think about this situation? Someone please reply.

It sounds to me that he is very jealous and wants to be everywhere you are. It sounds more like being over protective. He want to make sure you don't talk to any other man, for there fear of him lossing you. I would have to say he has very low self esteem.

You can't let him take over your intire life and that is what he is trying to do here. You need to talk to him about how this is making you feel and if he doesn't understand than that is his problem not your and don't let him try to make it yours

Well dear, I wouldn't let you out of my sight either, look at you! Seriously though don't be surprised if you find yourself handcuffed to him one morning. He's the clingy type. It's not only jealousy but he otherwise has no life of his own. I too would want SOMETHING of my own. You're in college anyway who really needs something this serious? This is beyond marriage though, even married people WANT alone time. If you really like him, the bum I mean beau just be honest. Tell him that he is getting weird and you need space and time for yourself. Tell him it's unhealthy for you too to be constantly around each other, but that you really care for him but wished he got a hobby of his own. If that doesn't work say OK to the cheerleading thing then tell him you want to see him do a back flip only make sure to oil up the mat before he does, boom broken leg six weeks out huh huh? Good luck. Cheers

I've tried to tell him to get a hobby and so on.. This is just really tearing me apart you know!
To be honest with you I really do love this guy.. and I feel so stupid because I see situations on here all the time and my automatic response is that the person is young and has so much ahead of them so its OK for them to move on but I don't want to move on. I want to make it work but he's making it nearly impossible because I feel like I can't have anything of my own.
we just talked on the phone and I try to talk to him but he doesn't listen and says I'm not listening to him. He says that we never see each other and if it wasn't for him we never would. I can't help it.. I have to go to school, eat, study, and go to practice only 3 times a week. I told him we can spend time on the weekend but he says its like we don't have anything together that makes us actually be in a relationship.
I just don't know how to get him to understand that I have to be my own person, and he has to be his on person, but we can also be us without having to literally come in a pair all the time. I just really don't know what to do to accomplish this. Then when I get upset and cry over it he says that its not going to work on him and that I'm trying to make things all about me.
This just hurts so bad and I want to fix it and don't know how =( Im in a rut.

Do you think that if you two have a baby... nevermind.

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Originally Posted by mwilliams15

I've tried to tell him to get a hobby and so on.. This is just really tearing me apart you know!
To be honest with you i really do love this guy.. and i feel so stupid because i see situations on here all the time and my automatic response is that the person is young and has so much ahead of them so its ok for them to move on but i dont want to move on. I want to make it work but hes making it nearly impossible because i feel like i can't have anything of my own.
we just talked on the phone and i try to talk to him but he doesnt listen and says im not listening to him. he says that we never see each other and if it wasnt for him we never would. I can't help it.. i have to go to school, eat, study, and go to practice only 3 times a week. I told him we can spend time onthe weekend but he says its like we dont have anything together that makes us actually be in a relationship.
I just dont know how to get him to understand that I have to be my own person, and he has to be his on person, but we can also be us without having to literally come in a pair all the time. I just really don't know what to do to accomplish this. Then when i get upset and cry over it he says that its not going to work on him and that im trying to make things all about me.
This just hurts so bad and i want to fix it and dont know how =( Im in a rut.

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Aww. Young love, it's so sweet it nearly filters the dry cynic blood coursing through me, sigh.

Listen he needs to be more of a guy. I mean to be honest most men want time alone. I know you love him but ultimately if he doesn't change you know he's only going to push you away. I mean it will only frustrate you more if he keeps this up not less. You're going to feel suffocated eventually. He's really co-dependent. Doesn't he have any friends? He's obsessed with you dear. That's never good. It sounds like he doesn't have much experience with relationships. Well if you really care for him it looks like you have to take the initiative. You got to be honest. Just tell him straight out what you want. Tell him you love him and that he's the only one, but you have to have your you time. It's not like you're out partying without him, I mean you're just a busy girl. I'm sorry to say but if he doesn't change you would need to take a break from him, because sometimes that's the only way. You have to ask yourself, how long could you really take him being this way? Cheers.

I say tell him straight out that it's getting on your nerves. You need to be alone everyone needs time alone. He sounds like a friend of mines guy, he is always around he comes to her work and watches her, he's the kind of guy who probably thinks that she's ing in the freezer! I'd hope your guy isn't that obsessed yet though. Point is tell him that you love him and always want to be with him but that if you spend too much time together it is likely you'll get bored... it's no different then when a couple as sex too much and they eventually get bored and want to try something new (cheat), in this case though it will just push you away. Let him know that.

I absolutely hate the fact that I feel the way I feel right now. Something like this has never happened to me.. and I have never felt pain like this before in my life.

I went to a halloween party last night with my boyfriend and some other friends. Evidently.. when I was off talking to some of my girl friends.. my boyfriend was grabbing girls butts. I know he was extremely drunk, but in my opinion, there is no excuse at all.

I confronted him about it. I asked him if he did that and he said that he vaguely remembered it... and all he had to say for himself was that he was sorry.

My heart feels completely broken.. I don't want to have to hurt like this.. its not fun what so ever.. and I love this guy.. he's been the best thing in the world to me for the past 2 years and this is SO unlike him.. I have no idea if I did anything wrong or what.. Today I've been asking myself.. what did I do for this to happen to me.. does he not find me sexy/attractive anymore.. why would he do something like this...

I don't know what to do.. I'm angry.. I'm extremely hurt/heartbroken. I don't know if I need to stay and make it work.. or leave him..

Please help me =( I need to heal this brokenhearted/empty/numb pain ASAP!

First of all, by your picture you look like a pretty woman. And I think since he said he was sorry, you should let it go. Unless he does this all the time. He was really drunk right? I've done things I didn't like when I was drunk. Does he is any way show you that he doesn't want to be with you? Has he ever cheated on you since you've been together for the past two years? If not, I would try to forget about it unless he does it again, then I would leave him. Does he tell you how much he loves you? And does he want to get married? If he does then he was just really drunk and being stupid. At least he didn't kiss them or have sex with them, right? Well, hope things work out.

Well, by your picture (if that is you) you don't have to worry about thinking you are "attractive". Sometimes guys are stupid, but I'm not sure its something you should leave him for. It all depends on how strogly you feel about what he did, but that is up to you. Don't look for validation from anyone but yourself. Being "sexy/attracitve" is more of a personality, and confidence thing than a physical one. Be confident in who you are and someone that DESERVES your attention and love will see that. To me, it seems like you should let this one go... only because it doesn't look like he has the same respect for you that you have for him. You women love jerks though, so who knws what's best for you but you.

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Originally Posted by wackymb

First of all, by your picture you look like a pretty woman

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VERRY FUNNY! We both thought the same thing! Pretty girls just go for the WRONG guys...

Mwilliams, he adores you. You have posted here before and it is obvious that he does. On the other hand... getting so drunk you act like a horses patootie is NOT good. If you love him, tell him to cut down on the booze, stay away from the gurlz and let the course of true love go on. Second offense, kick him to the curb.

Thanks everyone for all the input.. Things have just been a little rocky between us these past few months and we've been trying to get things back to the way they were. Today he took me out for a picnic in a pretty scenic area and we talked about things. I'm hoping we can work it out.. but I won't ever let him do something like that to me again.. if it happens again I don't think I can go through this twice.. so I'll have no other choice but to let him go. But again.. everyone had very good advice and its nice to hear from what you guys had to say.

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Originally Posted by mwilliams15

I absolutely hate the fact that i feel the way i feel right now. Something like this has never happened to me.. and I have never felt pain like this before in my life.

I went to a halloween party last night with my boyfriend and some other friends. Evidently.. when i was off talking to some of my girl friends.. my boyfriend was grabbing girls butts. I know he was extremely drunk, but in my opinion, there is no excuse at all.

I confronted him about it. I asked him if he did that and he said that he vaguely remembered it... and all he had to say for himself was that he was sorry.

My heart feels completely broken.. I don't want to have to hurt like this.. its not fun what so ever.. and I love this guy.. he's been the best thing in the world to me for the past 2 years and this is SO unlike him.. I have no idea if i did anything wrong or what.. Today I've been asking myself.. what did i do for this to happen to me.. does he not find me sexy/attractive anymore.. why would he do something like this...

I don't know what to do.. I'm angry.. I'm extremely hurt/heartbroken. I don't know if I need to stay and make it work.. or leave him..

Please help me =( I need to heal this brokenhearted/empty/numb pain ASAP!

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I'm sorry to hear of the pain you are going through. If I were you, I would thank God you weren't already married to him. If he is going to 'grab' other girls butts while your back is turned, than he isn't mature enough for a relationship with you. He is immature, whether he was drunk or not is irrelevant. Usually alcohol brings out real personalities that are restrained otherwise. Be glad you found out when you did, and move on. You deserve a LOYAL man who will treat you with respect, not a man who you cannot trust. Hope this helps!

Ok.
In my opinon I think you should give him another chance. Tell him how you feel so he aviods doing it again. If he continuously does this and it is hurting you, you deserve someone better. I think you should talk to him give him another chance.
Then get back at me telling us the results and I'll give my best opinon.

Your welcome ^^

Well.. I'm giving him another chance.. I don't know if it's the smartest thing to do or not, but things have actually been really good since that happened. He's been acting extremely nice.. we haven't gotten in 1 fight.. and I'm just trying not to think about it. I told him in the future he is not allowed to drink if that's how he is going to act.. once he earns my trust back I may tell him its okay to have a drink or two.. but he's not getting wasted like that everrrr again in public.
Thanks for all the input.

All right. I need really good, honest, sound advice and maybe even some sympathy because I'm not very happy right now.
I'm 20, I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 and a half years now and I honestly love him so much that it hurts right now. Everything was good, everything was perfect. I liked how he was spontaneous when we met. I never met a guy who swept me off my feet like he did. Everyday, he had something new and amazing for us to go do or see. And his family.. I love his family. They are amazing and they've treated me like part of their family for some time now.
But
This school year we've started to have major problems. It's my second year of college and its his first. By the way he's 18 (19 in May). I'm not much of a partier myself. I like to go out every once in a while if its with people I know. Well, he is very social. He wants to go party like every weekend. Sometimes when we go to parties he gets drunk and I have to take care of him. Other times he just acts real crazy and I find it annoying. Well, we've never been to a full blown up kegger at a strangers house. I don't want to go at all. This weekend he wants to go to one. All he talks about lately is how he wants to party or go drink or party with his cousin in another state. This really upsets me because I don't want to do that. I want things to be the way they once were when we did fun things involving US. We go to parties and he ignores me. I've told him this. I've told him I don't like to go and I don't want to. I told him that he ignores me and I want things to be the way they were. He says that I'm being really controlling and he wants to party because he's had a hard week. He says he wants to go make a lot of friends because he just sits in his dorm room. THis summer he says he wants to be a bartender...

He signed a lease with me when things were pretty good between us. Now I feel like I'm going to get stuck living with someone who is going to hurt me and the only way to keep things good between us is if I say it's okay to go party every weekend even though that is not what I want to do.

I don't know what to do. I love him. I don't want to break up and see him with someone else it will break my heart. It's so hard to let go of someone you've shared everything with for the past 2 and 1/2 years. I'm so attached that its killing me. But it's killing me more that he just wants us to go party all the time. Partying is not bringing us closer together.. It's pushing me away tha the wants to party, and it's pushing him away that I don't.

Am I just being a prude? Do I just need to loosen up and go with the flow or do I have every right to be concerned and hurt? I need someone's help.. I can't take it much longer.

Being a prude? No... Being blind to your own common sense, yeah, I think so.

You absolutely must be clear-headed right now. The feelings you are having about what you two used to have... how it used to be... how you "love" him... well, if you let them, those feelings/memories will completely remove your ability to operate in this relationship.

What I mean is that you can't change him. You can't make last year's relationship into this year's reality. You must must MUST step back and tell yourself out loud what you SEE him doing. Why? Because what he does equates to who he is.

Your entire post describes a guy you wouldn't START dating right now if you just met him and knew him to be this way, right? Am I right?

If so, then staying with him, lease or not, it's you deciding to punish yourself. You have to be self-sufficient, confident and independent to truly survive the dating scene. Guys will let you down. They'll do it just by being themselves. Sometimes they'll do things TO you to hurt, other times they'll just do things hurtful, though not particularly AT you... like in this instance.

Your guy graduated from HS into a partying college boy. It may be a fad, it may not be. Look around, I bet you can spot a LOT of those boys around in this environment.

You have to be better than this. You need to be strong enough to distance yourself from people who would corrupt you. You can do this without being mean to them, too, though that also will take some strength of character.

I bet you can do it. Breaking up is hard, but if he's not for you (anymore), well then be HONEST and stop trying to bring back the old days or squelch his current free spirit. Even if you succeeded and he toned down, he'd pretty much just resent you. Won't that be a joyous relationship?

You're growing/maturing faster than he is some ways, and he wants to party. Are you a prude for not wanting to do the same? Ask yourself, and commit to the answer. If you aren't a party-girl, then you two have simply grown apart.

Instead of craving the past, make sure you remember it fondly. Think on it from time to time with a good heart, don't let the fact that things change mess up your present, or block you from progressing now toward your awaiting future... probably with a different more mature man.

And that's OK, if you let it be.

Thank you for the response JBeaucaire.
I know this is incredibly cliché and I hate to be like this but honestly it just hurts so bad and it is killing me inside. I've been making a list why to stay and why to leave.. I just wish that somehow the sourness in the relationship would just go away, but I guess it takes 2 people to accomplish that. Your advice is great, it's just so hard to make that move. Honestly I am scared. I'm scared to be with someone else, I'm scared to see him move on, I'm scared to be alone.. Why am I scared? I have no clue. I guess because he is my first REALLY real love and it eats at me everyday to end it because I know I could benefit from being single, but then again, is that really what I want? I have no clue. I hate it that I'm in this situation.. I feel like there's no light at the end of the tunnel and I'm wandering around in the darkness alone. I know I can't change him. I guess deep down inside I'm hoping he'll change and sweep me off my feet again.

Sometimes I wish I had that remote from the movie "Click" =)

Anyone else have any insight to share? I'd love to hear from anyone.

I think JBeaucaire summed it up pretty good, if he wants to go out and party and be immature, let him... without you. It'll be hard, but when you do it, you'll be able to see what kind of character he is based on how he takes the news.

You mention that you're afraid to be alone, that's something that really needs to change, I've heard a lot on this site that you cannot have the best possible relationship unless you can be happily independent. I think that means that you'll find out what you're all about and you'll learn not to change yourself for anyone, and not be afraid to displease someone because you disagree, or have other views about some things.

I'm trying to the strong independent guy I was before I met my ex, I remember I didn't take crap from anybody, I might have seemed like a jerk, but at least I valued myself as an individual... I didn't change too much when the ex and I started dating, but I can see that I softened up because I fell for her HARD.

Anyway, don't be afraid, if you can achieve what so many others on this site have achieved/trying to achieve, I'm sure you'll feel much better being in your own shoes, knowing what you know, feeling how you feel, and you won't be afraid to upset anyone, even if you really care about them... this destructive path that he is on is not good for you, you shouldn't have to take care of a drunken mess.

BTW, if you do decide to end it, make sure you're straight with him on the reasons you want to end it.

Things can never go back to the way it was, as you can never be 12 ever again. He is doing what young guys his age do when they get away from home and can do what they want. Okay its not your thing. That's fine, and you must make a choice, go or stay, So either accept what he does, or do what you want, as you have the same rights he does. Or leave him to take care of his own drunk butt. That's the only unfair part as I see it, you taking care of him after he has had too much to drink. You're his partner, not his bodyguard. So express your concerns, but do try to work together, to solve your problems to the benefit of you both. If that can't happen, the relationship will die anyway, no matter if you have a lease or not.