Hey all.
My girlfriend tells me she loves me and that she thinks I am the one for her but isn't sure if us being together right now is the right thing to do. She seems very confused with her career and where her life is going but has decided we need to have a break so she can work these things out. She assures me she hasn't met anyone else. She says she doesn't want me to wait around, but she does want to be with me and only me and wants me to know that.
I love her and want her to be happy. I have decided to give her space, but I am not sure if I should continue to hope she will come back, or just move on with my life and forget about her.
Anyone else been through the same thing?

Codez, take some time and sift through the posts on this forum. You will find that A LOT of people have gone through the same thing. That includes me.

This will be hard for you, but the best thing to do is to give her the space she asked for and move on with your life. Don't try to convince her to come back because you will only push her further away. If she means what she says then she will eventually come back to you, however don't waste your time hoping because it will drive you insane.

It's time to take the path of No Contact. Don't call, e-mail, or try to talk to her. She has made her decision and the best you can do is accept it.

Thanks for your response. Yeah, I've been searching through the posts. This website is great. I am sad that my relationship has come to this, but I also accept this has happened, and its now out of my control. I just can't wait for the hurting to stop so I can move on with my life.
I think its time to go on a contiki holiday.

Read my breakup guide ASAP to save you from trouble...

The FIRST break is RARELY the end if you are calm.

It is a chance to step back and both decide things though and get some perspective.
Take this as a chance and don't chase her.

See below!

A

I'm sorry for your loss. It's definitely a horrible feeling to see that person you care so much about just get up and leave. In time things will get better though.

For now just do things you enjoy. Hang out with friends and have fun with life. Easier said then done, I know, but as long as you make an honest effort then all will be well.

This website is a great source of information. I'm sure more people will stop by to help out and offer their advice. For now just let go and don't contact her anymore.

Thanks for your advice guys. Its been excellent. This website is helping me so much. It hurts like mad but with some of these guidelines I'm sure I can get through everything. She has decided she needs to see me tonight so this will be the last impression before she takes her time to think.
It would be so much easier if she had ended it in a mean way so I could hate her, but she's choosing the chickens way out which makes it hard.

She's not being a chicken. She's being quick and direct.

But if you meet her, I would make it clear you have to be somewhere and don't hang around too long - kiss her first and go if the conversation is not one you like.

She keeps messaging me telling me how much she loves me. This is so confusing. I have stopped messaging her back.
When she comes around tonight, I will say my goodbyes, give her a kiss and let her go. I wish it wasn't like this, but I need to move on and be happy by myself again.

Read my guide BEFORE you meet her!

May help avoid trouble.

Congrats on sounding strong and sane...

Your guidelines are a life save. I was a wreck before I got onto this website and now I know what I must do.
Thanks for your help. You've been great.

Just give her some space and if she is telling you the truth then she will come around, don't push anything on her cause on you will do is push her away from you then you will be single, let her figure this out!!

Yeah, after reading this website I realise this.
She wants to talk in an hour before she goes away for a couple days, so I will see what she has to say.
There could be some hope for us there. But I'm not counting on it.
I just got to play it cool.

Well it sounds kind of good beens she wants to talk to you still, so good luck dude don't pressure her

Yeah, I know. I can't pressure her. I think her going away for a couple days will help her realise what she has. Hopefully. If not, oh well.

Yes it may, this may be her wake up call and I'm sure your stressing right now but don't let it get to you dude, its only a few days

Yeah, I'm sure it will be all right. I'm over stressing about it now. I just want an outcome, so I can continue my life, no matter what happens

You will get one, good luck

If she tells you she doesn't want you to wait, I think she may be trying to let you down easy... sorry man, I feel for you, really... I went/going through this BS. NC is def. the way to go as you've heard. Read the stickies and my thread, ISNEEZEFUNNY's thread, ROMEFALLS" thread... things get better no matter what happens... things will get better! Us three are living proof and so are a bunch of others on this site.

P.S. this is probably the best website ever.

She sounds a little drama queenish to me. Im a girl and I NEVER was crazy in love with someone, wanted to spend my life with them, but needed time apart " to think" Think about what?? How she can test her power over you. I say call her bluff. She is playing the old "boost my ego card" Notice how she is holding the all the cards? I'ts SHE who needs time, it's SHE who request your presence before she leaves town, it's SHE who will let you know when and if you will be getting back together.
She feels secure enough with you to play this game with you. Sure, she may be having anxiety about her career choice or whatever, but that wouldn't have anything to do with you. If she is so in love, she would turn to you, not away.

See her before she leaves, but tell her you only have a few minutes because you had made plans. She will "find herself" in a New York Minute. Don't let this girl manipulate you. I've seen it before. Tell her to stop playing games. You either want to be with me or you don't.

Thanks for your comments guys.

This is our first big fight in 1.5 years so it was bound to be a big one.

By the time I went around and saw her tonight she broke down in tears appologising and telling me how sorry she was and how much she loved me. She values our relationship more than a career choice and told me she would do anything to keep me.

All that time I just stood there listening.

Everything is OK now. She was given advice from a work friend which made her reconsider her position and now she has promised to make everything up to me.

I am so relieved.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ash123

read my breakup guide ASAP to save you from trouble...

the FIRST break is RARELY the end if you are calm.

it is a chance to step back and both decide things though and get some perspective.
take this as a chance and don't chase her.

see below!

A

---

As I said, the first breakup is rarely IT. It's just a gear change for better or for worse if you remain cool...

Glad you have some peace back!

IFFF she does this again, take a step back and calmly evaluate her issues and your own.

Thanks "Sneezy"

With my schedule don't know how I ever crammed them in... but a lot to chat about on here :-)

Peace

A

If she has not resolved her issues, and has chosen you over career, the same thing that caused her confusion is still there. I think you should be talking and listening, and if your willing to work together, she should get that career. Just me, talk and really listen, she has given up a lot.

I will have to agree with Tal. I'm not exactly sure what the situation is between you and your girlfriend. However, what I do know is that when it comes to a relationship you should both be willing to go to the extreme to help each other achieve one another's dreams. If this is a career that she has been working very hard towards then you should keep pushing her in that direction. It doesn't mean you have to break-up, but it does mean you will have to make some sacrifices.

My ex-girlfriend once asked me how I felt about her going to a graduate school that was thousands of miles away from our homes. I told her that I would do anything in my power to help her get accepted to that university. We broke up for very different reasons, but it definitely wasn't because I didn't support her dreams.

Move on with your life but give it time before going for other gf's cause if she decides she is ready to come back and you are with somebody else...

Thanks guys. She felt like she was missing out on something and wasn't ready to feel so serious for me because she has so much she wants to do, but has realised that we can do that together and both achieve our goals.

Update on this topic...

Since our fight then, we have been happy. She loves her job and life down here. We have been saving a lot and going away on holidays.
I believe the problem was her single friends (not all, a group of 4 which don't like me and M's other friends) and she seems to be much happier with OUR friends. (we have a group of 12 of us, couples etc which all get along great)

So everything is going great here. We recently brought a puppy and we are planning a trip over to greece very soon.

Anyway, Thanks to all the people at Askme who have helped me. You guys know your stuff.

This is great news and congrats, I am happy for you. It good to get updates once in a while here to see if the advice given helped or not and it is good to see happy posts once in a while :)

Now good luck with that puppy, you will need it