OK

Have anyone of you started going out with someone
And they seemed nice at first (nothing special) you
Know.. but simply dating.. He or she is crazy after
You.. wanting to spend more and more time with
You.. buying you gifts.. showing you what a great
Person they are for you.. just convincing you to
Fall in love... THEN IT HAPPENS... You fall for them
(well off course you do.. because they seemed so
Perfect who wouldn't want that right?)


Then the
UNTHINKABLE HAPPENS AGAIN... couple months
Down or couple years down the road he or she
CHANGES! They become distant.. doesn't want to
Call you AS much.. doesn't even take you out like
They use to.. Doesn't do the simplest thing...
Or Hug you, say I l o v e you or I
Miss you. Then you start wondering why is it
You're the one chasing after him or her when they
Were the one after you in the first place and now
That you FELL for them THEY are feeling like the
ALMIGHTY and you feel like your confidence is
Suddenly GONE.

Then you start asking them to
Call you more often or text and what they do they
COMPLAIN YOU ARE BEING CLINGY OR ATTACHED
But you think.. "no I'm just asking for what I don't get
Don't I have the right to ask for something that makes
me happy in this relationship?" THEN COMES ARGUMENTS!
THEN THE REL ENDS AND YOUR LEFT WITH THE FEELING
THAT ALL THE CONFIDENCE YOU'VE ONCE HAD IS GONE
AND YOUR WORTHLESS AND HE OR SHE HAS TAKEN IT
ALL?


Ok so... We've all had breakups.. BUT has this ever happened
To you or close to? Would love to hear from you all.. feel free
To spill as much beans as you want. I'm listening!

;]

No, I haven't, but I am not clingy nor do I surround myself with people that cling to me. I am sorry for you if it has happened to you, as that is never a good thing to go through. It is your right to be happy and ask for the things that make you happy, but it is everyone else's right not to have to give you those things if they choose not to.

You never let someone slink out of a relationship with your confidence or self-esteem, they did not give it to you, therefore it is not theirs to take.

I think anybody that has ever loved another has felt this kind of pain. This is what life and love are all about. You risk it all when you start a new relationship. You take your guard down and you allow yourself to open up and appreciate all the relationship can give you. You are fearless and go into 'battle' with no protection. Good for you, you risked it all for the chance at love.

That comes at a high price and you feel that now. I ask you though, would you have changed anything? It sounds like you gave it everything and held back nothing. Most people do not do that, nor do they benefit the way you did during the process. The ending sucks and I understand that, as it is a feeling I am all to familiar with.

Be careful though, as we tend to do things we regret when we feel lost, hurt and betrayed. Resentment will build and instead of being able to let go knowing you gave it everything, you hold on to the hurt and anger trying to figure out how and why. I think human nature is to do things we regret when we feel so confused about why and we need the answers.

There are great posts about relationships ending on here that many people, that are experts, can help you with. These people have experienced directly and indirectly the pain you feel now, and word it in a way that helps to sooth your pain.

I understand this pain, emptiness and even anger for taking this giant leap of faith, with no safety net. The landing hurts, it hurts a lot! However, know in your heart that you are not alone, none of us are.

Hey dude ;) I'm sure it happens to all of us in some form or another ;)

I must admit I have had a lot of clingy girlfriends but it was cool you know I thought yeah awesome why not

Then as you say you fall for them then they pick up and leave ;) normaly with someone else
I still stay the same but they seem to change.

It makes me laugh how it happens :) you are right in many facts people fall out of love all the time

And its normaly the ones that start in the first place.

Your not alone bud ;)

People that say they have never been like this are just to shy to admit it. We have all been there at least once ;) as I said in one form or another

Congrats man for speaking your mind on here! Takes guts and very true words

Respect

Well, my best friend, we'll call her Stacy, she's been my best friend for 15 years and she married the man that she had her first kiss with, first held hands with, first had sex with. We had both known this man since he was 2 years old. Spent countless times hanging out and just being friends throughout grade school, junior high, and high school. Well, she marries him. And almost instantly he changes. He starts to scream a lot and beat her. He also beat her nephew and her cousins. He cheated on her with 3 other women. He became homosexual and cheated on her with another man. Ended up murdering that man because he threatened to tell people about their affair. He then, after they had separated, broke into their home and raped her. She got pregnant (incidently, the 3 other women were pregnant at the same time... one of them is my sister). He got off on the murder charges and now, because they have a child, she has to deal with this man, this murderer, this adulterer, this horrible human being for the sake of her child. Although they are divorced and will NEVER be together again, she still has to converse with him and meet with him for her child's sake. People do change, he is living proof.

Many times people don't change. They were cold hearted all the time. The problem is when others do not watch out for red flags. If somebody gives me lots of attention and is way too perfect when they have just met you, that tells me it's too good to be true. It takes time for a relationship to grow. I'm happily engaged, but in my previous relationships, (many) I've learned that once they become verbally abusive or too obsessed it's time to say good bye. I had about 3 stalkers and it gets scarry. Certainly, if someone doesn't give you the love and attention you deserve, you need to move on and find someone who appreciates what you have to offer. There are so many people out there, some which I know, that would go out of their way to receive a hug. It helps you recognize the seriousness of his unkind words or actions. Remember, you are a human that deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Sooner or later we all find ourselves on the giving or receiving end. But, it is not fair to always give and give...

At first, my ex was VERY into me. She freely admitted it too. I liked her, but I was still relatively independent... needed my own space and time... and it was casual dating for me. For her, it was a relationship. After about a year, I started to get very attached to her... and we were equally attached to one another for 2 more years...

... then all of a sudden, poof. She says she "needs space." then... 3 days later, new guy.. . then she did a complete 180. She started to party a lot (she never partied when I was with her) and things just... changed. A lot.

... it's strange. It truly is strange...

Then there's that faulty, but persistently persuasive idea. When two people's relationship changes, one or both of them has been bad. Love lets go. Need, fear, control and pride hang on.

Well it was something along those lines. My (ex)friend used to be so sweet. Would call and email just to say hi, always wanted to hang out, occasional gifts. Then he started telling me he wanted to be more than just friends and I kept saying no. then almost as soon as I finally fall for him and decide I want to be more than friends too he decides he wants someone else instead. And decides to be a jerk about it to and even end the friendship. So it was double awful because I lost my boyfriend and my best guy friend all at once. Don't think I'll be dating anymore friends...

Simply from a writer's standpoint, I was tickled while reading your answer... I could feel the emotions in what you were saying... started small, then by the end the Caps just really emphasized your emotions! Good style. I liked it.

Ok, on to the question.

My friend, you've been a victim of the ever-present relationship roller coaster and it sounds like you've gotten off with an upset stomach and a desire to NEVER ride one again! Don't do that. You deserve a good/honest/wholesome relationship just like the people in the coaster car in front of you.

Yes, some relationships are like that. You are the perused, you fall in love, you notice they are pulling back, you try to overcompensate, you are left hurt. It's a vicious cycle. But, yes. We have all experienced that hurt.

Not knowing the whole story, I'm not sure if what you have described as doing would qualify as being "clingy." It sounds like you were truly surprised at the pulling away and wanted to keep the relationship going. Sad thing is, when a relationship ends with one of the participants, its is almost impossible to rekindle the spark.

Basically, you need to be in a relationship in which the other person is as IN it as you. Darlin, you deserve that type of relationship. They are out there. Keep looking.

Get back on the coaster... it's a wild ride! :)

I think I've been on both sides of this coin, so I can only say, that as we get to know others, we find out things we love, and not love so much, and we change, and adjust, as time and emotions, dictate to us. Sometimes we are so in love, we can't se what a beeyatch they really are, or that their feelings have changed. By the same token, my feelings have changed a few times, and the love and enthusiasm, wears thin, and you know its time to go. So I think its all about how you cope with those feelings, and deal with others. For me the truth works best, but being nice, is the way to go. I expected that of others towards me also, so don't appreciate any games, or tricks, along the way. I do know how paralyzing, and hurt, you can be from being rejected, or replaced, but I also know that its temporary, until we can have the time to heal, and move on. Just as you know the sun rises the next day, you are assured to heal and grow. Just my opinion though, and I hope this helps.

Yup it has. Sucks.

Best thing is to never Lose yourself in a relationship

A partner is a part of your life not your life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

At first, my ex was VERY into me. She freely admitted it too. I liked her, but I was still relatively independent...needed my own space and time...and it was casual dating for me. For her, it was a relationship. After about a year, I started to get very attached to her...and we were equally attached to one another for 2 more years...

...then all of a sudden, poof. She says she "needs space." then...3 days later, new guy. ...then she did a complete 180. she started to party a lot (she never partied when I was with her) and things just...changed. a lot.

...it's strange. it truly is strange...

---

Its crazy how similar our stories are Sneeze

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

At first, my ex was VERY into me. She freely admitted it too. I liked her, but I was still relatively independent...needed my own space and time...and it was casual dating for me. For her, it was a relationship. After about a year, I started to get very attached to her...and we were equally attached to one another for 2 more years...

...then all of a sudden, poof. She says she "needs space." then...3 days later, new guy. ...then she did a complete 180. she started to party a lot (she never partied when I was with her) and things just...changed. a lot.

...it's strange. it truly is strange...

---

I have the same story as you man. For me we were together for four years, everything was great until this past month. She began to not act like herself, then out of the blue broke up with me because she said she "needs space." I just recently found out that it was because she started seeing another guy the day she left me. It's the worst feeling.

The space thing normaly means give me space so I can be with this other Person ;) rarely its to go away and sort out there feelings.

That's why if girls say they want there space with me. I go we brake up


And she wanst seeing a guy the day she left you. She was already into him while you guys were going out hens the not acting like herself these things don't just happen there always planned :)

It does hurt when this happens

What I think is happening is... the person, though they might like/love you, basically isn't themselves in the beginning and they lay it on real thick. They are giving you what they think you want... all the overly mushy stuff. When all you really want is sincerity. But they can't keep the charade up for long because it's just not who they are. The thing is... get to know a person months and months before you give them your heart. This way, you can determine whether they are genuine or it's a façade.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mafiaangel180

What I think is happening is....the person, though they might like/love you, basically isn't themselves in the beginning and they lay it on real thick. They are giving you what they think you want...all the overly mushy stuff. When all you really want is sincerity. But they can't keep the charade up for long because it's just not who they are. The thing is....get to know a person months and months before you give them your heart. This way, you can determine whether they are genuine or it's a facade.

---

See, I did that... I courted my ex for 5 months before I asked her to be exclusive, even though, I knew she wasn't seeing anyone else during that courtship. Then when we were b/f and g/f I fell for her hard, gave it everything I had for 2 years. Stupid college. Oh well, right now I feel like its just a shame that its come to this, very disappointing.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

See, i did that... I courted my ex for 5 months before i asked her to be exclusive, even though, i knew she wasnt seeing anyone else during that courtship. Then when we were b/f and g/f i fell for her hard, gave it everything i had for 2 years. stupid college. oh well, right now i feel like its just a shame that its come to this, very disappointing.

---

It sounds like you did everything nice and slow. I think that's pretty cool. That's how I want it to be the next time around. I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out for you. But as long as you were the best person you could be while being true to yourself, then that's all a person can do, you know?

Well, the thing is... I was good friends for a year before we started dating. We dated for 3 years... and all through this time, she was very against drinking and being the typical stupid college student.

... we break up, and she's apparently been drinking heavily every few days and just doing things completely out of her character. Weird.

Yeah but Isneezefunny

Most people that do brake up. Wants to change themselves. Sometimes for better sometimes for worst.

So has become the thing she never wanted to become you should laugh at her for being weak ;)

Let her drink her self into a pit we all know how much better drink makes our lives right? LoL

Regards

I sometimes wish their had been red flags. It's like getting blindsided by a truck when you don't know their unhappy or thinking of leaving. He never indicated he wanted out and he never treated me any differently.

One day everything is wonderful then bam he tells you he is leaving and you never saw it coming. I never became clingy or smoothering because he never became distant or pulled away.

I didn't even know it was over until 20 minutes before he left.

It was honestly great for 7 yrs then he was gone... JUST LIKE THAT!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

See, i did that... I courted my ex for 5 months before i asked her to be exclusive, even though, i knew she wasnt seeing anyone else during that courtship. Then when we were b/f and g/f i fell for her hard, gave it everything i had for 2 years. stupid college. oh well, right now i feel like its just a shame that its come to this, very disappointing.

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Sad part was...

I was doing Great in college
Then when the roller coaster
Began I was so stressed I
Withdrew from 3 class and
Got an F in one.. I couldn't
Pull myself back. Here's the
FUNNY PART.. my ex got an
A AND B plus in both class..

Selfish people..
I give all I could give..
After the break up I
Stayed for 7 months
Begging like a fool
Thinking There would
Be another chance.. silly
Old me.. I just needed
To let go.

Good evening dansk...
I disagree with you. You were not a fool, you reacted in a very natural way. You were hurt, lost and searching hard for answers. It says a lot about your character when you looked within yourself first, for any mistakes made, during the relationship.

Don't you see so many other people blame the other right away or lash out in anger? You didn't do that. That doesn't make you a fool at all, quite the opposite in fact. You gave that relationship, it sounds like, everything you had and more. For the price you paid was suffering, a fall in grades, a complete distraction.

However, you walked away from the relationship when you were spent, tired and completely out of energy. But you walked away with the same integrity you started with.

Please... please don't think for a minute you were a fool. Someday, if they haven't already, somebody will be grateful you walked away, fool and all...

Hey 1973

Yea your def right on that! I will get over
This eventually... and there will be someone
Waiting for me. I started school this week
So I've got many things to look forward to.
I do feel happy when I think about it.. knowing
I tried and did my part and if it wasn't good
Enough then they weren't for me.

All right... I"M NO FOOL! :)

I have similar experience. He just want to get what he wants to make himself feels good/better, and he'll walk that extra mile... In actual fact, he has nothing...

Oh my... Where do I start! Well, when I met my ex boyfriend I didn't want a relationship. I wasn't even interested in dating at that time. He, however, kept pursuing. He would come to the club I hung out at just to see if I was there. He always made sure I had a drink, would get my coat at the end of the night for me and then escort me to my car. All my friends told me that he was really into me (maybe a bit too much) and that I should give him a chance. I remember telling one of my guy friends that I didn't want to risk this guy falling for me, to which my friend replied "it's too late, he already has" I knew how much he liked me when he made a special trip to the club to celebrate New Years eve with me (he's a Jehovahs Witness and dosen't celebrate holidays), so I relented and went on a date with him. He took me to a beautiful restaurant, and made me feel special the whole night. I decided to continue dating him.

The first several months I would get texts from him all throughout the day telling me he loved me, he missed me, couldn't wait to spend time with me, I was the best thing that ever happened to him, he wanted to spend his life with me, etc, etc. If at any time he felt that I was angry at him about anything, he would become upset to the point of tears because he wanted nothing more than to make me happy. When we would go out I never had to pay for anything. Never had to open a door for myself. He treated me like I was one of the most precious things in his life. When I fell for him I fell HARD!

A year into the relationship things changed. The texting almost stopped. He wasn't as affectionate with me. He would get a bit irritated if I felt hurt when he would break any plans we had made (he would break them at the last minute. A few times I was on my front porch waiting for him to pick me up). If I would send him a text it might be a couple of days before he would answer. I felt hurt, confused, insecure, and depressed. I became needy and clingy... trying desperately to hang on to something that he was taking away (which remember, I had not wanted in the first place, HE DID).

When he finally broke up with me I took it so hard. I did all the typical stupid things. I begged, cried, pleaded, basically made an idiot of myself. A month after the breakup he fell in love with his best female friend. My confidence took a nosedive. I felt worthless. I just knew that there was something wrong with me.

I started trying to figure out ways to get him back. One day I stumbled onto this site. I made my first post. I wasn't thrilled when everyone here told me that I should move on, and let him go. I didn't WANT to let him go, I wanted him back! Little did I know that everyone here was right. This place was my saving grace. Thanks to so many others here who have gone through the same thing, I knew I wasn't alone, and that I had done nothing wrong. It took almost 9 months for me to recover, but I did! I'm not quite ready to be with anyone else yet (I'm afraid to let anyone in right now), but I know that time will come, probably when I least expect it. :)

Yeah, letting go is the best way. Come to think of it, I didn't even want him in the first place. Literally, he's not supposed to be there, just did... like a stain...

Yes, he's a stain...

But just think of it as tie-dye.

The result is prettier than before.

Don't let him win. You're stronger than that!

Pithy saying for the day: When life rolls you lemons make lemonade!! :)
(A blind friend of mine told me that once and I've never forgotten it. If anyone knows how to make lemonade from life's lemons, its her!)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by HistorianChick

Yes, he's a stain...

But just think of it as tie-dye.

The end result is prettier than before.

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Haha I like how u wrote that...
Think of it as tie-dye..
Never thought about that.
Good advice miss ;D

You should see me! I'm all tie-dyed-up!

Maybe that's why I adore rainbows so much... ;)

You're well on your way to having your own beautiful tie-dye to show the world. You've come out of something devastating and you're turning it around into something that is going to help you become the awesome person you will be. That's the cool part about experiences...

Experiences don't define us, they just help make us into who we are. When you look at a person, you don't see "trying to get over a break up" plastered on their foreheads... you see the inner strength, the character, the will to get up and move on... and you stand in awe...

That's tie-dye, my friend. :)

well who doesn't ? Well not everyone but most of us are like that right ? Hell I am one..

it just hard but you will get used to it and move on and start all over again... and then fall again >.right.. the thing is that you learn every time you fall and try to not fall again next time

and even you fall next time.. you learn something that and you will be like I would do different next time and try to make it better ^^

That is why at 53 I am single and loving it!
It is all I have ever known with any guy.
They are Mr. Perfect for a month, a few months, whatever it takes until they feel they have you wrapped around their finger and then they start the red flags but you are so into them you write it off. Then later down the road they start really taking you for granted. Then comes the part where they show their real colors and start the attitude that shows they have absolutely no respect for women and you wonder why they even bothered if that is the way they feel. Then they keep digging away at you and how you are stupid and can't do anything right even though they are the ones that will not do anything and leave EVERYTHING up to you to do.

Then there are the ones that ARE clingy and whiny and put you up on a pedestool to the point of making you uncomfortable, even feeling somewhat embarrassed and you have told them consistently that you are not interested in them in any way, shape or form
But they keep nagging for you to go out with them but you know they aren't your type.

Then people say you automatically attract a particular type of guy. No matter what I do I sure haven't figured out how to attract that different type of guy that I could be happy with

Oh well, Like I said seems I am better off without.

It is best to just look to your goals and work toward them.

"I think anybody that has ever loved another has felt this kind of pain" So well put here it needs to be said again. The crazy part in this situation is this is where we learn NEVER to love like we have before. I know when my heart was ripped out it really taught me to place importance on ME first, and the person I love next.

I don't really think placing someone so highly in our lives is a bad thing, IF you learn from that situation and learn to make YOU #1 first! I think the crazy part is thinking how you made that person in your life such a priority that you forget about yourself... and that's when things change. It's almost like a sense, that both of you have but don't realize it... but it dawns on both of you when it happens.

Everyone who has had a "1st love" knows what that pain of "going too far" and placing too much on someone else is... and that is just a part of growing up. People that will have solid and lasting relationships later in life laern BALANCE, and this can be the hardest part.

When you truly care for someone ( I do now so I know how it feels) you want to SHOT TO THE WORLD and let every part of you go, but you can't. The thing you learn is balance, and the way to keep things alive in the relationship. No two people will work the same in this sense, but it is a must for any relationship... a balance of power if you will.

One you make someone other that you #1, you lose. It might sound stupid... but play your cards tight, if you go all in too early... you will lose every time.


"Experiences don't define us, they just help make us into who we are" LOVE THIS QUOTE!! Don't let the choices you have made in you life lay out the life you lead, but learn and grow from them. Don't dwell, we all make bad choices.