I have been thinking about how helpful reading others' posts has been in my times of heartbreak... (including now.)

Somehow... no matter how awful it sounds to say, it makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one suffering, that so many others have been through and are currently living my pain.

I'm one month in and still hurting... is it getting better, sometimes I think yes, others I'm not so sure.

If others could reply and let me know where you are in the heartbreak timeline, I think it would be helpful... I believe that it really does get better (go away? ) with time... but maybe others could shed their insight on where they are (and where they have come from... like when they thought they would just die?! )

I think it might help.

Any replies are so much appreciated... I know we can all get through this!

It's 1 month for me too... Maybe couple days past one month... I feel like you... there are good days where I don't think about her much, then there are days like today where I can't stop thinking about her. I feel like Crap. I miss her, I want to talk to her... it just blows.

I hate weekends, and I hate winter because it's so depressing. I know with time it will get better, but hate not knowing when it will get better... I hate just going through this day in and day out while she's with someone else living her life...

You're definetely not alone dude... I'm at the same place

Robert... thanks for your reply. (Except I'm not a dude... a chick instead! LOL!! ) Anyway, I appreciate your feelings as I'm right there with you... although I don't quite have days where I don't think of him much... I am waiting for those to come!

The weekends are tough for me too, as I used to spend many of them with "him.." but better times are coming, so everyone says... Chin up!

Keep those replies coming! Anyone else?!

If there out of sight there normaly out of mind although they do pop into my head from time to time

Normaly though I have to end up working with my xs so that sucks

But oh well :)

I feel both of you.. if you have not already read my post labeled opinion do. I'm really torn and my heart is breaking... eura says if have iffy information but I know better. I'm online now trying to find recorders so I can put one in his car to confirm what I already know is true. You guys are not alone

Afternoon, HurtingALot,

Not sure if I've given you this yet, but if I have, you get dual membership!! If not, here you go!

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You did the right thing.

By doing so, you have been inducted into the Hall of Cell-phone-taker-chargers. We hereby welcome you into our ranks with open arms, a pat on the back, and an "atta girl!"

Life time membership has been applied and drawn in your name.

Good job.

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Ours is a hall of successes, heartaches, moving-ons, and looking-backs. We empathize and understand your pain. But, you are not alone! Keep your chin up, Darlin! :)

HistorianChick... thanks for the membership! I'm honored... and humbled at the same time to be amongst so many true hearts.

I know that we all deserve the very best... hangin' in there.

Well... if you wish, you can read my post I am doing NC, what about her?

It's a long one.

Currently, I'm 6 weeks in. Believe it or not, I'm doing fantastic! I even talked to one of my friends, and she said, SHOULDN'T YOU BE SAD.. and the truth is... I am. I'm still sad/disappointed/hurt... but it just doesn't get to me much anymore.

I'm really too busy to be "sad"... it only really hits me at night. I still have trouble sleeping... but hopefully that'll pass.

Right now, I am having a good time, hanging out with friends, concentrating on work + school, and just overall enjoying taking things slowly.

Here's how I don't get too down... I think about the relationship logically... completely rationalize it. Then I realize, I put in 98% of me into this relationship. 99%, and I would have asked her to marry me. Seriously. I put in SO much of myself... and I look back and think, what did she do for me? Was she there every time I needed her.. Would she have done everything that I did for her?

And I think, although we had a GREAT relationship... I really don't think she put in as much as I did. And I think... I didn't lose out... she did. Knowing this makes me feel so much better

ISneeze... Your NC post is actually one that I check in on every day! It is good to hear that you are feeling good. (Hope for others?! )

Anyway... what an amazing thing to read about what you gave of yourself and didn't get back in return... Scary almost, because I could have written those words myself. You are right... we are not the losers in all of this, THEY ARE! (They just don't quite know it yet? )

I am proud of you and where you are in your head... and I am right behind you...

HurtingALot: thanks =D

I really didn't think I'd be "better." 6 weeks ago, if someone asked me, "where do you see yourself in 6 weeks?" I'd say... bottom of a lake. Really. This girl was my world to me. I look back and think of all the decisions I made around her... I bought furniture with her in mind... I bought groceries with her in mind... I even bought TOILET PAPER... with her in mind.

Every moment of my life was consumed with making HER happy... and I thought... as long as I'm with her, I'm happy.

I look back now and I think... $hit. What'd I do to make myself happy? What'd I do for me? Granted, yes... making her happy made me happy... but really, what did I do for myself? And I realized... nothing.

Once I actually stopped wallowing in sorrow, I cleaned up, got a haircut, got some new clothes... and did things for me.

I bought a new TV... for me. I started working out... for me (and for the ladies). I studied hard, looked for new things to do (concerts, art galleries, traveling)... all for me.

I understand... first month - 3 months will be rough. You'll think your world is over and you'll never be happy again. Just do what people here tell you to do... keep busy. Find some friends... go to dinner with them. Go to a nearby gym and sign up for a membership (or a trial) and meet a new gym buddy.

Soon, you'll find yourself smiling more, talking more, and thinking less and less about your ex. Then, one day, you'll have an epiphany... something along the lines of: I did everything right. My 50% in the relationship... I did it right. And that'll give you the satisfaction you need.

Once again, I'm not allowed to give more rep to Sneeze, but if I could I would. That is one well-written post that could help a lot of people. GJ Sneeze, well said... and well done! :)

Sneeze... know you said at 6 weeks you're doing much better than you thought you would be... Question... when did you stop feeling like you weren't going to survive it? When did you stop wallowing in sorrow?

Kudos again... I am going to get there too... I swear it!

When my fiancee' left me virtually at the altar and disappeared from my life (literally, disappeared), I thought I'd never get over it.

I lost weight, I became lethargic, I buried myself under a plethora of work. I lost sight of who I was and focused solely on the hurt, the pain, the never-ending cycle of memories. I cut myself off from reality and lived in the past. I never thought I'd ever love again... or, for that matter, get past the next moment.

But you know what? I made it.

One day I realized that I was doing OK. Not excellent and totally not fine, but OK. I was making it. Slowly, I was being re-awakened to who I was, myself. What made me tick. What made me who I am. I began to plug myself back into my community and take advantage of my support network. I started to put the weight back on (that I could have done without! LOL!) and color came back in my cheeks.

I still think of him, even today. All this happened in 2002. But you know what?? Had we married, I'd have never finished my Masters, never gone to China for two years, never taken advantage of what life offered me, and I'd have never become who I am today... a successful Me.

I almost lost myself when he left, but I conquered. I won. I survived.

And you will, too.

Speeking as a recovered " im not gonna make it " one thing that really helps is try to think of something you like to do that he didn't, something you chose to give up to make him happy like a certain bands cd or movies with a perticular actor, an activity like going to a museum (that might just be me) something that you can remember you used to do when you were on your own, and then start to do them again, it makes you feel like you again instead of someone's girlfiend, and it helps to remind you of how life wasn't that bad before the person was in your life, sometimes just knowing who you are again wards of the despair, your "you" not half of a relationship, you were strong on your own once and will be again no matter how bad it makes you hurt right now.

Well, it's been 9 months since mine broke up with me... I spent a lot of time the first few months crying nonstop. My job suffered, I gained 20 pounds and basically didn't care whether I lived or died for a little while (to the point that my family was really worried about me). The past couple of months I've felt more hopeful about things. I'm getting out and living again. There are still days when I'm blindsided by a memory of him and I get sad, but I just shake it off and go on with my day. I realize that he was just one man, and as much as I loved him I know that there will come a time that I will be ready to love again... and it will be someone who is much more deserving of me! :p we'll all reach that point sooner or later.

In 14 days it will be 4 months. (still counting days) But I stopped feeling like 'i wouldn't make it' after the 2nd month. I still think of her everyday. Still miss what I thought we had.
So instead of wallowing in self pity/doutb/misery, I threw myself into work. I threw myself into family and friends and going out. If someone said "hey lets go to a company softball game" I would have said hell no 4 months ago with my ex... now I say yes to new things.

Set goals for myself. And I still don't feel like I could be in another relationsihp any time soon, just wouldn't be fair to who ever I meet. At least I can honestly and without a doubt say " I am not afraid anymore" Hurtingalot, rent home alone :) that's the best line of the movie lol.

"Only a fool walks into the future backwards" Focus on the future not the past :)

It's a bit bizarre, but I lost weight during all this mess... due to not eating, not sleeping, but working out frantically. I don't recommend it.

You know, there will always be good days and bad days... and today, is a good day. The whole I'll be OK feeling hit me around... a month into it. I still constantly checked my e-mail to see if she would write me... but I stopped checking my phone... I stopped checking fbook/myspace/etc. I stopped waking up and looking at my phone to see if she had left me a message. Most of all, I stopped trying to find out info on her. I realized, whatever she's going to do, she's going to do it... and it shouldn't matter to me.

Do I still care? Absolutely. Do I still hurt, yep. But right now, I'm just chugging along my own life... and just concentrating on what needs to be done in my own life. If you can't bear to be alone, find a friend. Really. Find a close friend that'll just spend time with you.

Yea, I have had to completely change my life and outlook.. Like you Sneeze, I have bought new clothes, a new IPOD and a Wii.. Lol.. I deleted my ex off my myspace along with her friend, along with her e-mail address and phone number. I'm not fishing for information. The hardest thing right now is realizing that my best friend(who is a girl) is now hanging out with my ex.. Funny how 9 years is tossed aside to her, but I cut her out of my life now too. I don't need people to sit on the fence like that, you're either here for me completely or not at all...

Is that too harsh?

Rome... Nope... I don't think it's too harsh. If it's painful to you... (meaning it causes you MORE pain in a painful situation) you got to get rid of it. Maybe not forever... but at least for now. You have to do what is best for you and your own sanity. NO ONE will do this for you. I deleted contacts... had to. Feel good about it. It was the right move.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

it's a bit bizarre, but I lost weight during all this mess...due to not eating, not sleeping, but working out frantically. I don't recommend it.

You know, there will always be good days and bad days...and today, is a good day. the whole I'll be OK feeling hit me around...a month into it. I still constantly checked my e-mail to see if she would write me...but I stopped checking my phone...I stopped checking fbook/myspace/etc. I stopped waking up and looking at my phone to see if she had left me a msg. Most of all, I stopped trying to find out info on her. I realized, whatever she's going to do, she's going to do it...and it shouldn't matter to me.

Do I still care? absolutely. Do I still hurt, yep. But right now, I'm just chugging along my own life...and just concentrating on what needs to be done in my own life. If you can't bear to be alone, find a friend. Really. Find a close friend that'll just spend time with you.

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Couldn't have said it better myself. Although I actually have been gaining wieght (I was like 123lbs 6'2") I was wayyy to skinny. Now working out and stuff I'm up to 140lbs

You know what else strikes me in what you are saying (Sneeze)... we gave so much and don't have any regrets... They sure as hell can't say the same. Good luck to them... What a huge loss for THEM... Got to move on to what we DESERVE! Better!

What made me the most angry, was these two never hung out without me... And this was my "bestfriend" of 9 years. So technically in a month, I lost 2 best friends.. Not too shabby... But technically I also haven't told her I'm cutting her off ha ha... I just don't see how someone can be your best friend, and be there for you when you need them the most... but also making plans to hang out with an ex, especially after just telling me "I have always wondered what it would be like to be with you. I think we would be great together"... ugh.. women(no offense)

But see guys, it's a HUGE loss for THEM!

They lost the best thing they've ever had... or will have... and they don't even know it. But we do.

And we're stronger for it. :)

I'm sorry... but I am of the opinion that you have to choose. I couldn't be friends with his friends... (ha! Lucky he only has 2! And they aren't all that fantastic! )

I definitely lean on my friends a lot... and they are mine. On my team... my own cheering section. There are no in-betweens IMO.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by HistorianChick

But see guys, its a HUGE loss for THEM!

They lost the best thing they've ever had... or will have... and they don't even know it. But we do.

And we're stronger for it. :)

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THIS IS SO TRUE! Amazing...

Yup, and obviously she chose her side.. So eventually she will get the point when I don't answer her calls or respond to her texts... I'm going to just avoid the fake apologies from her and listening to her "reasons" for it... No drama, I don't need it.. I got real friends who have chose their side, and that's my side...

I know myspace is frowned upon on here, but what struck me as odd was now all of a sudden my ex is on my "bestfriends" top friends list.. I was like you have got to be kidding.. Should I delete my friend as well so I don't have to see my e's pic?

That's what I did. Severed all ties. I just don't want to know anything. All I was hearing and seeing in pics is that he is miserable. But it still hurt. Not worth it. I cut all the ties... I just don't want to know anything, unless and until it's from him directly. That's what I had to do for me and for my own recovery (and mind you... I am not recovered... YET!! But I'm on my way! )

So you think I should delete my "bestfriend" off my myspace? Or what should I do? Lol.. I just need advice on how to handle it

Yeah Rome, I'd rip that band aid off, sever all the ties.

(Not sure where the whole "rip the band aid off" analogy fits in, but for some reason the whole quick, fast, deliberate, LOTS OF PAIN, ouch, seemed to fit deleting the myspace friend... it hurts like heck when you do it, but the pain will go away... )

Defintatly agree, I did the whole myspace/facebook thing, but have not been on for awhile. I deleted numbers, emails, changed a lot of stuff. I tell friends or family that I don't need to hear about every 'sighting' etc. If she wants to contact me, and its important enough she will find a way. Other then that I don't need any extra pushes to think about her.

Although I do feel a little hipocritical, and guilty. I still have ONE picture on my cell phone that I pop out and look at every blue moon. It's prob the only picture of her where I can see who I fell in love with, not who she turned out to be. Meh.

I had my friend change password on both of my Facebook and myspace pages... I don't want to go to those pages at all or see anything about her...

Those websites never meant any good anyway...