I moved in with my boyfriend about 7 months ago. He owns the house we live in and I agreed to help out with the bills when I moved in. He originally wanted me to pay for half of every bill but I just cannot afford this. I make 30,000 a year and he makes 95,000! I am currently paying over 1/3 of what the bills are but I also have students loans/car payment/insurance/credit cards etc. By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries I have about $50 left to my name. I tell him I just cannot afford to keep paying him this much and he always has his hand out for money. He also hates going out because he does not want to pay for anything but when he does pay for something for me, he likes to constantly remind me that he paid for that time we went out. Also, for Christmas he will only spend as much on me as what I can afford to buy for him. He claims he never has any money but whenever he wants something he buys it and is currently looking at buy a $55,000 car while I am struggling to get by. Am I greedy or is he really just cheap?

There's two sides to every story. Obviously it sounds like he's cheap from your point of view. He might have a different version of the same story. It's too hard to tell.

In his defense, he's not obligated to spend any specific amount on you for Christmas, or anything else for that matter. He doesn't have to pay for a damn thing other than the essentials, and as long as you both hold up your ends of the bargain, he's technically not doing anything wrong. After all, you guys aren't married, so he technically doesn't owe you anything. Also, if you are complaining about sharing all these bills and rent, think about what it would be like to live ALONE. It's much more expensive that way.

HOWEVER, if he is reminding you about what he's paid for (and I mean constantly), and makes a big deal about money all the time, and isn't willing to work with you to solve any arguments or problems, then at least you know all this stuff and you can still get out without too many problems, and before it gets worse.

The two of you if you are going to live together and share bills, need to work out a budget, if you are paying bills together, you both also need to agree on large purchases like a car and so on.

If you can not work out a budget now, it will only get worst latter.

Hey, this guy has it made in the shade if you ask me. He's convinced you to move in with him and pay some of his bills for him as well. Wowee! If you continue to keep funding his lifestyle he's going to buy an even MORE expensive car with all the money he's saved having you as his live in bill payer and bedmate to boot.

Move out of the cheap skate's house as soon as you can as he's only going to get WORSE and will happily take more of your money.

Usually, usually, when a guy asks you to move in with him, HE pays the bills not asks someone to split them with him. What were you thinking? Is he that good in bed, that handsome, etc. that you have to PAY for the privilege of living with him?

Get your own place or get a female roommate who will not nickel and dime you to death.

I can almost guarantee that Mr. Cheap Skate has had quite a string of former live in girlfriends before and when one smartens up and moves out he just replaces her with another live in sucker. I've seen these financial predators before and they are out there in droves. So be on your guard for the next guy who asks you to live with him.

You have been taken, big time, honey, and it's time to wake up and smell the money leaving your wallet with those cute little wings.

He sounds like a smart man.

It does not matter if he makes 90.000 a year or 1.6 million a year. He doesn't really have to help you out with anything.
He isn't cheap just careful you have only been with him 7months

If this is a problem get out because he isn't going to change.

Is there a mortgage on the house? If so then I think it's only fair that your name should be added, that way if you break up you'll be able to get back what you put in, otherwise you are just paying half of his mortgage which enables him to spend his money on other stuff while you help pay off his house. I also believe that the amount of money each of you make should determine how much you pay, it's not fair that he can spend his money on anything he wants and you never have any money left over. Are you boyfriend and girlfriend or just roommates? If you are planning on being together for a lifetime than you are both working towards a common goal, if not then what's the point?

My friend just went through this. How much credit card debt do you have? She had $62,000 and he was trying to teach her a lesson.

However, in the long run if it was me personally, I would continue to pay the expenses because it really doesn't cost more when your partner lives with you. Then if you do have credit card debt, you need to pay x dollars towards it until its paid off.

If no debt, then it goes in a joint fund for emergencies.

My take, he's cheap and you will get tired of this real soon. A spender and a saver are like oil and water.

If you can't pull your own weight, then your in the wrong place.

OMG, leave his , this so unfair, he is making triple your salary and asking you to pay half the bills?
You are common law couple, he should even give you money, he is a very cheap man, just like Twinkiedooter said better live with a female roommate.
He is using you financially and physically, keep away form cheap ones, their the worst, how even can you sleep with someone has no regards and consideration for what you're going through financially

wait wait wait... I don't see how this is "unfair"

she lives there, she should pay half... no matter how much he makes. So if he makes less than her, she should pay more? Why? If anything, it should be 50-50, no matter what. If he offers to pay a little more, then that's generous of him, but she shouldn't say BUT HE MAKES MORE... and expect him to "excuse" her. If they were married, it's a different story, but in a relationship, why not?

This has happened to me before. I made 3 times what my girlfriend made and my girlfriend wanted me to pay the rent while she paid the utilities.. . it doesn't make sense now... but I was young and in love. I went with it. I also ended paying for groceries, whenever we went out, etc. It just wasn't a fair relationship.

nadia999 claims that he should give her money. WHY? So if she made more money than he did, should she give HIM money? No way.

He is cheap/immature for mentioning that he always ends up paying for you. As far as Christmas gifts... he really doesn't have to spend a certain value. Just because he makes money doesn't mean he should spend it. However, if he specifically told you, "I'm spending as much on you as you spend on me" then it's just immature.

It's not a matter of being cheap. It's a matter of you wanting him to spend more money on you and him being immature. Perhaps he loves money a little too much.

If you can't afford the rent, then move out... find a roommate in a smaller place. As far as you wanting him to spend more money on you, I'd tone that down. No guy ever wants to hear his girl complain about how little money he spends on her. It's his money. He earned it. If he wants to blow all his salary on a new Hummer without spending a dime on you, it shouldn't matter.

Bah, I can't give you more rep Sneeze, but if I could I would. That's an excellent post.

There is no way in hell this guy forced her to move in with him. She moved in on her own free will. I'm sure a discussion about payment was made BEFORE she moved in, otherwise it would be a stupid move on her part. And now that time has passed, her feelings have changed about what she should pay. Well that's tough titties. You're a grown up, you're the one who moved in, so you're the one responsible for half of everything. You're not married, just like Sneeze (and I already stated), so there's nothing wrong with the current living situation.

The ONLY thing that you can accuse him of is being a jerk if he's rubbing it in your face, or trying to make you feel worthless with words only. He's gone through life, paid his dues, and now he's reeping in the benefits from a good job. Why should he get dumped on if he wants to buy a new car? THEY AREN'T MARRIED PEOPLE! He can do whatever he wants to do with his life and his earnings.

If they were married, this would be a totally different issue. If she moved in before she made an agreement with him about payment, then that's her own stupid fault. I doubt that happened, because she doesn't sound stupid. She agreed to pay half from the very beginning, so why should that change? She's currently a room mate with relationship benefits and nothing more. Room mates pay half. Get over it!


-- PS - I will soon my moving in with my girlfriend, and going to college full time, so I won't have a job. She makes well over 40K a year, so should she pay 100% of everything because I'm not earning one cent? NO! Im selling my Corvette, my bike, my atv, and anything else I can find to make up for HALF the rent and utilities. It's the only fair way.

Its not cheap to expect people, to pay their fair share.

If your paying 1/3 at 30k with $50 left over is he paying 2/3 at 90k with $150 left over? Seems to me that FR_CHUCK gave the best advice.

I like the posts by the women that say he should pay more.

Here's another example, I stay in every Friday and Saturday and study. My roommate parties nonstop. I get a 4.0 average, the roommate gets a 2.0 average.

Therefore, its only fair for me to give my roommate 1.0 of my average so that we both get a 3.0 average. YEAH RIGHT!

Hat's the difference between married couple and common law married couple, it is all about feelings, right? And what you mean if they were married it is a different story, he is not going to be a different person because there is a little nuptial paper.
Yes if she makes more should be the same, it all about fair sharing, and they are not roommate they are sleeping together, they are in love so I think he is being callous.
And if she feels he is cheap then he is cheap, because people are different what seems cheap to one woman might seem fair to another woman. She's got to go with what she thinks fair and if it is not to her, then it is not and he is not your type.

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Originally Posted by nadia999

hat's the difference between married couple and common law married couple, it is all about feelings, right? and what you mean if they were married it is a different story, he is not going to be a different person because there is a little nuptial paper.

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Following your logic, I should ask, why don't people just have kids when they're dating? I mean, it's not like they'll be a different couple when they get married, right? It's just a nuptial paper...

no... when you're married, you're usually joining bank accounts and thinking of raising children together as you two are now one functioning unit.

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Originally Posted by nadia999

and they are not roommate they are sleeping together, they are in love so I think he is being callous.

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So... tell me, if you had a boyfriend, and he made less than you, you'd give up your paycheck so that you two will earn the same amount?

Say... for my optimism sake, I will be a surgeon. A specialized surgeon in the U.S. makes roughly $200k. Let's say the girl I date (and live with) makes $40k a year working at macy's. Should I pay the entire rent, car payment, buy her a car, groceries, etc? Why? Of course, if I made that much more, I'd offer to pay a bit more... but why should I give up more of my money... for a girl I'm simply "dating"? Yes, living together IS a commitment, but it's not a commitment like a joint mortgage is a commitment.

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Originally Posted by nadia999

And if she feels he is cheap then he is cheap, because people are different what seems cheap to one woman might seem fair to another woman. She's gotta go with what she thinks fair and if it is not to her, then it is not and he is not your type.

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If she feels he's cheap then he's cheap?. what? If someone thinks I'm a serial killer then I'm a serial killer?. my ex once thought I was cheating on her... so I was? no...

I agree with your last statement. If she thinks he's being cheap, then yes... he may not be right for her... however, she came onto this forum to ask if she's being reasonable.

My answer: no, you're not being reasonable. He IS being a bit immature and rude by shoving it in your face, but for you to expect/want him to pay more... is being unreasonable.

Well, there are living together for 7 months, this is more than 6 months that means by law they are in common law marriage.
Well, good luck finding a woman marrying you with that attitude, you make more than double her salary and you want her to share the same? God you are so cheap man, and I say the same the other way around
When a woman moves in with a man they are a couple, you don't just move in with some one you're dating, this is a marriage, if she should share the way you think, I think she should just consider that she is his roommate with benefits.

I think that if he eally loves her, they should come to an agreement about how much money she should pay so that she is not left dead broke: $50!. cmon. That is her MAN; not a roommate. The rules can be bent a little. Maybe an agreement could be met, maybe he could help he get a higher paying job. He should not stress her. I say he's being cheap!

And lets be realistic; 9 times out of 10 if the situation were switched most women would probably take over more of the bills if she loved her man and allowed him to move in knowing his financial situation ( and he made that much more than him. Women are nurturers so that how it usually ends up.

I meant if SHE made that much more than him

Naidia I think you just got schooled.

It sounds to me like the rest of these people have a better understanding of a relationship than you do

Common law marriage after 6 months? Where do you live?

I tell you you're a scary person :)

Bottom Line She moved in with him. If she can't pay her way get out. Or move in with a SAP that pays everything for her

Simple as that

Seven years, is the common law standard in most states. And there are no rules for living together, and if you can't afford to live in a place, you talk about it, and get someplace you can afford. This guy is upfront, and honest, about what he expects, so she needs to get with the program, or get gone. Or get married.

I like how the people who think he should pay more only thing that way because he makes more money. Mostly women I believe. Do you seriously listen to yourself speak?

She had an agreement before she moved in. She changed her mind several months after. How is it his fault that she changed her mind!


Sneeze is right

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my answer: no, you're not being reasonable. He IS being a bit immature and rude by shoving it in your face, but for you to expect/want him to pay more... is being unreasonable.

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If she had a disagreement about payment, then this should have been discussed seven months ago. Doing it now is a little too late. If you don't like it, move out.

That just made me laugh so much what she said
About the 7 months means your kind of married

There are some scary people out there :P

Damn!

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

that just made me laugh so much what she said
about the 7 months means your kinda married

there are some scary people out there :P

Damn!

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True Faith: Obviously it doesn't take much to amuse you. I think the difference of opinions here is largely based on sex (male versus female). For the first few years of my marriage I had a higher paying job, worked longer hours and still came home at night to make dinner, clean the house etc.etc. I also paid the majority of the bills with my paycheck. Now you men out there will say that this scenario is different because I was married, well I would have done the same if we were just living together because I love him and want to help him any way I can, that's what a relationship should be about. This guy obviously doesn't give a darn if he leaves her with only $50 spending money every month while he's going out buying new cars etc. You are right about one thing though, she should leave his cheap !#* asap, she deserves better.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

True Faith: Obviously it doesn't take much to amuse you. I think the difference of opinions here is largely based on sex (male versus female). For the first few years of my marriage I had a higher paying job, worked longer hours and still came home at night to make dinner, clean the house etc.etc. I also paid the majority of the bills with my paycheck. Now you men out there will say that this scenario is different because I was married, well I would have done the same if we were just living together because I love him and want to help him any way I can, that's what a relationship should be about. This guy obviously doesn't give a darn if he leaves her with only $50 spending money every month while he's going out buying new cars etc.

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In your situation, those would be your terms of the agreement. Each agreement is different.

In the original argument, her terms were 50/50. She can't change it now, espcially 7 months later. Once an agreement is reached, that's it. If she really didn't like the terms of the agreement, then she should have made that an issue in the very beginning, or not moved in at all. Her fault entirely.

He's not obligated in any little way to pay more. You can't pretend to be in his shoes because you have no idea how he feels. We have to go by what we KNOW to be true.

The only thing we all on this forum know for sure, is that she originally agreed to pay for 50% of everything. That was the deal, and she accepted it. It's her responsibility to pay 50%. It shouldn't be any harder than that.

EuRa- Actually, you're wrong, my original agreement was 50/50, then my husband got laid off and had to find a new job where he was making 35% less than before. Circumstances change and people should be allowed to make new arrangements when that happens. Like so many other people on this site I have to reiterate, she is his girlfriend, not his roommate, if he loves her than why is he doing this to her? Also, if she is paying half then half the house should belong to her, otherwise she is just paying his mortgage so that he can own his own house. It's the same as her buying a new car under her name for which he has to pay half even though he has absolutely no ownership of that vehicle. Sweet deal for him, not so much for her, and that's the major issue for me.

I agree that women are all saying HE SHOULD PAY MORE!. why?

Why would the guy pay more? I don't understand this society of how everything should be equal, but hey, when it becomes "unfair," usually to the minority race/gender/social class, let's cut some slack.

Let me bring up my original example. As a surgeon, I make roughly $200k a year. It took me 4 years of college, 4 years of med school, a year of internship, 4 years of residency, and 2 years of fellowship to get there. I've racked up $200k in loans alone.

... why would I give out ANY sort of money to ANYONE? It's not a "rule" that I should. As I said before, if my girlfriend made significantly less, I'd offer to help out... that's not an issue. However, if she "expects" me to pay more or starts complaining that I don't pay more... f. that.

I'd like to ask the females here that say that the guy should pay more... and be honest with me:

How many of you actually have a boyfriend?
Does your boyfriend pay for a lot of things?

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

EuRa- Actually, you're wrong, my original agreement was 50/50, then my husband got laid off and had to find a new job where he was making 35% less than before. Circumstances change and people should be allowed to make new arrangements when that happens.

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Then I'm still not wrong. You had an agreement, then you both agreed to alter the agreement. You both had to agree to change it. That's how it works. 2 parties, working together, coming to a conclusion, then sticking by it.

In the original problem, she wants to change the agreement, he doesn't want to and doesn't have to. So no change. I still don't see how that's wrong. She chose to move in. That was her decision. Her decision was half of everything. SHE MADE THAT DECISION! It was agreed upon. That's that.

She wants to change it, but he doesn't. So nothing changes. He's not forcing her to live with him. That's her choice. She can move out any time she wants to. But if she took him to court, and demanded him to pay more money, the judge would tell her she's stupid. Legally, he doesn't have to pay a penny more. This is a legal matter. If they got married, things would change.

Women are letting their emotions control their decision making... sheesh.

First and foremost is this...

You made an agreement to pay half. If you didn't do the math first, that’s your loss but the agreement needs amending before you two destroy what you built.

Equal doesn't always have to mean the same amount of money.

In any house hold with multiple incomes, bill paying should be equal with regards to percentages of earned income. What this means is you both should be paying an equal percentage of the bills based on your unequal incomes.

In the end, your man will be spending more money on the bills, but the percentage of the two incomes spent on the bills will be equal and reasonable.

Just remember, it should be based on equal percentages of each income and not on equal dollars brought to the table. To do otherwise would be mathematically impossible in the long run and will certainly create additional acrimony!

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

...why would I give out ANY sort of money to ANYONE? It's not a "rule" that I should. As I said before, if my girlfriend made significantly less, I'd offer to help out...that's not an issue. However, if she "expects" me to pay more or starts complaining that I don't pay more...f. that.

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KUDOS KUDOS KUDOS KUDOS KUDOS!!

The man. Right here. ^^

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Originally Posted by Sand Daddy

In any house hold with multiple incomes, bill paying should be equal with regards to percentages of earned income. What this means is you both should be paying an equal percentage of the bills based on your unequal incomes.

In the end, your man will be spending more money on the bills, but the percentage of the two incomes spent on the bills will be equal and reasonable.

Just remember, it should be based on equal percentages of each income and not on equal dollars brought to the table. To do otherwise would be mathematically impossible in the long run and will certainly create additional acrimony!

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I strongly disagree, and so does any town or state law.

For example, let's assume I make 100K a year, but I own a very little house on a tiny piece of property. Let's also assume I live next to another man, call him "Peter", who makes 50K a year, but has a house 4 times the size as mine, on a size of land 4 times the property.

The town charges taxes to everyone, that isn't based on what you earn, it's based on what you own and use.

She uses half the house, half the electric, half of all the utilities. She is responsible for half of the payments.

I'm not sure why this is so hard to understand. I hate this "you make more so you pay more" theory. What if she made a million dollars a year, and he made 9 million dollars a year. She he pay 90% simply because he makes 90% of the household income, despite the fact that she'd be able to pay her half of the rent without problem?

This has nothing to do with the fact that he earns money. It has everything to do with the fact that she's having a hard time affording her half of everything. The easy way out is through him, which is unfair on his part. I feel bad for this guy.

EuRa - Yikes, hold on a minute, I'm not saying he should pay more because he's a man, I'm saying he should pay more because he makes more, if she made more than she should pay more. I think that the amount you pay should be based on how much you make, It should be an equal percentage from each paycheck so that the person making less doesn't end up living in poverty while the higher paycheck parties it up. You are also missing my biggest point, is she listed as part owner of this house, or is it in his name only? If she isn't listed than why should she pay half of something she will never own, that's simply not fair. And if he doesn't want to put her down as part owner then she shouldn't be expected to pay half of his mortgage. To me that is the major issue.

To answer your other question, I have been married for almost 13 years, my husband and I have been together for 18 years, we have two children and a small mortgage left on our house. When my first child was born 9 years ago we decided that I would stay at home and raise him. In the last 9 years I've had a few part time jobs but each time too much childcare responsibility falls on his shoulders he asks me to once again stay at home with the kids. I am a college graduate, a commercial auto underwriter by trade. Right now my husband pays for everything because I do not have an income, however, I do have a job. I've done everything from janitorial work to working in a large office for a very high power company, and being a stay at home mom is hands down the most difficult job I've ever had. Oh, and by the way for the first few years of our marriage I paid the majority of the bills and took care of our home as well. Should he be allowed to keep all his money because he is the one earning it? Am I entitled to anything in your eyes? If not then I am truly grateful he doesn't share you point of view.

Altenweg: I don't disagree with the agreement you and your husband had. In fact, I endorse it. I will never experience it, but I do agree with being a mother/wife that takes care of the house/kids is a tough job. In fact, salary.com calculated that a stay-at-home mom would make roughly $140k a year if they factored all the jobs she did around the house.

When a couple is married, and one person decides to stay home to tend to the housework, the children, etc. then I wholeheartedly agree that the breadwinner should take care of the family financially.

This specific case right now, is talking about a relationship. A dating relationship that hasn't even reached an anniversary. Let's say that she doesn't own the house... so what? Paying rent isn't about ownership, it's about utilizing whatever it is. You're telling me it's not fair that he gets to own it... well, in that case, I say it IS fair because he came up with the down payment for the house AND is paying for home insurance + mortgage and is liable for whatever happens to the house in the future. Will she pay for the termite protection? Will she pay for the new paint job? I... really doubt that. It's his house... he could have charged her 75% of the mortgage... all she had to do was say YES or NO.

I think a line is being blurred here in that people are saying that because they "love" one another, it should be equal. I completely disagree. If I followed that logic, I'd be so broke by now by the number of girls I've dated that I wouldn't have enough to pay my tuition.

Following this "love" logic, then why don't they just put their savings account + checking account together? I mean... that's equal right? There's a reason people keep separate checking accounts until they actually GET married.

Pay more because he makes more?

Equal percentage from each pay check? So if I'm on 200k a year and my girlfriend OK girlfriend. Who is working at hooters or something like that is on 24k dollars a year
I swear that is the most messt up thing I have ever heard

You guys are married nad have kids it's a totally different thing? Can't you see that


If she can't pay the price don't be in the relationship simple as that.
The guy owes her nothing.

To be clear, there are no set rules for common law marriages, and only a few states even recognise them, so lets put it where it belongs, between the two partners. If she agrees to half, then its half. That simple, and she can leave whenever she feels like it. The moral of the story, is be careful with the deal you negotiate.

Common Law Marriage FAQ

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

I'm saying he should pay more because he makes more, if she made more than she should pay more. I think that the amount you pay should be based on how much you make

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I know. I've known your position this whole time. I never said you said or I said it was because he was a man. Not once. I know your position. I disagree. If they were married, then I'd agree with you.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

You are also missing my biggest point, is she listed as part owner of this house, or is it in his name only? If she isn't listed than why should she pay half of something she will never own, that's simply not fair. And if he doesn't want to put her down as part owner then she shouldn't be expected to pay half of his mortgage. To me that is the major issue.

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If this is your biggest point, then stop writing. She never said she was paying towards a mortgage. She never even said she was paying rent. She is paying only 1/3 of all the bills (despite her 1/2 agreement), her insurance, her car payments, and her college bills. No mortgage. No rent. You are pulling things out of thin air.


As for the rest of your quote, all that is your life. It does not pertain to this issue. What you do and who you make agreements with is all your issues. It has no bearing on this subject.

ISneezeFunny- Okay, maybe I am basing my opinion a bit too much on relationships I have witnessed. I have a friend who has been with her common-law spouse for 8 years now, they don't plan on getting married because he says "It's just a piece of paper, we don't need it". She is 26 years old (allot younger than me) and he is 32 years old, they have two children 5 and under, she makes 1/3 the income he does and also works the night shift full time (6pm until 4am). She pays for half the mortgage, all the groceries, all the children's things (clothes, schooling, diapers etc.etc.) They split the bills 50/50. He has his own car which he pays for and so does she. She is solely responsible for the kids (getting them to school, doctor, dentist, cooking, cleaning etc.) They recently remodeled their home and she paid for all the renos. He is solely responsible for the yearly property tax which amounts to $1800.00/year. Last year she found out that the property tax had not been paid for two years and they were threatening to go to court. She advised him that he was behind and he said that he couldn't afford to pay (he recently bought two snowmobiles, another car, a plasma TV etc. all of which he consider solely his property) therefore she paid the property tax with her tax refund so that they could avoid going to court, he has no intention of paying her back. I could go on and on but this post is already to long. In my opinion he is a dead beat This relationship is what I'm basing my opinion on. Once a cheapskate always a cheapskate. I will however admit that my opinion is largely based on what I see happening in the future for this couple and not so much for the present and that is where I partially agree with you, they have only been together for a short time, but I don't think things will change the longer they are together, and that's what worries me. Hope this makes sense.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

To be clear, there are no set rules for commom law marriages, and only a few states even recognise them, so lets put it where it belongs, between the two partners. If she agrees to half, then its half. That simple, and she can leave whenever she feels like it. The moral of the story, is be careful with the deal you negotiate.

Common Law Marriage FAQ

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AGREED

Holy horse s**t! This board is crazy!! Absolutely the most amusing posts I have read on here in my short time.

My Two Cents

Has anyone, including the poster, thought that maybe this guy is trying to make a point and feel the girl out? I know that if I had my life on track, owned my own home, was making close to 6 figures and I had a girl I was serious enough about wanting to move in, I would feel her out.

You all have points that need to be taken into consideration. Yes, they are dating, no, they are not married, yes they are roomates that happen to have wild kinky nookie after a steamy Grey's Anatomy episode.

Let's look at this from this guys perspective once. He obvioulsy likes this girl a lot, he is possibly even in love. He has worked hard to get where he is and is probably thinking about settling down. Otherwise I promise he wouldn't be letting the girl move in. NOTICE THE VERBAGE! LETTING HER MOVE IN! IT IS HIS HOUSE!

The man might have marriage on his mind. He obviously isn't a dumb person. He probably knows from everything out there in the world that $$$ is the number one cause of things going south. He is trying to see if she intends on being a team player. I do not need to remind any of you how many woman, and no not all, get lazy and complacent when they get married. The man is protecting his . He doesn't want to pop the question just for her to say she isn't happy with her job then quit and take two years to find something else while he works his a** off paying the debt off that she brought into the marriage.

The man is being smart. He is testing her character and her work ethic. He doesn't want to be a crutch for her. He wants her to excel in life. He wants her to prove to him that she has her priorities straight and isn't going to be a free loader.

Her situation hasn't changed since the agreement was made. She needs to realize that her debt is there because of her and if she cannot pay it off, it is her bag of worms. If she had signed a lease could she renegotiate?

This is just ridiculous... what they earn shouldn't even be a factor... period. What if she didn't know his salary? Maybe he really makes $200K HA! Then your really gettin' taken for a ride?

Hey, for all you ladies with the twisted logic, next time your go out to eat with your girlfriends make sure you ask the one who has the highest salary to pick-up a higher % of the tab! HAHAHAHA!

P.S. Just so we are clear, if they were married I believe everything goes family mode. His is hers, hers is his, all is theirs. I don't believe in not being equals on everything in a marriage. Nothing should be held over anyone's head no matter what the differential.

Many guys like throwing in your face what they did for you even when you may have done way more for them. I know girls that their boyfriend lives with them and they support their boyfriend.
Then if they do one thing for the girl like paint the living room they want to hold it over them for a year or more.
If 'n when you know you are ready and able tell him you can't afford to live with him anymore and you are moving out --but be prepared to move if he says 'see ya'.
He sounds like he may just want somebody to pay his bills so he has his play money.