My boyfriend just broke up with me week ago. He said that he couldn't do it anymore. Said that he loved me but wasn't "in love" with me. Said that he didn't think I was "the one" or "the girl"?

I honestly truly believe that he is the one... and I am the one for him. But I believe is afraid of the love that we have. (He is 7 years younger than me)

He texts me and says that he loves me. And when I did a girls night he actually picked me up at the bar and drove me home. He stayed with me all night until I fell asleep - and cuddled with me - making sure I was all right.

But he still claims that he only loves me... and he still does not believe I am the one or that he is in love with me.

I don't know what to do. Or where to go from here.
Is he In love with me... and just afraid of what the future might hold?
Do I continue to hope that he will come to senses and come back?

It might be that he just loves you or it might be that he's in love wit you but from what you said it sounds like he does love you but maybe you just need to give it time how long have you been wit him is the big question?? :cool:

Its only fresh at the moment, things can only get better. Maybe try to have a few weeks apart with out any contact and see if anything has chaged in that time.

I must say that he really over used all those break up lines though!

Well how old are both of you for one and don't cut off all contact still talk just not on a bf/gf kind of thing if you know what I mean just give it time if you're the one he will come to his senses

I am 37... and he is 30. He was still living at home with his parents... (Still is) while he fixes up a one bedroom house that he bought just a few weeks before we started dating. (He has been working on one bedroom drywalling etc... for the past 10 months... he has been taking his time (kind of a perfectionist) and has a lot of other activities that he likes to do... snowmobiling , car racing. That is (was) one of our problems I think. He use to spend 6 nights a week at my place... instead of at home... and was fixing up his place. He was determined to fix it and move it. (Which I always thought was a waste since he was like living with me already). I didn't care if he did his snowmobiling and car racing etc... or if he wanted to leave for the weekend to do so. He actually had the life... the perfect life. I never complained when he came in late (10:00 pm - midnight - and just went to sleep) I knew how busy he was.

He went away for New Years... (snowmobiling) and I asked that he come home for New Years Eve so he could be with me. I guess he said that on his way back - all he kept thinking about was that he didn't want to be coming back... that he wished he had stayed with his friends snowmobiling. I guess he said that he knew then he wasn't in love with me. Because he should have never wanted to go... much less not want to come home.

It tore me up when he said those words to me.

And how long do you wait?. He texted me yesterday and I replied... "Do you think it might be better if I didn't contact you for awhile?" He replied with "No, I like talking to you"

None of it makes sense to me.
He agreed that the sex life was the best he ever had.
We never argued about anything.
Some of his friends didn't like me granted... but mainly because I wouldn't date them.
And he was able to come and go as he pleased with no demands from me.

He actually said it was the best relationship he ever had. And has only ever been in love with one other girl besides me... (And she didn't love him back)
So I just don't get it.

Aww Im sorry that happened If he truly feels that why then you don't need him if he loved you like he said he does then he would have wanted to come home Im mean quote me if I'm wrong but if your in a relationship its just common sense to come home for the holidays wit your partner I mean come on now what he's doing now is playing you as a fool!!

Well maybe he is afraid that you will not love him back maybe that why it really up to him because from the sounds of it you seem to love him to death I mean he has all this freedom and everything take it or leave it

Well I think that you sound like a lovely lady. If he still wants to keep in contact I think that it's a good sign. Its sounds to me like he's just having some time to think and see what he want to do himself... I Think that you'll get back together.

Fingers crossed for you both! X

OK... so... I still stay in contact with him... and just wait... right?

I told him that I wouldn't wait forever... and that he was going to have to make it up to me for hurting me this bad. I think that scared himk because I think he thought I would say that he would have to give up his toys, or house or friends... so he asked me what he would have to do...

There was 4 things...

1. Apologize to the kids for hurting me. (My kids are 18, 17 and 12)
2. Say I love you to me in front of his friends. (He said that guys don't show emotion in front of their friends- I disagree)
3. Apologize to me for all the pain and hurt.
4. Make up for being "grumpy" on New years to me.

He agreed to all conditions... and said that was fair.

But you never know what happens

Well for one Even I show affection in front of my bois and so yeah that's one big thing that he does have wrong but other then that it seems like a good sign for you pretty much sit back relax and wait but don't wait longer then a month or so or shorter that's up to you but if you wait to long your setting yourself up for failure and for one I don't want to see that you seem like a lovely girl would not want to see you get hurt!! If I weighs out just don't wait to long!! But it does look good for you from here!!

Take him at his word. He has told you were he is, you're not wanting to accept it. Hanging around hoping he will change is only going to cause you grief. If he misses you and decides he wants you, let him make the move.
I think you should move on.

If he has hurt you why do you want him back? I guess love is VERY blind!

Because I do love him. He has NEVER done anything to hurt me in any other way except this. He has always been the gentlest person I know. Never raised his voice to me. Treated my kids good. Spoiled me crazy. He gave me the space I needed (I was in an abusive marriage 3 years prior to us dating). I honestly believe that we are meant to be together. But I also think he is scared of his feelings.

Thank you Killer.. I appreciate all your kind words and hopes of encouragment.

No problem I like helping people it makes me feel good LOL

With all these stipulations why would he want to come back. He is being honest with you, by telling you how he feels. Has he asked you to wait on him?
If a man tells you he is not in love with you, why in the world would you want to cling to him?

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Originally Posted by brokenchaos

Because I do love him. He has NEVER done anything to hurt me in any other way except this. He has always been the gentlest person I know. Never raised his voice to me. Treated my kids good. Spoiled me crazy. He gave me the space I needed (I was in an abusive marriage 3 years prior to us dating). I honestly believe that we are meant to be together. But i also think he is scared of his feelings.

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Just because a man treats you decent, does not mean he loves you. A man should treat you decent because he is a decent man.
And just because you love him, does not mean he is the one for you.
I'm not understand why he has to apologize to you and your children for telling you he is not in love with you.
I hope it works for you, but you need to give him space, not ultimatums.

Home girl I appreciate you answering the post... but I really do not need the negative feelings that you project. I believe in love. And I have never given him an ultimatium. (I told him what he would have to do to make up for the hurt he has caused if he ever did decide he was wrong about us) He left. He calls and texts. He still says he loves me. At no time am I playing a game. I answer the phone when he calls because it is the decent thing to do. And he answers when I call him. I do not giive him time limits and say he has to come back by a certain time. He is free to do what he wants.

Im wit her she has the right idea on the things he needs to do and this is coming from a dude to so yeah

Thank you Killer.
I honestly believe if someone hurts you that they should apologize and try to make up for it.
I am not asking him to give up his house, his toys or his friends...
I just want something back emotionally from him... that he took when he hurt me.

I wouldn't just be waiting on what if. Life is to precious to be put on hold for any one.