Brief history... Been with my girl for 8-9months... She lied to me about going to see her grandpa in another country when in fact she went there to live with another guy... She left christmas day, only wrote me 2 emails since. Nothing about us or anything just some stuff she wants me to do for her. I completely ignored it... Went NC as soon as she left because I realized it what was going on. It's been 25 or more days of NC. However, she still thinks I don't know anything about it as I never confronted her. She finnaly called me couple of days ago, but I didn't answer. I let it go to Vmail and she left a message like we were still together... the pet names, the lovey dovey crap and all. But all that I think because she needs me to do her a favor which only I can do, and I'm not doing it.

I love this girl a lot, but I can't let her mess with me like this. It's definetelly not right at all from my point of view... For her, I guess it's easy to do this kind of thing, because even though I should have predicted this thing, seeing how we started, I didn't. She left her fiancée and moved to my state to live with me shortly after they broke up. So it looks like she's going from rebound to rebound... but what do I know.

I'm not a party guy... When she decided to move in with me in my state, she knew I wasn't a guy that goes through all these clubs and bars and stuff. She said she got that out of her as well. However while together I still had to go to these places with her every weekend, even though I didn't like it. Now the guy she ran of too, he's 32 and she's 23... He's a party animal and all into that stuff.

Also, she was a drop dead gorgeous girl. Very pretty on the outside, but a messed up individual on the inside. I think she was out of my league looks wise to begin with and I'm afraid that I'll never be able to find someone like her again. That's also the thing that hurts a lot and it could all be due to what I'm going through as well.

Now I'm really, really hard trying to move on... As most of you know it's hard at first obviously. The thing that bugs me the most is I don't know how to be happy and alone and all that stuff... I mean I read threads from a lot of you saying that and all, but How in fact do you do that... I mean some clues could help. I just feel like I would be a lot happier if I'm in a relationship. However, I know I'm not ready to be in one as she is still on my mind a lot. Also myself esteem is shot and I don't think much of myself right now.

I can't talk to people for some reason... I feer rejection and I feel like I have nothing to say to anyone, when in fact with my friends, I can talk about anything and have no problems what so ever. I have not been single for the past 7 years... Once after my 6 year relationship ended, but that was a disaster and it ended way before it officially ended, so I had no problems coping with that one.

I hear people saying "Remember the times when you were single and happy, you can be that person again". Well I don't know remember those times because there never were any since high-school.

So, What I'm trying to do here, is stop worrying about finding someone and having this need to be in a relationship; I need to stop being afraid that I'll never find anyone again; I need to learn how to live alone and be happy.

Thanks a lot.

P.S. I'm 25 just so you know my age.

There is a big difference in "being alone and happy" and "being happy alone."

Think about it... "being alone and happy" gives you the impression that you're alone and sometimes happy.

"Being happy alone" doesn't pre-qualify your happiness... rather it is the source of happiness.

(Psychology was never my forte', but it's a good question to think about, isn't it? )

How to attain either type of happiness? That's for you to determine. :)

Ahh my friend I always go for the drop dead gorgeous girls and yeah there pretty much insane on the inside I learnt long ago never to fall for them ;)

What she did to you was very wrong as you fully well know and congrats to you on the No contact! You have to keep that up. So you got the hardist part done right there!

Ok to be happy. Well
Some people always need others in there life to make themselves feel happy. But of course this never really works out and nomraly there only happy for a few months out of the year.. because you can't place your feelings in someone else lap.

a great person once told me. Girls are part of your life. NOT YOUR LIFE!

Now the hump that your in. everyone goes into this stage when a brake up happens. Yours was very hard and not kind.
first off. You did nothing wrong don't hate yourself don't think oh I could have done something different.. or I wasn't good here.. nah this would have happened even if you was the best person in the world. Because she is that TYPE of Person. Doesn't want to stay to long in a relationship it seems. And trust me this new guy will feel your pain soon enough.
she is out of your life my friend. But she has just come into his. Ouch!

When this happened to me. My X she was a model I met her on a set well we had lots of fun and yeah I fell for her. I was young though 20. She was crazy as they made them. Well it didn't last. But it was a fun ride :) which is how you should think.

Things to do when you are on your own.
I don't know about you but I love going to the gym. Its great to put on you music and run. Gives you a sens of control back. Plus it makes you look and feel great :)
which is a good thing you need an ego boost.

You could try taking up a hobbie. Drawing playing games. Hanging out with friends making time for people that you misst while you were with her.

Don't think you won't find another girl. You don't want someone like her again anyway no point in being hot if she hurts you! Just think about what you'll get next. An even better girl.

anyway you can't be that bad man if you got a good looking girl ;)

here are some facts that I can tell you

1.. You Will! Find someone else
2.. You won't forget about her. But you will finally see her for what she is and it won't effect you anymore
3... This will make you stronger!


hope this helps my friend. Take it from a guy that's been down that road many many times ;)


learn to play the guitar.

You can never really be happy with someone unless you are happy with yourself. So make sure everything you do. Is to better yourself.

don't embrase the past. That's gone just set a few goals and try to keep with it my friend.

You say you can't be that person again when you were single and happy. No you can't that's very true. You can be someone better than that. Because all this crap has made you stronger

Sharpest sword has to go threw the hottiest flames.
your 25 your young yout got so much more things to do
get happy about that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

There is a big difference in "being alone and happy" and "being happy alone."

Think about it.... "being alone and happy" gives you the impression that you're alone and sometimes happy.

"Being happy alone" doesn't pre-qualify your happiness... rather it is the source of happiness.

(Psychology was never my forte', but its a good question to think about, isn't it??)

How to attain either type of happiness?? That's for you to determine. :)

---

I didn't know there was a difference. Point is... it's not that I don't like being alone, it's that I'm afraid I'll end up alone. I still have a lot of thoughts with the ex and the times we were together and going to my apartment knowing she's not there, or waking up in the morning to not see her next to me is pure hell.

I know I have to be happy on my own and get to that on my own, but I just thought that maybe someone had some clues on how to achieve that.

What you want is a balanced happy life, by doing what you enjoy. First step is to identify what you like to do, and pursue it. This will not only give you an outlet, but keeps you from isolating yourself, and gives you some social contact with those who share your interest. Another thing is working on your own issues by, again, identify the issue, and facing it by doing it. A fear of rejection for example can be remedied by approaching people, and striking up a friendly conversation with them. Personally, volunteering at places that benefit others less fortunate, is the best way to go to restore, or build self esteem, by getting out of self. No matter the path you choose, you must actually get up, and do something, and that's the whole point, initiating positive actions. Start small, and slowly add more, as you get better at it. Did you read, things to do after a break-up, in my signature?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TrueFaith

Ahh my friend i always go for the drop dead gorgeous girls and yeah there pretty much insane on the inside i learnt long ago never to fall for them ;)

What she did to you was very wrong as you fully well know and congrats to you on the No contact!. you have to keep that up. so you got the hardist part done right there!

Ok to be happy. well
Some people always need others in there life to make them selfs feel happy. but of course this never really works out and nomraly there only happy for a few months out of the year.. because you can't place your feelings in someone eles lap.

a great person once told me. Girls are part of your life. NOT YOUR LIFE!

Now the hump that your in. everyone goes into this stage when a brake up happens. yours was very hard and not kind.
first off. you did nothing wrong dont hate your self dont think oh i could have done something different.. or i wasnt good here.. nah this would have happend even if you was the best person in the world. because she is that TYPE of Person. dosnt wanna stay to long in a relationship it seems. and trust me this new guy will feel your pain soon enough.
she is out of your life my friend. but she has just come into his. ouch!

When this happend to me. my X she was a model i met her on a set well we had lots of fun and yeah i fell for her. i was young though 20. she was crazy as they made them. well it didnt last. but it was a fun ride :) which is how you should think.

Things to do when you are on your own.
i dont know about you but i love going to the gym. its great to put on ya music and run. gives you a sens of control back. plus it makes you look and feel great :)
which is a good thing you need an ego boost.

You could try taking up a hobbie. drawing playing games. hanging out with friends making time for people that you misst while you were with her.

Dont think you wont find another girl. you dont want someone like her again anyway no point in being hot if she hurts ya! just think about what youll get next. an even better girl.

anyway you can't be that bad man if you got a good looking girl ;)

here are some facts that i can tell you

1.. you Will! find someone eles
2.. You wont forget about her. but you will finally see her for what she is and it wont effect you anymore
3...This will make you stronger!


hope this helps my friend. take it from a guy thats been down that road many many times ;)


learn to play the guitar.

You can never really be happy with someone unless you are happy with your self. so make sure everything you do. is to better your self.

dont embrase the past. thats gone just set a few goals and try to keep with it my friend.

You say you can't be that person again when you were single and happy. no you can't thats very true. you can be someone better than that. because all this crap has made you stronger

Sharpest sword has to go threw the hottiest flames.
your 25 your young yout got so much more things to do
get happy about that.

---

Thanks a lot for your post... A lot of great points and comments. Made me feel better about some things.

I was not a bad guy to her at all... I'm not a bad guy period... I treated her good, gave her everything, but I guess she got borred after a while because I was not into the whole club scene and stuff... Maybe she didn't want to settle knowing the other guy is available now. That's why she left me like that and still trying to keep me as backup. Who da hell knows.

I like going to the gym as well, although I have stopped for a while. There are things I want to do, hobbies etc... However, I'm having hard time actually getting the energy to do any of it. Maybe it's still too early, I don't know.

I also know the phrase about "Not being happy with someone if you're not happy with yourself", but it's very hard for me to understand how to be happy with myself when I know what I had and don't have it anymore. It's all in my head, all these things, these problems, and it's very difficult to get them out.

Thanks again, I really apreciate what you wrote.

Well my friend I've been there. And I know your looking for the line that will fix everything but sadly the best person to do this is you my friend.

I know you don't have a lot of Umpf now but its OK.. you know its OK to feel bad. Its normal. And you should. Just say give yourself time. Your not going to spring back. Its going to come in waves.

I know what its like to have someone always there. And then one day not anymore. It's a realtiy shift.

But I have no doubt you'll get there my friend keep reading posts here it will make you feel better ;)

Hey if you want to have a fun read.. read my post about I want my girlfriend to be pretty :P that will make you laugh

Take care dude

Regards

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

What you want is a balanced happy life, by doing what you enjoy. First step is to identify what you like to do, and pursue it. This will not only give you an outlet, but keeps you from isolating yourself, and gives you some social contact with those who share your interest. Another thing is working on your own issues by, again, identify the issue, and facing it by doing it. A fear of rejection for example can be remedied by approaching people, and striking up a friendly conversation with them. Personally, volunteering at places that benefit others less fortunate, is the best way to go to restore, or build self esteem, by getting out of self. No matter the path you choose, you must actually get up, and do something, and thats the whole point, initiating positive actions. Start small, and slowly add more, as you get better at it. Did you read, things to do after a break-up, in my signature??

---

Ahh, the voice of reason :)

I did read that thread, I actually read all three and many others. It's what got me to this point where I'm at now, but I guess I should re-read some of those again.

The thing is, I feel like I need to change the way I am so I can adapt to the whole generation I'm actually in. Everyone around me, except for 2-3 friends I have, is into the clubbing, bar scene, partying and stuff like that. I for one am not and all of them are my age (20-27) etc. That makes me think that there is something wrong with me. Why am I not into this, why can't I enjoy it and "have fun" like they all do? I don't know why. Frankly to me it's stupid to make a fool out of yourself by getting drunk, making out with anyone and everyone and waking up in the morning with hangover.

And all that gets me all worked out and I start thinking that I don't belong here. I was happy when I found her thinking she's like me, she got over the whole party scene and that's that... Boy was I wrong, Plus she told me everything I wanted to hear just so she would be with me.

I know that I need to be more social and try to talk to people without actually having reason to, but there is something in me that is keeping me from doing that...

Thanks a lot for the reply. You're absolutely right about everything.

Having been there, its hard. Its very hard, actually. But when you start living in the moment - every moment - you start to realize that your life is full of countless joys and little things that you've never before appreciated.

(that sounds kind of trippy... I'm sorry!)

Your quest for "being happy alone" is a difficult one. You're going to have to spend fluff time on yourself doing the things that make you happy. And, one day, you'll look back and realize that you are truly, completely happy.

Live your life for each moment. Make each moment happy... by doing so, you'll have a lifetime of happy moments.

Good luck, Hon. From one that's been there and survived... Good luck.

Like everybody has been saying, it's really hard at first but there willl come a time when believe it or not you're over all of this. The time will come when you are happy again, whether it be in another relationship, or alone. Just like historian chick said, live in the moment for the moment.

Just go out and start slow, and before you know it you'lll look back on this and wonder why you ever bothered worrying over somebody like this.

Hey bro,
I was just like you, my girl broke up with me for another guy and I was hurt but keep your head up. I found this site and it really helped. I know its going to be hard, I was destroyed. I couldn't sleep, eat, work, etc... for awhile. Its been ab 2 months and I can finally say it is getting better. I would highly suggest hitting the gym. That's what I've been doing and now I'm concentrating on MYSELF 120%. Not only can you let out all your frustrations on the weights, you'll be huge in just a few months. A broken heart is the best motivation in my opinion. Hope this helps.

I hate the fact that it will take over 2-3 months to get over. I know everybody is different and I know "it takes as much time to get over somone as you let it" but I just can't believe that I will be stuck on her for 3 months. It's crazy.

I started working out last night and after a shower, I felt really good. I guess one step at a time, living from one day to another and we'll see where that gets me... I just wish I can get her out of my mind in the mornings... Every morning, I just want to go back to sleep... Nights I'm great... But mornings, man. It's a slap in the face every 7:30am :(

Thanks to all

Yeah man working out is great. You can focus all your anger onto the weights. Then after a month or so you'll see a huge improvement in your body which will make you so much more happy.


I know it's the night times that was hard for me. Its tough not waking up to someone ;)
But you'll soon have everything back

Work on your way to getting another chick ;)

I'm not going to tell you all the things you should or shouldn't do because those that have posted already have done a great job in saying all the things I would have said. One thing I will say though is this. Look at her history. To me it seems like she has hurt a few good men in her life. The lesson you can take from this is that if she's done it once, she's likely to do it again. Let her go and try to forget about her. I know that this is hard and that only you yourself can overcome this burden but you must try to move on. It's the only way. Good luck... oh yeah, you're only 25... come on man, you have a lot more to learn and live for. Try taking a vacation to an exotic destination with beautiful women. Some place like Brazil, Italy, Hawii, or Puerto Rico. I'm sure the women in these places will not only make you forget your ex, but changing the scenery will also open your eyes to new things. Just a side note: When I went through my breakup, I came home from school every chance I got so that I can be with my friends and family. For me that was what I needed at the time. Think about what you need and go for it. Money shouldn't be a factor either. I've always put my mental/physical health above everything else so do what makes you feel good. This is the time to do things you wouldn't normally do. Branch out and do something that you've always wanted to do but never did because of the status quo or for some other reasons you may have. Live my friend. Live.

I know how you feel Robert7x. On top of that, I know exactly what you mean by the whole "not going out" type. I'm 21... 21!! I should be getting drunk... quite often, but I don't. I'm just not a fan. I like to stay home and watch a movie... and when you're in college, it's really hard to make friends that way.

Regardless, I found a few things that I enjoy while getting over my ex. I work out almost everyday... I've made it a habit to ask a few friends out to eat about 2 - 3 times a week... I've also made a plan to go out to an exhibit about 2 times a month. Whether it be a museum, botanical garden, something. It's been 6 weeks now. I'm feeling a lot better than I did even 3 weeks ago.

Granted, the sleeping... is still a problem. You try sleeping with someone for 3 years (everyday) and then not have them next to you. Ugh.

Sadly, those who don't drink, don't smoke, don't like to go clubbing are usually at home.. . what to do what to do what to do...

Not at all ;) there are so many more other things to do me and my chick go rock climbing
That's fun

If you want to met people yeah go out but if you got someone many more things to do :)

I meant the single ones truefaith.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by thoughtiwastheman

I'm not going to tell you all the things you should or shouldn't do because those that have posted already have done a great job in saying all the things I would have said. One thing I will say though is this. Look at her history. To me it seems like she has hurt a few good men in her life. The lesson you can take from this is that if shes done it once, she's likely to do it again. Let her go and try to forget about her. I know that this is hard and that only you yourself can overcome this burden but you must try to move on. Its the only way. Good luck.....oh yeah, you're only 25....come on man, you have a lot more to learn and live for. Try taking a vacation to an exotic destination with beautiful women. Some place like Brazil, Italy, Hawii, or Puerto Rico. I'm sure the women in these places will not only make you forget your ex, but changing the scenery will also open your eyes to new things. Just a side note: When I went through my breakup, I came home from school every chance I got so that I can be with my friends and family. For me that was what I needed at the time. Think about what you need and go for it. Money shouldn't be a factor either. I've always put my mental/physical health above everything else so do what makes you feel good. This is the time to do things you wouldn't normally do. Branch out and do something that you've always wanted to do but never did because of the status quo or for some other reasons you may have. Live my friend. Live.

---

Great post... Thanks a lot. I know I'm only 25 and the life is in front of me and all that, but it's tough because of stuff that's going on in my head that doesn't make any sense. I'm actually originally from Europe so I've visited some of the places you mentiond in the past. It was great, but knowing that my ex is in Germany, I really don't want to go anywhere clsoe there now because I would just want to drive over there.

She has screwed up many guys in her past... I knew that, but didn't see it because I was blindly in love with her... Deep down inside I knew it wasn't going to last and she's going to break my heart but, heart took over...

You know that song by Justin Timberlake " What goes around comes around" That song I first heard when I met her, I've been listening to it for a long time and it's exactly the way it happened for me... the only thing I don't know if she'll get hers at the end or not, but it really doesn't matter now.

Lyrics

Hey girl, is he everything you wanted in a man
You know I gave you the world
You had me in the palm of your hand

So why your love went away
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you babe
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong

Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way

Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without you
Tell me is this fair?

Is this the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around
That you were going to make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find...

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

Now girl, I remember everything that you claimed
You said that you were moving on now
And maybe I should do the same
Funny thing about that is
I was ready to give you my name
Thought it was me and you, babe
And now, it's all just a shame
And I guess I was wrong

Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without you
Can you tell me is this fair?

Is this the way things are going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around (should've known better that you were going to make me cry)
That you were going to make me cry
Now it's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

What goes around comes around
Yeah
What goes around comes around
[ What Goes Around lyrics found on Complete Album Lyrics ]
You should know that
What goes around comes around
Yeah
What goes around comes around
You should know that

Don't want to think about it (no)
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it (yeah)
I just can't do without you
Tell me is this fair?

Is this the way things are going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around (should've known better that you were going to make me cry)
That you were going to make me cry
Now it's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's okay baby 'cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

[Comes Around interlude:]

Let me paint this picture for you, baby

You spend your nights alone
And he never comes home
And every time you call him
All you get's a busy tone
I heard you found out
That he's doing to you
What you did to me
Ain't that the way it goes

You cheated girl
My heart bleeds girl
So it goes without saying that you left me feeling hurt
Just a classic case
A scenario
Tale as old as time
Girl you got what you deserved

And now you want somebody
To cure the lonely nights
You wish you had somebody
That could come and make it right

But girl I ain't somebody with a lot of sympathy
You'll see

(What goes around comes back around)
I thought I told you, hey
(What goes around comes back around)
I thought I told you, hey
(What goes around comes back around)
I thought I told you, hey
(What goes around comes back around)
I thought I told you, hey

See?
You should've listened to me, baby
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Because
(What goes around comes back around

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I meant the single ones truefaith.

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Yeah I agree... I'm not into the club scene, bar scene or party scene. So What do Single guys like us do? I go to the movies, to some other fun places with my friends... then on occasion we go to a club, but as soon as I get there I want to leave... So that's a tough one.

That's the reason I'm so screwed up about never finding anyone again, since about 90% of our generation is into the clubs and getting drunk and all... Nothing against that if you are into it, but it's just not my cup of tea, unfortunatelly. I wish I was like everybody else, at least then I wouldn't feel like Crap evey weekend.

I love to travel as much as the next "bitten-by-the-travel-bug" person, but I've found that while I can ignore the heartache in a bistro in Europe or a beach in Mexico, it's the coming home to the same old same old that is hard. I've done the whole "get on a plane and go" in attempts to forget... and I certainly enjoyed it.

Have you considered changing your "same old same old?" Redecorating your apt doesn't always have to break the bank. A fresh coat of paint, some new throw pillows, etc (yes, My name is HistorianChick and I am addicted to throw pillows.)

You just may need a change of scenery - something new just for you. Something that doesn't remind you of your ex.

Just a thought, for what its worth.

I have trouble eating alone at a restaurant, let alone travel by myself.

My vacation's coming up in March. I had originally planned to go to Alaska with the ex. That's not happening no more.

Any tips on traveling alone and actually having fun? I feel like I'll have a good time enjoying the scenery, and then hate myself for being there.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

I love to travel as much as the next "bitten-by-the-travel-bug" person, but I've found that while I can ignore the heartache in a bistro in Europe or a beach in Mexico, its the coming home to the same old same old that is hard. I've done the whole "get on a plane and go" in attempts to forget.... and I certainly enjoyed it.

Have you considered changing your "same old same old?" Redecorating your apt doesn't always have to break the bank. A fresh coat of paint, some new throw pillows, etc (yes, My name is HistorianChick and I am addicted to throw pillows.)

You just may need a change of scenery - something new just for you. Something that doesn't remind you of your ex.

Just a thought, for what its worth.

---

The problem is this apartment we got together for us. I never lived there alone until now. I took all the paintings and some pictures that she put up down and threw them away. I changed it a little, but not by much. I was thinking about painting the walls and getting some different furniture... but then I realized, my lease expires in may... I don't want to stay at this place anyway.

So I don't want to get anything new for this place... I'll just buy new stuff for the new one, that way I can also just have it delivered there...

As far as traveling... I love going places, but not alone... never alone. It blows. Only person I traveled with was her and it sucks now when I think about all the places we went together it just brings back memories.

We were planing on going to europe this march but she went without me anyway way ahead of time. I talked to my friend, and since both of us are crotch-rocket-biker boys... we are going to take a long trip from Midwest to California on a bike in March... Just for the heck of it... IT will be like that movie Wild hogs with John Travolta, only we don't have those Harley bikes...

Should be interesting.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I have trouble eating alone at a restaurant, let alone travel by myself.

My vacation's coming up in March. I had originally planned to go to Alaska with the ex. that's not happening no more.

Any tips on traveling alone and actually having fun? I feel like I'll have a good time enjoying the scenery, and then hate myself for being there.

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I know what you mean... I can't go anywhere alone... it' just blows... makes me depressed and sad. You should do what Mr. Bean did... bring the camera, mess with people and just enjoy the scenary... I can't do it though...

Well, I adore traveling alone. Actually, I spent two years teaching at a major University in China - and I did it alone. (Traveled alone, that is. Once I got there I was part of a team of foreign teachers.) On weekends, I would hop a plane and spend a few days trekking Beijing, the Great Wall, Forbidden City, shopping, etc.

I think the only way you can enjoy traveling alone is by enjoying being alone. I mean, I can lose myself in the portraits in an art museum, the monuments at a Civil War battlefield, the melody of music through my mp3 player, and many countless versions of "being alone."

I've been in all the different types of relationships that you can possibly imagine: I've been jilted at the altar, in a long-distance military relationship, dated guys years (actually decades :) ) older than myself, dated younger guys, fallen head over heels in love, been betrayed, been lied to, been adored, broken hearts, mended hearts... you name it... its happened to me.

What did it all teach me? I have to love myself. I have to know that I am worth happiness and that I can be complete without someone else. That my happiness shouldn't be determined by my relationship state. I have to "revel in my moments" and live without regrets or presuppositions. Currently, I'm in another one of those odd relationships... a relationship in which I am so in love (and vice versa), but its just not "the time." I've had to take the friend role because of circumstances and simply be support.

But I digress... Traveling alone? Go with lots of books, lots of plans of things to see, and a true desire to learn something new. A true desire to get to know yourself a little bit more.

Wow... reading over the post I just made has me flabbergasted. I mean, I truly feel everything that I wrote, but it almost seems "holier than thou."

If that is the way that it came across, I apologize.

I guess I just wanted to share that I understand. I've been through it. Maybe its because I have had such the scope of life - the ultra highs, the uber lows - I don't know.

Anyway... I hope that you are able to find that "key to momentary living" (as it says in my signature)... It's a hard path... but its SO attainable. And you WILL make it!

:)

You have been through a lot :) If you don't mind me asking... how old are you now? I know that's not nice to ask, and if you don't feel like answering that's OK.

It just seems you've become what everyone is trying to achieve here... I'm first. Being happy with yourself and also alone is something that I will have to achieve with time... I'm not in a rush to get there because I know nothing can happen overnight, but it would be awsome if there were some shortcuts :)

Thanks

Lol, that's fine. I'm 28.

It's a long, hard journey, this journey of "self-discovery" (that sounded real fruity, didn't it?) but it's SO worth it in the long run. Truly realizing that you're sufficient, just you, is definitely a jewel of untold worth.

Sadly, shortcuts and detours only add to the time spent in travel... and never bring you back to the same place on the road. I wish they did. I've had many.

You're well on your way to healing... because you've recognized what needs to be accomplished. That's the hardest step of all.

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Originally Posted by Robert7x

I know what you mean... I can't go anywhere alone... it' just blows... makes me depressed and sad. You should do what Mr. Bean did... bring the camera, mess with people and just enjoy the scenary... I can't do it though...

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You know, I'm definitely extroverted, meaning I definitely would prefer to be around people than be alone. There was A LOT that I missed out on because someone bailed on me or didn't want to do it after all. So now, if it's something I really want to do, I go alone. Screw them. No matter if it's a movie, dinner, concert, etc. Seriously, why miss out on some great experiences because you're alone? And honestly, being alone doing these activities is a good way to meet people too.

It's not really the idea of being self conscious... maybe it is, but even before that, it's the idea that I'm actually spending money on eating... by myself. I'm not the type to spend money on myself. So the idea of me, going to a restaurant, paying for a meal and eating by myself... just seems weird to me. I don't know.

I am actually considering traveling in March. I'm thinking of just picking it up and going on a cruise by myself. We'll see how this goes.

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

it's not really the idea of being self conscious....maybe it is, but even before that, it's the idea that I'm actually spending money on eating...by myself. I'm not the type to spend money on myself. So the idea of me, going to a restaurant, paying for a meal and eating by myself...just seems weird to me. I don't know.

I am actually considering traveling in March. I'm thinking of just picking it up and going on a cruise by myself. We'll see how this goes.

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Yeah... I think its depressing to see someone eating alone somewhere... But I did go to concert alone once... I had a good time, I was a little more shy back then, but all in all I think I could be happy alone. Honestly how many people can say that? That they're perfectly comfortable doing whatever alone, and loving themselves enough to not care what anyone else thinks.

The ex would always feel sorry for someone if we saw them eating alone so used to make up a story about how they're just here on business and that they have a beautiful wife and a bunch of kids to make her feel better. Good memory... but I think I could see myself sitting in a coffee shop reading and eating... I'm going to do it, I got a lot of reading to do for HW anyway. Go me!

Granted, I've done a LOT of coffee shops by myself. But nice restaurant, I have not.

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

Granted, I've done a LOT of coffee shops by myself. but nice restaurant, I have not.

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I've never actually been to a "nice" restaurant alone. I usually hit up the regular ones. Like Perkins or someplace like that. Someone once told me, the trick is to sit in a spot where you actually face people. So it makes it look like you don't have a problem with being alone, and that it's your choice. I don't know about that, I figure to hell with what they think. :)

That's my problem... I keep thinking what others think... When they see someone alone sitting by themselves, I feel sorry for him/her...

I don't know, it just feels weird and lonely sitting in a restaurant eating alone... I can't do it.

I may eat at Mickey D's alone, but never in a nice restaurant. But then again just ask for some company, the treat is on you. Not all dating has to be exclusive, or committed for that matter.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I may eat at Mickey D's alone, but never in a nice restaurant. But then again just ask for some company, the treat is on you. Not all dating has to be exclusive, or committed for that matter.

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I too have eaten alone at Mcdonalds... I mean that's easy. You got food, TV, Internet... What more do you need. I wish every place would be as easy as that.