Anyone know why these relationships don't work? Even if there was seriously a connection between the two (reboundee and rebounder)
Anyone have experience being a rebounder and have a failed relationship with the reboundee?
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Anyone know why these relationships don't work? Even if there was seriously a connection between the two (reboundee and rebounder)
Anyone have experience being a rebounder and have a failed relationship with the reboundee?
To use an analogy: I believe your emotional side is impaired and unable to make reasonable assessments, much like running on an injured foot or leg.
Normally, the old relationship is projected onto the next. The person on the rebound brings negative energy with them, meaning they could compare both relationships. They still haven't healed. There are obviously issues to fix, and the person needs to not drag another lover into the picture. The person might be looking to fill some void that the past relationship left or could be co-dependent and need someone to make them feel like a worthy person. It's just plain not healthy in any way.
Right on Mafiaangel, I tried giving you a greenie but it said I have to spread it around before I can give it to you?? So consider this a greenie for a very good response:)
Speaking as a former reboundee these sorts of relationships usually don't work because the rebounder (the one who just got out of the relationship) still has feelings for his or her ex. The memories, both good and bad, are still very fresh and if the ex ever returns then the rebounder will more then likely will want to go back to that person... this is what happened to me in a previous relationship.
However, sometimes it does work, I've seen it happen. If the rebounder is strong in character and truly left the ex without ever any intention to get back together, and top of that no longer has any feelings for the ex then a rebound relationship can definitely work.
Nevertheless I would caution against a rebound relationship because there is too much at risk, especially the reboundee's sanity. What I would suggest is to take it extremely slow. Don't jump into a relationship and instead simply date for several months before trying to commit to one another (and I do mean several months). Remember, there is a huge difference between dating and being in a relationship, and this would be the best way to gauge the rebounders feelings without getting to close that you don't want to let go.
I just asked cause I was the reboundee...
I just got out of a relationship where my ex was on the rebound. Even thou we both had tremendous feelings for each other one day she just got really insecure about her past and fell out of love with me.
I'm with mafiaangel on this one. That person is just projecting the last relationship. Filling that void etc. Sometimes rebound relationships work, but usually people have to be OK being alone before they can share that with someone else.
It's the same for me in a way. There have been a few girls I could have used as rebound (and I use the word 'used' lightly) but I know from experience that it won't help me, I'm just filling my ex's spot.
The same thing happened to me. My ex boyfriend had separated from his wife. He met me, we fell in love. He talked of wanting to spend his life with me. After a year his now ex wife decided to file for divorce. Suddenly my ex decided he wanted to save his marriage. It didn't work out. A month into the divorce he fell in love with his best female friend. I'd be surprised if he was still with her. I think his problem is that he's just afraid to be alone. Too bad he causes hurt to other people just so he won't have to be by himself... hmmm, maybe he's afraid that if he's alone he'll realize just how much of a creep he really is. I'm not bitter, just brutally honest.:DQuote:
I just asked cause I was the reboundee...
I just got out of a relationship where my ex was on the rebound. Even thou we both had tremendous feelings for each other one day she just got really insecure about her past and fell out of love with me.
Lol is your ex my ex?Quote:
Originally Posted by little firefly
Could be... mine obviously gets around! lol. Seems that before me, he and his wife had split up two times before and each time he ended up in a short term relationship with some unlucky woman... I didn't find this out until I had already fallen for him... hmmm, PM me his name and I'll see if it matches, lolQuote:
lol is your ex my ex?
Every person is 2 people. There's you when you're single and comfortable. That's you at your core, and that's who you were growing up, and that's who you are when you don't care about dating because world of warcraft is so cool. There's you when you're in love. This you has totally different priorities than single you, yet you're the same person, so there's many similarities. When you break up with somebody, you're still in love with your last relationship. You may not be in love with the person anymore, or you may be in love with him/her and can't have it, but you're still emotionally invested elsewhere
Healthy relationships form from single you, and evolve into in love you. You can't start being in love with something else and just switch addictions.
My ex's rebound seems to be working.. They've been living together since he left me, so they've been together almost 6 months. Hmmm maybe it's not a rebound..
If your ex leaves you for the other person, is that considered a rebound? I'm not sure.
I wouldn't say so. A rebound is when you are left alone in pain, then find someone soon after.Quote:
Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much
What do you call it when they leave a good long term relationship for a trampy gutter rat?Quote:
Originally Posted by EuRa
STUPIDITY?
Id say a rebound is the "grass is greener" kind of thing. Whether they leave your, or you break it off. Id say if its within a month (at most) it's a rebound. No one recovers from a serious relationship that fast unless they just project their 'love' onto someone new.
A rebound is when someone who has not resolved or closed their last relationship, or still has thoughts and feelings for the last relationship starts another. It could be because they left a relationship that wasn't working but still cared, got dumped by someone they cared about, had a significant other die, etc.
Many times, guys are confused because women have another man lined up as soon as they break up and think it is a rebound. In most cases it is not. Women will hang out in a bad relationship and look for their next man so they do not have to be alone (not all BTW). During this time, they remove themselves emotionally and therefore can more on with it being a rebound.
Men, it seems to me generally get blindsided in this situation by the breakup, their egos get crushed and if they move to another relationship relatively quickly, it is most likely a rebound.
However, when a man breaks up with a woman, he is done and generally the feelings are gone and he can move to the next relationship without the rebound baggage.
My experience is that the rebounds fail because the respect is not there. You cannot be selfless when you are thinking about someone else. This causes the reboundee to get unhappy and then the fights start.
Because people don't go into a rebound relationship with a clear head. That's why they're called "rebound relationships.' Anyone who's just been burned in what had been, at least from their own standpoint, a serious relationship isn't mentally or emotionally prepared to rush right back into something with a complete stranger and expect things to work out. At best, rebound relationships are a tool used by those who have been burned to ease their pain and help them heal. Of course, it rarely if ever has this effect and actually just ends up adding to the pain and frustration that's already being experienced and making things all the worse in the long run. It's also unfair to the other person in the rebound relationship who may not be rebounding at all but be genuinely interested in and ready for a meaningful, successful relationship only to be totally unaware of the rebounder's intentions, thus dragging a totally innocent third person into the mix. So rebound relationships are bad news altogether. I like the rule of thumb that people advise, of staying away from any kind of dating for 1 month for every year that the relationship went on. So if you were with someone for 5 years and things went belly-up, you need to steer clear of any semblance of another relationship for at least 5 months. That gives you time to heal and get your head cleared out.
This makes a lot of sense to me... We were together for 7 yrs, been broke up for 6 months. I still have not dated, he on the other hand jumped into another relationship only 2 weeks after we split.Quote:
Originally Posted by s_cianci
This could explain why his new relationship is rumored to be a very very rocky one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LivingtheLifeinFLA
I think this is the only explanation I can come to when I ask myself "how is it that she dumped me, and then after a space of about 3 months hooked up with at least two guys, and is quite possibly in a relationship with the later?" I'm assuming it's because she had been thinking about dumping me for a while, and slowly had been pulling herself away from me emotionally, and by the end simply didn't love me anymore - either I was an idiot or she was good at hiding the signs, because I never saw it coming until it was too late.
Hey guys,
I find it interesting that so many people here KNOW what their ex-girl/guy is up to. I mean a lot of people have knowledge of how many guys/girls their ex has been with since them and so on.
In relation to that I think if many knew the girl/guy was on a rebound relationship it would make them feel better for a number of reasons. 1. It won't last and we secretly want that 2. Them rebounding must mean they did it because they were upset over losing us or at least missing us.
Its very hard to negotiate what is a rebound or not, I'd say anything that comes very soon after a break-up has all the signs of a rebound, but it matters little. Best thing is to NOT know what they do after you rather than finding out and then analyzing the seriousness of their new relationship.
Rebound or serious, they still ain't with you/us, so really what does it matter?
I mean, I agree with you to a certain extent - it doesn't matter what my ex is doing because she's not with me, and chose not to be by dumping me. However, my ex dumped me and for about 4 months continued to tell me that she loved me and missed me, and that this was going to only be for a while, and that she needed to be alone and have more time to figure things out, etc. But that was all bull$#it to begin with, because if she really loved me she wouldn't have left me out in the cold. Basically she just strung me along while she was interested in someone else, and I went with it because I wanted to believe that everything was going to work out.Quote:
Originally Posted by BMI
Well, I knew right from the start that something else had to be going on, and that everything she was telling me was sort of a "half truth," know what I mean? It's like, I understand that sometimes people feel crowded, etc. in a relationship, but instead of wanting to work through the problems with me, she just wanted to dump me. My gut instinct told me to investigate the situation, and I found out what I now know. Knowing that she's with someone else makes me really upset, but also gives me the strength to say "well, she was lying to me, and really must not care that much about me if she was so easily able to move on to someone else." And then I can have the strength to try and not talk to her. It doesn't make me happy at all to know she quickly moved into another relationship - rebound or not. In fact, it makes me feel like $#it because now I'm stuck here, alone, with a huge gaping hole in my life, and a new man just basically fell into her lap without her even trying. It also makes me pretty jealous because, from my point of view, it seems like everything is working out awesome for my ex, while my life has basically turned to $#!t. She seems like she's happy after dumping me (which is hard for me to accept because we definitely were in LOVE for quite some time), while I got crushed emotionally and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces. Key word though is "seems." I don't know if she's really happy or not, but as of about Dec. 27th she has basically quit talking to me, and I'm assuming that's because she no longer needs me as a fall back plan.
Plus, I've come to realize, my ex moved into a new relationship quickly probably not to get over me, but because by the time she dumped me she had already fallen out of love with me and was looking for someone new - I just somehow didn't see the signs, or she was good at hiding it. What hurts most is knowing that toward the end she really didn't give a $#it about me, and she was just waiting for the right time to dump me...
Only piece of mind I get from all of this is that she treated me like garbage at the end when I really loved her and cared about her, so some how, some day it will come back around and bite her in the @$$. Maybe then she'll wonder why she dumped me in the first place, and she might even try to come back then. Hopefully by then I'll have met someone I like much better, and I'll tell her she can go #uCk herself.
I feel for you, I really do, it sounds like a difficult situation.
In saying that, I think it important to realize that everyone everywhere will go through this, guy and girl alike. NOBODY can coast through life without some type of heartache, it is how we deal with it that determines where we will end up.
When one meets someone they like, at that point in time they are on top of the world. At the same time somebody else is here writing about how much hurt and anger they have towards an ex. So we must all spend time at the bottom of the pile to be able to returnto the top.
I actually went back and read posts here when I was dating my ex. I found out that while I was on cloud nine a lot of people were down in the dumps, now I'm down and others are up, it's a cycle. I think if you look at it like that it puts things into perspective.
If we practice doing the right thing and learn from past relationships than it is only a matter of time before the cycle comes back to us. We must also try our best to move away from feelings regarding our ex's as this will delay the cycle or affect our new relationships.
So let them do what they want, let them rebound or find love or find heartache and just concentrate on us. Do not make the mistake in thinking that our ex's are the happiest people on earth with other people, they too will go through this hurt as well.
I was in a serious relationship, and my ex pointed out all these flaws that I fixed while apart. We were together for 2 years. It's been 6 months since our breakup, and he recently asked a girl out. Would you consider that a rebound :( 2 years is a long time... to be getting into another relationship so quickly, isn't it?
Rebound relationship- where one goes to avoid being alone. Instead of being happy with themselves, they look for someone to make them feel better. Like aspirin on a human level. Not healthy.
Whether we admit it or not when we get dumped, it was already on the dumpers mind. They have no shock and disbelief to get over. Dumpee's do and that's where the emotional rub is.
Well said!Quote:
Originally Posted by BMI
So they (as in the dumper) don't miss us (as in the dumpee) or want us back then? They will keep thinking that their new relationship is better than their past with the ex?Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Well think of it this way. If you were an amazing girlfriend or boyfriend then you have nothing to worry about. Their new relationship may bring the initial flair and thrills but eventually once the honeymoon stage sets, things start to change. They may start to wonder what things would be like with their exs etc.
I think the dumper and the dumpee are both affected though the dumpee is more affected for obvs reasons.
My ex girlfriend is in a rebound relationship, even though I wouldn't classify it as that. We broke up and two days later she moved on with her coworker, who I warned her about for the past 6 months.
She filled me with bs that I was amazing and that her new boyfriend isn't as good as me. Basically she is comparing him to me on a daily basis. I didn't make too much of it.
The guy may also start to get jealous and wonder what he has to do.
I think that is why rebound relationships don't work because the dumper/dumpee both are still emotionally attached to their exs. That is why it's best for both people to take time to break their emotional bonds that they have with their exs before moving into another relationship.
Its mighty hard to pay attention, and get to know someone new when we are still emotionally attached to an ex.
They may still care, but not enough to want an official relationship with you, especially if there interests are elsewhere.Quote:
So they (as in the dumper) don't miss us (as in the dumpee) or want us back then?
Yes in all probability but there are many things involved. Once someone falls out of love they seldom change there minds, so they will move forward and not backward. (usually)Quote:
They will keep thinking that their new relationship is better than their past with the ex?
What if the girl he's with is a total b`tch and he just doesn't see it? ):Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
& is there any way to prove that I'm better than that b-, girl? Like from what I heard and from my own experience with talking to her, she's a total akljsfdkjds.
For one thing that's his choice, and not your business. That's your feelings, making your mind play tricks on you. Leave him, and her alone, and you may accept this is over, and not be in denial.
My feelings? Really? A ton of people told me she was a bad person. Also, I am not in denial -_-;
.Honestly, your hurt and shock have you thinking in an unrealistic way. Your anger towards her is misplaced. He is the one you should be directing that anger and frustration to, not her.Quote:
honeyskies, My feelings? Really?
Its not their business either, and that is what you want to hear, so you let it feed your already hurt feelings.Quote:
A ton of people told me she was a bad person.
Then why can't you let go, and move on? Because you think she is a rebound and if they break up, you can return to the way it was? Big denial.Quote:
Also, I am not in denial
`Not trying to be mean, or harsh, but you need to see he has made a choice that doesn't include you, and you are hurt by that decision. Sorry for your loss, and I hope you love yourself enough to give yourself a chance to heal, and get healthy enough to move on to better things. You just need time.
1. No, I've actually talked to her and she's exactly what people described her.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
2. If I knew why I can't let go, then I wouldn't be trying to figure it out?
3. I do not think she's a rebound.
4. Some things tell me that he still thinks about me and stuff. But I'd rather not talk about it here.
Wrong thread sorry
My ex is in either a rebound or wirlwind relationship
And the only reason why I say rebound,because the week before they hooked up,she was kissing on me
And she only met the guy 6 days after she met him
But I don't see it working out because they are already going too fast,he sending her lovey duvey pictures of cartoons giving other cartoons hearts
And talking about how they miss each other so bad and so much
They relationship is going to crash and burn fast
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