Ok.. Well me and my ex just broke up 3 weeks ago, it was my fault. I was too jealous of a guy and it was out of control. I have since started taking classes on jealousy, reading the books and going to a therapist for it. I am making great progress with this but still a long road ahead. So the problem lies, I want my ex back, she was perfect and I have never loved someone as much as I love her. It was tough for me to accept that we broke up and have done all I could. She has told me that she does love me and she does miss me but doesn't think she can do it again because I have told her before I would change and changed for 2 weeks and went back to how I was.(I was warned about my jealousy by her before but didn't listen :-(.. ).. I'm lost as to what to do to bring her back, she said she wants to be friends and still keep in touch as that... Any ideas welcome.. So far I have tried a letter apologizing for how I treated her, which she accepted the apology. And also have tried to talk to her face to face but she won't do that. She doesn't talk about her feelings face to face with me and only told me I don't have another chance over a text but never to my face.. Any ideas..?

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Ok..Well me and my ex just broke up 3 weeks ago, it was my fault. I was too jealous of a guy and it was out of control. I have since started taking classes on jealousy, reading the books and going to a therapist for it. I am making great progress with this but still a long road ahead. So the problem lies, I want my ex back, she was perfect and I have never loved someone as much as I love her. It was tough for me to accept that we broke up and have done all I could. She has told me that she does love me and she does miss me but doesn't think she can do it again because I have told her before I would change and changed for 2 weeks and went back to how I was.(I was warned about my jealousy by her before but didn't listen :-(..)..I'm lost as to what to do to bring her back, she said she wants to be friends and still keep in touch as that....Any ideas welcome..So far I have tried a letter apologizing for how I treated her, which she accepted the apology. And also have tried to talk to her face to face but she won't do that. She doesn't talk about her feelings face to face with me and only told me I don't have another chance over a text but never to my face..Any ideas...??

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So she says that she doesn't think she can do it again because you haven't changed before. But now, you are going therapy, taking classes, and reading books!! That is awesome for you!! I'm so proud, that's amazing! Seriously, hopefully she sees your hardwork and you guys work this out... but in the end, you can't make someone get back with you. Regardless of the outcome, you have to continue to keep up the hardwork FOR YOU. You will be glad you did.

Yea, it started as me doing it for her. But then she would tell me things like I never changed before so why would things be different and stuff like that... So on my folder for my classes I put a list of motivational quotes that she has said that will strive me to change even more... I have now decided that I am going to change for me and to prove everyone who says I can't wrong... It does suck when you see on your phone that she doesn't want to give you another shot, because I know I could do better this time around.. But next time around with her or whoever, I will be a better mate

No matter whether you started it for her, it's good that you are keeping it going for you. It sounds like you are headed in the right direction. :)

Yea.. That's what everyone is saying, they say I seem more relaxed and not so tense about things. When I see my ex with other guys I get jealous still, but I don't say anything. I whisper "stop" to myself and realized there is no reason to be. The biggest accomplishment is that I haven't checked her myspace since December 31st.. New years resolution, it's hard but what they say is true "ignorance is bliss"

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Yea, it started out as me doing it for her. But then she would tell me things like I never changed before so why would things be different and stuff like that...So on my folder for my classes I put a list of motivational quotes that she has said that will strive me to change even more...I have now decided that I am going to change for me and to prove everyone who says I can't wrong...It does suck when you see on your phone that she doesn't want to give you another shot, because I know I could do better this time around..But next time around with her or whoever, I will be a better mate

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Sounds like a sound idea - if you really mean it...

First, reading books on the subject, taking classes and going to therapy are a good start... a start that you initiated probably less than three weeks ago - so don't expect this to work overnight. There are people who go to therapy for years before it finally starts working. IMO, you are trying everything and fast, just to get her back. I'm not even sure you seriously mean to work on your problem.. you might just want to go through the motions in hopes that she will come back sooner than you expect - if she ever does.

What I suggest is that you continue to work on yourself, accept the friendship she is willing to give, or leave it alone... don't expect more right now. You are not ready and she knows it, so you cannot fool her - so please don't fool yourself.

Life has it's ups and downs, and it is our choice on how we deal with it. I hope you make the right choice and accept and work on the path of life for you (with or without her). You should not make her the center point of your life or universe. Concentrate on getting to know yourself better and why your jealousy caused you problems in the first place, so that the next relationship will be more rewarding.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

Yea, I understand it won't be overnight... And believe me, I am definitely serious about working on the problem. I don't want to be the jealous guy I was, it caused too many sleepless nights, pointless fights with people and made me an angry person in general. I like this whole new me with being laid back and understanding that not everyone is out to be my enemy.. It's rewarding to meet new people. And I'm going to try that whole NC thing with my ex, unless she contacts me. So I don't look like I'm too clingy and such. After my first visit to the therapist and taking a quiz on jealousy and scoring a 89%.. I realized I had a HUGE problem.

The only advice I can give you is time... only time will tell. If she really "loved" you as she claims and you have taken the innitiative to read books and take classes then she should have seen that you were making the effort. To be honest, she probably likes it that you are constantly calling her, texing her, taking these classes and reading those books for her. But there is only so much you can do, right? Try this... don't call and don't text her for a couple of days or maybe even a week. She will get to notice that you aren't and then she will start wondering why all your attention is not on her. I don't know the woman and how she feels about this but this is my best guess. I know it will be painfully hard but you have to do it for yourself, or you're just going to keep leeting yourself down. Like I said, give it time. Good luck!

Yea there is only so much I can do. It is hard to not text or call her... This is easily the hardest thing I have ever done, and you're right only time will tell... Thanks for the advice guys

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Originally Posted by alyssarox32

The only advice I can give you is time...only time will tell. If she really "loved" you as she claimes and you have taken the innitiative to read books and take classes then she should have seen that you were making the effort. To be honest, she probably likes it that you are constantly calling her, texing her, taking these classes and reading those books for her. But there is only so much you can do, right? Try this...don't call and don't text her for a couple of days or maybe even a week. She will get to notice that you aren't and then she will start wondering why all your attention is not on her. I don't know the woman and how she feels about this but this is my best guess. I know it will be painfully hard but you have to do it for yourself, or you're just going to keep leeting yourself down. Like I said, give it time. Good luck!

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This is a REALLY good answer. Imagine this: the boyfriend that was extremely jealous admits a problem, then out of nowhere, stops all contact. No calls, no letters, nothing. She will know for a fact that you have changed after a while.

Right now, she's probably really happy to not be in a relationship that had so much jealousy. I bet she feels free and liberated, and is probably living it up. When you give someone feedom, they don't want to let it go, and that's what she feels right now.

So let her have her freedom. Her fun. After a while, she will be wondering why you stopped calling, texting, caring. If she really feels that way about you, she will call you back someday. Then all your hard work will pay off. But if you abuse it and contact her, you won't prove anything, and you will just drive her away.

I hope you have a support group as well, family and friends you can talk to when you need it. You should also think about at least dating someone else. Make an effort. You don't need to be all boyfriend/girlfriend, just a date or two. Call it practice for the real thing! Gl!

Yea, I had tried that whole dating thing, like we were talking and she was attractive, so naturally she got a lot of attention at the party we went too. That's where I knew I was starting to change, because I didn't follow her around or care who she talked to. She would make eye contact with me every now and then but I never got jealous. Granted it's not a relationship, but it's a start. I would make sure my girlfriend was with me all the time at parties.

And too tell you, yea she is enjoying the freedom, she mainly hangs out with her girlfriends and sometimes hangs out at home. But I am going to do that NC tactic, today is the first day I'm starting it after we had a nice friends talk last night about me becoming permanent at my job. I do have a support group, I am always surrounded by my friends and I even have friends who tell me to text or call them anytime I get the urge to text or call my ex. It's the nights that are the worst but thanks to friends, I'm confident that I can do this.

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I am going to do that NC tactic, today is the first day I'm starting it after we had a nice friends talk last night about me becoming permanent at my job. I do have a support group, I am always surrounded by my friends and I even have friends who tell me to text or call them anytime I get the urge to text or call my ex. It's the nights that are the worst but thanks to friends, I'm confident that I can do this.

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And we're your support group too! NC is hard, and the hardest days are the first 7. If you need people to talk to, I'm sure we'll be here to help. And if you want a phone number, I'll be more than happy to talk, just ask.

Awl.. Thank you very much. This is my first day on the site, and I can already tell it's going to be very useful in letting me get out my feelings. My friends help but sometimes you just need the advice of people who have been through the same situation before. What's going to be tough is what do I do because we work together at a part time Shop rite.. I work produce and she works front end.. I usually end up seeing her on Thursday nights, Saturday and sundays... Any advice on that one?

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

What's going to be tough is what do I do because we work together at a part time Shop rite..I work produce and she works front end..I usually end up seeing her on Thursday nights, saturday and sundays.... Any advice on that one?

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Avoid her at all costs. No eye contact especially. If you do, just give a quick "hello" and that's it, keep right on walking. Don't talk about it with your co-workers either. If you do, just keep it brief, don't get into detail. If you tell a co-worker, they will tell her, and then the NC will be pretty much useless after that.

I worked in a really small IGA, and had the same dilemma. I was the back room guy, she was the cashier. I didn't really have to see her unless I had to bag groceries, and I did that without making eye contact with her or talking to her really. So I know it can be done.

Yea I'm going to try that. I am hardly ever on the front end anyway, just to clock in and for breaks.. I have a best friend who works there, so he lets me vent to him without saying a word so it's good to have that.

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Ok..Well me and my ex just broke up 3 weeks ago, it was my fault. I was too jealous of a guy and it was out of control. I have since started taking classes on jealousy, reading the books and going to a therapist for it. I am making great progress with this but still a long road ahead. So the problem lies, I want my ex back, she was perfect and I have never loved someone as much as I love her. It was tough for me to accept that we broke up and have done all I could. She has told me that she does love me and she does miss me but doesn't think she can do it again because I have told her before I would change and changed for 2 weeks and went back to how I was.(I was warned about my jealousy by her before but didn't listen :-(..)..I'm lost as to what to do to bring her back, she said she wants to be friends and still keep in touch as that....Any ideas welcome..So far I have tried a letter apologizing for how I treated her, which she accepted the apology. And also have tried to talk to her face to face but she won't do that. She doesn't talk about her feelings face to face with me and only told me I don't have another chance over a text but never to my face..Any ideas...??

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I would say be patient! Just be friends with her like she asks! Have a good time with her and just be relaxed around her and make her smile! It might take some time but it does work! Fair play to you as well! Your making a great effort to win her back! Just relax and don't let her see you get too wound up about it! Wish you the best.

Yea right now she said she doesn't want to hang out.. I think that may either be because she's afraid I will try to talk her into going back out or another shot... Or she could feel as though she isn't strong enough to resist the urge to hide her feelings... I'll never understand women lol... But I'm just going to sit back, relax and continue working on myself right now... The time drags by that I don't text her... But I know it needs to be done

how's it going man? How's your situation with her so far? Haven't heard anything from this thread in a while =P

Ha ha, this thread is so old! Her and I barely speak, I am engaged to a wonderful woman and have completely recovered. My ex pokes her nose around every once in awhile. I went 5 or 6 months without talking to her at all and then we spoke which was awkward at first, she kept trying to get my to come back but I healed enough to fully understand that our relationship died long before it ended. This site brought so many things to the forefront of my head and I was really surprised at how flawed it was. The people I met here grew into friends and really helped me recover and become not only a better mate, but a better person all around.

I'm sorry to say this, but its over. I mean she obviously still cares for you but she's smart enough to know that she deserves a guy who won't get so jealous and angry all the time. You have to respect her choice and just be friends. If that's not ever going to be good enough then ull have to let her go. What do you think?

Ha ha I think this thread is WAY too old and proving that even I was the guy to naïve to follow what everyone told me. She did end up trying to get me back, but I had already healed and moved on. In the end I am much better off.