Ask Me Help Desk - Relationship Tester (1-10 guide for those in doubt)

Relationship Tester (1-10 guide for those in doubt)

Here is a quick guide for those questioning what they have in their relationship and whether to go on or walk away:

1. Can you be yourself with this person?
2. Do you trust them?
3. Do you think they have your back at all times?
4. Do you respect them?
5. Do they respect you?
6. If you were not sleeping together would they still have the character to be considered a best friend?
7. Do they make your life more productive?
8. Do disagreements get settled with a respectful conversation?
9. Do you like them enough to want to show them off to your parents and best friend anytime?
10. Could you go on like things are now with this person... forever?

And two more for those thinking of the long-term:

11. Do you give unconditionally (spritually as well as physically) to them?
12. Do they give unconditionally (spritually as well as physically) to you?

If you can say yes to at least 11 of these consider yourself lucky. If not, consider why you are hanging in there and if that reason is enough...

Note: Notice there is no mention of the word "love' in this list. Love is tough to judge in the heat of hurt or confusion or passion. Though, it is important to have in the end.

Did you make this? Or was it pulled from somewhere?

Penned by yours truly - based on hundreds of post readings and answers...

Those aren't bad, but I'm sure there are a few better ones out there... of course I have no idea what they could be

Trust is key.

So is respect.

I see it time and time again: missing those ingredients can cut anyone down.

Good one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ash123

Trust is key.

I agree with Ash , TRUST is the key!!

Trust, communication, loyalty. Not always in that order.

Thinking to my last ex I would probably say no to all of them! Good riddance.

That list does tempt me to send it to my ex, to see if she realises what we had together. I reckon it make her see things a bit differently.

Tough when the other person is really confused though!

Feel free to add...

"A relationship without trust is simply two people co-existing in the same space. You cannot have a relationship without trust. For without trust, you have no future."

Quote:

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

Feel free to add...

"A relationship without trust is simply two people co-existing in the same space. You cannot have a relationship without trust. For without trust, you have no future."

Had to spread the Rep HC , but love it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

Thinking to my last ex I would probably say no to all of them! Good riddance.

Funny! true=funny :D

It basically tones down to the basic four (not in order) elements:

- trust
- faith
- love
- honesty

Once one is removed from the equation, the result starts to dramatically change for the worse. Double that if it is two, so forth you get the idea until the foundation has been eaten away at. A relationship is just like a foundation, you need to work on it, build it, and take care of it. Once the foundation is intact and secure, strong too, you can start building ON top of the foundation and go from there.

Remember, trust is very crucial, you can spend years and years working on building trust, then boom in a millisecond it is gone even by a wrong piece of information or by a major mistake. Tend to the relationship lovingly yet be firm.

Nobody's perfect.

Good relationships can handle this fact on a day to day basis - provided it's nothing too dire...

Bad ones are hurt by it.
Why? I think a lack of mutual respect.

NO to all. Definitely it's time for me to let go and move on...

Haha wow, I could have used this list with my ex. I read it and ticked off 2 points! Haha man I'm glad that's over, cheers to NC

Another great post! Thank you Ash123! I wish I could trust him (not that he had cheated). He would come into my life, then leave, then come back then leave... This third time, he came back after a year and a half, he wanted me to move to the state that he recently moved to, to get married, have kids, etc... I was all ready to, but I stopped dead in my tracks, (after 6 months) and said no, out of the blue, I said no (and throughout this 6 months, I was saying yes, I even packed up my stuff)... It killed me, because I really loved this man so much, but I don't trust that he changed (in that fact that maybe he would have left the relationship again)...
I hope I made the right decision...

1. Can you be yourself with this person?
Yes

2. Do you trust them?
Sure thing, why not?

3. Do you think they have your back at all times?
If you mean ninja-wise, then we're all in it.

4. Do you respect them?
Yes

5. Do they respect you?
Yep

6. If you were not sleeping together would they still have the character to be considered a best friend?
We acted like good friends before dating, so I guess that's a yes!

7. Do they make your life more productive?
It makes my life productive, being with him and having a life too.

8. Do disagreements get settled with a respectful conversation?
We never argue, instead we have philosophical debates.

9. Do you like them enough to want to show them off to your parents and best friend anytime?
Already have, everyone knows now... >///<;;

10. Could you go on like things are now with this person... forever?
No problem!

And two more for those thinking of the long-term:

11. Do you give unconditionally (spritually as well as physically) to them?
Already have...
12. Do they give unconditionally (spritually as well as physically) to you?
Not sure.

You guys are missing one question!
Are you guys not being cheap with each other regardless of financial issues? (ie. Willing to spend a bit more on her/his birthday gift)

I wish my partner wasn't a cheap stake or a moocher. Maybe if he actually invests something for me instead of buying stuff for himself, and then says, "oh I don't have enough to go out to a restaurant with you"... OH I WONDER WHY... ¬¬ ''' but everything else is nice... which is why sometimes I can forgive him... but I get ticked easily...

So I'm not sure about this! >:\

Hey chopaface,

I'd say give unconditonally is in the category of giving and being cheap... if he is saving for himself so much it seems you are not #1 then it is a problem, but he may just not be a big present guy - that is hardly a relationship killer.

Funny... I can say yes to almost all, if not all... but a lot of the people here still tell me to "move on"

I always knew she was worth it

TABBARET SAID: funny...i can say yes to almost all, if not all...but a lot of the ppl here still tell me to "move on"

I always knew she was worth it

HUH?!!!!! 3 at the most.

1. Can you be yourself with this person?
NO. You are a guy trying to make her think and want you.

2. Do you trust them?
NO. You wonder if she will leave you for him.

3. Do you think they have your back at all times?
NO. You think she may find another.

4. Do you respect them?
Let's assume, depite all this, you can still say yes.

5. Do they respect you?
No. She ignores you and wants space.

6. If you were not sleeping together would they still have the character to be considered a best friend?
Let's hope a yes.

7. Do they make your life more productive?
No. You are on AMHD all the time. :-)

8. Do disagreements get settled with a respectful conversation?
No. You wait a few days and stew

9. Do you like them enough to want to show them off to your parents and best friend anytime?
Well, this seems like a yes.

10. Could you go on like things are now with this person... forever?
NO WAY!

And two more for those thinking of the long-term:

11. Do you give unconditionally (spritually as well as physically) to them?
No. you are playing games.

12. Do they give unconditionally (spritually as well as physically) to you?
NOT AT ALL.

Brother, I just think it was bad timing n your parts.
And now you are spinning in your head trying to win her.
NOT GOOD I THINK.

1) when we are together, I am myself... the same person I am with everyone.. same jokes, same personlity, etc... of course ONCE IN A WHILE I play the game so that she won't have her cake and eat it too, but that's only normal... 90% of the time we are ourselves, or else we wouldn't be able to stand each other after all this!

2) true, I wonder if she will leave me for her ex again, BUT while we are together here in dubai, I trust her 100%... she tells me everything about the guys that hit on her, shows me messages, etc.. she totally respects herself and has a strong personality... one guy asked her out to dinner, and she said "sure, when it starts snowing in dubai" :)... and she doesn't have to tel me all this if we are technically single

3) I meant have your back as in a best friend.. to talk to.. to be with.. advice.. etc... I don't think she will find another... I mean she already has me and her ex of 10yrs! How many more can there be? :)... if you meant have your back as her being a good friend, then definitiey yes... she even suggested we go to the gym together so we can talk more and see each other more

4) yes I respect her.. I respect that she was honest to me about her ex situation

5) she ignores me and wants space? Are you reading my posts? We are seeing each other almost everyday and she bought me a gift the other day because "she felt like it"... SOMETIMES we both want space and go out with friends.. its normal

6) yes

7) more productive... hmm... I don't know... I did start going to the gym again, and watch movies more often now :)

8) we do wait a few days and stew, but that's better than fgighting and shouting... isnt that part of the no contact strategy? We may take time to cool, but we never shout or argue.. we talk in a calm way and agree on things

9) yes

10) your right... no way forever...

11) partially right

12) partially right

Wow this was fun :)... but I do agree with you that the situation is not FULLY good

Take care man

Quote:

I don't think she will find another... I mean she already has me and her ex of 10yrs! How many more can there be? :).

As many as she can handle. If she has female friends, then she will always have opportunity for meeting someone, as do you. You haven't told her everything so why assume she tells you everything?

Quote:

We are seeing each other almost everyday and she bought me a gift the other day because "she felt like it"... SOMETIMES we both want space and go out with friends.. its normal

For friends it is, but you are chasing, and she is running, because you want more from her than she is willing to give. Why should anything progress? She already has everything she needs, and your willing to go along with it. The flaw in your strategy..................it could be years before she is ready for a honest healthy relationship with anyone, let alone you!

Quote:

We do wait a few days and stew, but that's better than fgighting and shouting... isnt that part of the no contact strategy? we may take time to cool, but we never shout or argue.. we talk in a calm way and agree on things

To just clarify, no contact is to heal and move on, what your doing is cooling off, which isn't a bad thing after a disagreement.

Quote:

Wow this was fun :)... but I do agree with you that the situation is not FULLY good

You mean fully fulfilling.

Comment on talaniman's post

Liked what I read

True.. we both have a chance to meet someone else... thats why we should tell each other.. bc it would be no longer an issue of me vs. the ex

Anyway, I would notice.. we see and speak to each other almost everyday, so if smthg seems unusual, we will have a talk

U scared me with your "it could be years" sentence! :) I hope not!. im being very careful not to let her have her cake and eat it too... don't forget when she "stalked" me last weekend and surprised me at the nightclub I was at... anyway, sometimes you need to fight... it pumps new blood into the relationship...

I still lsee it simply as: either end it and hope she comes back... or be with her and enjoy the ride for now

I like this one:

Quote:

6. If you were not sleeping together would they still have the character to be considered a best friend?

I have never thought about this one before and it shows because I'm not close to any of my exes (not the most recent one, too short to really count), we just talk in passing if we happen to see one another. We're text-book definition friends, but not real friends.

That is the best question to ask yourself. Sex complicates everything.

My ex would've gotten a C-/D+ before things went downhill; I'd give her a solid F(U) now.

Yep, deep down we know the truth, but chemistry and biology can make it a bit... hazy until we are broken up a while... :-)

I have a question for you ash, the reason I am asking you is because you're the first expert on relationships I saw, I'm having a problem with a girl at my school and I don't no what 2 do , parents are strict 2 my question is somewhere in the relationships questions would be nice if you could help

Post it and send to my email too so I don't miss it... and I'll post on both

Here it is Ash...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ol-327355.html

So how do you know when or how to trust someone after you have been badly burned chewed and spit out in the past relationship?

Quote:

Originally Posted by chnnker177

so how do you know when or how to trust someone after you have been badly burned chewed and spit out in the past relationship?

When dating someone new give them a chance to build friendship, and just draw the line. We let a lot of things go in the name of winning a partner. If someone is rude, tell them they hurt your feelings. If they do not apologize or modify behavior then move on.