Hello everyone...
Ive been reading the forums for awhile and they've made me feel better about my situation...

But... My girlfriend and I were going out for about 2 years, everything was great, but then she decided to go away to college, she chose the same college I was going to go to when I was done with a cheap 2 year college.

Now, we were going to be apart for a semester so I figured that everything would be fine as we really loved each other, or so I thought. She recently came back and told me that she wanted to take a break for awhile...

Now, we talked on the phone almost everyday while she was gone and yes we drifted apart some but I thought that when she came back I could show her that my feelings about her haven't changed. We hung out a few times and I respected her wishes not to talk about a relationship with her. One time we just went to dinner and talked, laughed, we had a great time. Second time we just went to the mall, walked around, talked, she held my hand and kept hugging me, we went and saw a movie, it was scary so she was cuddling with me, it made me feel like we were going to get back together. But I'm so confused. She says she wants a break, but she still wants to do couple-y things with me!

Recently I confronted her telling her that I at least deserve the truth. So she says that she met someone at school and is unsure if she ever loved me at all. So naturally I became angry and told her that basically she was just stringing me along. I told her that that was the last thing I wanted (for her to string me along). She was still telling me that she loves me and cares about me and wants me to be happy but she just wants to see if she can feel the same way with someone else. So I realize that she's breaking up with me for another guy... Im feeling betrayed and unwanted... and I think she just a selfish . So why do I still love her? Its been a little while and I've helped myself realize that I don't want to cry about her every day, and I don't want to sit around waiting for her either.

So she tells me that this break is just for the next semester, then after that in the summer, we'll talk about a relationship, for some reason I feel confident that she'll come back to me but I just would like to be sure, but that's impossible...

For some reason I still love her though, she wants to try her luck with some other guy and I still love her... is wrong with me!

Anyway... I guess my question is what should I do... I really do love her and I want to wait but at the same time I feel like I should be just be like, "screw her".

Uh oh.

Read the ISneezeFunny threads.

See you and move on... shes trying to let you down easy because she does care about you, the relationship is over though from the looks of your story... college is college, relationships before freshman year rarely last, no matter how long they lasted or how much you liked each other.

Time to cut her out of your life, bigtime. She wants a break, give it to her, but don't put your life on hold for anyone. Expecting you to wait for next summer?? That ain't love, caring, or respect. Yes cut all contact, and get a better life. That was pretty insulting in my opinion.

I would tell you not to let her go! I am this gal in my current 3-year relationship. During a holiday overseas, I met a guy and we had great fun. After returning from the trip, we still kept in touch.

Now I am confused whether I can feel the same love and care I feel for my boyfriend with another guy. I know my boyfriend will feel I'm stringing him along. But that is not my intention at all! Frankly, it is because I am considering a permanent relationship with my boyfriend, that is why I am afraid to lose out all the fun that singles have if I settle for this perfect man.

So, consider my advice. Give your girlfriend some time. If u still love her, any sort of break will make your love for her grow stronger. If your 2 years with her were spent wisely, then it is likely that she will find no match during this break.

However, do keep in touch with her. But do not be clingy. Just let her know that you still care and remind her of the good times you two had (in case she wants to compare you with any new guy). After a while, her attraction for this new guy will fade because in any relationship, the initial spark is most tempting. Soon, she will know that any sort of relationship requires work and she would rather be with the man she knew so well at the first place.

Give her the break she wants and take advantage of it for yourself as well. Give yourself the freedom to date and meet other people, just like she's doing. Above all, don't contact her at all and don't bug her about getting back together. Don't be there for her if you want to have any hope of her missing you. And don't let yourself become "Plan B" if things don't work out between her and this other guy.

Lavenderly, I so disagree, and here is why,

Quote=lavenderly, I would tell you not to let her go! I am this gal in my current 3-year relationship. During a holiday overseas, I met a guy and we had great fun. After returning from the trip, we still kept in touch.
Hey that great, you had fun and made a friend.
Now I am confused whether I can feel the same love and care I feel for my boyfriend with another guy.
Thats normal to a very young person, us older people know we can be attracted to many people other than our spouse, or g/f.
I know my boyfriend will feel I'm stringing him along.
You are.
But that is not my intention at all!
Of course not but still you are.
Frankly, it is because I am considering a permanent relationship with my boyfriend,
But you leave the door open to someone you are more attracted too, while he waits????
That is why I am afraid to lose out all the fun that singles have if I settle for this perfect man.
You mean being with other guys, Thats the only basic difference, between you and a married female.
So, consider my advice.
And the age level.
Give your girlfriend some time. If u still love her, any sort of break will make your love for her grow stronger. If your 2 years with her were spent wisely, then it is likely that she will find no match during this break.
And what do you suggest he should be doing, while she is exploring her life??????
However, do keep in touch with her. But do not be clingy. Just let her know that you still care and remind her of the good times you two had (in case she wants to compare you with any new guy).
Now your talking plain crazy, she can have someone else and he still should be competing???? Your talking about a zip darn fool, not a real man, learn the difference.
After a while, her attraction for this new guy will fade
And if it doesn't so what your happy, is he????
Because in any relationship, the initial spark is most tempting. Soon, she will know that any sort of relationship requires work and she would rather be with the man she knew so well at the first place.
What does she do when he gets tired of that crap, and decides to move on and gets a good female, who is mature enough to know what she wants, and treat him like gold???????
Ain't that much love in the world to make a mature man, wait for some confused female to get her rocks off, and maybe come back. That ain't healthy at all.:rolleyes:

I know I've been very kind and patient and understanding and everything with her. She always insists that I've done nothing wrong and she even cries so much when I tease her about it or ask her what I did wrong.

I really don't want to let her go but today I did give her a taste of some tough love, she says that she doesn't know what's going to happen and she still wants to be best friends (cus we really are) but that is just too hard for me to live with. And she told me that she was kind of leading me on, but all the things she tells me are true. (like that she loves me and really does want to get back together)

Anyway, I told her today that I've had a lot of fun and everything and that I know I've treated her right, and I told her that if she wants to be impractical she can go right ahead because as far as I'm concerned, its her loss. I wasn't too mean but I was rather blunt and kind of cold with her, we hung out a little bit before I told her all this and I acted as if nothing was wrong to try and show her that I can live without her, I would just rather not.

I made attempts for about 2 weeks to try and change her mind, but I've accepted the fact that I need to move on.

Anyway, my question to you is... Do you think by doing this I may have turned her away, I know she knows I love her, but I don't want to be strung along. This whole other guy thing really freaked me out. I really just want to make her miss me and remember that she already has a great guy. (sorry to toot my own horn, but... "toot")

I would really appreciate your thoughts and opinions.

Thanks again

"she still wants to be best friends (cus we really are) but that is just too hard for me to live with. and she told me that she was kind of leading me on"

As Don Meredith used to say, "turn out the lights, the party's over".

She doesn't care whether you love her or not; she has "another guy".

Disappear from her life and focus on your own, love yourself enough to move on and be happy, without her. Her feeling, wants and needs, or reactions to anything, don't matter at this point, but your do so, that's the priority. You tried, it didn't work.

I just want to know if I did the right thing by telling her basically. "If you wanna break, you got it"

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

I just want to know if i did the right thing by telling her basically. "If you wanna break, you got it"

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Absolutely, now back up the talk.

Talaniman,

Thanks for pointing out what you disagree. U've been a great help to many out there. In most cases, I agree with u. But in this matter, if you are a female, you will understand the situation better.

I am in no way inferring that the man should waste his days away by waiting for a gal to make up her mind. In fact, he should redirect his focus on other things besides the gal.

P.S. Although age does matter when it comes to life experiences, it does not take someone who is older to make the right advice. It takes someone who has been there and done that, to realise how cliché the circumstances can be.:)

Sorry I had to use your post as an example, as your attitude and thinking was what my advice has always been based on. I understand your points because I have been there and done that, more than a few time I might add, so I know the attitude very well, that's why I used this chance to explain it as you have shown it. It's the same with young guys also, so don't try that if I were a woman stuff, that's insulting.

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Frankly, it is because I am considering a permanent relationship with my boyfriend,

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This is what your mind is telling you to justify stringing a fellow along (men do it also) What you fail to be honest about is your lack of commintment and sacrifice necessary for a long term relationship, and the gaul, fueled by confusion, to actually expect a partner not to be hurt, to understand your wanderlust, to accept and be friends, to be willing to be your back up plan, just in case, and be happy and satisfied with what your doing. That is exactly why, I strongly recommend NO Contact with you, and your male counterpart, so his/her hurt and bruised feeling can heal, and they can move on, and be happy. When he does then, get healthy he can see there was no love but his, and he can finally see you for what you are. A confused, immature person, not ready for his attentions. But in healing he learns something else too, not to hate you for breaking his heart.

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

I made attempts for about 2 weeks to try and change her mind, but ive accepted the fact that i need to move on.

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Good man. It takes some people years to accept it, and some never do.

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

Anyway, my question to you is... Do you think by doing this i may have turned her away

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No. SHE made the decision to turn away some time ago. DO NOT listen to the voices in your head saying that it's something YOU did (unless it actually WAS something you did, in which case you haven't told the whole story).

No, I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything wrong, I think the worst thing I ever did was call her drunk, like once... but this is when we were still dating. I've accepted that its her loss, because I'm a great guy, and if she can't realize that, then forget her.

Should I text her Merry Christmas tomorrow?

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

Should i text her Merry Christmas tomorrow?

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You're kidding, I hope.

Oh man, today was so much better than the last few days... it's a nice pick-me-up when your ex's girlfriends start texting you and sending you emails wanting to see if I want to talk. I'm def. not going to pursue those two but its nice to know that you're someone wants you at least a little. My ex even called me today but I was with my friends, I don't think I would've picked up anyway... maybe next time.

There you go west.

It's been 2 weeks since me and the ex broke up, and actually, it seems like it's been... helluva lot longer. Regardless, she's with the new guy. You're a nice guy... I actually didn't even try to get her back. I saw that she was with the new guy 3 days after we broke up... so I asked her what was going on... she said NOTHING... I found out he's been hanging out more than "nothing"... so I just... left.

No shame in leaving. Just do your own thing. Don't text her jack for christmas or new year's. She prolli won't do the same for you anyway.

Once you've stopped crying, showered, shaved, and dressed a bit better... and hit the gym for a few weeks, you'll have women clinging for dear life.. . read my threads. Trust me.

@lavenderly:

You got to be kidding me. EVERY girl that breaks up with the guy "gently" wants to "talk about the relationship" in a month or two.. . not. Worth. It.

If you've been dating for 2 - 3 years... have dropped the L-word... and then after that, you're "unsure" about the relationship, when're you ever going to be sure?. you need skywriting? Women. Psh.

Well sneezy,
I do believe sometimes women can be generally confused, little do they know that they just might end up hurting themselves more than they think. I know my ex tried to keep me as a friend so I could be plan b, but I'm not going to let that happen, I'm not going to keep clinging to her and asking her to come back. If she wants to, she's going to have to send me a clear sign, and by then I figure it will all depend on how I feel, if I'm even available, and if I even want her back. Right now I think I would take her back... but I'm also thinking that I could really use a break too, so maybe not.
But yeah, now that I have a bit of a clearer head, (I know its only been 4 days, but I really think I'm thinking clearly) I honestly do think she's confused, her confusion may have been persuaded by some guy but I think she may be unclear about what she wants, after all she is young, (20) but I'm not much older, (21) yet I'm much more mature, and I know what I want.

Till then, ill let her do her own thing, and ill do my own. And hopefully by then I won't care whether she still wants me or not.

Broke no contact... meeting with her Sunday, she wants to give me my christmas present, and church. Back to day 1... wow, I felt so good... and now I'm back to square one and I want to call her and tell her that she is making a mistake! She told me that she wants so bad for it to be a mistake (going out with the other guy), and told me that she misses me a lot on the phone today... why are girls so confusing...

WANTS for it to be a mistake.

... if she were a woman, I'd slap her.

Just kidding. What a dumb thing to say. It's like me... waking up in the morning, grabbing a bowl of cereal and going... MAN, I WISH THIS TASTED BAD...

... why? Just don't eat it.

I know right? Maybe I should slap her, lol

Don't let this degrade into a tearfest. The sooner its over, the better.

Ugh, so I did something stupid again and went on my ex's Facebook. I knew it was just going to hurt me even more but, I don't know... I'm an idiot... Anyway, she broke up with me because of "long distance" but I'm thinking that that was BS because she has some other guy. I checked her inbox and she sent him these really long messages about how she's never been so in love with anyone before, and how she can't wait to be married to him. (mind you, they've been together a month) It just freakin hurts because she said those same words to me, but not a month in. And now I'm thinking, how long has she not meant it to me?

I guess there is kind of a plus side to snooping, at least ill stop kidding myself into thinking that she'll want to come back. But it just gets me thinking, She's the one that said all that stuff to me, but she broke up with me... could he really be that much better than me? I'm pretty sure she was happy for the 2 years we spent together.

On a side note... how crazy is this--> When she came back for thanksgiving break, she was all over me and telling me that she can't wait till we're married and all that fun stuff, then she goes back to school for only 10 days, and then comes back home for xmas break and breaks up with me her first day back. It only took that guy 10 days to make her completely forget about me... what a piece of work.

Anyway, is she crazy for feeling that way towards him so soon? Or is that a normal type of thing when girls break up with someone and then immediately enter another relationship?

And I just want to add, that it feels mad good to write that stuff down. I think it'll feel even better if at least one person writes back that she is indeed batsh!t crazy.

Damn. That girl's rebounding more than charles barkley.

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

damn. that girl's rebounding more than charles barkley.

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Haha, so that's kind of typical?

A girl's in a long distance relationship... finds a new guy.. and within months she's talking about marriage + love? Yeah... that's a rebound. Although, don't get me wrong... some rebounds actually do work out. There's a forum that says "My ex is now getting married" or something like that, in which a lot of rebounders end up together in the long run. However, the whole... love... marriage talk... it's a way of replacing you with another dude.

If the person in question doesn't value themselves as a single person and thinks they need to latch onto someone else to make them happy then.. yeah it's normal. But why would you want someone like that anyway? Feel glad to know you aren't with someone so incomplete.

And as for you, lol, stop snooping! It's not healthy. Besides, a lot of times when you find something, you still end up doubting it anyway. You need to just let it all go. And then, go work on yourself, deal with any issues you might have, so whenever you meet someone wonderful, you don't wind up snooping through her stuff...

Good luck with everything.

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Originally Posted by mafiaangel180

If the person in question doesn't value themselves as a single person and thinks they need to latch onto someone else to make them happy then..yeah it's normal. But why would you want someone like that anyway? Feel glad to know you aren't with someone so incomplete.

And as for you, lol, stop snooping! It's not healthy. Besides, a lot of times when you find something, you still end up doubting it anyway. You need to just let it all go. And then, go work on yourself, deal with any issues you might have, so whenever you meet someone wonderful, you don't wind up snooping through her stuff...

Good luck with everything.

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I've been doing good up until now, then you know, an idle mind... I get to wondering... then I hate myself for snooping, then I just confirm how right I was about her. Another one of her reasons was that she needs to "find herself" and I told her that she's not going to find herself with someone else... but yeah, if that's how she is... whatever... women... I'm getting more and more used to single life everyday anyway, I don't think I want another serious relationship until I'm finished, or close to finished with college.

Yea, I enjoy the single life as well, but nights get so lonely anymore, that's when I have the urge to text my ex which is a bad thing. I used to snoop just like you but then I found out an interesting thing.. Ignorance is bliss, I don't know what she is doing and who she is doing it with. I know in time I'll feel better but this how I feel right now.. And it sucks

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

I've been doing good up until now, then you know, an idle mind... I get to wonderin... then i hate myself for snooping, then i just confirm how right i was about her. Another one of her reasons was that she needs to "find herself" and i told her that shes not gonna find herself with someone else... but yeah, if thats how she is... whatever... women... I'm getting more and more used to single life everyday anyway, i dont think i want another serious relationship until im finished, or close to finished with college.

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Don't beat yourself up for the snooping, just find other things to think about so you don't do it anymore. Now that you know she's pretty much not good for you, try to move on. The single life isn't so bad. I'm actually liking it. :) I don't have to deal with any drama. Ugh, I hate drama.

I have to be honest, as finding out things on the electronic grapevine, which may or may not be true, is hardly snoopping, but is a clear sign you have a ways to go in your healing, and maybe need to work harder. Typically LDR's only work, when both are committed for the long term, and obviously she wasn't with you, ( doubt she is now ) so be glad she isn't taking up your time anymore. You really need to see her realistically though, as we who have read your thread, see she is a needy flake, and think your stuck, and would love to apply the boot, in person to unstuck you. Good vent though. 10 points for that.

Don't feel bad about "snooping". I've been apart from my ex for almost 2 months and every now and then I still have those urges. And yea it doesn't feel great when you see stuff. But I had the exact situation you are in. The next week after we broke up my ex was back to HER ex boyfriend talking the day away in emails and stuff like that. Another girl who just needs someone to latch onto. Like everybody has been saying though, in time you'll realize that's NOT the kind of person you want, and in the long run when your years older and smarter you'll thank the day the girl left and brought her problems to somebody else.

Yea, personally I think it's better not knowing anything about them... That's just me though, anytime I feel depressed I toss on the eternal song "Every rose has it's thorn" and the last part of the song is just wow.. Everything is so blurry right now, and I am really actually lost as to what to do or think

You know lately after I'll have one of those episodes where you want to text your Ex or you want to write them a letter or some crap immediately afterwards I'll just think about how much of a waste of time it really is. I mean think about it; we're sitting there pining for somebody who could probably care less, and in a few years from now we'll look back and think holy crap why did I waste my time. Coming to this uhm realization has really helped in the whole process. I'm not saying its not normal to do any of this, I'm just saying think about what you're doing and what you could spend all that time on instead of sitting around being miserable.

Yeah, when I have trouble getting to sleep. (its been a problem before the break-up as well) Music really helps... but I find that I still have to skip some songs, like songs that me and ex listened to a lot.
But anyway, classes started up for me again today, and I actually just got back from one. I made sure I sat with cute girls, and I'm pretty sure they all love me, Im so glad I'm such a charismatic bastard

Yea I have friends that "want me to meet this girl" and "you gotta meet this one" stuff like that. Which I am open to that one ha ha... I have 3500 songs on my IPOD and somehow every time I play it, one of the first 5 songs is me and my ex's song we used to relate how we felt when she went to NC when we first got together. "Stay where I can see you" by The Starting Line... I really loved that song, even before we got together and now I can't listen to it