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Girl broke up with me, I want her back, so I figure making her jealous is one way around it.
It may not be the best, but it's all I can think of right now.
I get the feeling she'd be willing to give it another go (albeit in a few months), so I want to "subliminally" ease it into her mind that I'm the right one (and I figure jealousy would work - I think it would with me).
Any ideas on how to go about making someone jealous?
You want to make her jealous so that she comes back to you? Why even bother with this petty behavior? If you have to resort to some low down scheme to get her back, is it worth it? It is deception! If you do get her back, it is all based on a lie.
Her seeing you with another girl may not trigger her feelings at all. Who broke this relationship up?
Not only is this type of behavior manipulation, its also selfish and uncaring. All it will bring you is misery and pain.
It was her who broke it off, citing reasons for "not wanting" to be in a relationship at the moment. I've asked her if her feelings for me had changed and she changed subject.
I'm not looking to make it obvious or blatant what I'm trying here to get her back, but as I mentioned I've got a feeling that this breakup won't be forever... that this is some sort of test for me to wait for her (I know that saying that will probably get me loads of "move on" or "you're wrong" replies, but frankly I'm not interested in that sort of destructive comments - I want to think positive).
I just feel that making her feel even slightly jealous might do 2 things:
a) make me feel better - NC is hard without knowing what your ex is doing, so putting yourself on the front foot and making her feel more lonely can only be a good thing;
b) make her depressed and think harder (than she already has) about the relationship - what it meant to her and what she'd miss.
@talaniman - I don't think its manipulation, selfish or uncaring - its simply another way of dealing with a break up. If you've been on the rough end of a breakup you know you've tried making your ex jealous yourself. I'm just trying to open a discussion to see where we end up. If it does bring pain and misery, fine, but I don't care at the moment. It'd be a learning curve.
You know deep down that it is not going to solve anything if you just make her feel jealous by going out with another girl.Quote:
Originally Posted by jomore
More than likely, she's going to relatiate by doing the same to you, or she's going to be turned off by it another way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bdfoster31
I wasn't intending to go out with another girl - if it's a test, I'll pass with flying colors. I didn't mean making her jealous by obvious ways, just subtly. It may be a risky tactic, but I'm willing to go for it. If she retaliates, I'll find out something about her feelings (instead of her changing the subject).
I was hoping for suggestions of making a girl jealous in a cunning way!
You mentioned the learning curve - fine and dandy if it only involves you - but you are attempting to involve someone else. You do not have a right to do that, to connive up a scheme to entangle your ex into your life again. Besides - if you work on getting her jealous, that means you are going to be USING someone else in this and that person will get hurt by you. Unless this other person knowingly enters into this half baked idea of yours.
Instead of wasting precious time trying to get some sort of "even steven" out of this, work on bettering yourself. There are better ways to handle a break up, better things to do after a break up.
READ:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-123862.html
Yea. Making a girl jealous just to do it is not the right way to go about it. It will end up badly. Childish behavior much?
You're right in that I don't have a right to connive up a scheme - and that isn't my intention. She's in my life, we're in the same circles. She's entangled in my life (and I in hers) either way.Quote:
Originally Posted by shygrneyzs
As I've mentioned before, I'm looking for ways that doesn't mean me going out with someone else to make her jealous. I'm looking for other ways. I don't intend to use anyone elseQuote:
Originally Posted by shygrneyzs
@breakmealive - Its not just to do it - it's to make her think more about our relationship - its likely that after the breakup she'd be wondering if she had made the right decision, but I doubt that she'd be thinking all that hard about it - what I want to do is to encourage her think that bit harder about it. And that isn't manipulation because it doesn't force her to think about it. I don't think it's childish, either.
Why don't you try honesty, since it is what keeps a relationship going? Wow, I'm glad I'm married and don't have to date anymore.
@Altenweg - thanks for the suggestion, but unfortunately the relationship's over, not struggling!
Otherwise I would try honesty, but since I'm going through NC, I think this is the best way of making herself question it more. Thanks anyway!
All
Here is Jomore' story below.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ks-156297.html
Jo
Manipulations and games never work , and if they did you would be getting someone back under false pretences. Stay NC and if it's meant to be she will come back , no point pushing her further away.
I can see why she broke up with you.
Yeah, sure, you can assume everything from a few post... obviously you're an expert. Jerk
@friend4u178 - thanks for adding a link - you really shouldn't have - things change a lot within a short space of time.
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Why is everyone here so bitter about every breakup. Yeah, I'm sad and depressed and I want my girl back... who hasn't been in this situation before? You wouldn't be on this site if you hadn't - people who give bad feedback are still bitter about the one "who got away", and therefore are also bitter and reluctant to give any positive advice to others who have just got themselves in the same situation. You don't want to help - you want to be jerks, and by giving bitter advice, you feel a little better about it.
I'm trying to open a discussion but everyone is trying to close it down. This discussion is not just for my benefit - its for anyone else who has had a hard time recently. It's ultimately down to the individual what they decide to do, and EVERY SINGLE OTHER post on this website seems to just be bitter. I'm just opening a discussion to give other people (as well as myself) a different outlook. We shouldn't just give everyone a 1 door option.
Doesn't anyone else here get what I'm on about?
Quote:
Originally Posted by jomore
I'm going to come to another assumption and guess that you are talking to me? I didn't look at a few post, I looked at only this one. That's all I needed to look at to see how immature your way of thinking is. Since I am a woman, I think the more appropriate word for me would start with a B.
[QUOTE=jomore]@friend4u178 - thanks for adding a link - you really shouldn't have - things change a lot within a short space of time.
Jo
Sorry if you didn't want me to add the link but sometimes it's best if everyone knows the story , the more info the better. People can quite easily see your previous posts anyway but just made it easier for them.
We're not bitter about relationships. Many of us are IN happy, healthy relationships.
Unfortunately for most of the askers--we've been there, we've done that, and we see how childish it is to HAVE to have a person back.
Once you've broken up, taken a break, separated, whatever--the relationship is OVER. Done. Kaput. Finis. The End. Etc.
The ONLY things that you can do to make a person attracted to you again are to be yourself, don't play games, get out there and do things that YOU enjoy, things for YOURSELF, not because you think it will get you someone else.
Getting someone back is next to impossible, ESPECIALLY in the first year after it happens.
It's sounds harsh and bitter--but really---why do you want to be with a person that doesn't want to be with you?
Fair enough... if they bother to read them before making assumptions.
The assumption is that you are obsessed with getting things your way and your lack of coping skills with letting go.
If you took all that same energy and put it to recovery, you would be way ahead already.
I'm not forcing anything. And how is it childish if they don't know about it?Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
I simply don't think that's true. This is the bitter part I was talking about. What's wrong with giving people some useful, positive tips and advice about dealing with a break up?Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
That brings this article (Why Not "Just Be Yourself") to mind.Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
That's a big assumption IMO.Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
It does sound harsh and bitter, but I'm not surprised with this kind of reaction. I don't believe that this person doesn't want to be with me forever, per se, I think that it's a test - and I obviously can't tell her that otherwise I'd fail.Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
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@shygrneyzs - What human has the skills to let things go? I'm not a control freak an that's a bad assumption to go by; but I do see your point about putting energy to getting over her. Point is, I'm not ready or willing to let her go, just yet anyway, because there is still hope, I'm certain.
I don't think it's an assumption. If things were working out the way they were, you wouldn't be broken up now, right?
So... something about your relationship wasn't completely right to begin with. Was it you, was it her, was it a combination--I don't know.
I DO know that 99% of the time, when someone has broken up with someone else, it's NOT a "test". It's something they've thought about on their own for a while without bothering to discuss it with the other party in the relationship. By the time they DO discuss it, it's because they've made up their minds to break up--to the person doing the breaking up, the relationship IS over. Completely. The test was when they were still thinking about breaking up with you, and you failed it, or they wouldn't have broken up with you.
Sorry--think what you like. I've been through several relationships, both good and bad, though, and been on both ends of the break-up stick. I think I understand what some of it is about by now.
jomore,
I just want to offer a bit of perspective. I broke up with a man I really loved for various reasons. I tried calling him a few times, but he was also doing the NC. One day after I called him to tell him I still had feelings for him (he ignored the call), he put something on his Facebook about going on a date. Then a week or so ago, he unblocked me from msn (he blocked me as soon as we broke up) only for me to find another statement about him going on a date.
Now, I can't tell you if he is trying to make me jealous or he found someone else, but what I can gather it was the first one. I did cry and it did hurt me so much and I missed him more than ever. Then, I realized, with some help, that if he really loved me and really wanted to be with me he wouldn't be doing that to me. Not only has it killed any hope I had of us getting back together, it's hurt our chance of being friends.
One of my wise older coworkers told me today that it is so damaging to my own health if we were just trying to make each other jealous.
So I say to you, if you love her, tell her. Don't play a game because it could hurt your chances way worse than you think.
Jomore, having read this whole post and your other ones, you so are in denial and refuse to listen to experienced people about how not to play games and to move on. Instead of pointing the finger at us being bitter, I hope you see that how you seem, very bitter. Its common after a break up to have these feelings, and your solution is to learn how to deal with them in a positive way that makes you better. No one here will give you a recipe to make someone jealous on a subtle level, because we know its not right to play games, even if they are unaware of it. Better to just move on, and work on being a better you. When you accept the relationship is over, moving on is the next step.
See the links in my signature for some insights.
Mature experienced humans, who have learned this skill.Quote:
What human has the skills to let things go?
By doing so this could back fire she may get back with you but after she does she will feel like she can't trust you that maybe you don't really love her if you could be with someone else and could bring out a scary side that would end in not oly you to not being together but her hating and resenting you as well
Ways to make her jealous, that's easy stuff. Show up with a hotter girl (a friend) to a place you know she'll be at, don't hold hands or make it obvious though. Also, if you have msn or any computer messaging system (myspace, facebook) put up a pic with you and a girl, or write a message about how much your on cloud nine or a little somthin, somethin;)
HOWEVER, because I can give you ways to make her think, I must also protest you actually doing it. I've thought of it now and again, sticking it to them, I got all kinds of wonderful ideas at time I feel like putting into action. The reason I don't is because its just not right, if that does not bother you than the retaliation should. Its like a war, SHE WILL RETALIATE.
Here's the problem I see. YOU obviously like her 'cause you want a reaction out of her, otherwise you would not bother with the effort it takes. So here's what will happen, you post something or do the bump in with your hottie friend and she does care, so she shoots one back to you (pic with a guy, status update, OR WORSE) YOU LOSE cause you know yours is FAKE, hers may actually be real and she no longer will take your feelings into account. You like her so it WILL bother you, BIG TIME. We woudn't know how much it affected her really?
ALso, if she does not retaliate in kind, than maybe that indicates she could care less,hell that's worse than a retaliation, DOING NOTHING. If she does nothing you will wonder why not and it will eat at you.
So really what's there to gain? You can't win my man. Your hope is for her to see and jump back in, if you saw her with another guy would you be all lovey-dovey take me back please? B.S. you'd be pissed and want to upstage her, why do you think she'll be any different?
Sorry dude, it's a no go on all levels, abort the mission! I get where your at but just give it time and perhaps you'll gether back in ways you cannot imagine just yet!
Hope it helps.
The worst way to get her jealous would be with other girls. The only way to successfully get her 'jealous' would be to be successful at things you do, have a great irresistible personality and enjoy everything you do. But then that is no guarantee she would come running back to you but you would be enjoying your life.
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