Entire story merged

Hey all,

I'm new to this open forum thing so bear with me

I am 19 years old, and a sophomore in college. I starting talking to and dating this girl near the beginning of October. She is 19 as well, but a freshman. We get along really well, we have the same sense of humor.. etc things were going well, or so she thought until about 4 days ago, when I came to her with some issues that I had been wanting to talk to her about. I calmly explained some things that she didn't do that most people do while in a relationship. I don't really want to go in depth on most of them, but a few of them were things such as her putting everything before me, whether it be sorority, her girlfriends, anything basically... now I understand priorities, but I kept getting the feeling that I wasn't important enough to her.. so I confronted her about these things and a few other things that were on my mind. I couldn't go on in the relationship if I continued to keep these things bottled up inside, but I didn't know what it would accomplish by telling them to her, so I figured there was nothing to lose by telling her. Basically, she cried a bit, and all she could say in response to anything I said was " i dont know" or "your completely right". This all happened Friday night at a date party.

So, I talked to her more Saturday afternoon, basically reiterating all the stuff from the night before because she was a little drunk. She said she really liked me, she wants to be with me, and she cared for me repeatedly throughout the conversation. All I would say in response to it was, then SHOW IT! Of course it was more in depth than just this, but you get the idea.. I thought we were fine, and so I told her to just call me later. She called me about 20 minutes later and asked if she could come over. Basically she came over, to say she need SPACE to figure out why she couldn't treat me right, and figure out what wrong with her and why she won't commit to me.. I expressed my distaste towards the idea, but told her I cared enough about her to let her have all the space she needs.

We didn't talk the rest of Saturday or most of Sunday, but then she texted me to Sunday night to make small talk.. she then ended the conversation by saying she was thinking about me, she missed me, and she wanted to see me tomorrow, Monday. I said okay, that's fine and that I missed her too. She came over and basically acted like nothing was really wrong, I asked her twice if she wanted to talk or even say anything that was on her mind, and she refused.. I asked her if we were okay, and she nodded. It was kind of weird, but I was just happy I was with her.. we chilled for a few hours, watched a movie, and messed joked around with each other. As awkward as I thought it was that she was acting as if nothing had happened, I was too happy to care. She left to go study and called me later that night around 2am. I was a little high(no I'm not a pothead, I was just stressed), but coherent and asked her about it again.. she said basically she wants to START OVER and see where things go.. I really have no idea what she meant by this, but I assumed it was a good thing, because it was better than breaking up..

So basically, I don't know what to do now.. I still feel like not calling her or texting is still probably a good idea, but I really don't know...

I know this story is a bit confusing, but if you can follow at all, I would GREATLY appreciate it!!

Thanks
Ryan

Hey buddy,

I don't know exactly what issues you brought up but your situation reeks like the one I had. I brought up things I shouldn't have too early in the relationship (like you, I need them OUT right away or it eats at me). Like your girl, mine felt like we needed to re-assess things. We went on for a bit after and never brought it up again, but it was the beginning of the end, that night ruined it.

I'm not saying what happened to me will happen to you but its like she will hold it against you in the future. Kind of like she will project that is how you will act in the future and so better end it now. I can understand no feeling important, my girl was not very affectionate either,but its almost as if they figure you are and will always want something they are not comfortable with giving you, at least yet! Finally, not talking about it is not to say she isn't thinking about it. Again, we went on a couple more weeks "not talking" about it and then BOOM! So I think you must see warning signs as to whether this actually does bother her.

Sometimes its better to callit off early over these types of things rather than golonger, cause it will hurt more, I think they realize that. Best of luck man.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by aiyerrc

hey all,

im new to this open forum thing so bear with me

i am 19 years old, and a sophomore in college. i starting talking to and dating this girl near the beginning of october. she is 19 as well, but a freshman. we get along really well, we have the same sense of humor..etc things were going well, or so she thought until about 4 days ago, when i came to her with some issues that i had been wanting to talk to her about. i calmly explained some things that she didnt do that most people do while in a relationship. i dont really want to go in depth on most of them, but a few of them were things such as her putting everything before me, whether it be sorority, her girlfriends, anything basically...now i understand priorities, but i kept getting the feeling that i wasnt important enough to her..so i confronted her about these things and a few other things that were on my mind. i couldnt go on in the relationship if i continued to keep these things bottled up inside, but i didnt know what it would accomplish by telling them to her, so i figured there was nothing to lose by telling her. basically, she cried a bit, and all she could say in response to anything i said was " i dont know" or "your completely right". this all happened friday night at a date party.

so, i talked to her more saturday afternoon, basically reiterating all the stuff from the night before because she was a little drunk. she said she really liked me, she wants to be with me, and she cared for me repeatedly throughout the conversation. all i would say in response to it was, then SHOW IT! of course it was more in depth than just this, but you get the idea..i thought we were fine, and so i told her to just call me later. she called me about 20 minutes later and asked if she could come over. basically she came over, to say she need SPACE to figure out why she couldnt treat me right, and figure out what wrong with her and why she wont commit to me..i expressed my distaste towards the idea, but told her i cared enough about her to let her have all the space she needs.

we didnt talk the rest of saturday or most of sunday, but then she texted me to sunday night to make small talk..she then ended the conversation by saying she was thinking about me, she missed me, and she wanted to see me tomorrow, monday. i said okay, thats fine and that i missed her too. she came over and basically acted like nothing was really wrong, i asked her twice if she wanted to talk or even say anything that was on her mind, and she refused..i asked her if we were okay, and she nodded. it was kinda weird, but i was just happy i was with her..we chilled for a few hours, watched a movie, and messed joked around with each other. as awkward as i thought it was that she was acting as if nothing had happened, i was too happy to care. she left to go study and called me later that night around 2am. i was a little high(no im not a pothead, i was just stressed), but coherent and asked her about it again..she said basically she wants to START OVER and see where things go..i really have no idea what she meant by this, but i assumed it was a good thing, because it was better than breaking up..

so basically, i dont know what to do now..i still feel like not calling her or texting is still probably a good idea, but i really dont know....

i know this story is a bit confusing, but if you can follow at all, i would GREATLY appreciate it!!!

thanks
Ryan

---

She out everything before me, she would find the dumbest reasons not to see me, I would always initiate times we would see each other, she never invited me over to spend the night, I would always have to indirectly invite myself... things like that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by aiyerrc

i still feel like not calling her or texting is still probably a good idea

---

You're probably right about this. It sounds like you want more than she's prepared to give. You need to keep your power in this and decide to end it if the relationship is not meeting your needs.

Have you considered she has a slower pace than yours, and not at the point you want her to be?? It is barely been 3 months, so your still basically just getting to know each other. Either slow down and be patient, or move on to someone closer to your speed.

I know what you mean, tala. I told her repeaetedly I'm not looking for something too serious too fast, but I looking for someone who will care for me and have me be as important to them as they are to me. I'm her BF I'm not her good friend, that she occasionally can hookup with and call me baby... relationships are more than that. I just want to have fun with her, but if she puts everything she can possibley can in front of me, that makes me feel like , that's why I came to her to talk in the first place.. shes terrible at communication, the fundamental thing in a relationship, so its kind of hard to know what she's feeling or thinking

LONG, BUT PLEASE READ!!

I am 19 and have been seeing this girl for 2 months... she is amazing, beautiful, smart, the whole nine yards.. we really got along.. as happy as she may have thought we were, there were a few things building up over the few months.. fundamental relationship things that she didn't do.

1. she never asked me if I wanted to "hang out", come over, come see her none of that.
2. she didn't have me meet any of her friends she had before we started dating.
3. she put everything before me.. school, sorority, friends, events, anything she could put before me she did. Basically, she didn't make time in her schedule for me. I was basically something to do if she wasn't busy with anything else.
4. she didn't communicate with me; about emotions, thoughts, anything

Basically stuff like that..

So I came to her and confronted her about these things, and she had no response.. the day after we talked, she said she needed space to figure out why she wasn't treating me right. I said, because I care for you, take all the space you need.

It wasn't even 24 hours before she texted me saying she missed me and wanted to see me. She came over and we hung out for a few hours, as if nothing were wrong.. when she called me later, I asked her if she wanted to talk about anything that was on her mind. All she said was that she wanted to START OVER. I'm not really sure what this means, but I'm willing to give her a shot. Hell, its better than breaking up.. right now, I'm making her chase me, and see what she lost. Everyone I talked to this about said I should dump her immediately. So, I'm not calling her or texting her, but I'm not ignoring her. Do you think this will work? WHAT SHOULD I DO FROM HERE ON OUT?

On a side note: do you think I moved to fast? I told her I would go at any pace she wanted to, if she just showed me a little bit that I was important to her or that she cared about me and actually was dating me for a reason.

Thanks for all your help in advance

Hey. Well I think you are doing good at playing cool. I don't know why but for some unfortunate reason some people get distant when you always make yourself available. Just be yourself, be nice and when she calls you... don't always be the last person off the phone. Don't always find a reason to get off... but if she wants off the phone.. or something and you don't really want too -- just don't show it hurts you. However, if she's not going to be responsive to your feelings... I would move on and leave before you get more attached. It's not fair for anyone to be treated that way.. .
Just don't make yourself her puppet.
I personally think that they guy should pursue the girl... but I guess this is a special circumstance.

Anyway, I feel like there is more I should tell you... I am so tired right now... lol. Umm so pretty much just don't be at her beck and call... I would give it another month... or if until you can't take it. If things don't change move on. You don't want to play games your whole life. Besides, I can tell you are a little anxious. Seriously, don't loose any sleep over it. God has a plan for your life and he knows your heart. :) Everything will be okay, promise.

Need more replies!! I know its late, so sorry!

Anyone else??

Wasn't the problem created because she didn't show you enough affection? Just because she wants to start over does not mean anything has changed. If you want to continue with her than that's your call, I think you'll find out soon enough if she is being more affectionate towards you.

I woudn't play this delay card, it not representing what is actually going on and that has a way of coming back round in a negative way.

I say if you like her give her a shot and see how it goes, If nothing has changed than you have your answer.

Hope it helps.

Sounds like after only 2 months you want more from her than she is willing to give. Slow down and stop with the selfish expectations, and get to know her better. Did you expect starting a new thread, basically asking the same question would get you different answers?

Maybe not different, but perhaps a few more! Thanks!

Instead of asking her to be more attentive to you, have you asked her how she felt about the relationship overall? Has she said anything like "we're moving too fast" or "you're demanding too much from me"? I'm not saying that you may be imposing too much on her, but there's the possibility that she may perceive it as being just that. And when that happens, it may either be because of some underlying issue on her side or yours.

It seems to me that she's a bit confused about her relationship with you, if she's asking for space, and then coming back to see you so quickly. She's definitely making an effort to fix things since she's honest enough to report about her progress (i.e. telling you she needs space and that you guys should start over). For that, she definitely gets me kudos.

Despite her efforts, I wonder about her methods. It's somewhat flimsy and it's difficult to predict what direction she's going. I don't know if it's appropriate for you to be the one to guide her since it might destabilise the relationship even more, but from what you're saying, it's as if she has a bit of a selfish streak that she may not be aware of. And it's not to do with her deliberately being selfish, but rather she didn't realise that she hurt someone in the process. Don't tell her "you're being selfish" because she will just dismiss it, but see if you can nudge her to see how her actions/inactions can affect those around her.

It's only been 2 months, so try and slow it down if she thinks you're going too fast. It's good that you're bringing up this issue early but I wouldn't recommend bringing up too many of them all in one go. Judge your pace by her reactions.

You have to be very careful not to overwhelm new partners with too much, because your expectations may be to high for them to meet. At the early stages, its best to just have fun getting to know each other, and developing communications. Its hard if they don't seem to have good communication skills, but you have to be a good listener, and pay closer attention. It may be she hasn't gotten comfortable, that's why the fun should be the focus. Does she have a good time? Do you??

Yea, we both have a great time when we are together... but when we aren't, she sometimes acts like she doesn't want to be around me... also, I have talked to her a few times about seeing her one way or another over christmas break, and she has pretty much politely and indirectly said no.. that dpesnt make me feel very good, but I'm going to take everything with a grain of salt and let her set the pace, because obviously, hers is slower than mine, and I think I can adapt better than she can..

Make sure your life is balanced by other things besides her, as we can put too much into partners and neglect other parts of our life that makes us happy.

Another thing that has worried me a bit is that she was more sexually active than me in high school. She had a serious BF for 3 years in high school. The last 2 or 3 days have been great. We have fooled around a few times, and we have laughed and enjoyed each others company. Yesterday, we hooked up early in the evening, and she wanted to come back over to do it again. We haven't had intercourse yet, because I felt lke building a relationship where sex wasn't the highest priority was a good thing. Well right before she came over, I ate a big dinner, and the myth is that if you have to use the restroom badly, its hard to get an erection. Well, that happened and I asked her if we were going to do anything more than foreplay, and she said if it happened, it happened. This made me even more upset with myself, because she was finally ready to take that step and I couldn't perform.. she said it wasn't a big deal at all, and that it was more of a sign that the timing wasn't right. I'm just scared that since I am sexually less experienced than her, she might think I can't fulfull my part of this part of the relationship. Also, whenever we fool around, and we are done, she usually leaves very soon afterward, citing she either has to study, or go to sleep because she was to wake up early. Now the past week and this upcoming week is final exam period, so I'm not questiong her when she has to go. But its just weird. Any insight or comment on this would be great..

Girls, is sex a huge part of the relationship? I kind of feel like I'm getting used, but that may be stretching it. She just usually never sends me msges saying, " i want you sooo bad right now" or "are you ready for round 2?" I'm not complaining, I'm just wondering why the sudden change?

Sorry for taking so long to reply!

I tend to agree with Talaniman and BMI on this one. On the one hand I think it's a bit early in the relationship for such high expectations and on the other hand her wanting to come back to you doesn't mean she has changed. Try to minimise your expectations and keep yourself as busy as she is with other things. Never make someone a priority when you are only an option to them.

It's up to you whether you want to give her another chance but I would keep in mind that people are very hard to change. If she wasn't very affectionate before I don't think whe will be affectionate for very long the second time around.

I had a similar problem with my ex and she was telling me that after three months of being apart she has changed bluh, bluh, bluh. After a couple of hours of conversation I realised that she wanted to change but in effect she couldn't cause that's how she is.

I hope I was able to help. Good luck to you and keep us posted!

I have been dating this girl for about 2 months, and she's great. She's beautiful, funny, smart, etc..

Basically, I'm starting to get thhe feeling like I'm trying to hard because I seem to be the only one who is putting forth any effort into the relationship. I know she likes me, she wouldn't be dating me if she didn't. Its not the crazy sex we are having because we haven't had it yet.

One of my friends pretty much summed it up with this example:

To Me: Say you are hanging out with your 5 best friends, having a good time, and she calls you and asks you to go to dinner in an hour; would you?"

To Friend: of course

To Me: now reverse the roles. Would she do the same?

To Her: no, she wouldn't leave her friends to eat dinner if I asked her, but then again, she would never ask me to go to dinner, because she never initiates wanting to see me.

What do I do?

We both go to college, and christmas break started today, so I won't see her for about 4 weeks. A few times, I tried to see if she wanted to get together over the break; I could come see her, she could some see me, anything at all, and of course she indirectly and very politely found a way to say no to any kind of face to face contact over the break. WHY!! If she likes me, she should want to see me right?

As of now, I have decided not to call her, text, her or initiate any kind of contact at all over the break. As hard as this is for me, and its not my nature, I feel it's the only way to get the point across that she can't keep treating me like this.

Do your think this is the right thing to do?
What is her deal?

Is she even worth it?

I'm sorry to be so blunt... but by the sounds of it it sounds like she just not that into you. I think you should actually see her over your xmas break and have a serious talk with her.

Obviously she is holding back feelings (wether positive or negative) and so are you. The key to a great relationship is honesty and communication. You have to tell her the truth on how she is making you feel (obviously you are hurt by how she is ignoring you) and you need to ask her why she is doing this. If she doesn't respond and just ignors you more after telling her your feelings then I think it should be over. You can't continue in an unhealthy relationship. If she really wants to make things work she will tell you why she is acting like this, and find ways to fix it

I hope that helps, and I wish you good luck :)

Bump...

Hey man,
I thought cutting off communication, is never a good thing to do. But your at a stage in a relationship when you still aren't sure whether she actually even likes you you as much as you do... Let me first say, in my opinion you are not yet in love with her and nor is she with you as it takes a lot of getting to know someone deeply before you can say that type of thing. (That's just the vibe I'm getting as I'm reading your message, especially considering your relationship with her is still in the beginning stages). So since this relationship is so new it shouldn't be too hard to cut off communication during the holidays (yes I understand you probably like her alot)... but during holidays you have plenty of time off to do other things so enjoy!

How old are you? By the way girls can be confusing and not know what they want and often go after things they can't have, they play games and it's only when something happens that makes them wake up and think.

In this case I feel that holding out on communication is not a bad thing. Plus actually, if you read up on many dating and attrating women websites for exmaple: sosuave.com they will say that doing this thing can make women want you even more, it builds up attracting in them for you and displays confidence and independence.

The fact is (in my opinion at least) she doesn't want you as much as you do her. So you have to believe that you are something special she should want, and when you are that confident she may pick up on it and feel stronger emotions for you... or you'll realize that she still doesn't feel the same way as you and then you'll know.

So I would end communication in this case completely, let her call you and keep up communication. Why are you the only one making the relationship "work" (if you are... the relationship isn't actually "working"). In a more serious and complex relationship I would never suggest this but I think this case is one that calls for building her attraction levels for you.

If it doesn't work, and she doesn't seem to have missed you or wanted to talk or spend time with you... then it should be pretty obvious how she feels! At that point I sure wouldn't waste my time pursuing someone that didn't care, nearly as much as I did.

Your just getting started, so have fun during break, and see how things go. After all your still strangers to each other, so what's the hurry?

I think your friend gave you some very valuable insight into the situation and yes, I think your decision not to contact her during the Christmas break is the right one. I wouldn't throw all my beans into this one pot as it doesn't sound like a very big pot if you get my drift. Keep and enforce your own standards ; don't give in to someone else's.

Do your think this is the right thing to do?
What is her deal?

Is she even worth it?

She ain't digging you, so keep looking. Have some fun.

I'm 19 and she's 19. We have had our great moments, and then we have had our bad. She came out of a very serious 3 years relationship a little less than a year ago, and I mean very serious... first love, lost her virginity, stuff like that serious. I feel like since I'm a sophomore and she's a freshman, I should give her a little time to figure out what she wants, and I think this break is a good time to prove it. Last night was the first night we went without talking, and it felt weird. Usually, she will at least say something like goodnight... sleep sweet or something like that, even if I don't call or text her first. Although, earlier yesterday, I said I would call her, I decided to never follow through with that because of the no contact thing I mentioned earlier. I

It would just suck if she never does end up contacting me and is totaqlly fine about the whole thing. Oh well...

Bump/...

update:::

she called me last night and was wondering what was up and why I hadn't called her the night before or all day that day. I just said I was busy, and nothing was wrong and we talked small talk for like 20 minutes. She texted me earlier today about something random and I texted her back about 2 hours later because my phone was dead earlier. So I called her about 20 minutes ago just to talk, and we talked for like 15 minutes about different random stuff. We were both tired so not really in a mood to talk, so we called it a night.

I just found out that she's possibly going with her friend and her boyfriend to his mountain house with some other guys and girls. If u know my story, I asked her a few different times if she wanted to get together over the break and she said no because she was super busy over the break, but now she's gong with her friend and a few other GUYS to a mountan house for a few days..!

I need to know what to do from here on out... she thinks everything is OKAY, but obviously I don't feel the same. Should I continue not calling/texting her? Should I confront her about the mountain house thng because technically I'm not suppose to know about it..

what do I do??

Just my opinion, but there is not a reason to confront her; tell her to have a nice time and that you have enjoyed being her friend. And, NC; move on.

Why would you confront her! Honestly!? That's probably the worst thing you could do imo. You might as well just tell her she basically owns you and that every time she hangs out with another guy not only are you jealous but sometimes even hurt - especially when she tells you she can't hang out with you but spends time with others.

I think that if every little thing she does bother you then she is obviously holding all the playing cards and I'm pretty sure with everything you've said thus far it's established that you like her more than she likes you. So try and get over her a bit, don't stick her on a pedestal so much... you'll be more confident... girls like confident guys, guys that don't need them, even guys that they can't have. Go hang out with some friends (including girls) and have fun during Christmas break; seriously don't be afraid to spend time with other girls (don't cheat or do anything you'd regret though)... but you should still be allowed to have fun.

Also... talking on the phone for 20 minutes? And then you call her the next night and talk for another 15 minutes. You already told her you were busy the day, you could have been too busy to talk today as well (or at least cut your conversation a little shorter) the more you see and talk to her less, if she does like you then the more she'll miss you.

Btw everything should be okay. Play it that way, if you can't handle what she's done (sounds like nothing wrong) then break it off (which I don't think you want - nor does it seems logical), but at this stage in the relationship don't act like a wimp and give her all the power, girls like a real man! So communication in relationships is good but too much can also make someone sick of the other. (Already happened to me once).

I also wouldn't talk so long on the phone. You said you wouldn't call her... how long did you last? And the only reason you didn't talk more than 15 minutes is because you were both tired? Are we trying to help you for nothing.

Here are some things you can say to you don't have to call her everyday, or talk so long on the phone.
I suggest not worrying about calling her, tell her your busy (like you did).
"You said you were busy and I didn't want or feel need to bother you".
"I didn't know we had to talk every day... plus I was tired and not in a talking mood."
"Why don't you call me if you want to talk more"
"I was out with/at: a bunch of friends - a party, some guys and girls I know, etc."

How do you know her trip has not been planned in advance? Would you please back off and enjoy your own holiday, and let her enjoy hers'. This is to early in this reationship to be the angry hurt jealous, needy boyfriend.

Believe me I know... ur right though, I'm just not goint to call her, text her... if you remember back to my other threads, I came to her like 4 weeks back basically saying, after analyzing and reanalyzing all the things I said, that I wanted to be super serious, which was not the intention but it came off that way... I feel like I have screwed things up past recovery because I wanted the "perfect" relationship and was a little mpatient. I realze that now, I just hope ts not too late. This break is a good chance for her to go do her own thing, and realize that I'm not going to stick around forever if she continues to not be able to make time for me..

But as you said, I'm just going to enjoy my break, and not initiate contact with her. Hopefully thisll wake her up a bit, but at the same time I don't want to lose her.

That's perfect and we understand that you don't want to lose her. In a relationship the goal initially shouldn't be to break up, but realistically it should be if she is not meant for you.

In life an important goal I think everyone should always try to live by, is to do what is best for themselves. Yes one can be nice and generous, but worrying about our situation primarily is important because even though we can't control outside forces and things that happen, individuals can control their their actions and emotions in spite of what happened (even though it's hard).

So you're on the right track. Enjoy yourself! Later.

Bump...

God the days are pretty long, because most of my friends are still finishing up exams... I just don't know if me not calling her is the best way to go..

Over thanksgiving, we called and texted multiple times a day, with textxs like " i miss you" and "only 3 more days til i see you baby!" stuff like that...

This just feels too weird not saying any of this stuff, even though since we had some of our serious talks, the relationship has been kind of off..

I feel like if I iniate some normalcy back up, we will remain together, but at the same time, not mold my schedule around her...

Should I start calling her again? Or at least a text saying I miss her... im really bored and I want to talk to her. Is this a good idea? Not long talks or anything, but I miss just talking to her so much, its hard to not think about her..

If we break up for any reason, I don't want to see her with another guy or I think I will just lose it.

Tell me what to do...

If I continue the way I am, it'll just be weird atmosphere whenever we do talk. She's not just going to come runnning to me if I don't call her.

I'm very lost...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by aiyerrc

im 19 and shes 19. we have had our great moments, and then we have had our bad. she came out of a very serious 3 years relationship a little less than a year ago, and i mean very serious...first love, lost her virginity, stuff like that serious. i feel like since im a sophomore and shes a freshman, i should give her a little time to figure out what she wants, and i think this break is a good time to prove it. ...

---

Are you the first guy after this last relationship? My take is that she may not be over this last guy. In that case you will never win because she is not right or ready and may be using you as a crutch while she heals. It takes time to heal after a breakup.

You really need to pull way back and cool things off a little. Let her chase you. Hang out once a week only. If she doesn't start pursuing then you really never had her.

I realize it sucks, but I have seen it before, you get all hung up, treat her really well, and then all of a sudden she is hanging with someone else and you are totally bummed and can't figure it out. But that's when she finally got over the old boyfriend and a spark started.

Unfortunately, you don't want to be next in line after a breakup, unless they spent time alone and are truly done with the past.

Good luck.

Backing off doesn't mean not letting her know you care, but one is enough, not 20 a day.

She's had a few flings since then, but she has told me face to face she will always love him, but she's way over him and not IN LOVE with him. She said she still cares about him, which I guess is understandable because he was the first guy she shared herself with, sexually and mentally... tala, do you think I should send a small text message saying I'm thinking about you, but not call her and make small talk?

aiyerrc

First, do not listen to what a woman says look at her actions. If she says "she will always love him, but shes way over him and not IN LOVE with him", then she is. Her words say no, but the fact that she brought him up says different.