If any updates needed see my other posts...


Here's were it get weird now she called me today cause she had a fight with one of her guy friends she wanted me to call and defend her. I took the call kind of as a excuse so we spoke and evenetly I went to her friends house and met up with her. First she took my phone and checks all the numbers then we sat and talked and she came up to me hughed me sat next to me and all. Then she started crying and kept joking how's she never getting back all this. And she just kept cryinng so if I wasn't confused before now I'm totally lost

Why is she doing this . She resting her head on me with her arm around me staring at my eyes telling me don't wait for me... Is she kidding me does she really not have a clue . Could she be lonely and just unsure?? I don't no anymore. I don't no anythign.

Ask for another meeting... take your video camera with you this time.

Then, send it into Starsearch - when she gets her first screentest and a part in a movie, make sure she autographs something for you to remember her by.

She sounds like a 'rising star' to me.

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Originally Posted by Chery

Ask for another meeting... take your video camera with you this time.

Then, send it into Starsearch - when she gets her first screentest and a part in a movie, make sure she autographs something for you to remember her by.

She sounds like a 'rising star' to me.

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So your sayign its all a act and she doesn't mean it.?

Chris...

It's only my opinion, so take it for what it's worth to you. I'm 56 years old, been through many stages of my own, have a knack or 'reading' people, just check out my other posts for a 'track record'.

I don't judge people, I just sometimes point out some things they already know but don't want it to be true for their own reasons.

All I am suggesting at this point is to take a look at the entire picture and come to your senses and make a choice. It's up to you.

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Well I appreciate your opinion totally. I just wanted to make sure I understood what you were saying in the previous post. I really do not feel like getting hurt but it did feel good a bit to see her emmtional but it might be fake!

I think she is lonely and insecure. And I don't think she's a good catch.

I am starting to hear a lot of that mssg that's she insecure and lonely. I hope I did not make the wrong choice by going there yesterday.

Your first mistake was taking that phone call, Chris. Second one was going to see her. Why in the world did she take your phone and look at the phone numbers - AND you allowed her to do that? She was checking up on you, to see who you have been talking and you allowed that. I am stumped.

Then you still stayed there while she was crying and playing the eye stare game with you? Chris, I have said it before and I will say it again, you really need to not have any contact whatsoever with her. You also need to get into some professional counseling.

This girl is as toxic as wastedump material. Cries and hugs you then tells you not to wait for her. Geeeszzzz. Do what she says then - do not wait for her. Please do not.

I am sure you do not know what to do anymore and which direction to go. The girl is sick and twisted and into drama. I would hope you would rise above all that and find your own way in the world without her and any of her trappings. You said it felt good to see her get so emotional - what did that provide for you? You just got more confused. So many people have said to you to stay away from her and they are all right. Those same people have said you need help getting over her and they are right in that too. You say she is in denial - I wonder if you, also, are in that same boat. Why else would you run to her aid, to defend her? Defend her against what or who? You are not superman, Chris. You are not responsible for anything having to do with her.

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Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

Your first mistake was taking that phone call, Chris. Second one was going to see her. Why in the world did she take your phone and look at the phone numbers - AND you allowed her to do that? She was checking up on you, to see who you have been talking and you allowed that. I am stumped.

Then you still stayed there while she was crying and playing the eye stare game with you? Chris, I have said it before and I will say it again, you really need to not have any contact whatsoever with her. You also need to get into some professional counseling.

This girl is as toxic as wastedump material. Cries and hugs you then tells you not to wait for her. Geeeszzzz. Do what she says then - do not wait for her. Please do not.

I am sure you do not know what to do anymore and which direction to go. The girl is sick and twisted and into drama. I would hope you would rise above all that and find your own way in the world without her and any of her trappings. You said it felt good to see her get so emotional - what did that provide for you? You just got more confused. So many people have said to you to stay away from her and they are all right. Those same people have said you need help getting over her and they are right in that too. You say she is in denial - I wonder if you, also, are in that same boat. Why else would you run to her aid, to defend her? Defend her against what or who? You are not superman, Chris. You are not responsible for anything having to do with her.

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Yea as much as I want to be over her I'm not seeing her yesterday made me see that. Im not sure how to deal with it but now it's a little harder I want so much for things to be like they were but is this even possible does she have a clue what she wants. Because I'm not sure what I want.

I have the biggest urge to text her now and ask her straight out if she's playing games with me. I can't deal with games I want to know if she's genuined at all or if it is true and she's just lonely and confused I want to no it all.

She would not tell you she is playing games with you. She would say something like, "What do you mean by that?"

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Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

She would not tell you she is playing games with you. She would say something like, "What do you mean by that?"

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I c, I would like to try things with her again I really would Im not sayign its right But I just would. Should I say something or just leave it. What can I say?

You mean to try working through the relationship? Once was not enough? No matter what anyone says here, you will do what you think is best. Even if it is going back to her. From all I have read, your life would be miserable - but it is your life. I have visions of you led around by a leash but it is your life.

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Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

You mean to try working through the relationship? Once was not enough? No matter what anyone says here, you will do what you think is best. Even if it is going back to her. From all I have read, your life would be miserable - but it is your life. I have visions of you led around by a leash but it is your life.

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Chris.. Do you really need more 'interpretation'?

READ OUR LIPS... get professional advice as soon as possible. You cannot change or control others, and it's time you learned to take control of YOU instead of being so wishy-washy and easily maniplated.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_2_27.gif Keep your distance and guard yourself against TOXIC WASTE!

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Originally Posted by chris28

I have teh biggest urge to text her now and ask her straight out if shes playing games with me. I can't deal with games I want to know if shes genuined at all or if it is true and shes just lonely and confused I want to no it all.

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If you don't want to deal with games, then leave. If you want to stop being confused, stay away from her for a while, so you can clear your mind.

Even if you want to try things out with her again, I think it would be smarter to stay away from her for a while, so that your feelings can settle down first, and that you can think rationally about what you want to do.

I think you're in a nasty situation right now, and the best thing to do is to get out of this emotional roller coaster. Sort yourself out first, seriously!

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Originally Posted by chris28

I have the biggest urge to text her now and ask her straight out if shes playing games with me. I can't deal with games I want to know if shes genieind at all or if it is true and shes just lonely and confused I want to no it all.

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Take that urge and flush it down the toilet. Leave the girl alone. If she is not mature , honest and sensible enough to tell you what is on her mind without the theatrics you don't need her. Don't play guessing games with her. Leave her alone!

Yup use were all right I called she wants nothing to do with me... I need some serious help is more then I can say what a day what a weekend I'm am emotionally low/

Well now you know where you stand. It is time to move on. Stop fixating on her and start living.
I wish you well.

Thanks I no were I stand yes.. That's such a sick messed up thing to doooo. God I'm annoyed now... And hurt

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Originally Posted by chris28

yup use were all right i called she wants nothign to do with me..... I need some serious help is more then i can say what a day what a weekend im am emotionally low/

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I hate to say it but... WE TOLD YOU SO...

Now, get the help you need and start healing. The sooner, the better.

And, no, I don't want to hear 'but I did everything for her, etc'... read other relationship posts and gain strength to get back to YOU.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif At least now you know where you stand from her point of view, take it serious this time, please.

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Originally Posted by chris28

thanks I no were i stand yes.. Thats such a sick messed up thing to doooo. God im annoyed now... And hurt

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Yeah, it's sick and messed up and you're hurting pretty bad about now. But move on. Don't get stuck in the "anger and hurt mode", it does not change anything and it does you no good.
Chalk it up as one of life's ugly lessons and move on.

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Originally Posted by Chery

I hate to say it but.... WE TOLD YOU SO.....

Now, get the help you need and start healing. The sooner, the better.

And, no, I don't want to hear 'but I did everything for her, etc'... read other relationship posts and gain strength to get back to YOU.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif At least now you know where you stand from her point of view, take it serious this time, please.

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What kind of help would u sugjest??

HELP YOURSELF!! Plain and simple as this isn't rocket science nor is it easy. Click on the links in my signature AND read some of the other posts in the relationship section. The flavor is the same, Stop contact, and get a life that you enjoy without her!!

Chris, what kinds of relationship/self help books have you read lately?

Alexandra Stoddard wrote a book called, "You Are Your Choices" 50 Ways to Live the Good Life. The book is less than 200 pages but each chapter has wisdom from being responsible to surrounding yourself with people you trust. If you were my son, I would sit you down and have you read it. I'd also have you work through the "One-Way Relationships Workbook" by Alfred H. Ells, especially the section on healing wounds.

Chris - you have to pull yourself up and seriously attend to your own emtional health. No one here can do that for you, as much as we may like to. WE can encourage you, pray for you, give you helps, but you have to do what seems impossible right now. It starts with the first step. I honestly hope you seek some licensed relationship counselor. You deserve better, Chris.

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Originally Posted by chris28

What kind of help would u sugjest????

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Wrong response...

Oh, and starting another thread is not the answer either...

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Originally Posted by Chery

Wrong response..............

Oh, and starting another thread is not the answer either....................

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No no more threads will be started on this topic. I will admit it all of you are right. I think I just had to see it for myself. It will never work between me and her she told me things why she was not happy and what she wants and I can provide those things to her I understand better now. I no I will make a great B/F one day and will be happy but I will start 1 step at a time. I am call my coverage today and find a therapist to speak with to help with my emotions. But as far sas the other things go you were right. She doesn't want me and it was all a game..

Thanks

Chris, I am happy for you that you have decided to take that first step. This is painful, but is desperately needed for your own well being. You are right - you will find that special woman one day and you will make a wonderful boyfriend - just don't get involved with someone until you get your head straightened out. Believe me, rebounds can be harmful too.

Good luck to you, the best of luck to you.

Hi Chris, Welcome to the world of people who have learned the hard way, by going through the experience of being dumped and played. The bad news is it will happen again, more than likely, and hurt like hell every time. The great news is you will learn to deal with your own emotions, and be able to deal with the rest of the world through realistic eyes, and can tell more quick, with greater efficiency, whether your on the right track. It may suck right now, but it will get better if you chalk it up to lesson learned and let yourself heal. Love yourself, and don't let others put a value on YOU, that's your job.

Good for you dear.

Be your first priority now and take care.

Talaniman is right, it sucks, will happen again, but we adjust and grow - that's why so many of us have a little more experence than you right now, but you'll get there too.

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So here is a update. My ex's mother called me all emotional and all. She said things I was shocked with. Her mom is a Dr a profeesional women I did not know she like me as well as she did. She told me she's wanted to call me right away but it was to hard.
She appologozed that me and her daughter are going through things she said she tells her every night she should change her mind. She said she older and smarter and she knows that I am great and that she would love me to marry her daughter. She also told me she hopes her daughter changes her mind before its to late. She even said I love you wich even shocked my ex. She went on and on and I was more shocked she also told me I will make someone lucky one day.

So After all this going on what happened the other day when I saw my ex it was a setback but her moms call made me feel a lot better.


Also I called my job human resourse I am waiting for them to get back to me with a number of a few Dr's I can't talk with and get some additional help.



This coming weekend is the ski trip with my ex's friends. Of course my ex won't be there or her to close friends either but there will be a few ladies and some guys I want to try to have a fun filled weekend alone...



:)

Go have fun then, and even though you feel better knowing the mother likes you, and disagrees with her daughters choice, its still the exs' choice. Forget her and do your thing.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Go have fun then, and even though you feel better knowing the mother likes you, and disagrees with her daughters choice, its still the exs' choice. Forget her and do your thing.

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Your right I will have fun and I will not think about her. Its funny I just logged onto check my responses and she just called . My ex found out my granny was in the hopsital and called to see how she was doing...

It sounds to me as if neither of you are ready to let go..

No matter how this all turns out, I hope it works to your satisfaction and happiness.

Keep us posted.

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So here is a update This weekend I went skiing with out mutual friends there were 2 of my exs closed friends and like 5 guys and 2 couples. Her friends told me that she called and asked if I was okie meaning comfortable with them all since this is the first time I was with our mutual friends alone without her. Well at least the female friends. I can honestly say I didn't think about her at all except 5 am Sunday morning her friends come home 5 30am and tell me there glad I came and that I'm the first ex of any of the girls that they still want to talk to. They tell me that they like me and all this it made me feel good. So now I no I just need to make a lot of friends and I will be happy alone. I had the time of my life I didn't look for not a single girl and was sooooo happy. I didn't think I could find that old happy feeling again. IT was nice and fun. I will post some more soon I just want to say that I had a good time…… be back soon to write more..

Am glad you went, Chris, and enjoyed yourself. Your friends sound like they are sensitive to the ex girlfriend issues and will honor the not talking about her. You can be happy again and will be happy again. Did you find out anything at your work about insurance for seeing a counselor?

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Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

Am glad you went, Chris, and enjoyed yourself. Your friends sound like they are sensitive to the ex gf issues and will honor the not talking about her. You can be happy again and will be happy again. Did you find out anything at your work about insurance for seeing a counselor?

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They sent me a list of therapists I left a few mssgs now I'm waiting on some return calls.

I am rooting for you, Chris!

Okie so I had a few calls returned to me so far about the therapy and so far our schedules do not fit. I will continue to try there are hundreds in the close areas to me. I feel better knowing that I am trying.

I called them and asked for a therapist who specializes in social anxiety because that’s what I think I am dealing with. I came back from my trip on Sunday night I was okie a little upset cause it was over, but when I was there I was enjoying every second cause I was with good fun people it was so great!!

Then yesterday when I got home from work I went to the gym and the whole time in the gym I was only thinking about who I was going o stay with or what I was going to do. Then I starting thinking about what my ex is doing. So I come to the conclusion I am just worrying about meeting new males and females because I have a hard time starting and keeping conversation. I was so bored last night I went to unos alone and didn’t really speak at all to the females passing even thought I wanted to. I feel this is my problem If I was meeting new people and had a lot of friends I would be fine.

That’s what I need help with.


I am learning a lot about myself and that's the biggest thing I need to work on

The learning process is painful and frustrating sometimes, as your finding out. Have courage and be patient with yourself and the next time you see a pretty girl or anyone for that matter, look them in the eye and smile and say hello, how are you. A great practice and confidence builder. Your on a good path, keep it up.

Thank you I feel good about myself. It just has its ups and downs when its good its reall good but when I feel down I really feel down...