Almost a year ago, I fell for this girl that I met through a mutual friend,when I met her she currently had a boyfriend, but about two-three weeks later things between him and her ended. About two days later I was in a room alone with her, and we hit it off instantly, we talked and then ended up with me laying on top of her, kissing with an insane amount of passion. (Kissing is all that happened). After that night I felt a little.. wierd, for doing that.
We were friends, and she came over to my house a few times a week after that incident, and we also spent time together at our mutual friends house. After about a month I was at her house, and things went to a deeper level, which ended up with us laying on her bed, I didn't want to do anything, because she wasn't officially "mine", so I asked her to be mine. She was so surprised, but she said yes immediately. Prom was two days after that day, and about a week after prom, I lost my virginity to her. I felt such a deep connection with her, and she felt the same way... (or so she said). We had a very physically passionate relationship, every time we would touch it would be very heart warming. We dated for about a month and 3 weeks, and she broke it off, because we were arguing about silly things, (which was partly my fault for being an idiot). And she just couldn't take it. I begged and pleaded, and told her I would do anything to have her back. This was the first girl that I fell in love with, I've never felt so comfortable with anyone else I've had a relationship with. She took me back about two days later, saying she made a mistake and wanted to try again. This time everything was good too, but we had a few arguments and disagreements about things, and once again was fed up with it, and left me for the second time, about 3 weeks after the first break up. Again I begged and pleaded, but that didn't get me anywhere, in turn she told me she hated me, didn't like my personality, just didn't want to be my friend, didn't want me in her life. So one day I was texting one of my good friends, and accidentally texted her, (Me and my friend were talking about her, I was telling him what an idiot I was and I shouldn't have done it). A few moments later, I texted her, "Thank you for loving me, even if only for a short time" and that was that, I received a text message back from her saying "I still do." After that incident, we talked, made up and then got back on the horse for the third try, to make this relationship work. We were separated for about a week. Now, then relationship was going good for about 2 months, again she got sick of the arguments, and then broke it off again. I begged and pleaded again.. but it didn't get me anywhere, So I said to myself.. maybe it wasn't meant to be. I kept in contact with her, and we talked, we talked a lot, and in the end decided that maybe we shouldve been friends for a while until we started dating, so I agreed and we were then "friends." We hung out and such, but while we hung out I couldn't help myself, so I kept hugging her and kissing her on the cheek, flirting and saying things like "Well, were friends right? I'm not kissing you on the lips, or touching you anywhere!" A week passed and we hung out 3-4 times that week, and went to her house a few times, still "flirting" with her. One day I saw her, and we hung out, and then I had to go to my Martial arts practice, and asked if she could pick me up because I couldn't get a ride, and my car wasn't available. So she agreed. While I was at my practice, she wrote me a note. ( I didn't know that yet). She picked me up, and we went back to my place, about an hour passed and she asked if we could go take a walk, so we did.. while we were walking she sprung the note out on me, we sat down on the bench and she buried her head into her lap while I read the note. To my surprise the note said things like, she couldn't be friends, she couldn't be with out me, she wanted me back, in a way the note was asking me to be her boyfriend again. It was long and detailed, so I won't get into that. But I ended up saying Yes, and we started dating again. So... 6 months passed now and she broke the relationship off once again, it just happened this Monday, and I'm pretty badly hurt, I was with her for almost a year. She broke up with me again, because she didn't like the "drama" and she was fed up with the arguments, and she also said that I "annoyed" her. One thing she said after every breakup was that "She's not coming back"... So.. when she broke up with me for the 4th time(just this monday) I begged and pleaded, wrote her poems, tried everything I could to have her back.. Now I really am afraid that this is it, and that she won't come back... but what if she does ( it doesn't seem likely.. I wish it would) should I take her back? Because I love her.. or should I not.. because I fear that she'll break my heart again for a 5th time. Is there a possibility that I'll get her back.. or am an idiot for wanting her back... I know her fears, she knows mine, I've said I loved her, she said she's loved me. We've shared our dreams, even our beds. I've seen her cry, I've seen her smile.. I've even watched her sleep for awhile.. she's touched my heart, and my soul.

Yes, it is time to move on and stay moved on at some point and time.

About the 3rd time was one time too many if it just does not work
But to be honest ir really is not going to matter a lot what we say here, since you already know it , but you also are stuck and will not keep the No Contact between an ex, so wanting them back is often a normal things if you don't move on.

I really don't want to let go, can't anything be done about it, is there anyway I can tell if she will come back.. or if she really means it?

Another thing is... I'm doing fine when I'm not thinking about her, which I'm trying so hard to do right now, but when I see something that reminds me of her, or think about her, or find something laying around that belonged to her, I can't help but break down.. Can someone really just lose all feelings, right after breaking up ? She broke up with me, and immediately said she knows she doesn't want to be with me. Today I found a little paper lying around where she wrote "I love you Toni =)" And I couldn't help but weep like a child. I dont know if shes telling the truth about how she feels, saying she doesn't want me, never wants to be with me again, and is completely through.. It's not that I have any problems picking up other girls, it's that I don't want anyone other than her.

Also , I am the same with no probs pikin up chicks but I don't want to pick up chicks. But guess what you need to give your ex space as I'm doing. It has been 4 months with me not calling her. She has a boyfriend in a LDR. She is lost in life right now, and I intend to be there for her always since she is the mother of my son but I will be there as her friend and nothing more. I can forgive things she has done but I will never let her and I happen again. She cannot be trusted but I still love her as a person. So learn to move on and there will be bumps but whatever just do you and make sure YOUR HAPPY BEFORE ANY ONE ELSE.. And I really mean that.

Bleh... I don't want to lose her, I just want her back hah

Dude, sit down.

Here's the facts: She was your first. And there's nothing like the first!

She also won't be the last.
And there's nothing like creating new memories with someone else.

No poem.
No text.
No email.
No letter.
No flowers.

Are going to make this right today. Chase a woman and she will only run faster.

Be glad for what you had and try to use the survival guide - and get good grades, and the rest will ltake care of itself!

Hang in there bud -

You are a sensitive guy and you care.... But that doesn't mean she is the one....

I read your entire post and she is not the one - nor should you want her to be.
One day you'll believe it!

What's love? I've always felt that I do "love" her, but I don't know if it was that feeling...

She's the first girl I've ever felt comfortable with, the first relationship that I wanted to really pursue... with other girls, the slightest turn off, would turn we away from them.. But with her, I wanted to do whatever, to see her smile, hear her laugh... I wanted to hold her hand, and kiss her so patonately. I felt so close that I even lost my innocence to her.. was this love?
She made me feel so loved, so warm inside.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FallenKnight

Almost a year ago, I fell for this girl that I met through a mutual friend,when I met her she currently had a boyfriend, but about two-three weeks later things between him and her ended. About two days later I was in a room alone with her, and we hit it off instantly, we talked and then ended up with me laying on top of her, kissing with an insane amount of passion. (Kissing is all that happened). After that night I felt a little..wierd, for doing that.

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1. the reason of their breakup would be helpful, I guess.
2. you were used as emotional flow and for her need to kiss someone (thinking about her ex), and it seems like the guy used to breakup with her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FallenKnight

We were friends, and she came over to my house a few times a week after that incident, and we also spent time together at our mutual friends house. After about a month I was at her house, and things went to a deeper level, which ended up with us laying on her bed, I didn't want to do anything, because she wasnt officially "mine", so I asked her to be mine. She was so suprised, but she said yes immediately. Prom was two days after that day, and about a week after prom, I lost my virginity to her. I felt such a deep connection with her, and she felt the same way...(or so she said).

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Again a rebound relationship.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FallenKnight

We had a very physically passionate relationship, everytime we would touch it would be very heart warming. We dated for about a month and 3 weeks, and she broke it off, because we were arguing about silly things, (which was partly my fault for being an idiot). And she just couldnt take it. I begged and pleaded, and told her I would do anything to have her back. This was the first girl that I fell in love with, I've never felt so comfortable with anyone else i've had a relationship with. She took me back about two days later, saying she made a mistake and wanted to try again.

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She felt alone again, that's why she took you back. Second, you felt in love? I would say it was just lust toward her, and since she was your first.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FallenKnight

This time everything was good too, but we had a few arguments and disagreements about things, and once again was fed up with it, and left me for the second time, about 3 weeks after the first break up. Again i begged and pleaded, but that didnt get me anywhere, in turn she told me she hated me, didnt like my personality, just didnt want to be my friend, didnt want me in her life. So one day I was texting one of my good friends, and accidently texted her, (Me and my friend were talking about her, i was telling him what an idiot i was and I shouldnt have done it). A few moments later, I texted her, "Thank you for loving me, even if only for a short time" and that was that, i received a text message back from her saying "I still do." After that incident, we talked, made up and then got back on the horse for the third try, to make this relationship work. We were seperated for about a week. Now, then relationship was going good for about 2 months, again she got sick of the arguments, and then broke it off again. I begged and pleaded again..but it didnt get me anywhere, So i said to myself.. maybe it wasnt ment to be. I kept in contact with her, and we talked, we talked a lot, and in the end decided that maybe we shouldve been friends for a while until we started dating, so i agreed and we were then "friends." We hung out and such, but while we hung out i couldn't help myself, so i kept hugging her and kissing her on the cheek, flirting and saying things like "Well, were friends right? I'm not kissing you on the lips, or touching you anywhere!" A week passed and we hung out 3-4 times that week, and went to her house a few times, still "flirting" with her. One day I saw her, and we hung out, and then i had to go to my Martial arts practice, and asked if she could pick me up because I couldn't get a ride, and my car wasn't available. So she agreed. While I was at my practice, she wrote me a note. ( I didnt know that yet). She picked me up, and we went back to my place, about an hour passed and she asked if we could go take a walk, so we did.. while we were walking she sprung the note out on me, we sat down on the bench and she burried her head into her lap while I read the note. To my suprise the note said things like, she couldnt be friends, she couldn't be with out me, she wanted me back, in a way the note was asking me to be her boyfriend again. It was long and detailed, so i wont get into that. But I ended up saying Yes, and we started dating again. So... 6 months passed now and she broke the relationship off once again, it just happened this monday, and i'm pretty badly hurt, i was with her for almost a year. She broke up with me again, because she didn't like the "drama" and she was fed up with the arguments, and she also said that I "annoyed" her. One thing she said after every breakup was that "She's not coming back"... So.. when she broke up with me for the 4th time(just this monday) I begged and pleaded, wrote her poems, tried everything I could to have her back.. Now I really am afraid that this is it, and that she wont come back...but what if she does ( it doesnt seem likely.. i wish it would) should I take her back? Because I love her.. or should I not.. because i fear that she'll break my heart again for a 5th time. Is there a possibility that i'll get her back.. or am an idiot for wanting her back....I know her fears, she knows mine, I've said i loved her, she said shes loved me. We've shared our dreams, even our beds. I've seen her cry, I've seen her smile.. I've even watched her sleep for awhile.. shes touched my heart, and my soul.

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All I see here, is about arguments. But what kind of arguments, who starts them, why, etc, isn't so explained. That may be helpful to understand the situation better! It's the 4 time she breaks up with you, and still you just can't find a way out of those problems. Would you please be more specific? It could be that she misses her ex, I don't know, but we can't come to that point of "judging" her reactions toward you, without knowing first the source of the breakup.

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Originally Posted by FallenKnight

What's love? I've always felt that I do "love" her, but i dont know if it was that feeling...

She's the first girl i've ever felt comfortable with, the first relationship that I wanted to really pursue... with other girls, the slightest turn off, would turn we away from them.. But with her, i wanted to do whatever, to see her smile, hear her laugh...i wanted to hold her hand, and kiss her so patonately. I felt so close that I even lost my innocence to her.. was this love?
She made me feel so loved, so warm inside.

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She made you feel so loved. Love isn't only a feeling, it's a complex thing. You love your parents. You already know what love means. Means caring, means offering security, means standing up for you, means being there for you in your bad time, means comforting you, means a lot of more than just a feel and some emotions.

1. The ex before me, she only dated for about a month, and then broke it off with him because he was only a "crush"...
Now after that is when me and her "hit it off"

Let me add on thing, She told me she wanted to be single, but it was hard because she had feelings for me. So I told her I don't want her unless she knows she wants to be with me, that's why we didn't start dating, but stayed friends who felt something torwards to each other for about a month.

Her ex didn't have anything to do with my relationship with her, because to her he was a "Stepping stone"..

The arguments me and her had weren't about anything in particular, it was about silly things like me being parenoid, and making it seem like I didn't trust her. (which was soooo stupid lol).

I guess I missed something in what I wrote to start with.

When I met her, which was during the beg. Of December of last year, She was in a Long-distant relationship for about 6 months at the time with someone, and when he came down to see her (for the first time) They didn't feel the physical attraction or *butterflies* when they met, so by the end of the week of him staying down here, they broke up. (during this time she also felt guilty because she had a crush on someone) - Not even a week after the break up, the guy she had a crush on, took her on the rebound. Then broke up with him a month later. This is where I came into the picture, but I wanted to make sure that she was over the other Ex-boyfriends before we even started dating. Since then I've been the only one in her life, *Love* wise.

What did you fight about all the time if you could sort this problem out maybe you could make it work for the 5th time

Our fights were because I've always had a problem trusting her, because she's cheated on two of her boyfriends, which she broke up with soon after.. It was my stupidity and fear that caused me not to believe her when she said she wouldn't do it to me, so we fought because of my paranoia, and always asking questions about who she's talking to, what she's talking to her friends about.. which is my fault, and I realize this mistake. Although I've told her this, but I'm it seems she won't believe me. I annoyed her, and she pretty much was sick of it.. and said I was immature and that the relationship isn't worth it.

If I may add, She is 2 years older than me, she's 19, and I am 17. I'm the first boyfriend she's had who has younger than her, and I was her most "passionate" relationship. (Physically)

I got upset/angry at her today because she doesn't want to give me another chance and won't believe me, So she basically told me to **ck off, and has blocked any form of communication I have with her, other than the phone.. but I know that if I try to contact her through the phone, she won't asnwer my texts, or pick up the phone. I don't blame her for not wanting me back... since this is the 4th time she's left me.


Another thing is.. A lot of people have told me that "I care too much".. I won't lie that I'm very emotional, caring, and loyal and sensitive. I sure don't look it, because most girls only want me for my "Charming looks" and my body. I think she's the first girl that has looked past that.



She's told that one of the major attractions she had for me, other than that I was attractive, was the I cared more for her than anyone that has ever cared for her.

it's only been a week.
She has had ALL the power in this relationship.

Consider that fact, and peruse the help guide in my signature below.

Yes.. only a week.. Another fear of mine is that in about a month, she is moving into her dorms at her college, which is about 45 minutes away. Before the break up she said that this would "test" our relationship. But now I don't know what to do now, I want to fix everything before she goes away, maybe even get back with her before she leaves... to see if the relationship is worth it, and to see if I can really trust her. But it seems/feels like she hates me

Ahh well this is a problem a lot of people have I have cheated once a long time ago now and I know for sure I would never do it again. My boyfriend is 6 years younger than me and we have a 10mnt old baby together and I find it hard to trust him as he is younger.
The thing is if she will take you back will you do the same thing again and end up breaking up again? I really understand how you feel and jealousy is so horrible to deal with for both the people. I can't really do or say anything to help you, I could say just move on with your life but I know how hard that is, or I could say keep trying to get her back if you really want her but will you do the same thing again and be left heart broken? What you need to do is really think could I ever trust her? If not then you have to try and move on.
Sorry this is not much help. Good luck with it all let me know how you get on. Leti

I've realized my mistake, and that not trusting her was a big mistake.. I know that If I got her back, I'd want to relive the moment from when we first got together, in a sense *start-over*.. But that's not going to happen, its been 5 days since she broke up with me, and she told she "has been thinking about doing this for awhile".. after my begging and pleading, all it got me was her telling me she doesn't care anymore, and doesn't want me as a friend. I don't know if she said this and meant it. Or if it came from the heat of the moment.

Women say many things in the heat of the moment - especially when they really want to break up!

But in this case, I think it is safe to say she was being honest.

It is a good thing she is moving away so you can find a way to isolate yourself and slow your obsession and start to recover. She's broken up many times -and has come back for the ease of it... but you give more than you get - and this is a good thing for both of you.

She's said all these things before, and she's said not to hope, or wait for her to come back because it probobly won't happen.

Am I to expect her to come back? If she contacts me with some form of hint that she wants me back, should I stay in control? Not saying it will

Read the guide. You are a classic case of a guy driving a woman away.
When a woman wants space or a guy wants space... we must give it.
Or they'll want more space.

In your case - since she is dating someonelse I would say there is no limit to the amount of space you can give!

Don't forget: 4 break-ups!

if she contacts you do not contact her. enjoy they power if it EVER comes again... and come back here before you respond. Think long and hard and get advice. You are not thinking clearly enough yet on your own :-)

PS - A "hint" is SOOOOOO lame... you are not a cowering little girl. You need to be a man. She is not going to be attracted to a guy in the long run that she merely needs to hint to - to get back... eewwww... don't be that guy.

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Originally Posted by Ash123

in your case - since she is dating someonelse i would say there is no limit to the amount of space you can give!

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She's not dating someone else

Whatever... move on...
Rent a movie.

Take a break.

*sigh*.. I guess getting her back is nothing but a dream now. Maybe someday when I'm healed, I'll run into her and build the attraction again, unless I meet someone else on that rough road ^_^

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Originally Posted by FallenKnight

....i'll run into her and build the attraction again,

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Whoa - Can you hear yourself???
She whipped like butter and cream my man... time to stand up and clean yourself off.


"Run into her and build attraction??...." ????
Man she dumped you 4+ times!!

She would have to work her A-- off to even get your attention after 2!
After 3 it should have been enough for life.
After 4 I would get a restraining order on YOURSELF :D

If you love yourself - let her go for at least a year. If you love her - let her go for a year.

If you still feel the same way in a YEAR - and you want to see if she does too - then call her up - and see what's up. If nothings up - go back to your new (hopefully) girlfriend's room.

Break ups suck: there are 5 ways to recover:

1) no contact
2) new challenges
3) time
4) new adventures
5) time, time, time

A

Ugh... >< I just texted her good night.. I tried so hard for the n/c but I caved in

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FallenKnight

1. The ex before me, she only dated for about a month, and then broke it off with him because he was only a "crush"...
now after that is when me and her "hit it off"

Let me add on thing, She told me she wanted to be single, but it was hard because she had feelings for me. So I told her I dont want her unless she knows she wants to be with me, thats why we didnt start dating, but stayed friends who felt something torwards to each other for about a month.

Her ex didn't have anything to do with my relationship with her, because to her he was a "Stepping stone"..

The arguments me and her had werent about anything in particular, it was about silly things like me being parenoid, and making it seem like I didnt trust her. (which was soooo stupid lol).

I guess I missed something in what I wrote to start off with.

When I met her, which was during the beg. of December of last year, She was in a Long-distant relationship for about 6 months at the time with someone, and when he came down to see her (for the first time) They didnt feel the physical attraction or *butterflies* when they met, so by the end of the week of him staying down here, they broke up. (during this time she also felt guilty because she had a crush on someone) - Not even a week after the break up, the guy she had a crush on, took her on the rebound. Then broke up with him a month later. This is where I came into the picture, but I wanted to make sure that she was over the other Ex-boyfriends before we even started dating. Since then I've been the only one in her life, *Love* wise.

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This girl is just a confused one. As you see, she makes all the moves, than backs off, then breakups, than finds someone else... it's a vicious circle and that its not healthy, really, to invest on such a 'relation'. She may have emotional problems with her self, may be too indecisive, or also a petted one and egoistic too, who only things about herself, and the partners are just a passing time. I don't want to judge her, nor you, but I see that every relation of her, ends the way yours did. A tousand of reasons, but remember, her 'reasons' are just justifying her actions toward the others. In the end, she still remains 'the good partner' and lets the confusion on your court.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FallenKnight

*sigh*.. i guess getting her back is nothing but a dream now. Maybe someday when i'm healed, i'll run into her and build the attraction again, unless i meet someone else on that rough road ^_^

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And than again. I have spoken about the 'attraction' ways to get someone back again, but that someone should be worth, pal. In this case, I don't think it's the case. Because the problem is not your attraction level on her. Its her closure level or her petted level. She waits soooo much from the world, she is in war with the world. Even when she dumps someone, its not personal, its because she has an old anger somewhere hidden. Maybe a past relation really killed her, and still now, there is a hidden feeling somewhere inside her. You can't breakup with someone 4 times, because you had some argues. Common, stop it, believe me it's a killing drama this.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FallenKnight

Our fights were because I've always had a problem trusting her, because shes cheated on two of her boyfriends, which she broke up with soon after.. It was my stupidity and fear that caused me not to believe her when she said she wouldnt do it to me, so we faught because of my paranoia, and always asking questions about who shes talking to, what shes talking to her friends about.. which is my fault, and I realize this mistake. Although i've told her this, but im it seems she wont believe me. I annoyed her, and she pretty much was sick of it.. and said I was immature and that the relationship isnt worth it.

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Who is saying you are right? Who is saying you didn't made any mistake? But who said you weren't right to take care about what could happen in the future, since you knew she cheated on 2 of her boyfriends. As we say, we harve what we sow. Ok the trusting issue its really a hot topic, and killing her with questions its not going to make you happy, her happy, the relation more happy, etc. but she should have known your problem, and work toward that and assure you that she really is someone worth, who made a big problem in the past, and that's its not going to happen anymore, it would be better for her to breakup with you, than to be disrespectful toward you, etc. I mean, you can also be sure she really wants this relation work this time, the way she makes you feel, and the level of security she gives you. I mean, 'no darling, I'm not going to cheat on you, so stop talking abou this topic' its not going to make your level of security to 100%.

I am sorry matteus, but this relationship should be ended and speculating on what's inside her is a waste of time.

I man... "an old anger deep inside her" (? ) come on.
Man, she just wants a new boyfriend... she's young and that is normal... she tried it - like a lot of young relationships - many times... but this is silly now.

The arguments they had will happen again if they reunite.
They both need to mature.. it's part of life.

The positive: you have life experience and know what you want in a relationship
The con: you are hurting right now (that will heal in time)

It's hard to keep no contact with her.

It's hard going from seeing somebody almost everyday, to not seeing her at all, or talking to her the way I used to.

Last night I texted her goodnight, and just half an hour ago I texted her "Thanks for the memories."

Unless you just really like the roller coaster ride, I'd leave her alone. A relationship that goes back and forth that many times is dysfunctional, in fact I'd say "get a clue it's not a good match"

I think part of it was that It was hard to trust her, because she's always had a problem showing her emotions, and what she feels like. It was always really hard to tell.

Regardless, she doesn't know what she wants and this back and forth stuff is a bit much.
The whole thing is unstable. If things were right you two would not be spliting up so much. I'd move on.
What kind of things do you two argue about?

We argue about...

Most of the aguments I do something wrong...

I ask questions, I'm parenoid.. I ask questions about what she talks to, to her friends about.. =/

The arguments are my fault.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FallenKnight

I've realized my mistake, and that not trusting her was a big mistake..

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I don't see that it was such a mistake. She played with you for awhile and then got bored like she did with her other "stepping stone" boyfriends before you, so you were right to be wary. On the other hand, you did your part by being a jealous, insecure, clingy puppy. Consider it a good life lesson and put it to use in your next relationship. She's gone.

Well, I think I'd be a bit paranoid too if I was with someone who comes and goes like the wind. I think you need to stop being a glutton for punishment and realize this is not the girl for you. Relationships are not like this see-saw. There is someone else out there for you.

I'm such an emotional mess over this girl, she was my *first*.. and my first love too..

I hate what she's done to make me feel this way.

So, are you committed to NC from now on... or are you going to keep torturing yourself?

What are the benefits on N/C?

Read my guide.

Benefits: your head clears. The pain goes away. You regain self-control. Your ex has to work for you IF she wants you... if she does not, you save yourself the work.

No offense, but you need to put this in perspective.

A lot of people are trying to help you and I don't think you are taking this info in very well.