My ex (gf at the time) wanted 'space' or a break for about three to four weeks. Within the first week I was constantly txting her and emailing, in which case I would only get anger filled replies. So after a week she decided to break it off. I left her alone for awhile (she suggested a couple of weeks of n/c), but regularly see her around as we live near. Then after about 5 days I began txting again, and demanded to get my things back from her house. Now this has made her even more angry and says that it will take sometime until we become friends again. Every time I talk to her now, even that we are broken up, she gets furious. Is it worth sticking around?

Now, I would still like her back but the obsessive/pestering behaviour is getting to her even on a friends level.

Is it possible to fix this situation?

Thanks.

It happened to me last year and we got back together but a year on same guy similar break up. He gets stroppy with me and this time I just don't know?? I don't know but if you find out will you let me know?

It doesn't sound good to me. I think she's just trying to find a reason to break it off with you. I'd just collect my things, accept that it's over and move on.

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Originally Posted by thisisjo

it happened to me last year and we got back together but a year on same guy similar break up. he gets stroppy with me and this time i just dont know???i dont know but if you find out will you let me know??

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Yea

Well she expected me to change that controllin' type behaviour, with that break... screwed it up in the break by constant txting/emailing and then began to screw it up just as friends by the same type of behaviour...

Then I heard she wasn't going to break it off with me if I had given her that space..?

"Those that get chased, runs."

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Originally Posted by needofhelp

"Those that get chased, runs."

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Very true. Damage is done.

If the situation can be fixed, her cooperation is necessary. She asked you for some space. Respect her request. Find something to do other than obsess about her. Live your life, not hers and she'll come back to you if that is what is meant to happen.

Good call. Time to leave it until she contacts (as she has said)...

As I have always said in my previous replies... the more u run after something, the more u lose it. Just nothing wrong with it, but harsh fact that it is. Please let go of certain things... more so relationships where fulfillment is achieved when both parties are in tandem. In your case, u seem to be more interested than she does... if she cares about you enough, she'll come around, trust me... or else this relationship would prove futile... Moreover, there's so much else to love than loving someone who is not reciprocating... isn't it?

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Originally Posted by diya

As I have always said in my previous replies.....the more u run after something, the more u lose it. Just nothing wrong with it, but harsh fact that it is. Please let go of certain things...more so relationships where fulfillment is achieved when both parties are in tandem. In your case, u seem to be more interested than she does....if she cares about you enough, she'll come around, trust me...or else this relationship would prove futile....Moreover, there's so much else to love than loving someone who is not reciprocating...isn't it?

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Agreed. Best action in this case is just to leave things. I would just rather she wasn't scared of me of some sort, or believe I am obsessive. I am guessing that if I don't msn/email/txt whatever (and I haven't so far... ) I have much better chances of having her at least being civil with me... but who knows! Anyone else agree this is the right path to take?

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Originally Posted by hanschaos

my ex (gf at the time) wanted 'space' or a break for about three to four weeks. Within the first week I was constantly txting her and emailing, in which case I would only get anger filled replies. So after a week she decided to break it off. I left her alone for awhile (she suggested a couple of weeks of n/c), but regularily see her around as we live near. Then after about 5 days I began txting again, and demanded to get my things back from her house. Now this has made her even more angry and says that it will take sometime til we become friends again. Every time I talk to her now, even that we are broken up, she gets furious. is it worth sticking around?

Now, I would still like her back but the obsessive/pestering behaviour is getting to her even on a friends level.

Is it possible to fix this situation?

Thanks.

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First of all, if she wanted space.. did you ask her if you could contact her during the 3-4 weeks? When she said she needed space, you should have waited to contact her.. at least a week and half. But don't smother her. You did that. You insecurity got the best of you. Give her space.. I know its hard to do. If she really wants to come back, she will.

^good advice. I have been following what I have read, and been keeping the no contact up for the last few days, it does get easier day by day.

when we last spoke, she told me to text her about concerts if they are on or something, however I am not sure if that is a good idea? Any opinions on this?

also she has said that if she is to see me in public, maybe on the train or whatever to work, she will sit next to me and talk to me? Should this be avoided? I have been clearing my head and making some progress, but if I see her I feel that my progress may be undone. However, I do not wish to be cold either.

thanks

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Originally Posted by hanschaos

^good advice. i have been following what I have read, and been keeping the no contact up for the last few days, it does get easier day by day.

when we last spoke, she told me to txt her about concerts if they are on or something, however i am not sure if that is a good idea? any opinions on this?

also she has said that if she is to see me in public, maybe on the train or whatever to work, she will sit next to me and talk to me?? should this be avoided? i have been clearing my head and making some progress, but if I see her i feel that my progress may be undone. however, i do not wish to be cold either.

thanks

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It sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. Avoid her. It seems that she is keeping you on a string. She feels that she can lead you to thinking that she will come back, therefore she dangles the idea of having you think she wants you to stay in contact with her. She is leading you on. Drop her like a bad habit.

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Originally Posted by Barbid

It sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. Avoid her. It seems that she is keeping you on a string. She feels that she can lead you to thinking that she will come back, therefore she dangles the idea of having you think she wants you to stay in contact with her. She is leading you on. Drop her like a bad habit.

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Agreed.

We have friends in common, so id' have to see her around. But you are right, she seems to be calling the shots. I'd like to handle this the right way from here onwards, what about for instance - she contacts me, is it necessary to reply? Also birthday is coming up, big event too, is it appropriate to contact here? Or if I am invited should I turn up? As she was a big part of my party... just trying to avoid being cold..?

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Originally Posted by hanschaos

agreed. best action in this case is just to leave things. i would just rather she wasn't scared of me of some sort, or believe I am obsessive. i am guessing that if i dont' msn/email/txt whatever (and I haven't so far...) i have much better chances of having her atleast being civil with me... but who knows! Anyone else agree this is the right path to take?

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In your situation it's the only path you can take if you want something positive to come out of this.

^yep and I have been sticking to that. Getting my own life on track etc.

we were in someways best friends before we went out... I guess things are different now. However I'm still not too clear on the whole birthday issue thing? Do not want to be rude?

Take the time to learn from this. You said that you had that controlling type of behavior, so she wanted a break. You continued with that behavior, and so she broke it off. Then you continued with the controlling behavior STILL. As you most recently posted, you need to take time and not contact her and try to learn not to be so controlling. If everything happens for a reason, providing you with the time to learn to adjust this, could be the reason for this all happening.

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Originally Posted by holeinheart21

Take the time to learn from this. You said that you had that controlling type of behavior, so she wanted a break. You continued with that behavior, and so she broke it off. Then you continued with the controlling behavior STILL. As you most recently posted, you need to take time and not contact her and try to learn not to be so controlling. If everything happens for a reason, providing you with the time to learn to adjust this, could be the reason for this all happening.

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I understand this. And agree. But what if I am PUT in a situation where I need to make a choice between being straight up or being rude? As the situations I have described...

The best way to handle it would be to take everything at arms length. Don't let anything get personal in any way, and if she is on the same train as you, a simple "hello" is all that needs to be said. You let her initiate the conversation, if at all. Don't waste your time going over to her. She is the one that said she wanted space, so she has it. If you do wind up talking, just keep it simple, and don't get on the topic of your relationship. That is in the past and it needs to stay there.

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Originally Posted by holeinheart21

The best way to handle it would be to take everything at arms length. Don't let anything get personal in any way, and if she is on the same train as you, a simple "hello" is all that needs to be said. You let her initiate the conversation, if at all. Don't waste your time going over to her. She is the one that said she wanted space, so she has it. If you do wind up talking, just keep it simple, and dont get on the topic of your relationship. That is in the past and it needs to stay there.

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Good advice, definitley something I will follow...

Birthday party wise, if I am invited do I decline or accept?

You need to tell her that you have other plans and you won't be able to make it. Remember she is the one that wanted the space. Now she has it. Make plans with some friends for that same night, that way you won't be sitting around and thinking about it.

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Originally Posted by holeinheart21

You need to tell her that you have other plans and you won't be able to make it. Remember she is the one that wanted the space. Now she has it. Go ahead and make plans with some friends for that same night, that way you won't be sitting around and thinking about it.

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Good idea. It is a month or two away, so see how it is then. Most of my buddies will be there... wondering where I am! Its all about getting through this.

Update: after a week+ of nc, realised I don't really want my ex back. Enjoying the space. And finally getting things done in life. Weird, I wouldn't have expected this. A week ago I would hve bn all over the place. Sure you miss the good times, that's going to happen.. but really there's so many better things to get on with...

I think she is trying everything and will do anything for you to leave her alone,
So give her what she wants.. . Go to her house, demand your things and don't call-text
For a while and if she comes to you act the same way. Then she'll know what she missed out on. It will bother her and make her think about the situation if she's the one being hurt !
You don't need a MEAN girl anyway.. . Good Luck !

It sounds like you were being on the obsessive side. Constantly texting and emailing her when she has asked you for space. That is not space. But, I do believe you should be able to at least get your things back from her. And then leave her alone. Go out with friends. Don't contact her, let her contact you when she is ready, otherwise you are just giving her reasons to say you are being obsessive (and you are). If after about a month, she has not contacted you, go out on a date with someone else. Don't sit around begging her to come back. That is also obsessive. If she cares about you, she'll come back. If not, MOVE ON...

Update: things seem to be going fine so far, nearly be 2 weeks NC, no dramas or any of that...

A question though: she has told me that she will hang out with me and my friends at concerts or parties... my friends aren't really her friends but she usually will linger around... and I would rather she did not hang around. How would I go about making this clear to her without breaking NC?? Is it necessary to tell her?

Any ideas?

She dumped you and your still worried about how she feels?? Have your fun and say nothing to her, and when she sees you out and about be friendly, but be busy. You did say you don't want her back, so leave her alone after you get your stuff back.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

She dumped you and your still worried about how she feels??? Have your fun and say nothing to her, and when she sees you out and about be friendly, but be busy. You did say you don't want her back, so leave her alone after you get your stuff back.

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Yep.

But, we still have groups in common... I don't think I am prepared to be around when she tries sliding in with one of my buddies. Yet in some situations (ie. Certain birthday parties, local shows) it is unavoidable?

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Originally Posted by hanschaos

yep.

but, we still have groups in common...i don't think i am prepared to be around when she tries sliding in with one of my buddies. yet in some situations (ie. certain bday parties, local shows) it is unavoidable?

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She already is, my experience says she blew you off because she has someone else in mind but keeps you on the line in case it doesn't happen.

Best bet, blow her off and avoid all places that she will be.

Could be time to expand your horizons a bit.

I agree with LivingtheLifeinFLA, I think she is stringing you along so that she has a backup person in case whoever she likes doesn't return the sentament. Get away from her dude, she is bad news. This is coming from a girl's perspective. Trust me, get out there and get a date with someone else. Have fun and try not to compare. If you run into your old girlfriend, oh well, but don't go looking for her. Maybe try a new hangout place with your friends?

Thanks for all the advice. Only been a bit over two weeks... we'll see how the rest of this unfolds. Will keep you all updated!

Well this is just another set back for me. I never seem to learn my lesson. I contact her regarding an item she has of mine. She contacts me saying she can't find my stuff... which just made me angry... which lead to more of a text battle, me saying that she's ignored me for ages and that she is being difficult. She decides to not reply. And I continue ranting. Which eventually leads to me apologizing. Pathetic. So I am back to day 0 and its bothering me...

If you learned something, it was woth it. Now that she can't find your stuff, you have no reason to contact her, but be aware if she finds it, she won't hesitate to let you know.

Yup, sure did learn something. However starting from day 1 sucks bad... not AS bad as the first time around but pretty bad. It is possible to do nc (did it for a month, got easier and easier)... unfortunate situation this time around.. but here goes again!