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-   -   Is No-Contact Appropriate In This Situation With Ex-Girlfriend? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=153311)

  • Nov 18, 2007, 04:24 AM
    Jason8676
    Is No-Contact Appropriate In This Situation With Ex-Girlfriend?
    Hello,
    My girlfriend and I have apparently split up. She gave me no indication of her intentions to begin with. Therefore, since she has stopped calling or seeing me I can conclude that she no longer wants to be with me and is seeing another guy. We last saw each other on September 4 of this year. Since then she has called twice, once from her phone and once from her friends phone over a week later. She left no message either time. I did not call her back as I was ticked off at her for not spending more time with me and some other issues(will explain later). It was not until September 26 that she called again, leaving no message as the last time. I did not return her call as I was in no rush to talk to her. Now it is approaching the two month mark and I have continued to maintain no contact with her. I have no idea as to why she stopped seeing me because we saw each other on a regular basis when our work schedules permitted. If she called me, I would answer or call her back if I had a chance. Even if I did not return her call, she would just come right on over and see me anyhow. She was usually the one that called first and she has told me in the past that she wishes I would start calling.
    Prior to our separation, I have noticed several things that really jump out at me that are disturbing.
    First, when we were together, she would receive calls on her cell phone from other guys that she works with. When confronted, she always insisted they were just friends and nothing more. She was always very secretive about what was contained in her phone. I told her that she could look at everything in my cell phone as I had nothing to hide. Second, when we were able to spend time together, she would usually show up at my house in the late morning or early afternoon. I work a 6:30 P.M. to 5:00 A.M. schedule 5 days a week. She works during the day. Therefore, the time we were able to see each other was limited. If I had the night off and she was off, however, she never wanted to spend the rest of the day with me-she would usually leave my house about 6 or 7 in the evening. Her excuse was, "I have been out all day and I need to go home and check in with my parents." I had a hard time buying that since she is 25 years old and should be able to come and go as she pleases even though she still lives at home. This is why I have had no desire to call her. I have known her for 10+ years and I can detect it when another guy is in the picture. She has cheated on me several times yet I have forgiven her. I have never cheated on her and prior to her first infidelity, there was nothing I would not do for her. Each time she cheated, my respect for her diminished even though I took her back.
    The only other reason I can think of for her sudden aversion to me might be because she noticed that I have a subscription to Playboy magazine. One day when she came over, my kitchen table was littered with papers(bank statements,etc) and bills that I had working on. One bill was a renewal from Playboy. After she had sat at the table for several minutes, I removed everything and put it away. I would never look at her bank statements or mail so why should I let her look? Truth is, I'm a 31 year old guy on my own and I can look at whatever I want. It seems hypocritical to me that she would leave me over Playboy when she has slept with 3 other guys behind my back? When she did that crap, she never officially broke up with me. The first time, we stopped talking over a month. When we finally resumed communication, she said a guy liked her at work. It turns out that this guy was her new boyfriend. Basically, it looked as though we were back together-she was seeing me and even sleeping with me. It turns out that she was sleeping with the other guy too. The second time was before and after our daughter was born, while I was chauffering her to the doctor, she was fooling around with somebody else. After the birth, I found out that she took a bath with this guy although she swears nothing happened. I don't believe it, however. As for our daughter, she was born with a heart defect and died 11 months later. I ended up taking custody during the time she was alive as it was determined she was not a fit mother due to some psychological issues at the time and her parents wanted no responsibility. The third time, she stopped talking to me for two weeks without notice and out of blue shows up on my doorstep. She ended up telling me that she had been seeing somebody else and that they "did it."
    I just stood there and laughed at her because by then I was not fazed by her crap. She practically got on her knees and I took her back.
    This issue has been tormenting me to no end as to why she now avoids me. Is walking away from her the right thing to do? Should I try to reach out to her again? I still dream of her and deep down maybe I still love and care for her. I feel that if she feels the same, she will return. Now I'm not so sure-the finality is starting to set in. Am I right for maintaing no-contact with her?
  • Nov 18, 2007, 05:42 AM
    Matteus
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Jason8676
    She has cheated on me several times yet I have forgiven her. I have never cheated on her and prior to her first infidelity, there was nothing I would not do for her. Each time she cheated, my respect for her diminished even though I took her back.
    The third time, she stopped talking to me for two weeks without notice and out of blue shows up on my doorstep. She ended up telling me that she had been seeing somebody else and that they "did it."
    I just stood there and laughed at her because by then I was not fazed by her crap. She practically got on her knees and I took her back.

    Im sorry buddy, I really do, but do you think she is worth anymore ? 3 times? Common, stop this game, you are not showing any respect from your part. And even thinking of her, right now, you are not showing respect again. Even talking to us, about her, was not worth. You may love her, absolutely true, but you have to love yourself first. You may respect her, but you have to respect yourself first. And its not because of a Playboy thing, people cheat on other people. That is ridiculous. The girl has problems with herself, emotionall torments, and she know she may go and may come every time she wants, because already she knows you are taking her back. Now, she is even amplificing this power of her on you, because you are now the one who thinks to reach her out. Think of this. Think of Hate! I know, its tought, but you have to feel like it, you have to cultivate hate in yourself for this girl. Im someone who believes in compromises, but there is only one chance of compromise. As they say, make me fool once, your mistake, make me fool twice, my mistake.
  • Nov 18, 2007, 09:40 AM
    Homegirl 50
    First, I'm so sorry about your daughter. As a parent myself, I can only imagine the grief.
    Leave this woman alone!
    There is no reason for you to contact her unless you're really in to roller coaster relationships. If she wanted you, she would be there. You sound like a decent guy. Get a life that does not include her.
    I wish you well.
  • Nov 18, 2007, 10:31 AM
    madaman
    It really seems like getting as far away as possible from this girl is the best choice of action. With her history, I think I would guarantee the cycle of cheating repeating itself. Don't take her back, no matter how hard she begs if she comes back.
  • Nov 18, 2007, 10:31 AM
    s_cianci
    No, don't walk away from her ; run away from her and don't look back!
  • Nov 20, 2007, 07:37 PM
    Jason8676
    Hello,
    This may be late in coming, but I appreciate the replys to my question. I am definitely going to stay away from her. It seems the more I think of how she has treated me in the past, this can only eclipse any good feelings I once had towards her. Before I posted here, I struggled with the urge to reach out to her again. I keep telling myself she will change, but now I know that is not the case. I'm not going to waste anymore time or money on this girl. I think from my actions toward her in the past, my love spoke louder than words. She reminds me of a car I once had-it broke down numerous times until I finally got rid of it. Like that car, she is now somebody else's problem. As for me, I'm moving on to bigger and better things. Thanks again for your replies and take care.
    Sincerely,
    Jason
  • Nov 21, 2007, 05:12 AM
    Homegirl 50
    You have made a wise decision and I wish you well.
  • Jan 2, 2008, 10:00 PM
    Jason8676
    Ex Contacts Again Around Christmas-It Appears That She Is Involved With Somebody Else
    Hello,
    I'm probably going to get the third-degree over this, but here goes. My ex, who I have not contacted in nearly three months begins speaking to me sometime after Thanksgiving. She says that she thought I was not interested anymore. Thus, she did not attempt any contact with me either. We were seeing each other up when our schedules permitted up until September. All of a sudden, she stops seeing me and calling me. In return, I went NC because I thought this behavior was indicative of an affair based on the way she has treated me in the past. Again, she complains that I don't call her and I need to do more of it. But relationships work both ways, I want to see some interest from her before I invest the time to call her.
    The long and short of it is, she started talking to me again after Thanksgiving. She said we were still together but that I needed to call more. I tried, but I see no reciprocation on her end. She saw me a couple of times, we even kissed but she seems reluctant-no passion whatsoever. The last time we talked was on Dec. 20. I told her I loved her before hanging up, but she said nothing. After that, I said to myself. "Screw it! I'm done!" Since then it has been NC and even though she has told me that nobody else is involved with her, I think that is pure bunk. She has been acting really strange. What do you all think? If you want to scold me and tell me what an idiot I am for this, I'll understand. Thanks! Jason
  • Jan 2, 2008, 10:17 PM
    George_1950
    I got lost on the time line. Apparently, NC has been successful for you. You don't sound all emotional and torn up. But you may be willing to accept too much blame for failure? I think you have to watch that. You said, " ...I see no reciprocation on her end." That says a lot to me, because I understand what you are saying. She is hurting you, so back to NC.
  • Jan 2, 2008, 10:22 PM
    Simple Asian
    I don't get what you saying ? Can you be more specific?
  • Jan 2, 2008, 10:48 PM
    oneguyinohio
    I think there might be a song that says Love is a two way street? Your situation seems to be a one way street, and probably has a dead end...
  • Jan 2, 2008, 11:42 PM
    talaniman
    After reading your other posts, Dude run and don't look back.
  • Jan 3, 2008, 12:14 AM
    Simple Asian
    Tal.. what happened to the other post ?
  • Jan 3, 2008, 12:45 AM
    Jason8676
    Simple Asian-
    To answer your question-we(me and my girlfriend)were okay up until September. All of a sudden she stops seeing me and calling. She has cheated and lied before so I assumed the relationship was over and cut her off. When we talked again after Thanksgiving, her excuse was that I never called thus showing no interest in her based on that. The fact is, she knows where I live and if she really wanted to be with me, she'd see me more and make time. When the relationship was working, she would call me and I would call back. She would just show up on my doorstep more often than not. After we started talking again, I tried calling her. She never made a sincere effort to call me and from the way she acted when we saw each other between Christmas and Thanksgiving, some things did not rub me the right way(no pun intended). She had me under the assumption that we were together again, but still would only see me maybe twice during this short period. She acted like it was a big chore to even kiss me but yet would say she loved me. I finally went back to NC on Dec.19-mainly because when I called her she really wasn't talkative. I got her a little something for Chrisitmas and I told her what it was since it wouldn't arrive until later. Her response was, after a few labored moments of hesitation, was,"Awwwww!" Before hanging up, I said "I love you" like a stupid idiot. She said nothing. I then asked,"Did you hear me?" She's like, "Yeah, I heard you." She then says to call her later. I just nonchalantly said, "Oh, I may if I feel like it." She then said, "Don't be that way." Anyhow, that phone call sent me the other way and I haven't heard from her since.
  • Jan 3, 2008, 12:51 AM
    Simple Asian
    Dang tough luck dude... I am sorry man... as far as things go likes this.. you no better than me that... run away dude... it not worth it
  • Jan 3, 2008, 03:18 AM
    Jason8676
    Hey!
    As for that Christmas present I mentioned a few replies back-I took it back. She deserves nothing from me. I'm going to use that money to help pay down a loan that I am only a coulpe hundred from paying off. It would bring me a lot more joy than to give that ungrateful b**** anything.
  • Jan 3, 2008, 08:32 AM
    talaniman
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Simple Asian
    tal ..what happend to the other post ?

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2232915
    If you click on a persons name and click on view profile, you will got to a page that lets you access all their questions. A helpful tool to get a clearer picture.;)
  • Jan 3, 2008, 08:36 AM
    lavenderly
    U two are playing games!!

    Why did u stop contacting her after September? Coz u thought she was not interested. That was a huge mistake. She could have thought the same way too, that u are no longer interested because when she was trying to find out whether u miss her or not, u merely kept quiet and started NC.

    My guess on why she is reacting that way:

    1) She was losing attraction for u around September.
    2) She met a guy that seems promising, but she is reluctant to let go of u, so she wanted to test u to see whether u really love her. (thus the lack of interest to call or contact u)
    3) U practised NC, so she thought she had her answer.
    4) So she allowed the other man to pursue her.
    5) She probably missed u or her relationship with the other man did not work out.
    6) She contacted u again on Thanksgiving and tell u she wants u back.
    7) But she wants to be pursued again, that's why she told u to call more often. (she wants to feel wanted)
    8) When u kiss her or had other physical contact, she realized that it was not as 'hot' compared to the other man she was attracted to, so she withdraws.
    9) She is probably bored of your "games" too because u sound very vengeful and has an I-Cant-Be-Bothered attitude.
    10) So she let nature takes its course. If u call and pursue her, u will get her attention. If not, she is willing to cut contact (since in her mind, u let the relationship go).
  • Jan 4, 2008, 07:38 PM
    Jason8676
    Lavenderly,
    Me and my girlfriend were fine up until September and then all of a sudden she stops calling and seeing me. I have backed off pursuing her because she has hurt me plenty of times in the past by cheating and lying. Thus, I am reluctant to shower her with the attention that I used to. We have known each other for over 10 years and even had a daughter together. We shared the pain of losing her less than a year later to a rare, rare heart defect. I guess that is why I still can forgive her time and again.After the way she behaved the last time we saw each other, it looks as though there is somebody else in the picture. This has happened before so I'm just going by experience. She always thinks the grass is greener on the other side when she gets bored with me, then leaves for somebody else, realizes it isn't what is was cracked up to be, and finally returns. It may not happen this time, but regardless I have my pride and I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of being pursued while she is involved with somebody else. My actions in the past have shown that I love her, yet things changed when she cheated. If she wants me, she'll be back. If not, I've got my pride intact and I'll meet somebody else. I've invested a lot of time and money(bought her an engagement ring several years ago which she has never returned) but I am willing to walk away.
  • Jan 8, 2008, 07:40 PM
    Jason8676
    Now Ex-Girlfriend Wants To Give Me Christmas Present
    Hello,
    My ex-girlfriend sent me a text message this morning saying she has a Christmas present for me and wanted to know when she could give it to me. I was tempted to respond with, "Why not mail it? Then you won't have to go through the trouble of seeing me." I came close to sending the message but decided against it. Ignoring her is in my best interest. Seeing her again would just give me false hope that things will eventually work out when the relationship is obviously broken and she has to be seeing somebody else. To top it off, she texted from a new cell phone number, not her usual. She either changed her number or used somebody else's phone. In my last posts, I went into more detail about what happened. We never formally broke it off, she just stopped communicating with me and seeing me like she used to. I construed that to be a sign that she is interested in somebody else, so I shut her off and did not call her for over three months. Shortly after Thanksgiving, she contacted me out of nowhere. We saw each other twice between November 27 and December 19. She acted extremely weird. When we kissed, the passion was absent and she tried to avoid it. She still said she loved me and that things would improve if I called more. I tried calling and when I finally got a hold of her, she could hardly say two words. She expects me to call her but makes no sincere effort calling me. Relationships are a two way street. I figure if she shows interest(and I've known her for 10+ years-I can tell when she is and when she is not.) I was stupid and bought her a Christmas present, but after not hearing from her on Christmas and New Year's, I took it back. Now she is wanting to give me my present after the fact? Come on! I feel like I'm throwing any chance of reconciliation away by not responding but the weird way in which she has been behaving tells me that I am just beating a dead horse if I see her again. What do you all think?
    Thanks! Jason
  • Jan 8, 2008, 07:57 PM
    shygrneyzs
    For your own self protection, don't see her and do not accept the gift. She sounds like a player and you don't need that anymore. Block her phone number, block her email, and keep yourself busy with other more important parts of your life. You don't need her messing you up again.
  • Jan 8, 2008, 09:58 PM
    Jason8676
    Shygrneyzs-
    You hit the nail right on the head. If history is any indicator of the future, she is seeing somebody else right now but wants to keep me around when things don't work out with the new person. If I were to see her again, it would just be the same old crap-no affection, saying she loves me, beating the ol' "You need to call me more and things will improve" drum, and seeing me every other week. If she really loved me, she would call me too and see me as much as possible. I even envy my nephew's relationship with his girlfriend. They talk every day, text each other back and forth, and she even bought him a Nintendo Wii for Christmas after his XBox was stolen. It is clear that she loves him. My ex has cheated on me time and again-I've never cheated on her yet she expects me to take her back no matter how much she hurts me. I've invested 10 years of my life on her-I don't even know where to begin in finding somebody else but I'm going to try.
  • Jan 8, 2008, 10:07 PM
    oneguyinohio
    Sounds like you are on the right path, and more power to you. Waiting for some people to learn or wake up and make some sense out of life, is like waiting for an oak tree to become a fossil. It doesn't happen often, and isn't worth the wait.
  • Jan 9, 2008, 04:49 AM
    shygrneyzs
    Wishing you the best of luck. I know it is hard after a break-up, especially when the ex plays those head games.
  • Jan 9, 2008, 09:25 AM
    talaniman
    Pat yourself on the back, fellow. Your doing the right things for yourself.
  • Jan 9, 2008, 10:24 AM
    DMBacoustic
    You are the man. I went through the Same situation. My ex actually ended up mailing me my gift, and told me when we got back together I could thank her. Now weeks after hearing that nothing has changed, I wish in the beginning I could have been less ignorant and in the spot you're in now. But don't change your stance, you're doing the right thing.
  • Jan 9, 2008, 07:38 PM
    Jason8676
    Hey!
    Thanks for the replies oneguyinohio, talaniman, and DMBacoustic! Haven't heard anything since from her. I kind of had a feeling she would just show up at my doorstep but things have been quiet. I was tempted to call her old cell phone number to see if it was out of service and if indeed she changed it. The only reasons I can think of for her changing the number is she is getting harassed or she wants to avoid me(but I doubt it if she wants me to call her so badly).
  • Jan 16, 2008, 07:25 PM
    Jason8676
    Hey!
    She sent me another text message on Saturday, Jan. 12, this time it said:"Is this bear?(that was her nickname for me because I used to send her teddy bears and flowers all of the time when we had something that halfway resembled a legitimate relationship) I have your X-Mas presents(or Ex-Mas present-ha, ha)." Again, I ignored it and have not heard from her since. She can expect not to hear from me. Jason
  • Jan 22, 2008, 09:59 PM
    Jason8676
    Been In No-Contact With Ex For Over A Month-Feel Responsible For Break-up
    Hello,
    This has really been bothering me to no end... I keep ruminating over what happened between me and my ex-girlfriend. We have known each other for over 10 years and have been serious off and on for about 8 years-even having a daughter together who unfortunately passed away at 11 months due to a heart defect. I had proposed marriage and to this day she still has my ring(and when I bought it at the time, I really put myself in the hole financially!) Up until September of last year we were okay-she saw me and talked to me when she could since I have an odd work schedule of 40+ hours per week on the "graveyard" shift. Granted I did not call her everyday, she was usually the one that called and more often than not just showed at my house spontaneously when she knew I was off from work. I really showered her with a lot of love until that first time she was unfaithful. Every time she cheated during those 8 years, I backed off further to the point that she wonders why I am not as romantic as I used to be.
    To make a long story short, I feel guilty for pushing her away. When we did talk between Thanksgiving and Christmas of 2007, she kept saying, "Call me more and things will improve." I've been reluctant to call because I think she is seeing someone else. She did not so much as text message me on Christmas or New Years.I have been in No-Contact now since Dec. 19,although she has sent me several messages(on Jan. 8 and 12) saying she has my Christmas gift. I took the Christmas present I got her back. Nevertheless, I ignored her both times. So I haven't called-I feel if she really loved me she'd make as much time for me as possible. This has really been grating on me-I feel as though that if I called her everyday and was more romantic, then this bullcrap would never have started back in September. We've never been out of contact like this and it is driving me nuts!! What do you all think? Jason
  • Jan 22, 2008, 10:53 PM
    EuRa
    Based on your history, I don't think it would be a bad idea if you let her talk to you if you are ready to hear what she has to say.

    Why did she cheat on you? With how many men? How long (years, weeks, days?) was this going on?

    If she cheated on you, and you don't know why, or if it's because she just wanted to have fun or see what else is out there, then I wouldn't put too much hope in this relationship.

    Or... or... 10 years and you aren't married? That could be a reason she cheated on you. She's tired of waiting for you to finally tie the knot.

    But first things first. Talk to her only if you are ready. Don't go out of your way, let her do the work because she's in the position to do so. Then be open and frank with her. Take it slow. If it just doesn't seem right, for any little reason, then back away and search for your next.
  • Jan 23, 2008, 03:24 AM
    Jason8676
    EuRa,
    She's cheated plenty of times. The greatest slap in the face was when I found out about her latest fiasco after our daughter was born-she was kissing some other guy on the mouth and who knows what else while I chauffered her to the doctor for ultrasounds and when she went in labor. I was in the delivery room and saw every precious moment of my little girl's birth, ignorant of the fact that once again she cheated. She leaves, never formally breaking it off and giving me closure, then comes back when she finds out the chump she left me for is a bust. She always uses the line,"You need to call me more." I recall a similar incident back in early 2003 where we didn't speak for over two months and she's out having sex with one of her co-workers. She had the nerve to come back and fool me into thinking we were back together, thus she was carrying on two serious relationships simultaneously. She's probably immune to me going No-Contact with her, but who cares. She's only losing me and throwing 10 years down the toilet. Jason
  • Jan 29, 2008, 09:58 PM
    Jason8676
    Ex Sent Me Text Message Again-What Does She Want With Me?
    Hello,
    I've posted on here several times concerning my ex. What happened now? I did not contact her for over a month after a brief break in the silence between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I went back to NC because I saw no hope in the relationship and I needed to move on. She sent me two text messages in early January concerning a Christmas present she had for me-which I ignored her both times. Yesterday, she sent me another text message and I am ashamed to admit it, but I cracked. Again she said she had a Christmas present for me and asked when she could bring it to me. I shot back with, "What do you want from me?" She replied, "Just to give you your present." I then said, "You do not want to be with me and until then, stay out of my life.' She asked, "What does that mean?" I reiterated with another message, "It means that you do not want to be with me-any idiot can see that and until you want to, stay out of my life." Then she asked, "Does that mean you don't love me?" I replied, "It means that YOU do not love me. I had several nice presents for you but returned them. I told you I loved you but you don't. She sent a separate message telling me the days she was off from work and I told her the same. Since then, she has not replied so it's back to NC unless she specifically lets me know that she wants to reconcile. As I've said before, she has to involved with somebody else to be contacting me sporadically. What's more, she can't call for some reason-its always been text messages. Maybe she's ashamed of something? Why do our exes play these games? I seriously want to get over her but every time I get some time and space between me and her, here she is again. I've focused on nothing but her for the past 10 years that I'm afraid to meet girls out in public or at work. The first step I'm going to take is buy or check out several books on how to meet women. I know this sounds crazy but after being wrapped up for 10 years with just one girl, I need to get in circulation again. As for the ex, I feel weak that I responded to her yesterday but at least I set the boundaries. I don't want nothing less than a total relationship
    With her, anything less than straight to hell with her-I will not compromise. Again, why do our exes torment us like this? How can I move on and meet somebody that will truly make me happy without making a bad first impression? I know I've posted on this subject but as always, all responses are appreciated. Thanks, Jason
  • Jan 29, 2008, 10:34 PM
    ISneezeFunny
    Well, you were a bit angry in your text. So... I think her response is, WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM? You got a bit emotional. Regardless, what's done is done. You did what you had to do. Just keep this post as a reminder of what happened... and try not to make the mistake again.

    Granted, I don't know your story... but from the looks of things, whether your ex was playing games, you don't really want to show the emotional side. A good way to blow off that text was to simply say, TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I DON'T THINK I CAN ACCEPT THE GIFT or something like that.

    She may/may not be seeing a new guy, but that shouldn't matter to you. Return to nc. Do what you got to do. Good luck man.
  • Jan 29, 2008, 10:40 PM
    justcurious55
    All responses appreciated? In that case, you sound like a little brat throwing a temper tantrum because you can't have your way. Maybe you should CALL HER and calmly explain your feelings and say "please don't contact me." or if you don't think you can do that write a letter to her explaining "i meant it when i said i loved you and it really just hurts too much to talk to you at all right now blah blah blah." or whatever you're story is. Don't engage in the text messages if you find them upsetting. All you have to do is delete them!
  • Jan 29, 2008, 10:45 PM
    ISneezeFunny
    Well, I wouldn't go that far justcurious55... sometimes our emotions get to the best of us.

    I know that if my ex contacted me my third week of nc, I wouldn't have responded very nicely as I was still very angry about the breakup. Is it wrong to blow up like that? Yes. Could it have been avoided? Yes. Could he have possibly messed up his chances of getting her back? Possibly.

    Jason, the way you responded probably turned her off quite a bit from you... she was testing the waters to see how you were doing, and who knows, she was possibly coming back a little bit and you snapped, so there's a good chance she won't be sniffing around for a while. But then again, she did tell you when she was free, so who knows?

    Just remember. Keep your composure. Keep it cool. Nonchalant/apathetic is what we're shooting for.
  • Jan 29, 2008, 11:56 PM
    loveme1
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Jason8676
    Hello,
    I've posted on here several times concerning my ex. What happened now? I did not contact her for over a month after a brief break in the silence between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I went back to NC because I saw no hope in the relationship and I needed to move on. She sent me two text messages in early January concerning a Christmas present she had for me-which I ignored her both times. Yesterday, she sent me another text message and I am ashamed to admit it, but I cracked. Again she said she had a Christmas present for me and asked when she could bring it to me. I shot back with, "What do you want from me?" She replied, "Just to give you your present." I then said, "You do not want to be with me and until then, stay out of my life.' She asked, "What does that mean?" I reiterated with another message, "It means that you do not want to be with me-any idiot can see that and until you want to, stay out of my life." Then she asked, "Does that mean you don't love me?" I replied, "It means that YOU do not love me. I had several nice presents for you but returned them. I told you I loved you but you don't. She sent a seperate message telling me the days she was off from work and I told her the same. Since then, she has not replied so it's back to NC unless she specifically lets me know that she wants to reconcile. As I've said before, she has to involved with somebody else to be contacting me sporadically. What's more, she can't call for some reason-its always been text messages. Maybe shes ashamed of something? Why do our exes play these games? I seriously want to get over her but everytime I get some time and space between me and her, here she is again. I've focused on nothing but her for the past 10 years that I'm afraid to meet girls out in public or at work. The first step I'm going to take is buy or check out several books on how to meet women. I know this sounds crazy but after being wrapped up for 10 years with just one girl, I need to get in circulation again. As for the ex, I feel weak that I responded to her yesterday but at least I set the boundaries. I don't want nothing less than a total relationship
    with her, anything less than straight to hell with her-I will not compromise. Again, why do our exes torment us like this? How can I move on and meet somebody that will truly make me happy without making a bad first impression? I know I've posted on this subject but as always, all responses are appreciated. Thanks, Jason

    Do u think she really love u
  • Jan 30, 2008, 12:34 AM
    Jason8676
    Hey,
    Thanks for the replies. Yes... I will admit that I am angry. She never leaves me any closure when she does this crap-she just breaks from the routine(calling me, seeing me. Etc) on a regular basis when our schedules permit. I don't understand why she can't just say, "My feelings have changed...I want to be just friends...etc" If she told me this, you bet I would be angry but I would just go NC-friendship is out of the question. I'm not the type to stalk, try to get revenge, or the like. When I texted her back, I was just stating the obvious. If she wanted to be with me and loved me, she would respect the fact that I work a lot of hours to pay the bills and live comfortably since I am on my own she would have never left me in the dark like this. This crap has been ongoing since September when she suddenly stopped seeing me and talking to me as usual. She's either with me or she's not. If she's not, I have no use for her.
  • Jan 31, 2008, 07:40 PM
    Jason8676
    Update: Ex-Girlfriend Says I was Rude For Returning Her Presents
    Hey,
    Got a text message earlier today from my ex-girlfriend. She basically said, "That was rude of you to take back my presents when I have yours at home." As soon as I read that, I started typing a reply which said, "Rude? What am I supposed to think when you stop seeing me and talking to me?" Caught myself just in the nick of time before hitting the send icon. I'm proud of myself that I ignored her. If I did send the message, I'm sure her reply would have been, "Well, you stopped calling." If you suspected your girlfriend of seeing somebody else(i.e. acting weird, over the limit on a credit card that was opened recently, lack of attention, lack of affection-basically just an abrupt change), would that make you think twice before calling. She's done this before, and there is usually another guy involved. I sort of find the whole thing funny-I've loaned her money before but never asked for it back and I tried to show her that I wanted to make another go at it when we started talking briefly after Thanksgiving. Then I bought her Christmas presents but really showed me no interest on her end so I went NC and everything went back. Do you think this girl really deserves anything, even if she still has a present for me? (Which, by the way I heard nothing from her on Christmas or New Years.) Jason
  • Jan 31, 2008, 07:55 PM
    talaniman
    She is entitled to her opinion, but yours is the one that counts. Stay with no contact.
  • Jan 31, 2008, 08:02 PM
    twinkiedooter
    So let her give the present to her next boyfriend... what do you care? You're out of there.

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