Ex girlfriend Pregnant! Any hope of getting back together one day?
My girlfriend and I finished 2 weeks ago.
I knew in a way that things were not right for a few weeks, I'd noticed a sudden coldness and hostility.
I'd questioned her about going out because I suspecte she would be cheating, though I back-tracked immediately.
I made an issue of an ex boyfriend showing up at her door at 2am, which she said showed I did not trust her. I assured her I did trust her but that it was undeniably suspicious behaviour from her.
Then we broke up, I cried, begged etc etc. I know it was all wrong to do, so after I'd done all that on the Saturday 20th October; I didn't cry anymore, I came on here and read about break-ups and got support from here.
I decided last week that we should remain good friends since we would be seeing each other at parties and I didn't want any awkwardness.
Then bang! She tells me she is pregnant.
So I was asking her a million questions, allsorts going round my head at this shocking news.
I said it would be best for baby if we were together but that I loved her still for her and wanted her to consider any chance of us getting back together. She is adamant she will not; and it is killing me.
I know I have really good prospects, I'm still to finish my university Law degree so I have a good chance in the future of a decent job.
I would be good for her but I guess she has to realise this herself, and me trying to persuade her will be counter-productive.
I have offered my full support any time she wants it, so she knows this.
My question is: Given the new complicated scenario of her being pregnant, is there really any way she may see in the future that maybe we could at least try to make a go of it.
I've been asking her and my friends, and aparently it seems the reason for us splitting up was that I was around her too much and didn't allow her enough space. I didn't even realise I was doing this, and she never hinted. But they say that she bottles things up and doesn't reveal her emotions, which I guess is true.
I am seriously considering going over to a relatives 4000 miles away in america for 3 months to get away for a while.
Will me not being around for that length of time make her miss me. He knows I am madly in love with her. I really am. But I know that being around her will make her more certain that she will never get back with me.
Do any of you know of a situation like this which has ended in the partners getting back and at least trying to make a go of things?
Have stranger things happened. In my head there is no hope and it is killing me.
I just want to have that chance, if it doesn't work out the fine. I know I won't repeat the same mistakes.
I want to be a great daddy and a great partner; I know she would not regret getting back, but at the momenbt it seems there is more chance of me getting to the moon in my car.
Please help.
My pregnant Ex- getting back? Could we? Should we?
Ok, Many of you may have read abou my ex.
To sum up, she dumped me about 8 weeks ago, told me she was pregnant about 6 and a half weeks ago.
Well, I have kept contact to a minimum, I would have no contact whatsoever if she were not pregnant.
As she is pregnant I do occasionally call her to see how she is and show that I care at least what she is going through.
When we broke up she told me she definitely does not want to be with me anymore - she just 'knows' is what she said.
This was her view, despite being pregnant.
However she does seem to be at parties that I attend. I am very at ease around her and extremely cool calm and assured around her.
What is confusing me now is that I am hearing from friends of hers that 'she is really missing me.' This came a week ago after we went to the 12 weeks scan for our baby. This friend asked her 'do you think you and him will ever get back,' aparently she replied she really misses me but hates being horrible and y to me.
So is it really her that is the problem? She seems to have a problem admitting if she feels for me. And in person she can be blunt and snappy with me. I do not react badly to this at all.
What should I do, Should I continue the coolness and no contact thing? Or should I ask her whether we can try to work something out, not necessarily right now though.
I really am confused now. In an ideal world I would love to be with her; but on the other hand I am simply not willing to accept any crap from her and I am not going to sell myself short. In other words she should work for the relationship too, not just me.
Just an update on how I see her. Yes love her and would like to be with her. But in my mind I can be without her and I can find another woman. This is partly through necessity.
In short, I am not desperate. But I would like her back.
how do I proceed?
What is your advice?
And what does her saying she 'misses me lots' really mean? I'd be especially interested to hear from women, as you may have more of an idea how women think!! :D
regards, Snuffy.
Pregnant ex's behaviour...
It's getting worse and more bizarre.
I know the whole NC thing with an ex is important, but in my circumstances I cannot just do that- as much as I would like to. For she is pregnant so I have to be there to some degree to show my support, and because I am a good-natured person.
Now, I think she is hitting the self-destruct button and I am massively concerned. Let's remember she finished with me and she knew I was gutted about the whole thing. Then finding out she was pregnant, I took it well and thouht that I have to just make the most of the sitiuation. A pregnant ex who steadfastly states that she does not want to be with me at all. (quite why, she never has said.)
So, Friday evening, I went for a drink with a female friend (who I have known for 15 years) at a different bar. We are strictly friends and I'm quite clear on that. Anyway, my friends and my ex included, knew I was going out for a drink with this friend. They, on the other hand, were going to a local bar.
I got text messages FROM THE EX and from my friends who were in the same bar asking me if me and my female friend were coming over to the bar that they were in. I said I'll come on my own because I don't wan there to b any trouble with me coming in with a different girl. They insisted it was OK and suggested I come down to the pub. They promised it would be OK.
Anyway, so around midnight I came with the female friend to the bar, and intent on having a quiet drink and just socialise like a mature adult.
To my absolut ehorror, the pregnant ex was absolutely full-on drunk; had been heavily drinking and behaving erratically.
She knew fine well that this female friend was just a friend. Anyway, th ex took it upon herself to sit with a random guy from the bar (which is fine with me), but she was laughing out loud, exxagerating how great a time she was having and attention-whoring. It looked clear to me that she was trying to make me jealous at her having a good time with this other chap.
The truth of the matter is, she looked pathetic and desperate to make me jealous. I didn't feel an ounce of jealousy, I rather felt pity at her being so loud and erratic. Quite a number of my friends and others in the bar thought she was behaving terribly in front of me.
In any case I could sense a bad atmosphere brewing and decided that I would get up and leave the situation and keep my cool.
A couple of people (and I didn't tell them to do this) said to her that her heavy drinking was stupid and that she shouldn't be bhaving so disrespectfully around the father to be of her child. I said 'leave it'.
Then the guy who was sat with my ex said "I'm the babys daddy" which I ignored. My ex laughed and thought this was hilarious. So a friend of mine said 'it wouldn't surprise me if he was the father." At this point I decided I am definitely leaving the bar.
At this point my ex pushed me in the face quite violently (despite me being quiet, and not saying a word) then said to me "I swear to f**king god that you are no seeing thi sbaby when it is born." I still didn't react to her and just walked out and left the place.
It transpired that after I left people were saying to her that she wa sout of order for saying that to me when I hadn't done anything to deserve it, an dthey were telling her that also she should not be drinking so heavily when 18 weeks pregnant and that she shouldn't be behaving like that with a new guy in front of me.
The ex proceeded to hit two of the girls (including my female friend, who, incidentally, didn't want to leave when I did).
Then she got kicked out by the landlord of the bar.
So, why on earth is she acting this way, and why is she showing such lack of respect to me? I do not understand it.
Also, at about 3am she sent me a text message asking me to 'please ring her' so she could 'explain what went off.' Which is unlike her. I've never known her feel the need to explain herself to me. Why would she do this too?
I'm totally and utterly freaked out and cannot understan dher behavioru whatsoever. I'm terribly oncerned about her drinking, as the other people sitting in the bar were too...
Please advise. What should I do. Totally ignore her now for a few months or what??
Thanks, snuffy.
Yes - the pregnant ex girlfriend. My current thoughts.
Hey all; most of you are probably familiar with my sordid story with the pregnant ex girlfriend.
So, I've been thinking: I know these are things that have been suggested to me before but ah well, I'm trying to add up things in my head:
(1) Ok - so she (as far as I know) still does not want to be with me. Fair enough; I understand why and how relationships end, and what role I may have played. Fair enough. I realise that once it's over, it's over. I can live with that quite happily.
(2) she's pregnant, tells me it is mine, in fact the other week she repeatedly told me it wa smine, she was drunk mind. The drunkenness may explain the repetition, or it could be that she doesn't know and is trying to convince me and hence herself too.
(3) I am grappling with the idea that the baby really is not mine - this is for a few reasons (I'm just guessing here because I don't know for sure.): Here is why:
(a) She has been absolutely adamant that she does not want to be with me. Totally dead against it, not even a 1% chance of even trying as far as I can gather. This in itself I find odd.
(b) I have accepted this and gave her every impression that I can deal with this and get on with her in a friendly way for the sake of the baby. However, as recent previous events demonstrate; she cannot be friendly with me at all, I am still getting a brick wall, even though I do not ever bring up our relationship. I get nastiness even from just saying hi how are you.
(c) She cheated before with me, at least once that I know of. And lied coldly about it, and would easily do it again. Showed no remorse whatever for doing it.
(d)
Is the brick wall she is putting up and the why behaviour there to keep me at a distance for when the does hit the fan.?
(3) she has already started using the baby as a weapon against me. I have already been threatened that I will not see it after it is born. Again she was drunk when she said it, but I did not even provoke that myself. Furthermore, even if I was to say something nasty back to her, it never justifies using the baby as leverage.
(4) The heavy drinking she is doing while carrying a babytotally eradicates any question in my mind of her being worth getting back. She is total and utter trash for doing this. Utterly selfish behaviour on her part. I have brought it up in a non judgemental way and she still thinks it is OK. Its her body though so her choice to risk the baby.
(5) I really, really am failing to comprehend why on arth I put up with her crap for so long when I was with her. I could and should have avoided all of this bulls**t before it happened and involved a new life (baby).
(6) The crappy behaviour and attitude to me: Why oh why oh why if you have even a modicum of decency would you treat another human being so disrespectfully. Especially one who is the putative father of your unborn baby, and one who has done the decent thing and stood by you despite being dumped and treated like all the time. I really really do not deserve this.
IT IS NOT THE FACT that she no longer wishes to be in a relationship with me that hurts me profoundly; it really isn't; I got over that part an drespect her wish to be free and to go out with who she likes. It is the continual hurtful way she is towards me which is giving me hell. I am supposedly to be a daddy soon, but I have to deal with this horrible human being for the rest of my life, and I really cannot be doing with her and her awful ways.
I WILL be seeking a dna test after birth; because I want to know that I am fighting for a being a guardian, protector and loving parent to my own kid, not someone else's. And as unfortunate as it may sound (it is certainly not sour grapes) but all the above says to me that she knows I may not be the father of this baby but can't tell me yet (if she will ever do so at all).
Lastly, the answer to the next part may be obvious, but why can I not speak to/be friends with , or for that matter date other women without her getting in a strop about it? Is it really jealousy or the proverbial DOG IN A MANGER situation??
If she doesn't want me then why can't I be allowed move on. I would understand
If it was me who dumped her; but since it is her who dumped me then it makes no sense whatsoever to me. I am not even jealous of her seeing there men. If she wants to then its her prerogative...
As I say - here is much much more to this whole nightmare situation that meets the eye.
My intution tells me there is something major that I do not yet know, but will come ou eventually. Watch thi sspace.
If anyone can shed some light or speculate what this whole crap is all about then please pass on your thoughts..
SNUFFY.
