Multiple threads merged

Well here is my story... I met my girlfriend when I was in grade 12 and she was in grade 11. We got together and clicked instantly. She has never been anyone except for me and I have been her first for everything except her first kiss. We have been dating now for 5 1/2 years and are really in love. She wanted to go away for the summer to visit family and has been gone for 4 weeks now. For the 5 1/2 years we have been together we have had ups and downs but mostly ups. We treat each other great and barely argue or anything. We have a strong sex life together but for the last month before she left we have been lacking in the physical dept. because we have been busy with school and work and are always tired. When she left for the summer we left on great terms and I thought everything was great and with her taking this time apart for the summer it will strengthen what we have and make our relationship better. The first two weeks were horrible as I missed her way too much and was afraid of something happening out there. She is there with cousins that have large groups of single friends that hit on her at every chance when she got down there. Its not that I don't trust her I don't trust them so you can see how I was scared. After the weeks went I still miss her but I am more comfortable with her being out there. I would then continue to call her and we would talk every moment we could. But the last two calls were strange and she sounded like she had no interest in what I had to say and she would always tell me she was tired and it just didn't seem right. So I asked her if anything was going on with us and she told me that she is very confused about certain things with us. She complained that we haven't made love or made out in awhile and that we seem like we are just best friends. She then tells me that we are so young (I am 23 and she is 21) and she is confused about us and that she needs some time alone to figure things out. So I respected her wishes and gave her space to think about us. 3 days later she calls me crying on the phone asking me how I am doing with all this and when I asked her what she is exactly confused about she wouldn't tell me and says that she doesn't want to do this on the phone and that she wants to get together to work it out when she gets back. 4 days after that call she calls me again crying, and is honest about everything. She says that the chemisty with us doesn't seem to be there anymore and that she wants me in her life but she is confused about the role she wants me in. She says she still loves me and misses me but she needs time to think still and she doesn't know if she should call cause she doesn't want to give me false hope. She still wants to get together we she gets back in 3 weeks from now so we can talk about us. I haven't emailed her or called her of texted her at all since the break, she has been calling me. She talked to her mom and told her that she wishes I was more assertive but never told me that. But when we talked she said that I can talk to her if I need someone to talk to and she won't care. But the weird thing is before she hung up she said if I need to de-stress I can make out with someone if I want. I asked if she meet anyone out there and she was very clear that she hasen't. So now I am sitting here waiting for the days to go by so we can get together and talk or work things out. Years ago we broke up about something along the lines of the same reason but lasted a week and she thought she made a big mistake and ask me back. I am wondering if that will happen again like I want it too, or do you think it is over? I know how what I can do to be a better boyfriend in areas she is confused about but I don't know if she feels if there is anyway use of doing that. Everyone tells me to maintain no contact with her and just enjoy the summer and deal with it when she is back but it is very hard to do so cause I love her so much and am worried of the outcome. Any advice guys would be awesome.

I don't really understand the question, but I think if you have been dating for 5 1/2 years, then you may pick things up again, but I need more info to clearly state what I think. Cause now I think nothing, lol but if you love her... then I don't know

give her space .You must NOT call let her miss you. She has tols you exactly what the problem is and you can either do something about it or you can go with your heart and fail and lose the love of your life cause your not thinkig straight.


Soory to say mate but she already knows her decision this does not mean its set in concretebutif you try and talk her into the rlationship she's GONE.

Ifyouwant her to stay let her come to you agree with her with whatshe says tell her you want to be with her but you dontwntto be with someone who does not wantto be with you.

And once you say that your gone NO contact you must lether feel the voidin herlife and after 5 1/2 years she will definitely feel it when your gone and if she doesn't v=come back she NEVER was starying.

You must let hergo to make her come back don't chase herand convince her you can tell her of all the wonderful times but leave itat that and show her you are moving on with yopur life. After 5 years she is wondering where things are going and what she wants in life and at the moment BUDDY your not in that picture well maybe slightly but she's unsure if she lets you go will she regret it. She will try and get you to hang around and I've heard the line "I dont know which part of my life i want you as"

Well I tell you what if she wanted you forever she would not be saying that. What sheis saying is I don't want to hurt you but don't want you as that special person in my life. You know what in another 3 months she won't even need you at all and then you will be feeling even worse. Ont let her have the satisfaction of making a choice and danglingyou along cause while this happens she won't choose you.

Your obviously hurting andpreying for her to choose you and you can help your cause and I know you want things back ow they wereandif you do whatever you do, don't let her tell you I still want to hear fromyou...

NO NO NO if shewants this break let her have it your out of her life donttell her this just be busy and if you can't PRETEND your busy shopw her its notgoing to be klikeit used to be ifshesnot your girlfriend cause for a while shewill try and keep you around toill she feels fine...

I do not know what to say, love is magic! But I know that if you guys are not happy when you are together, then do not waste time any more!Although you have been together for a long time, but for love, sometimes long time can not tell anything! You could fall in love with someone at first sight, but you also could leave someone in one second!
Wish you happy!

It's amazing how when it comes to women doing absolutely nothing will get you what you want. A little off the subject but this past weekend I went to a club and stood by the bar myself and didn't try to hit on any women. I was obviously there for the women but because I acted like I ddin't care, I not only got 1, not 2, but 3 women to dance and talk to me at the same time! Your story is very similar to mine and I think you should read my post. All I'm saying is be the man. Don't allow women to walk over you. You are the prize and she has to chase you. Not the other way around.

All right here is the story. My girlfriend told me that she needed a break from each other this summer and I accepted her wishe. I didn't talk to her all summer and kept my distance and looked out for myself instead of thinking of her. After a month she called me crying and told me that she thinks we should give this another shot and that she missed me and loves me. Couple days ago I was talking to her on the phone and I made the mistake of asking her if she did anything with anyone while we weren't together. She is very honest to me all the time and said yes she did make out with someone when she was very drunk one night. Things led to another and she did other things but didn't have sex with him, just other things. When I heard this I was pissed off but also very saddened by it. She isn't proud of it and feels dirty about doing it. She wanted the break basically so she could "test the waters" so to speak. She said she didn't have sex with him because she realized even in her drunken state what she missed in me and didn't want to go through with it. The guy means nothing to her and she knows now that guys can be jerks and that's why she wanted to get back together while we were not together, I went to a bar one night and a girl kissed me and once she did I wanted no part and walked away from her. I am not perfect and with me doing that I am just as bad as she is. But it was a kiss and nothing more while my girl did other things that I wouldn't dream of doing unless we were 100% sure we were broken up We are back together now and both are 100% committed to trying to make this relationship work. My question is... I still feel disgusted by what she did while we were apart and I don't know if I can look at her the same way because of the things she did. Is this normal and can I put it aside and work on the relationship? Or should I break it off and never worry about it again? I love her so much and want this to work but I have the picture in my head of what went down and it won't leave. The thing that bother me the most is that she wanted the "break" so she could do this and when she did she hated it like I thought she would and came back to me. Am I wrong to feel mad or should I let her go and just be happy that I have her back because it happened when we were broken up?

Your girlfriend didn't cheat. You were not together when any of this happened.
If you love her why would you think of breaking up with her because of this. She is human. People do things they aren't proud of or happy with - drunk or sober. Maybe she feels that situation was a mistake and opened up to you about it in confidence because she trusts you. A great part of being in a relationship is supporting the other person and building them up. Dwell on the things that are good. Its really not her fault that you can't get it out of your head. If the situation were reversed how would you feel if she were to harp on your mistake? You should be happy that she wants only you. That in itself is a compliment. Give yourself a chance to be happy Mik2007. Life is too short.

You were on a break so she didn't cheat on you. Although if she just ended the relationship with you to try something new then decided she wanted you back that would be different, but it doesn't sound like that is what happened. I think it is normal for you as a man to feel mad. Men seem to think they own a woman and can't stand to think about another man possessing what's theirs even if it's not theirs at the time. <<<<just my point of view. As I said, she didn't cheat on you. If you really love her you'll get over it and just be thankful you got her back.

I am not going to be able to help as much as I would like, but, when someone is living a life with you then another life at another place the type of behaviour you talk about in my experience is normal. Clearly she feels something for you. It sounds like she has mentioned seeing a specialist to help in your relationship. You have hung in this far and if you love her as you say then you will do all you can until you are sure in your heart it won't work. Until you get to that point keep going. BUT be honest with yourself, we often lie to ourselves that things will be OK but the heart says not. You will know but be honest with you, in your heart the answer is.

Wow that was long. Lol but yeah, first off, if you're her first boyfriend or real boyfriend and she hasn't had any experience with other guys you should hae seen this coming. One day she would want to experiment with other people. Yeah its been 5 years and you guys love each other.but that feelings does come. Trust me I know. But one thing can be for sure. She wanted that break because she started talking to that guy and found an interest in him. She wanted to do hings with him therefor her feelings changed for you . Its not fair I know but hey lifes a b**ch. And honestly. If she's willing to give up your guyses relationjship to go have fun with other guys like she did in the summer,is tat worth taking back? Knowing she left you to go have fun and mess around with other giuys? And honestly, I don't know her or anythign but if I were in your situation, and she told me she messed around with anoyher guy but didn't sleep with him, I would still be pised off. Just the fact that she lied to you and told you she needed to think thin through, but mess with another guy, thast pretty messed up. And if she said she didn't sleep with him because she missed you, OK first off, she didn't miss you that much. She still messd with the guy, if she missed you so much, she would have had some self contol and saved that for you. Right? Bing drunk is no excuse. She wanted it and she got it. She did leave you right before after all didn't she? She knew she might cheat on you so decided to break it off for that time being that she wanted to mess around. So honestly.. maybe you should give her her space and just let her do what she wants. Because how is it going to feel every time you look at her and think about what she did to you? Most likely she wants to do a lot, maybe things you might now be able to give her, and she just wants to explore. And if its meant to be, shell come around and itl work out between you two. Just be strong and don't put up with nothing, no one dese to be hurt or anything. Good luck!

May I ask how old you to are.

I am 23 and she is 22... like she feels bad about what she did with the guy and feels dirty about what happened. I know she wanted to experiment and taking a break is pretty much the best way to do it. I am not mad about what she did anymore mostly I am mad about the fact that she lied to me. But she knows that it was wrong for her to do that too me and feels bad about how she treated me all summer. She said she did it so she could have complete freedom and to reassure herself of what she had. But she turned into someone that she didn't like and is not proud of what she did. But she keeps flip floping what she wants and that's what makes this so stressful.

I agree with E12191G. You both are very young. I would take a break and find out what you both want. I believe one day she will do this again if you stay together. You are her first love and if not now but one day she will want to see what's on the other side of the fence.

Well sometimes when your with someone for a long time the chemistry and romance does face but she did tell you that her being with someone else made her realize she wanted you maybe she needs to see what else is out their 6 years is a long time and if you haven't seen what else is out their you won't know if you found the right one. I think shell come around. Everything happened for a reason . You should start dating casually don't sit around and wait for her that's kind of what she's looking for most girls fall back on that and go do what they want because they know the guy will always be their in return. Everyone had trust issues when they come out of a long term relationship where someone breaks your heart and it takes a long time to break down the walls you build for yourself not to get hurt again but I think your best bet is to get out and go do what she's doing for all you know you might meet someone whose better for you and can meet your needs or maybe like her you'll realize you only want her and you two will get back together down the road with a fresh start

I gave you advice one month ago when you wrote your first thread on what you would need to do. Go back to the first one you wrote and read what I told you to do. You have done none of this and this is because you are holding onto any false hope which she is giving you and after 5 years this is understandable people do what you are doing after 5 months so it must be absoulutely devastating after 5 years plus. But things change and you must change with them... There is only one way to wake this girl up and create the chemistry and that is to do what I told you.. Completely ignore her and give her what she wants CHEMISTRY create some create a void! If you do not she will find another and its will definitely be truly over!!

Make it over yourself and see how she feels when you put her in your position!!

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Originally Posted by mckenzie134

I gave you advice one month ago when you wrote your first thread on what you would need to do. Go back to the first one you wrote and read what i told you to do. You have done none of this and this is because you are holding onto any false hope which she is giving you and after 5 years this is understandable people do what you are doing after 5 months so it must be absoulutely devastating after 5 years plus. But things change and you must change with them... There is only one way to wake this girl up and create the chemistry and that is to do what i told you.. Completely ignore her and give her what she wants CHEMISTRY create some create a void!! If you do not she will find another and its will definately be truly over!!!

Make it over yourself and see how she feels when you put her in your position!!!

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EXACTLY!! :)
Trust me, ex's absoloutley hate it when the tables turn on them.

You can't be a friend to a person that was your lover! It's like a break of code against the guys rule book. What are you going to talk about? A new guy she met over her lunch break?

Mik, just do what mckenzie said... almost every single person in here knows what you're going through and it's beyond terrible. But it's time to realise that she wants you no more.
I just had the same thing as you.. after 5 years she travels for one month and the half, while there she asks for a break.. she came back one week ago and broke up with me. During this week I tried my best to offer solutions but she keeps refusing and treat me coldly.. so I simply stopped and today the NC thing officially started for me.. so let us both count the NC days and move on with our lives, there is NO OTHER CHOICE.

You should feel much better now that you know that we are all having the same thing, and we all know that these ex's are not even worth it. We were loyal and tried our best, they don't want us.. be almost sure that she cheated on you and that she's been doing whatever stuff behind your back since quiet some time, not to mention that she was thinking damn well about this decision without letting you know.

Start the NO CONTACT rule, stick to it, and drop her! FORCE YOURSELF, accept it as a TORMENT, some kind of spiritual cleansing or whatever. Just do it. I realised this during last night.. I didn't have any sleep and simply analysed all her actions during the 5 years and I came to a conclusion that she could have done so many things for me in such a better way... if you start re-visting the past in an objective way, compare it with other people's relations (good ones), you will realise that she wasn't 100% into it in the first place!

Be strong man.. watch Scarface.. let it influence you and get some extra balls, why not :)

Oh, and a small note that seems to be working fine with me so far... I used "Post it" and wrote on a dozen of them "NO CONTACT YOU IDIOT" and had them all over my room.. my IM's nickname became that too.. that's one of the things that motivated me to not contact her. Hit yourself on the head and read them and UNDERSTAND what you read. Just keep it this way! I'm learning too, you know!!

Excellent she broke up with you. The world is your oyster, NOW, take from it!

No contact also please.

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what is the right thing to do in this situation? I want her back but she doesn't feel the same. What can I do?

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You can stop contacting her, and don't let her contact you. As others have pointed out a number of times, its not going back the way it was and your not ready to be her friend. Accept that this is over, and get your own life without her... FINALLY.

I had a question, and I think I found the answere. You guys are right, I cannot ask a man to be my "friend" if I know he has feelings for me. Even If he says he wants to, I must stay away. Is this correct, guys? I really like talking to him, but I know he likes me, and I am committed elsewhere, so should I just stop talking to him? This is the right thing to do, right? You guys as men, tell me the correct answere. I don't want to torment him, but I must admit, that the idea of never talking to him again makes me feel terrible, but I know it must be the right thing to do.

Don't do no contact with the hope of getting her back. Despite what others here will tell it is wrong and BS. No contact isn't to bring her back.
What it will do is give you chance to begin healing. Begin moving forward in a positive direction. You'll learn a lot about yourself and who you were and want to be.
It will be a huge learning curve and something that you will actually look back and be glad that you went through it in some ways.

Despite what others here preach no contact won't mean you will get her back and have a healthy relationship. They kid themselves. They are caught in their own self pity.

What no contact will do is should she come back and should you still want something with her (and that is very rare) you will hopefully have changed and learnt enough to make it work the second time around. It will take a lot of hard work though and the odds of her even coming back are slim.

Do yourself a favour and stop acting and doing things based on what you think she will do or say. Do things that are best for you. Look after yourself and concentrate on getting your life back on track. She doesn't care about you anymore. Why should you care about her??

Hello everyone,

If you know anything about me and my past posts on this site then you know how my situation goes. If not then I will give you the short version. I am (23) and I dated a girl (22) for 5 years and she went away this summer and while she was gone she wanted a break from us. During the break she messed around with a guy out there and basically wanted the break so she could experience others and live the single life to "spread her wings" so to speak. She called me crying weeks before before she was coming home and was willing to give it another try but when she did get home she changed her mind and ended up breaking up with me for good. She told me that I am amazing in every way but she doesn't see herself marrying me but still wants me to be in her life but not in that way.

Since she has been home I have not called her or emailed or anything and 3 days later she called me to ask if I am doing okay. I recently went to her place to pick up some of my things and she was there in the basement. She said if you want to come say hi I will be in the basement. I picked up my things and didn't even bother saying hi to her. When I got home I had an email waiting for me where she said things like I miss you and still want you in my life but your role won't be the same. She said that she hasent done this break up thing before (because I am her first boyfriend) and that she is looking to me for the answers. She said she is willing to do whatever I want her to do... no contact, meet in a couple of weeks or months or whatever but we can't be together and she just wants to be friends. I wrote her back days later and told her I still want her in my life but I have feelings for her so therefore talking isn't the right thing to do right now. I sent the email a week ago and haven't talked or seen her since. She never had lots of friends while we were together and being away all summer really boosted her self confidence. So since she came home she has meet some friends and has been going out partying, going crazy loving the single life. She writes little things on Facebook and msn on how she is loving being single and it seems like she is a totally different person. Her family doesn't know who she is anymore and is very annoyed with her.

I still love her and still have feelings for her. I go out and have great times with friends and continue to have no contact with her. I want to talk to her again but I don't think being friends is going to work. When I read the things she writes about her loving being single or random hookups she has had or writing that she has a crush on someone or see pictures online of her going out partying it hurts because we have been broken up for 2 weeks and it doesn't seem that she is feeling the least bit sad about losing me in her life. Even after almost 6 years she doesn't seem to be sad or think about me at all. She might be thinking about me I don't know. Everyone tells me that I am doing the right thing in having NO CONTACT with her so she can feel the void of me not there in her life. But with everything she is doing it doesn't seem to be working. I don't know if she thinks about me or misses me at all because she tells me she misses me and how this breakup is hard to do. But she will go out and party hard doing god knows what and it seems like she doesn't care anymore. My question is... I still love her and would love for things to go back to how they were but what else can I do to make her see what she lost? Should I talk to her in a few weeks and just minimize the contact so she can start thinking about me again? Please anything would be more than helpful!

Ill say it to your honestly: She's confused and doesn't no what she wants. You are the fammiliarity in her life, the safety net. Go no contact for your own sanity and let the emotional dust settle.

You've already asked this question and gotten answers so te only thing you can do is do not contact her and don't let her contact you, so you can eventually heal and deal with life with a clear head. How much clearer can she be, its over so accept it.

Hey everyone,

I am needing a little advice with something that is going to happen in a few days and I justw ant to be prepared for it. If you know me and my previous posts then you know my story. If not please check my previous posts. Now since my breakup and horrible summer that happened, my ex has contacted me asking if I am all right. I would tell her no and she would tell me that we shouldn't talk for two weeks. I said fine and didn't talk to her for a week. By the end of the week she emailed me saying that she is missing me and still wants us to be good friends like we are but we can't be together. She then told me that she is looking to me for the answers to handling this breakup and told me that anything I needed her to do she will do. I wrote her back and told her that since I still have feelings for her talking isn't the right thing right now. 3 weeks went by and I have been doing better but I still miss her from time to time. When your with someone for almost 6 years it is very hard to just lose your feelings towards that person. During the no contact she has been going out with friends and seems like she is having a great time, and I have been doing the same but still hurt over it and misses her a lot. I know that the person who does the dumping is not going to feel as bad and the one who has been dumped, but I don't know how she feels behind closed doors. I wanted no contact because that way I can heal faster and give her time to feel the void so to speak. And I have been feeling better about this but I still miss talking to her and still miss being with her as anyone would.

So after 3 weeks I decided to write her and ask her if she would like to go grab a drink sometime, just to see how her reaction would be. And she wrote me back saying that she is glad to hear from me and that she would definitely like to grab a drink and that she is looking forward to talking to me. So we are meeting this Monday and I am kind of nervous of how to go about this. Can anyone give me some pointers or advice on what not to talk about and how to act when I see her. I still love her and would like to reconnect again but I know I shouldn't talk about that too her. Any help would be great!

Never talk of getting back together, and don't have any expectation that she will, or has changed her mind. You have let false hope cloud your judgements and action.

I agree with Talaniman.

I think that you are thinking that you are going to be able to walk into this meeting and win her back. It seems to me that she is only interested in re-establishing a friendship. Unfortunately, that is territory you cannot walk in since you are still in love with her and have hopes to reconnect romantically.

I think you are setting yourself up in a bad way with this.

Hey everyone, if you know me you know my story. If you don't please check my previous posts but the short version is that I dated a girl for 5 1/2 years and she broke up with me a month ago and I still love her. I still hold the same feelings for her but have been doing the whole no contract thing since the breakup. We have talked like twice since the breakup once we went for drinks and twice I saw her at the mall. Her birthday is coming up and my question is do you think it would be okay to get her a birthday gift? A birthday card? Or just call and say happy birthday to her. If you need insight into my story please take a look at my previous posts. Please give feedback

This is just my opinion. Card OK, no gift.

? Why she's your ex.

I would say a call MIGHT be okay. But that might almost be pushing it. I don't even remember when my ex's birthday is. LOL.

Please, I'm asking you nicely.

Please don't do it. Don't do anything. This isn't an act of hostility, however every reasonable person should expect that after so long a time dating, and such short time being apart that you'd want time to yourself.

Don't do anything. Weather or not you make an effort for her birthday isn't going to affect the situation to such a degree that it makes a difference. I had this same issue after me ex dumped me, and her birthday came up, I settled on a happy birthday text message, but she never replied. Ultimately what you need to realize is that it is over, and I know you've heard this 60 million times from 20 million people but take it from me, as one more person that understands your situation. Just go about your business and try not to do anything on her birthday. It'll be hard and you'll feel like you're throwing away your best shot, but you're not.

One more thought. Her birthday shouldn't consume your life. You're not together. Do you treat your regular friends' birthdays this way? If so, can I be your friend? I need a new stereo. Otherwise, it's time to actively start shifting the way you think of her from your girlfriend to just another person in your life.

No gift, no call, no card... let it go.

Yes sirree... Focus on you now, this is YOU time... Forget her.. She's in the past. Let it pass.

well I don't know the whole situation but there could be extrme circumstances.. for example my X b-day is coming up in a few months. We recently split and her twin brother was my best friend who died and then his twin sis and I had a kid so I don't know what I will do. Def won't be any gift. But it is my best friend who died b day as well so it would only be moral to send one in my case. Unless you have extreme circumstances like that don't do anything. You think she would do it for you, if so thinik again

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Its my ex's birthday.should i get her a gift?

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NO! Forget her.

Well the last time that we talked I asked her if she had any plans for her birthday. So I can't make the excuse of just forgetting about her b-day or that I don't care because I asked her about it. I know I shouldn't care what she thinks anymore but because of the feelings being too strong I feel that calling her to say happy birthday can't be that wrong. Can't it?

Hey everyone, Well its been two months since the breakup and things have been both good and bad. I have see her twice since the breakup and each time I saw her it was harder and harder. 2 weeks ago she came into my work, I know she had to have seen me but she didn't come over to say hello. I found that odd but maybe she doesn't want to talk to me cause it makes her sad?. I don't know. But I went over there and said hi to her and she seemed happy to see me but its really hard to think of things to talk about. The next week it was thanksgiving (I live in canada) and I decided to send her an email saying happy thanksgiving. She wrote me back wishing me the same and asked how everything is going. I wrote her back but I haven't gotten a reply. I found that odd. So pretty much its me making the effort and not her. Which I know I shouldn't do.

She's been going out with a new group of friends and met a guy who is a lot older than her and lives out of town. He is a friends cousin I think. He wants to date her but she said no because he lives out of town. It hurts me to hear that this is going on and I know that I shouldn't really care, but I just hurt because when we broke up she told me that she thinks she has commitment issues and is afraid to commit, but has interest in someone this early in the breakup. I don't get it really! Her birthday is today and I debated to get her something. Everyone told me not to get her anything or do anything, so I didn't. Her moms birthday was before hers and I got her some flowers. She called me that night thanking me for them crying on the phone saying that she is missing me. After 6 years of always being there and then out of nowhere not be there anymore it hurts a lot. I wanted to get my ex something or even give her a call but it didn't seem like there would be any point to it. I am thinking that the reason why she is hanging out with this new guy is maybe because no one agrees with her in what she did and she is rebelling so to speak.

With more holidays coming up and events like our anniversary its not going to get better. I read a lot of posts on this site and most of them talk about them and their ex's calling each other up and emailing back and fourth. But I am not getting that. I don't want her out of my life but I know that keeping no contact is the smartest thing to do. But it just seems that the more I do that the worse I feel and it doesn't get better. She doesn't seem like she cares and I don't know how someone can turn off feelings about someone after 6 years that easily. But I don't know how she is behind closed doors and maybe she is doing the no contact thing also. I still love her but I am just not sure what else I can do. I want to keep contact because the more I am there the better chance I have to getting her back but I know it would just make me feel worse. This is just very hard to handle!!

The more your there the more chance you have of getting back with her? Common surely you have more sense than that. No Contact is the only true way of getting your 'life' back.