K now its my turn. My girlfriend just did this to me yesterday and well I felt like crap. After reading this I feel WAY BETTER. My question is though I know she wants her space and we are both in university. Except we are in 2 of the same classes, now I know I can sit away. But what about the bus. We take the same bus home. Should I take a later one, or sit as far away as I can. I know to give her her space I just don't want to give her the wrong idea where as *ohh maybe he hates me now*

Ill type out what she texted me and you guys can take a shot at what she is saying to me

*I have to be honest with u, I need to clear my head and I need to be alone I feel like right now things are overwhelming and I need to be single*

I feel crapier than a toilet

I'm in that situation and I was worried about giving her the wrong impression. I kept asking, what if I did this and she thought I don't care or if I didn't do this, she wouldn't know I care. As others will tell you, give her the space. That's what she asked for, so give it to her. Let her see how it is with out you, maybe it won't be everything she thought it would be. Don't go worrying about giving her the wrong impression.

The following post might be of help.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

Impressions are like opinions - everybody has one. There is nothing you can do to influence other's impressions. But you can change your impression of yourself.

Take a look around. See that bus full of people? Guess what, at least 3 people on that bus have been in the same predicament as yourself, and they survived.

Take a look at those classes. Do you think that they don't know what it is like to have loved and lost at some time in their life?

What I'm trying to say is that you are not the only one this has happened to and that you too will heal and go on with your life.

If you constantly put yourself on the 'defensive' you will wind up with more stress and self-doubt. Catch yourself before this happens and find a way to divert your stress as best as you can. Take a book with you on the bus. Sit somewhere else in class and concentrate on the subject.

Now, what we tell everyone else who is and has been in your shoes... it takes time, no getting out if it overnight.. but you too will get over it.

Good luck on your healing process, and stay with us. We will do all we can to help you through this.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif
Make a mental list of the pros and cons of your relationship, where it went wrong, and you'll see that you will no doubt find a better one after giving yourself time to heal.

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*I have to be honest with u, i need to clear my head and i need to be alone I feel like right now things are overwhelming and I need to be single*

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Your asking what to do? Do exactly what she wants, and move on with your life. The most painless way out of this is to accept its over. If you hold onto what you had -- you prolong your pain -- trust me. Been there, done that. If you give her what she wants, time and space, she will come to you.

And don't go out of your way to avoid her. Don't get on the next bus just because she's on that one. Just don't sit next to her or speak to her. Let her see your moving on with your life and she will question "why the hell is he taking this so damn well?" - Curiosity is compelling, but I'm not trying to give you hope here, so just accept its over. :)

Hang in there, your doing great!

Take care

I once dated a girl in college that took the same bus I did, and it was a 1.5 hour ride, we were also in the same circle of friends as well.

I managed to not talk with her during my last year of college even though we saw each other twice a day for about 3 hours a day. You don't HAVE to talk with her, or even acknowledge her. You don't do that with every single person in your class so you can both have your own space in class. It takes a degree of maturity to do it, but it can be done. I've been there.

K well update. Today she texted me a couple of times during class and since I wasn't in a good mood I didn't retunr any. I felt a bit better as the day went on. But she texted me a few things that have my head scratching. Before we went out she said she wants a relationship now she says she is not ready for one and wants to clear her head. 2nd she said she hopes it is not awkward now but that she still likes me... iunno lol. And 3rd she says she hopes I still talk and sit by her in classes and stuff. So now I don't know what to do. There's a really good chance of getting bacvk together I just don't know how to go about it. 1. I could sit by her, talk with her then maybe get back with her. 2. I could sit away from her and make me miss me and make her keep contacting me. Or 3rd if it comes to this somehow sit awat from her then she gets pissed at me which ruins my chances of getting back together lol. Ok now I just want you guys to smack me around a bit and give me something I can work on. Much appreciated you guys/girls are like my family. Thanks

Give her what she asked for. Don't play the what if game. If she speaks to you speak back but don't go out of your way with her. If she gets mad, that's tough. This is what she asked for.

Maybe you should tell her you need some space now TOO. Do this in a nice way though.

And the truth is - you do need space. This is because she is now in a zone where she is playing games and testing things out. This is controlling behavior on her part, because it shows she wants you to run to her like a pet, but only on her command.

I think what is best for you is to tell her, in a nice and polite way, that you care about her, but that you realize that this whole scenario shows that you two do need some space (make sure you word this so she knows that she is the one who suggested this). And thank her for making you realize that. Then start going to the gym, start improving yourself, start getting straight A's, and just living life. Trust me that she will notice.

Because seriously, right now, what does space mean? She's not making a clear line here of what the terms of this space are and this is dangerous!! She does this because then it's easy to bend this "space" into meaing she's roughly allowed to explore a new guy, but then she is also able to alter the definition of it to mean that you two are "sort of together" if she sees you have moved on first. TRUST ME. I don't know how to word this paragrpah I just wrote, but I hope you get a feel for what I'm saying. And you will end up feeling like crap either way.

If she starts being straight with you and expresses that she wants a relationship again, then it's a different story.

Well I've been going to the gym since my last girlfriend lmao wow did that one suck and was I down. She dumped me for a guy she never met who she talked to ont eh computer with who lived in ENLGAND. Ever since that I was hitting the gym and stuff. Lol iunno seems like once I got the ball rolling again for another girlfriend it seems to screw up. Kind of pisses me off and feels like I have no luck lol. I just don't know what to do... talk to her, not talk to her, make her chase me, maybe she gets mad at me. I don't know, I wish one of you could just fly here and smack me across the face for a while lmao.

LEAVE HER ALONE! That's what you do

Can you smack me while your at it

Plus tomorrow is the first time we have classes together so I'm a little nervous. I'm going to sit near the front of the class so I can pay attention and take good notes. Just wondering how all this is going to play out... I swear curiosity is going to be the death of me lol :p

Here's your smack in the face... she doesn't want a relationship with you. She is just not woman enough to say, "I don't want to see you any more". The fact that she texted you rather than tell you to your face shows how cowardly she is. I wouldn't change a thing in my normal routine. She's the one that wants "space" so let her be the one to take the later bus. You don't need her, there is lots of other woman out there who might love to call you their boyfriend.

*Ron Simmons*... D... DAMN!. now that is deep man lol that hit me right in the lung and especially the head. True there are plenty of attractive women out there to have a piece of Johnny, hmm you smart you know that almost like Gandhi smart but I doubt you wear a towel all day

I think you should be woriied because it sounds to me like she's not into you anymore!!

Don't get mad there are a lot more fish in the sea to swim at!!

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Originally Posted by alpha_zero

Plus tomorrow is the first time we have classes together so im a little nervous. im gonna sit near the front of the class so i can pay attention and take good notes. just wondering how all this is gonna play out........i swear curiosity is gonna be the death of me lol :p

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I have class with my ex, and its been 3 weeks. Get ready for a bumpy ride. It can be bumpy if you let it get bumpy. Don't be curious, don't ask, don't talk, or it will get the better of you.

Mate that message basically said IM flushing the toilet and sending you down there!!

She flushed you relationship down the toilet. If you want to get it back...

Do nothing you owe her nothing if she wants you back she will tell you.

Whatever you do don't sit near her don't argue just be polite and move on don't talk about the relationship just let it go. Don't let her treat you like this or she will make up many excuses then just get another guy

Let her realise what she is missing out on. And if she doesn't well that's it.

I hope I didn't come off giving a bad message. My point was what mckenzie134 suggested. You have to do No Contact. By doing so you begin the healing process. Be polite and know that you will be OK without her.

Oh no I so took it the wrong way it was like a kick in the nads... lol j/k j/k but yea well I guess tomorrow is when I take a stand and it not only be for me it will be for you guys helping me and for the whole male race having to go through this as well.

I think sad soul hit it right on the nose.

And besides... what woman really wants a guy who follows her around like a puppy anyway? I've got my soul mate, and you know, we do things together, and try to spend time together, but in all actuality, we each do our own things. We are both independently confident and have our own lives... and yet our lives have meshed into something quite beautiful.

And oh, she dumped you so she could talk to some net dude? Pshaw. Just keep in mind, she probably just messed up - She might REALLY be talking to some 40 year old fat brit, and gave you up so she could flirt with him? Oh come on. You can do way better than her.

That was my ex ex that dumped me for a guy on the net this one my recent just wants *space*... now I know I'm no astronomer but I can't let her have the whole universe there's room for everyone here

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Originally Posted by alpha_zero

Well ive been going to the gym since my last gf lmao wow did that one suck and was i down. She dumped me for a guy she never met who she talked to ont eh computer with who lived in ENLGAND. Ever since that i was hitting the gym and stuff. Lol iunno seems like once i got the ball rolling again for another gf it seems to screw up. Kinda pisses me off and feels like i have no luck lol. i just don't know what to do....talk to her, not talk to her, make her chase me, maybe she gets mad at me. I don't know, i wish one of ya'll could just fly here and smack me across the face for a while lmao.

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http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_33_16.gif http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_19_1.gif I couldn't find my 'slappy smiley' But consider yourself SLAPPED!

Read the first two 'stickies' in the Relationships forum and get your head out of wherever it is stuck in now. You should not give a damn if she is miffed, she made you feel like crap, so now the ball is in her court. Take a serious break - you need it and deserve it.

Well update for today. She wasn't in the classes with me so I don't know if she is hurt by what she did or thinking its awkward now nor should I care. I sat in the front for both classes, and the second class sat with a couple a girls I know that are in my LAB. So I don't know. Today was all right for me. Just I was still feeling the hangover from the whole *space* crap and felt a bit lonely but my friends and I were just having fun and laughing so that helped quite a bit. So anyway I don't have classes with her till thurs so now I can hit the gym hard again tomorrow. Anyway yea things are going all right. Thanks you guys/girls your helpnig me a lot

Well this no contact thing is well meh kind of sore on the spine if you ask me. I find myself sitting home alone tonight and all my friends are working... I feel like crap lol. My phone used to ring from callers and text messages every min and most of them were from her. I feel really low, but I know I got to keep my head up and my eyes on the finish line I suppose.

Yeah no contact is rough but you can handle it. You've been through a break up before and you got through it just fine. Don't feel low. You need a hobby! Buy a guitar. Learn to play the piano or just go for a jog. I guarantee you you're nervous energy will subside. Good luck!

Well I weight lift A lot but I'm sore from today still lol my chest feels as if it is about to explode... I wish it would have snowed already cause then I would be at the rink right now skating not having a care but since there is nothing to do my mind is just playnig with me. I know I shouldn't feel down and stuff lol like my friend gave me a hug today cause he was like *oh so your cause told me you have a gf* and I told him what happened and he was like aww man I'm sorry and hugged me and everyone there felt bad about it. Might I say its good to feel wanted by your friends and know they care a lot. But I guess when your not busy your mind tends to rush to what is was used to.

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Originally Posted by alpha_zero

Well I weight lift ALOT but im sore from today still lol my chest feels as if it is about to explode...I wish it would of snowed already cause then i would be at the rink right now skating not having a care but since there is nothing to do my mind is just playnig with me. i know I shouldn't feel down and stuff lol like my friend gave me a hug today cause he was like *oh so your cause told me you have a gf* and i told him what happened and he was like aww man im sorry and hugged me and everyone there felt bad about it. Might i say its good to feel wanted by your friends and know they care alot. But i guess when your not busy your mind tends to rush to what is was used to.

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I envy you. You have great friends it seems. I would suggest if you have more free time perhaps take up painting or something artistic. It helps get your mind off things and put them on a canvas, paper, rock whatever. It's great you're working out. Just keep productive. It works.

With me since I've been doing it for only 2 years it's like a drug to me now lmao. I'm turning 19 in 2 weeks and I'm only 5'8. I used to weigh 120 before working out now I weight 150. I think I did a pretty good gain in 2 years. If I miss a workout I swear I go through withdrawl. But yea I need more than working out cause my mind keeps surging right now and I hate that. I wish there was a button you could push which would turn your brain off or something.

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Originally Posted by alpha_zero

With me since ive been donig it for only 2 years it's like a drug to me now lmao. i'm turning 19 in 2 weeks and im only 5'8. i used to weigh 120 before working out now i weight 150. I think i did a pretty good gain in 2 years. If i miss a workout i swear i go through withdrawl. But yea i need more than working out cause my mind keeps surging right now and i hate that. I wish there was a button you could push which would turn your brain off or something.

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Yeah it's called Halo 3. Just get an xbox.

Lmao yea no doubt I have one. Im getting online for my b-day so ill have a lot to keep my mind. But I don't know when I'm down it's iunno hard for me to play video games... I know for me saying that I should castrate myself lol. But I don't know I just either feel I want to work out or waiting for it to god damn snow already lol. I think this is the worst part the NC thing cause when you first start and its new and you really cared about the person... well yea... lmao lol I guess I could always watch porn but I don't know lol

There is no button in the brain, but there are enough other buttons, such as the remote control... change to comedy channels, sci-fi, or listen to some new tunes that you have not heard before. Now is the time to discover new territories.. go for it. The more you fill you brain with new input, the further back the old input gets filed.
We older folks can attest to that fact. I don't remember much about my 19th year now, except that I raced cars, learned a new dance and had fun singing with a band. My relationships then... all forgotten.

You too will survive.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_1_139.gif New things and experiences can be so much fun.

Be yourself. Do what you would do if you didn't even know her. Stay true to who you are and the rest will come easy.

You could try getting on a bus before she does and sit where there is enough seats that if she wants to sit near you she can. Then you will see if she gets on the same bus or goes for the next one or tries to sit near you on the bus.

You're doing things or trying to think of things to do to avod her is not going to help you because she will always in the back of your mind. You can be on the same bus without sitting together or be in the same class without interacting.
Ignore her she will ignore you and soon she will be out of your mind.

UPDATE: So class was pretty good today. I sat near the front as planned and we watched a movie I actually liked called Tough Guise. Well after class I got a text from her and she wanted to her book I borrowed from her back. Knowing that it is her book I have to contact her or least give it back. So I texted her back telling her to meet me in the café. So I'm waiting there eating my lunch and listening to music and she comes up to me and I hand her the book. She then looks at me for like a minute straight not saying anything and she kind of sighed or made some type of noise and looked at me and said *Well should I sit down I don't know I don't want it to be weird* I just looked up at her a politely said *You can do what you want, it is your decision* So she sat down and she started eating her salade. It was quiet for a bit and got boring so I was being nice and polite and asked her how her classes were going and how her week was going. You know just small talk. I don't know how but I made her laugh just a couple times, I wasn't even trying to be funny. So then my class was about to start and stood up slowly and just said *Well it was nice seeing you again, take care* And walked out of the café feeling pretty good and not looking back at all. Then later I saw her on the bus but I sat near the back and she sat near the front when she came on she smiled at me so I gladly returned the favour and that was that. I don't know what to think now really... so yea! Lol just let you guys know.

You just keep doing what you're doing. Things will work themselves out.

Thank you kindly.I would be lying if I said I didn't want us to get back together cause I do so very much. But a little part of me is saying why bother, is it worth it now. I guess if it doesn't work out you have to give up the things you want the most in life. Which makes for more experience and finding the right person for you if not already found.

Listen to that little voice, it rarely steers you wrong.
I wish you the best

Shoot usually I tell that voice to shut up... hasnt gotten me anywhere big or good so far lol

Ahh the power of indifference and composure is victorious yet again. You've actually become somewhat of a hero to me. We find it hard to maintain no contact, you actually stare temptation in the face and smile. Nice work my good man...