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Why a man likes a nurse who had kids when she was 16, divored twice in her life with an average looking (34 yrs old)
Instead of
A Top MBA graduate, pure(a virgin), beautiful, humble,intelligent who is making 6 figures @ the age of 28? (28 yr old)
Why?
The man is a pilot at his age of 30.
Anyone please?
He could be intimidated by you. You seem like a very successful woman and he might think that either you wouldn't give him the time of day, or he wouldn't live up to your expectations.
To some men, it's the quality of life... not the quanity. In other words... the money doesn't mean as much to him as it does you. Personalities, meaning the other woman, shine through very strong. I am not saying that you don't have a good personality, but his mashes with hers better (obviously).
Good luck in finding your "one".
I admire him, he is more successful than I am?
Why is that?
I didn't say that you are more successful than him, but by the way you present yourself he may think that you are.
How well do you know this guy? Have you been on a date with him?
**EDIT** - I don't fully understand your last post. Are you asking why you admire him?
Sorry, I meant why he choice her...
I don't consider myself as an intimidating woman. (yes, people might consider me as one)I am a humble person, I don't talk about my work to him at all.
Most people who know me have told me I am the nicest person... isn't that what a man looks for??
The differences you point out could be the very reason he made the choice.
A 30 year-old man generally has nothing in common with a 28 year-old virgin. No offense, and I respect your decision to wait. However, your notion of "purity" is outdated, and it is possible that to him it means that you are inexperienced both sexually and emotionally (and he would be right).
So he chooses someone who has been around the block and knows what she wants. She is more appealing to him because she knows how to handle herself in a relationship in ways that you possibly do not.
Either find someone who shares your values, or for petessake get out there and experience relationships. Be selective and have respect for yourself, of course, but "Pure" does not equal happy; not in this day and age. The value of virginity only exists in your mind. Hanging on to it for dear life isn't helping you be happy. If you are following certain religious standards, the keep it if you will, but then you'll need to find a (rare) man who is similar.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
Because all he wants is sex.
This is from male point of view.
Instead of thinking with his brain, he is thinking with the little head, and it does not matter how much money he makes, what job he has, what he looks like etc...
You are to be commended for being true to yourself and your values. You cannot be happy if you compromise on who you are; and what you want, expect, deseve from a real man.
Grace and Peace
I don't know how to say this and I'm saying this as someone with a nice guy problem that has been a problem that has got me taken advantage of. But if you haven't dated much or if you held off it then you might come across as to possesive or have "stalker" qualities because you can't draw boundries between a healthy love and possesive, never leave him alone love. A few years ago I tried and tried to date this girl and when she finally took an interest in me and would not quick calling every 20 minutes. When I didn't answer she would come over and say the words "I just happened to be in the neighborhood." I asked and asked for her to quit calling me so much and to let me be when I was studying (as I was in college then). I went from chasing her to wishing I never met her in a snap. She wasn't a bad person but she wasn't somebody that had learned boundries and when to use them. While being a virgin is a blessing I would certainly understand and it's nothing I can't knock you for, it also comes with a lack of understanding unwritten rules of relationships.
Sorry, I have to say I am not, I am a mature woman, and never clingy, very independent.
He once said that I was too good for him and he can't stand on me being happy all the time.
I am a grown up with a successful career, I am truly happy because I have found God.
Your also somewhat of a bragger constantly reminding everybody of how successful you are. Perhaps you didn't learn the unwritten rule of making people feel good about themselves by not telling them how great you are all the time. No wonder he feels that you are to good for him, he had no choice.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
Do you think being too independent is a bad thing for women?
Sorry, I just want to say that I am very happy about what I have got. There is really nothing to complain about in my life. He thought that was weird not to complain about anything. I don't understand that part.
P.S. I didn't mention my work and achievement around him(I figured he must have known that), and I knew that would be a turn off.
Absolutely not. I think it's a great thing. While you are independent in many areas, you are new to relationships, which by the way I'm not knocking. But being independent also means that you don't have to put other people down because they did not take the same path in life, or did not have the same opportunities you had. I get the feeling just by some of your posts here that you have this aura of "I'm better then you because I'm pure, I'm smart, I make money." That's great but if you have to use that against other people to make yourself feel better what do you really have at the end of the day? I'm not pure, I'm a college graduate, and I make much less then you, but I see people everyday who have it worse then me. I don't hold it against them because I haven't followed their path in life nor do I know there whole story. Just because you got to where your at doesn't mean that your any better then anybody else but you have this way of making it seem like it does. And speaking as a man, I sure wouldn't want to be around someone telling me I sucked even if those weren't the words being used.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
Then if he's a complainer and your not maybe it just wasn't a good fit and you two should be apart.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
I really didn't say anything like that in real life. ( I do think like this now, because I can't believe he would go for someone who has baggage).
I didn't put him down, in fact, he makes more than I do, and he put me down sometimes.
I think that's fine he keeps his pride, and he should.
Being the "had several long term relationships that didn't work", "had a child out of wedlock", "lost my virginity at 16", 32 year old, chubby, with no college degree... why would your qualifications make you "better" than I am?
I might have a more fun personality. I might be a better cook. I might make him feel always comfortable around me. I might read the same books, like the same movies, and have the same interests and hobbies he does.
What the hell does being a virgin, never having had a relationship, and having money and a degree have to do with being happy with another person?
He might prefer a woman like me to one like you because I wouldn't hold him to the exacting standards that you do.
How do you know I don't cook?
We met at the golf course... he is busier than I am.
He is a virgin too (suprisingly, that's what he said), so I don't think that me being a virgin is the problem, that could be something else.
"The Lake House agrees: Probably. well, I am complaining now,lol. I will get over with it, thank you, Chuff."
I don't want to come across as saying you should never complain or stand up for yourself. Nor do I not want you to ask questions so that you can move forward with some knowledge that will help you in the future. Complain away, just do it in a positive way and with an open mind that helps you understand some things from a different perspective. Most everybody thinks they are right all of the time. It's those that stop and say "hmmm what could I improve on here" or "what am I doing wrong" that move forward with a better understanding of who they are and how to behave in certain situations that will help them the next time it happens. It also gives them a positive mental attitude towards dealing with the sting of loss which is all I'd want for anybody.
You missed my point.
My point was that it could be any of a million factors.
You didn't tell me you were intelligent, funny, and enjoyed crossword puzzles--you made it a moral issue that made women like me look like we're not worthy of successful man.
I took offense to that.
He may like the way she looks, the way she carries herself, the way she laughs. He may like that she already has kids. He may like the fact that she knows what she wants. He may like the way her jeans fit her rear end, or that she only wears sneakers.
My suggestion is that you ask HIM.
I asked, he didn't say a word.
...
Not a word...
His mum was very mad at him... she couldn't understand his action either.
(He was the one setting his standards high, his father is a Minister of a local church, so the whole family is really religious).
Thank you, you are a nice man. :) I look forward to learning from all of you.Quote:
Originally Posted by chuff
I think being a nurse is a respectable and important occupation.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
If she's in her thirties, I don't think you can hold it against her for her making a few mistakes when she was 16... :sQuote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
What were her reasons for being divorced? Maybe she made the right decision in getting two divorces? I don't know the details here. That's too vague.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
You know this: as the saying goes, looks aren't everything!Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
That's good for you, but maybe that wasn't on his check list. Maybe he doesn't mind if a girl is a nurse. Most people don't see this as a downer you know!Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
Perhaps he doesn't view virgins as "better" than non-virgins. You seem to value this greatly, which is respectable. But know that while he probably respects that you're a virgin, he most likely equally respects a woman who chooses not to be.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
This won't win a man's "heart".Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
You mentioned being beautiful and that you make six figures ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
Being humble is a great asset. He probably sees this as a great characteristic too, but there are a million ingredients that make two people click. And this ingredient will be something that your future man will admire about you.
That's great! You need to keep a good head on your shoulders. And because you're a smart woman, you will move on. You'll go to someone who loves you and shares some of the great values you have (in terms of education, and waiting for the right guy).Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
Very impressive! But there are many more factors involved in creating a relationship. You will find someone to compliment you and who will love all these things you listed, but this man is looking for something else.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
Being independent and happy is great, BUT it isn't if you get this way through belittling other people. For example, a woman who is a nurse is just as worthy of respect as a woman who is a laywer or doctor or a 28 year old who makes 6 figures. Also, she may be just as happy and strong.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
SS, you are reading between the lines and take it offensive.
Maybe because she has experienced more real life and understands that it's not about an education or looks but more about what's on the inside that counts??Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
I deeply understand how important ones' inside count.
You misunderstanded my point, I am a very kind person, many people have told me I am the nicest person.
If I am someone who has no soul why would everyone blames on his choice on the older nurse?
Everyone (his family, friends, coworkers) likes me and wants him to be with me instead of someone who is not an ideal person.
You could be the nicest person. You could be a VERY kind person. 'Everyone' could like you and prefer that he be with you. However, it sounds like he has a bond with her that you and he don't have. You asked for possible reasons and I gave you some. I never said that you had no soul. I never said you weren't kind or nice.
Now, that being said, how about you re-read your original question? It SOUNDS like you were comparing her to yourself. In doing so, your comparisons seemed to be:
She had kids when she was 16/You are a top MBA graduate (thus implying that a person who had kids at the age of 16, and probably uneducated) is less than you, who is a top MBA graduate)
She was divored twice in her life/You are a virgin (thus implying that someone who is divorced is beneath a virgin)
She is average looking and 34/You are beautiful, humble,intelligent who is making 6 figures @ the age of 28 (thus implying 1. that someone younger and more beautiful would be more suitable to love than an average looking person who was a few years older; 2. that an average looking woman could not be intelligent (or was it that someone who had kids at 16, who had been divorced and who was average looking could not be intelligent?); and 3. that a humble person is someone that tells people they are a top MBA graduate, a virgin, beautiful, humble, intelligent and making six figures at the age of 28 thus cannot understand how a man could prefer someone less than that to her?
The fact is, if you love this guy you would be happy that he found someone that HE loves. It matters not who his family, friends, associates think is the best woman for him. What matters is who he feels love for. If she is not abusive and doesn't cheat on him then all of you should accept it and be happy for him.
Again,. just my opinion from the peanut gallery.
Hugs, Didi
Hmm... nicespringgirl stops posting and this new moniker appears...
The similarities are striking.
I think you are minunderstanding some points that others have made. Everyone acknowledges these great characteristics about you. BUT some people are trying to point something else out for you to solve this mystery:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
You could be the nicest person in the world, and people could think you are the "nicest person" as you have said, and you could be happy, and you could be successful and pretty, BUT this does not mean that this particular man will want you.
I'll show you why:
You're confused as to how you being happy, nice, beautiful, educated, rich, etc, is not getting you this man, while the other girl only has average looks, is a nurse, etc.
Sorry, but those are not all the ingredients that would bag him. Otherwise, wouldn't every single male on earth be yours? See the logic here? So even though those things are great, those aren't all the things that would get a man. You don't have something else that he's looking for, but be sure that other men, or the man that you'll end up marrying, will find you "just right".
Oh, and also... what makes her "not an ideal person"?? I don't understand. Is it because she's a nurse??
Why would she not be ideal for him? She must be (at least he must think so) if he takes an interest in her.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Lake House
I don't want to say much about her.
She goes to church with us, we helped her with her kids before. She flirts with many men, and we all know that her ex husband divorced her because she had an affair.
She is not well educated and I would call her a bad woman.
She might know how to seduce a man though
I am simply stating her occupation that's all. A nurse is a polite way to call her. I could just come up with a loser, a hoe, how does that sound people?
It sounds like you are hurt, and lashing out. It also sounds like you have a LOT to learn despite your education, job and salary.
I am serious, she is not a good woman.
Perhaps he sees something in this woman that you don't see. You are looking at the surface and uderneath this woman could lie a jewel that he likes.
Don't sweat it. He is just not the one for you.
Please don't envy people who is doing better than you are.
Grow up with it.
You can say anything you want to hurt others, to be little others.
My life doesn't come easily, it requires so much that you guys can't handle.
I can, so go ahead hate me.
Perhaps he sees something in this woman that you don't see. You are looking at the surface and uderneath this woman could lie a jewel that he likes.
Don't sweat it. He is just not the one for you.
Please don't envy people who is doing better than you are.
Grow up with it.
You can say anything you want to hurt others, to be little others.
My life doesn't come easily, it requires so much that you guys can't handle.
I can, so go ahead hate me.
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