My boyfriend keeps on saying he wants to go to the club. The first time he seid something he was like I want to go on Halloween and I told him he could go but id go to a wild party if he went. Then he told his friend he might go this weekend. Hes 18 and I'm 17 otherwise wede go together. Personally the only reason guys go to the club in my mind is if they are going to meet someone or to dance with girls. I don't want to tell him that because I don't want him to question my trust, but I don't think its right for him to go out dance with girls and me stuck at home doing nothing.

Why are you stuck at home doing nothing? You don't have to sit around while he is out. You could plan a girls night and do something fun with your friends.

First of all is the only reason you go out anywhere to meet guys? My guess is no. Guys like to go out and hang out together and do their guy stuff. As you get older you will see the value of a boyfriend have guys night and you having girls night. If you trust him there should be no problems.

One of the best relationships I knew of worked this way (granted the people in question were 27 and 33) but Friday night was Guys/Girls night. So my friend would make big fun plans with us and her boyfriend would make plans with his friends. Saturday would be a night for us all to hang out together which was great since we all got along with her boyfriend and his friends and Sunday was their day. It worked great for them. You need time to hang out with friends in a relationship a relationship is not about being together all the time

I don't go out to clubs or anything like that because I'm content with the man I have. He works 6-6 during the week so I barely see him. Me and my friends do hang out and let the guys go out and go wherever. I just feel that he's going to the club to meet girls due to something he asked me a month ago. I think I should talk to him and tell him how I feel and let him go. I could always go to my friends house and we could plan something to do for the night.

Well if you don't trust him that's a completely different story.

If he is going out to cheat maybe its time you reconsider your relationship. You deserve more then some guy who is actively looking to cheat.

Personally I think your right I'm a 18 year old bloke and my missus is 17 and in all fairness id let her go out with her male friends anytime I'm firm yet fair it's like she's OK to go out with other blokes aslong as nothing dodgy happens and if it does she knows its over like that as I'm pretty close with her friends and they would tell me if she did anything with another man but there's always room for doubt key point is speak to him say you feel its unfair that he gets to have all the fun while your stuck at home these are the best years of your life go out and use them wisely

Best wishes

Hazzard

Don't turn this into a conflict. Look back to when you first met. Was he into clubing then or has it come about recently. For you to tell him you'll go to your own wild party if he goes to a club is very provocative and will throw another tarp on communications; not smart to do if you see the relationship as long term. I would think there are many things going on at a club, relaxing and talking with friends, etc but you are not alone with your concerns and once you've sharpened the communications the 2 of you should calmly talk about each other's goals, needs and what each is willing to put into a relationship in order to keep it strong, healthy and secure and remember he may simply be going to a club to unwind, relax and chat with the boys which may not be a bad idea and he might not have any desire to meet some exotic woman and hide in an ally while she sucks on his eyeballs. Such opportunities have been present for years and he's with you not other women. Both of you have lots of time so go easy and try on your great smile and trust till there's a concrete reason not to.

You need to understand that being 18 is a milestone... he is finally allowed in clubs. That is a big thing for 18 year olds. His guy friends are probably really wanting him to go.

How long until you turn 18?

Maybe you could sit down and talk to him. The main focus of a "club" is dancing. So if you tell him that is why you are concerned... just talk to him. Tell him you don't mind him going to hang out with his friends, but you would prefer him not to be grinding on every girl that looks his way.

Trust is a big thing. If he thinks you don't trust him, your relationship is slowly going to crumble.

The same thing is going to happen when he turns 21 and you are still 20. He is going to want to go out to the bars. 18 and 21 are big milestones, and people want to experience what they once couldn't.

I agree with everyone else... plan a night of your own. Have a fun girls night!

My husband and I set up guy nights and girl nights. You need to have that time with your friends. These kind of things make a relationship stronger.

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I think I should talk to him and tell him how I feel and let him go.

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He is 18, neither his mama or you, can tell a grown man what to do. Either trust him, or give him his freedom. How long does a relationship last, if one partner tries to control the other?

Well the first night my ex turned 18 he went out on the town and cheated on me.
So id say its not fair

Going to a club doesn't automatically mean he's going to cheat. And if he is the type to cheat then keeping him home one night isn't going to stop him. And since when did dancing become cheating?

How long have you been dating? Give us a little more background on the relationship...

Anyway, its completely understandable why anyone would feel uncomfortable with their partner going to a club. What's the point of a club? What do you do at a club? You drink, you smoke, you dance, and you flirt.
If it was any less than that then there should be no reason why 'the guys' wouldn't go to a coffeeshop or fishing.
Now, as it has already been stated, 18 is a big thing in a guys life. But it might be that this guy is more focused on this 'im 18 and free' stage of his life than he is in being in a great relationship...

I'm 24 and I've been down that road but you have to understand that men are going to be men and its probably true that he want to go to dance with other girls or to see who's there that's why as a woman you have to be on your Ps and Qs so you don't have to worry about things like that if you don't want him to go out then you have to do something that's going to top that club such as buying you something skimpy and dance for him yourself trust me he would want to stay at home to get a lap dance from his girl then to go to a club

Nobody has the right to control another persons social life.. event their partner.
If you are with the right person you should know intuitively that they will not cheat on you. Regardless of how attractive they are!

If you try to control someone you will eventually loose them.
It may be easier to know that there is no chance they can cheat or meet someone else when they are with you... but you have to remember whatever will be will be and if he is not for you.. it will come out in the end..

I agree with GlendaofOz and Macksmom. However, there are a bunch of drunk slutty girls that come up to guys and just start dancing with them out of no where. If you find out he danced up on another girl, I would definitely be mad. Its just a tough situation. I would like to go out to clubs with my girl friends to just have fun, laugh.. not to dance with any guys. But I know my boyfriend would get mad and worried. Also, I know if he went to a club with his friends I would be upset and worried, but sometimes you just have to let each other do what you want to do. And if you find out he was dancing all on other girls, then you'll know that he's not worth your time. I guess that's the lesson, no one wants to really realize that their bf/gf is up to no good, but sometimes you got to let them do what they want to see that so you can move on. Good luck =)

Bottom line is you can't control another person. My ex used to dance with other woman but he always came home to me. Always! HOWEVER he did leave me for some girl he works with. So do you think I shouldn't have let him have a JOB? My point is, going to clubs or going to work makes no difference if they decide they want someone else you can't prevent it.

Ummmm, Me and my Other AND a married couple that we know NEVER go to an alcohol serving establishment without the SO. Our friends have been together 8 years, married for 5, and both agreed that it was best to never go without the other to prevent any distrust from happening. I, on the other hand, moved to my SO's hometown, made new friends and went out a few times without him, he was OK with it, but when he decided that he was going to start going out a lot without me, I freaked out! LOL
I was like "OK, I'm not going out without you anymore cause I feel uncomfortable about you going out without me" May sound childish, but I don't care. It's working great for us, he agrees, as it could cause problems in the future. He's free to go anywhere else he wants and do whatever else he wants (to a point!) just not where there are drunk women looking for man meat! And, as long as we always RESPECT each other, were fine :)

Putting your fears, and insecurities, and opinions on someone else rarely works. To make ultimatiums is an invitation for disaster.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Putting your fears, and insecurities, and opinions on someone else rarely works. To make ultimatiums is an invitation for disaster.

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No, the bottom line in my post was RESPECT... Don't do things that you wouldn't want done to you.
If we just stay away from those situations, there won't be any problems.

No one has any respect for anyone else anymore. It's all me, me, me. I want, I need, I like... Well what about the other half in your life? Are they happy? Are they fulfilled? Are they secure?

My whole point is that hardly anyone cares anymore... well, in my personal view anyway.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Putting your fears, and insecurities, and opinions on someone else rarely works.

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Ya know, this is the second time (as far as I know) that you said this to me.

What exactly is wrong with me using my own experience to answer/respond to a question?

I don't think there's anything wrong with it, it's MY own opinion. What worked/works for me might not always work for others but it MIGHT work for some.

This goes for everyone. Sometimes, you're a little too worried about what EVERYONE else posts, not what the ORIGINAL POSTER asked.

With that said... Have a nice day :D

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No, the bottom line in my post was RESPECT... Don't do things that you wouldn't want done to you.

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I agree and live by this, my only point was that you have to understand and evaluate whether your opinion is so absolute, as to disregard some one else's point of view. You cannot get your way in controlling another human, using RESPECT as a basis of your own opinion. They may feel differently. Respect is a two way street, not a weapon of manipulation, and if you demand it, you must give it.

Oh c'mon now,

You cannot possibly expect a guy to sit around never going anywhere because his g/f won't let him. The chances of him finding someone else because you won't "let" him go out are wayyyyy higher than him actually going to a club and cheating on you. Listen, clubs are not just places where guys and girls hook0up and this and that, people go because that's what everyone does, guys go because their friends are going and it is just a common place. I mean if its someone's birthday and your in your teens you will almost always pick a club for lack of anything else to do y'know!

If someone is going to cheat he/she isgoing to cheat, whether he goes to a club or he goes to the store, just cause he goes to a club means nothing, I WISH every time I went to a club I picked up girls, its not what you think. All I know forsure is that if you play the"what about me" card you'll drive him away more quick than any club would, that's a promise.

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Sometimes, you're a little too worried about what EVERYONE else posts, not what the ORIGINAL POSTER asked.

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Just to set the record straight, I was responding to the OP, not you.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Just to set the record straight, I was responding to the OP, not you.

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Ohhhhhhh... See, sorry... I only assumed it was meant for me because you have said that to me before, in another post :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by self_lnflicted_hell

Ohhhhhhh...See, sorry...I only assumed it was meant for me because you have said that to me before, in another post :rolleyes:

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I hope what I said helped, you and the OP.:)

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I agree and live by this, my only point was that you have to understand and evaluate whether your opinion is so absolute, as to disregard some one elses point of view. You cannot get your way in controlling another human, using RESPECT as a basis of your own opinion. They may feel differently. Respect is a two way street, not a weapon of manipulation, and if you demand it, you must give it.

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The only control a person can have over anothers life is whether they are in it. MOST of the time ultimatums are wrong, but if you feel strongly enough about something then you need to make one. Just not empty ones that mean nothing...

Sorry Leidenschaftlich, but what exactly are you disagreeing with in my post?

Playing with the what about me card. Thing is, if any guy, or girl ,cared about their partner, they would have already thought that question through. "What about them?" and you could contest and say that the girl not being cool with the guy going out isn't caring about him, but I don't see an event of one night being worth hurting the one you love.

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Originally Posted by romesgirl

My boyfriend keeps on saying he wants to go to the club. The first time he seid something he was like i want to go on Halloween and i told him he could go but id go to a wild party if he went. Then he told his friend he might go this weekend. Hes 18 and im 17 otherwise wede go together. Personally the only reason guys go to the club in my mind is if they are going to meet someone or to dance with girls. I dont want to tell him that because i dont want him to question my trust, but i dont think its right for him to go out dance with girls and me stuck at home doing nothing.

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You are correct. If he wants to keep you he needs to change his ways and be more mature about the relationship. It is hard at that age to not want to try new things and new people and see what the world thinks of you at a club. But clubbing involves men and women dressed seductively to see what attention they get. Not a good place to go with a date or on your own unless you are shopping. Sure he can club, but he risks losing you, because you can be clubbing too. If the two of you value your relationship, the two of you would spend the time together away from clubs. Try some things one on one like walks and watching TV. :D

O.k,well you posts have a very fairytail ring to them, which is fine if you are in that relationship but what you say is very misleading. By your logic where does it end exactly? There are manythings people this age experiment with and try out, it is a very tricky age but a very meaingful and fun one too. If this girl plays these cards that you suggest than yes most guys will feel like they are missing out and leave, is that wrong, I mean if I were 18 and wanted to have fun like everyone else would I be doing anything bad or hurting others? IF I cheated than yes, but like I said I can stay home and cheat as well. Your view of not worth hurtingsomeone is wayyyy over the top at this age and to suggest that this young man be "banned" from hanging out with his friends because his girl feels left out is just plain wrong. It indicates a total lack of trust and really puts this guy into an awkward position.

Like I said earlier, where does it end? You can't gotoclubs without me,I don't want you to drink or anything, you must have me around at all times, yeah that does not sound like a fairy tale to me sweetheart. So lets hold off a bit with hurting the one you love, all he wants to do is BE 18!!

Oops, the above post is for Leidenschaftlich.

I agree with BMI, if someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat, no matter where they are "allowed" to go. If you give him restrictions and tell him what he can and cannot do, it is likely that he will do those things just to spite you. You can express your feelings about the situation, but its not a good idea to boss him around.

Also, when he goes out, you can go out too. You aren't glued to your couch. Go out and have some fun! You don't have to sit around and wait for him to get home.

It all boils down to trust. If you can't even trust him to go out to a club with friends, how do you think you will cope in the relationship in the future? For example, if he has to go out on a business trip? You need to trust him.

Maybe I do have a fairytale romance, but is that too much for any woman to ask? Or man? Its fine if a guy wants to go out and get his party time done with, but let him either decide between a relationship or the partys.
And as I read my post to my husband, he answers a simple "yeah". "There is nothing wrong with either one of those, they just can't co-exist"

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Originally Posted by Leidenschaftlich für Wahr

Maybe I do have a fairytale romance, but is that too much for any woman to ask? Or man? Its fine if a guy wants to go out and get his party time done with, but let him either decide between a relationship or the partys.
And as i read my post to my husband, he answers a simple "yeah". "There is nothing wrong with either one of those, they just can't co-exist"

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Your fairytale romance can't and won't apply to everyone. Everyone has their own wants and needs, and people can't agree 24/7. Making someone decide between their relationship and going to a club is not fair. That is called giving an ultimatum, and as Tal said earlier, its an opening for disaster.

Again I diagree, let him not have to decide between his parties and his girl. Of course this coversation is contingent on what level of partying we are talking about, 6times a week and I agree with you. However, as far as I know the original poster said he wants to go to a club, 1 club, that's it, I think you may have jumped to the conclusion this is an ongoing thing that is causing problems and I don't have any evidence to support that.

IF he is partying in moderation than he can have a meaningful realationship and be an 18 year old at the same time, w/o ever having to choose, the girl is causing him to choose and creating theproblem by making him do that.

I am happy you do live in a fairy-tale relationship and thatis great, HOWEVER, just because you dodoes notmean it is reality to expect it from everyone. Some people would rather stay with their love than go out and have fun, fun is staying with that person, but because it works for you it may not work for others. Unfortunetly, we usually do not marrythe first person we love and you cannot expect an18-year oldto devote his entire life to his g/f at that ageand then compare it to say a marriage, at the time your married you are much more mature and your priorities are much different than whenyou are "exploring" the dating scene.

That's my word.

Hello, I am the "Fairy-tale" husband... I have read this post in it's entirety, and am kind of depressed. It is sad to see so many people in this world with so much to offer being caught up in meaningless issues such as this. It is very simple if you really look at things. First you must ask yourself a few questions... 1- Why am I getting into a relationship? 2- What do I have to offer the other person in this relationship? 3-What am I willing to compromise to be in such relationship? 4-What will be the result of this relationship?Now considering these previously stated questions, you should see whether you really should be "in" a relationship. At 18, it is difficult for me to believe that any 18 year old boy has enough understanding of life to be in a relationship. There of course are few exceptions. When I see the originally posted question, I understand both sides of the viewpoints. The true question for both people should be whether they should be in a relationship period. I will give it to you simple... Relationship SHOULD = eventual MARRIAGE, if you have any other delusion about that, then you are willingly hurting people and that is wrong! Going to clubs is a dangerous place to be for someone in a "relationship."

Relationship should = marriage? Are you serious? So people should marry the first person they get into a relationship with? That is not only unrealistic, but it can be dangerous (relationship wise). If I married the first guy I got into a relationship with, I can say that without a doubt I would be a member of the world of divorcées.

Going to clubs is not as dangerous as you may think. I am married, and I still go to clubs. What does that mean about me? Do I cheat on my husband just because I step foot into a club? No! Some people have fun fishing, some people have fun swimming, and some people have fun going to a club and dancing. I don't see why he should have to give up something that he has fun doing in order to be in a relationship. Like I said before, it boils down to trust. If she doesn't trust him, then she is the one that shouldn't be in the relationship.

**EDIT** - or are we just not supposed to be in relationships without the intent of marriage? What about people that never plan to get married? Are they just supposed to be alone forever?

Good points guys!

I think at 18 your main focus is not marriage, I mean I read a lot of posts in here where 15/16 year olds are talking about marriage and children, THAT is dangerous. To approach every relationship as a serious, marriage to be, typeof thing isvery dangerous indeed. I myself thoughtthefirst girl I dated was the "one", ifi had acted upon those feeling and took the relationship soooo seriously thani would have made a huge mistake in that I was too naïve anddid not know the first thing about love and such. So I will agree withtheage factor, however, relationships that do NOT end in marriageare also very healthy and meaningful to someone that age. I look back on some ex girlfriends and though we did not last therelationships and thetimes we had contributed to who am today, and also to how ifeel about myself, that is not a useless thing. I stand by thefactthat going out and having fun can be done appropriately and have absolutely no negative effect on a relatinship.

And I donotmean any offence whatsoever when I referred to youoryourwife as having a "fairytale" relationship, in hearingyou both speak I think what you haveis wonderful and I am happy you found it, I just view the party issue differently is all:)

Oh, good points Nautical, we seem to see eye to eye on this issue, BUT ALAS you are married and it jyust wouldn't work... LOL!

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Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

or are we just not supposed to be in relationships without the intent of marriage? What about people that never plan to get married? Are they just supposed to be alone forever?

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Erm... Yes!

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Originally Posted by Leidenschaftlich für Wahr

Erm... Yes!

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So people shouldn't be allowed to have companionship without marriage? LOL.. thank goodness you don't make the 'rules of relationships'.