So, once again I am in dire need of help.

So my girlfriend was hanging out yesterday and was in my bed, she had her eyes closed and was just resting. I didn't know she was fast asleep and I was just laying there rubbing her stomach and legs and she likes when I rub her on her lower gut right where there would be pubic hair (she's clean there). She was all smiling and such so I thought she was awake and pretending to be asleep because sometimes she does that and I gently put a finger in her (we've been having sex for a long time) and finger her and she was still smiling, then I guess she woke up. Stormed out and wouldn't just talk to me. I was trying to stop her and talk to her and she wouldn't listen to me and sped off. I went to her house later and she basically through me out and that was at about 8pm. She hasn't replied to my calls or tried to talk to me about this until about 45 minutes ago (around 2pm) and doesn't want to talk to me, and is mad at me and doesn't know if she wants to be with me anymore after we were doing fine.

I told her that I know what I did was wrong, but that I thought she was awake and that if I knew she was seriously sleeping that I would never EVER do anything to disrespect her like that. I have never done anything to hurt her and I've always tried to be the best boyfriend I can. I love this girl with all of my heart and I'm afraid I've just lost her. I've apologized to her a million times and I know it was stupid of me to keep calling her and trying to fix the problem especially since when she doesn't want to talk to someone, you can't force her and she just gets more mad. I wasn't thinking and I acted wrongly.

I think it would be a different situation if we had never had sex or anything and I knew she was asleep. But I really thought she was playing and awake.

I'm so upset and I have to see her at 6pm for class.

What do I do? How should I handle the situation? I don't want to lose her and we've been through a lot together.

Please, I need your help.

You've apologized to her. Given the circumstances I think you've been reasonable. If she's going to be that stubborn and unforgiving then maybe you need to rethink this relationship. I'd leave her alone for a while and give her some time to herself, to think things over. Meanwhile, you may find that this really wasn't meant to be after all. If not, then you're going to have to eventually insist that she take a stand one way or the other as she cannot keep you in limbo indefinitely.

Sounds like you have been going with her for a while, if that's the case, she is just using what you did as an excuse to dump you. Try to find out if there is someone else.

That's a very surprising story.. it almost sounds as though she was molested, because of the way she overreacted to what you did. Do you live in the US or in another country.

Ive never heard of anyone overreacting like this. Its definitely an outrageous reaction to have. Maybe something else is going on. Are you saying you are still in high school. Sometimes its hard to tell how old people are because they never mention it here. :)

I don't think she's using it as an excuse, she and I have both been cheated on and we both decided that if there ever was someone else. We would talk about it and decide what to do. But we would never cheat on each other. I think she is being ridiculous though. What I don't understand is that we've been together over a year and a half, and we've had sex for about a year now. And now she feels like I took advantage of her? I seriously have never lied to her and I told her that. I asked her "why would I lie to you?" and she said "to cover your " and I said to her that she can still be mad at me afterwards, but why would I go and admit that I made a mistake and tell her what had happened in my view if I was trying to cover my . She then said that she was not smiling or moaning or whatever because she "knows how she sleeps." If I'm not mistaken, a lot of people smile, talk, and do things while they are asleep. She seriously was smiling and I didn't finger her or anything and was just massaging her, and literally like 15 seconds after I started she woke up and got all pissed.

She then said how she felt sick to her stomach the whole night (why I don't know, because I don't feel this is a big of a deal as it seems to her) and that she wanted to take like 5 showers.

I think she might be looking for an excuse because she knows she looks stupid right now.

I really care about this girl, I want to be with her.

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Originally Posted by cerulean

Thats a very surprising story.. it almost sounds as though she was molested, because of the way she overreacted to what you did. Do you live in the US or in another country.

Ive never heard of anyone overreacting like this. Its definitely an outrageous reaction to have. Maybe something else is going on. Are you saying you are still in high school. Sometimes its hard to tell how old people are because they never mention it here. :)

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We are both sophomores in college, (both 19) we are in the U.S. I took her virginity, and I would never molest her or do anything like that. I made a simple mistake in judgement and she is acting completely immature.

I made my apology, and I made a damn good one too.

I don't get it. Why was she so upset? Isn't that what long-time lovers do, touch each other whether awake or asleep? In fact, isn't that how a lover (male or female) gently wakes up the other for lovemaking?

Give her time and space for a bit. I wonder what she will say to you to explain her anger.

Well it sounds like she has issues with personal space and control, and almost all people do. Ive also seen many people smile in their sleep so I know its done.. anytime you're having a dream you can make you smile, or you hear a joke in your mind while sleeping, can make you smile.. Ive felt myself smile in my sleep right before I woke up.

Well it sounds like she feels as though someone took advantage of her and exerted control over her. Sounds like in no way would she want to be controlled. It still sounds though that she's been touched by someone else at one point.

Maybe she should film herself when she sleeps to see if she smiles or not, although not wouldn't be the time! Lol

She will have to get over this experience and that takes time. The best best is to avoid her because you've explained everything.

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Originally Posted by Kevin_s

I don't think she's using it as an excuse, she and I have both been cheated on and we both decided that if there ever was someone else. We would talk about it and decide what to do. But we would never cheat on each other. I think she is being ridiculous though. What I don't understand is that we've been together over a year and a half, and we've had sex for about a year now. And now she feels like I took advantage of her? I seriously have never lied to her and I told her that. I asked her "why would I lie to you?" and she said "to cover your " and I said to her that she can still be mad at me afterwards, but why would I go and admit that I made a mistake and tell her what had happened in my view if I was trying to cover my . She then said that she was not smiling or moaning or whatever because she "knows how she sleeps." If I'm not mistaken, a lot of people smile, talk, and do things while they are asleep. She seriously was smiling and I didn't finger her or anything and was just massaging her, and literally like 15 seconds after I started she woke up and got all pissed.

She then said how she felt sick to her stomach the whole night (why I don't know, because I don't feel this is a big of a deal as it seems to her) and that she wanted to take like 5 showers.

I think she might be looking for an excuse because she knows she looks stupid right now.

I really care about this girl, I want to be with her.

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A previous boyfriend tried to take advantage of her before. She was still a virgin, and he like laid up naked next to her and tried to finger her. I'm her first real relationship, she doesn't show emotion well and she has the "i can do everything myself" attitude. She tries to be a tough girl. She doesn't make sense to me right now. Regardless of what happened, at least I tried to show her that I am sorry for hurting her feelings and that I will never do that again. I told her that I loved her and I never meant to hurt her feelings like that.

Then you have done all that's required in this situation. Now it's her turn.

Try the other approach, she may have been abused, just talk with her, ask her why it makes her angry, tell her you love her and you want to understand. She may open up and tell you

I've tried that. Right now she just doesn't want to talk to me. She said so herself, and she said the only reason why she called is because I've called her a bunch of times trying to talk to her. If I go to her house to try to talk to her, she'll throw me out again because she feels "disgusted" which I don't know why.

OK, it's hard but leave her for a day if you love her that much, send her the biggest bunch of flowers with a card wait to see if she calls, then start over.

I don't know if I should just be up front with her about her being ridiculous and that we've been together for almost 2 years now and that she should know me better than that. Or if I should just try to show her how sorry I am and assure her it would never happen again.

I have that feeling that she's going to take this out on me for a while and never forget it. I don't know what to do anymore.

I hate this crap heh.

Depends, do you act the way you have just written, or are you a bit more sensitive.
If you act with her the way you have written then yes you should. But if you are sensitive with her no.
Still sounds like she was abused or she is using it to finish with you, either way you have to find out.

I tend to be more sensitive. I think I might just order her a big bouquet with a little poem on the card to show her that I am sorry for this. If she still doesn't want to call me. Then I just wasted like $50.00 oh well.

Then you call her, at the end of the day you did nothing wrong and you need conclusion as to what exactly happened and why.

I can't call her, she won't answer the phone. She's literally ignored me since 9pm last night.

Don't overdo the calling just give her time to cool down. Try thre flowers before you call again.

I'll just order some flowers to be sent to her tomorrow and have a little I'm sorry poem on the card and leave the rest to her.

If I do send her flowers, will she think I'm trying to buy her love?

Don't overthink this, the only thing you can do is send her the flowers and not contact her. ONLY time will let her cool off, but the flowers are a nice way of letting her know you will be there for her when she does cool off.

OH boy Kevin!!

Your handling this the wrong way... There is something else going on here, I hope I'm wrong but your missing something.

This girl is either going off you or is interested in someone else!!

Boy wondergirl was spot on, touching your girlfriend lover whatever while she is sleeping!! IS GREAT!!

I was with my girlfriend for 3 years and I used to take her pants pigamas of whatever off while she was sleeping and go for it with her while she was asleep. Sometimes she was playing and wasn't asleep but there was times when she was really asleep and didn't even no what happened and woke up during the sex...

There is nothing wrong with that for a long time I use to wake up some times during the night and id play with her, sometimes it may annoy her cause she was sleeping but truly mate she would love it if she was interested in you totally. Its paqrt of the relationship...

There is more to the story here she should have been happy for you to be tiouching her...

You don't need to apologise you only need to say listen I like touching you all the time I'm sorry if you think I over stepped it but I enjoy touching you all the time.

If she really likes you and wants you she will love you touching her while she sleeps.

Sorry to say but therres a bigger issue here and its not molestering it's the fact that she isn't that into you!!

Did you end up sending flowers?
How did it all go

I would just let her cool off for a day or so, and then call.

No flowers no nothing

First things first. No I have not sent any flowers or such. We had a speech class tonight and she gave her speech and during a break I simply said that she did a perfect job on it and complimented her, I meant it, but I'm hoping it will also show that I care.

I am going to wait a day or so before I decide on ordering her flowers. She wants space so she's going to get it. My only issue is that she's basically asked for 2 breaks. She's a very stubborn yet indecisive person and I don't know if there is another person, she's been great and we spend a lot of time together so I doubt she has been with anyone.

I know she had a crush on some personal trainer, but I've had crushes on other people and we both know the boundaries and we know that we want each other.

I think the fact that I took her virginity plays a big role in this in that she doesn't have the sexual experience, she's a very reserved person so it may be more that she feels her personal space was invaded rather than the sexual side. However, since someone else attempted to do that and it scarred her may be bringing up old scars.

I talked to a close female friend of mine who also knows her and she agreed that I'm not the kind of person who would ever purposely step my boundaries.

From what I've gathered here I think I'm just going to give her some time to herself, no calls, no messages, no flowers, nothing (thanks mckenzie134) and then see how things go, I don't want her to think that I'm pulling out of her life because then she might think that I WAS trying to take advantage of her which is not the case, so then I'll simply send her some flowers with a I love you and I'm sorry attached to it, and just see how she reacts.

I don't know if she's not interested in me anymore, if anything she's shown lately that she's MORE interested in me. I know she's not a touchy feely person and kind of feels smothered a lot since I am a very affectionate person, so I'm trying to calm it down a bit.

Also to Talaniman, you've helped me quite a bit before, and I will surely give he some space and just sort of prepare myself for the worst case scenario, at least then I won't feel like an idiot if she breaks up with me over something as stupid as this.

She needs to realize what she's missing out on and how I've been with her through thick and thin, waking up at 3am and going to the hospital when she had surgery so I could support her and calm her down. And then having to go to school at 7am for a few hours and then work for a while and come back with a huge bouquet for her room to wake up to and how I waited by her bed for a few hours before she woke up.

Anyway, I appreciate all of the information, I'm hoping for the best, I don't think she's cheating since we both agree it's wrong. I'm just going to give her time to cool off and show her I have the best intentions.

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Originally Posted by Kevin_s

So, once again I am in dire need of help.

So my girlfriend was hanging out yesterday and was in my bed, she had her eyes closed and was just resting. I didn't know she was fast asleep and I was just laying there rubbing her stomach and legs and she likes when I rub her on her lower gut right where there would be pubic hair (she's clean there). She was all smiling and such so I thought she was awake and pretending to be asleep because sometimes she does that and I gently put a finger in her (we've been having sex for a long time) and finger her and she was still smiling, then I guess she woke up. Stormed out and wouldn't just talk to me. I was trying to stop her and talk to her and she wouldn't listen to me and sped off. I went to her house later and she basically through me out and that was at about 8pm. She hasn't replied to my calls or tried to talk to me about this until about 45 minutes ago (around 2pm) and doesn't want to talk to me, and is mad at me and doesn't know if she wants to be with me anymore after we were doing fine.

I told her that I know what I did was wrong, but that I thought she was awake and that if I knew she was seriously sleeping that I would never EVER do anything to disrespect her like that. I have never done anything to hurt her and I've always tried to be the best boyfriend I can. I love this girl with all of my heart and I'm afraid I've just lost her. I've apologized to her a million times and I know it was stupid of me to keep calling her and trying to fix the problem especially since when she doesn't want to talk to someone, you can't force her and she just gets more mad. I wasn't thinking and I acted wrongly.

I think it would be a different situation if we had never had sex or anything and I knew she was asleep. But I really thought she was playing and awake.

I'm so upset and I have to see her at 6pm for class.

What do I do? How should I handle the situation? I don't want to lose her and we've been through a lot together.

Please, I need your help.

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Hey
This must be very hard and upsetting for you

You should try to send her one message
Im sorry, I will give you some space. If you need me I'm here (sorta thing)

Then if she doesn't contact you then try giving her a call maybe after a few days. Was anything upsetting happening in her life like home problems etc? Maybe she's a little stressed out

Try not to worry too much about it. Let me know how you get on xxx

We're both full time students and she's doing around 30hrs/week for work, I'm working a full 40hours a week with a 30 minute commute each way.

Her mother doesn't really do much (lives with mom) and the mom drinks a lot. We both have a lot going on this week so I think she's stressing out and trying to just cut me and this issue out for a bit and work on her school stuff. I'm just going to keep dressing sharp be there for her and I'll send her some flowers probably today.

Kevin

For some reason I keep feeling like crap about this, especially since I have no control over what she thinks or wants. It's like I'm wrongly accused and I'm stuck doing the time.

I've noticed I've neglected my body in that I haven't eaten anything today, and I only had like a banana yesterday. I just completely lost my hunger. This needs to be resolved soon.

You can let yourself grieve - there is nothing wrong with that. As long as at some point you realize you can't help what's going on (Everyone likes control and when they encounter situations they can't they often go to their whits end). At least you recognize you need to eat. The first week of my break up, I didn't even see that.

I mean, we're not even broken up and she just is treating me so coldly. She's basically wanted 2 breaks already because she's not an affectionate person a lot and I am and I think she feels smothered. But I told her that I can't do this again and that if she wants another break it will be just too hard on me. Which is true, and I told her once that I would never go back to an ex girlfriend... but if she and I break up she may a different circumstance.

I don't know I just miss her so much and we've had class together and she's been... indifferent.

Why is she so afraid to talk to me basically?

To be honest - when I was her age I didn't know what I wanted and was extremely selfish.
She sounds a lot like me when I was 18- JUST recently - and trust me, something will happen to help her realize that something needs to be done about her actions (Whether its now or later).
I was not an affectionate person either - but I recently found out why. There is usually an underlying issue - but once again, it took me 7 years to have something open up my eyes and see the real deal.

When she becomes in touch with her emotions instead of using her rational mind all the time she will become overwhelmed and things will change.

By then I think it will be too late.

She looks after her dad a lot who is a big tough cop. She tries to be like him a lot and she's always been like needing discipline and wanted to go into the army for the longest time. She's now considering the police force which I have supported her decisions and offered information or help to the best of my ability for anything she chose.

She tries to be a tough girl and doesn't want my help for ANYTHING. I think she needs to understand that I'm not trying to do things for her, but that I'm trying to offer her support so she can make the best personal decision.

The past 2 months have been great, we went to tahoe together and recently she was talking about how she doesn't want to move out yet, but when we hit 2 years or so how she would maybe talk to her mom about letting me stay over or live there or possibly moving out. Which is weird since she's talked about these future things and then suddenly after this doesn't know if she wants to be with me?

I'm hoping she's just angry and will realize her ways and understand that I want her in my life and I'm here for her... and especially that I love her dearly.

Heydo you have msn

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Originally Posted by Natalie loves Kammron

Heydo you have msn

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No I do not, I have AIM though.

Don't think I have that.. Just got this today :D

Should I just try to fix this now and just send her some flowers to receive tomorrow since its our day off tomorrow?

I've ordered some flowers and attached a apology note to it. I'm also going to hand write a full apology with a poem I will write just so she knows I care.

KEVIN I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR HOW THE FLOWERS GO.. pLEASE LET US KNOW. THAT WAS COMPLETELY THE WRONG THING TO DO I BELIEVE.

What you must understand is that you have done nothing wrong in this situation but you are blaming yourself. You are becoming a wuss and letting this girl walk all over you. In the end this relationship will not work as she will have total control over you. Doing what you did matethere was nothing wrong with that, you are getting carried away and she is just taking you for a ride. There is more to this than you think by sucking up you are showing you were wrong when you wernt and you are looking weak in her eyes and she does not want that.

I hope this works for you and I hope the flowers work and they may but if they don't completely drop off...