Ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year now,he's my world and I love him more then anything, he asked me out 6months strait before I said yes, and from there on we just fell head over heels for one another, in the beginning everything was perfect, we were with each other all the time and when we wernt we were on the phone with one another,he'd tell me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me, he would call me all the time for no apparent reason just to talk, want to see me all the time, do everything with me, it felt like we were together for years, but about 2 months ago, things have changed, he hardley ever calls me, never wants to see me,hardley ever tells me he loves me or calls me the "pet" names he normaly would, never makes plans with me and when he does he always come up with some lame excuse witch is usaully, "i'm so tired" or "i'm working late again" last min to get out of it, I think I'v only seen him 4 times this hole month, when I've talked to him about it he says "your completly right honey, i love you and i'll try to be a better boyfriend" but the next day he's at it again, I've even broken up with him and he calls me saying "this doesnt feel right i love you more then anything and want to be with you, i'm just busy" so me being a beliver went back to him only to find it back to the way things were a few days later... I know he would never cheat on me, but I'm just so sick of crying, being let down and feeling alone, I have no idea what to do or what's happening, is it me? Am I being to needy? Pease someone help me understand or figure out what to do?? HELP!

First, never, never make someone else the center of your universe.

Some guys go all out when chasing a girl, and once she's his, they tend to slow down and get out of the fast lane.

He just might be tired due to school or job.

This sounds to me like you count on him to help you through day to day life and that should not be happening. You should be catching up on your schooling, friends and other interests also and not put everything on hold for him. You should also not expect him to drop everything in his life for you.

Go about normal life, and give him a break.

If it's over, there is nothing you can do to get him back. If it's not over, then give him space to breathe.

This all sounds negative, but it is necessary for you to stop.. think... and get your life back. You deserve to be happy.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

You'd think after being together for a year he would call me when he has something to talk about, but instead he texts me and it feels so impersonal, what does this mean?

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Originally Posted by Cher13

you'd think after being together for a year he would call me when he has somthing to talk about, but instead he texts me and it feels so impersonal, what does this mean?

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Have you let him know it bothers you? If not, that would be the place to start. He may not realize what he is doing.

Oh I have let him know repetedly, not rude or anything just told him that it feel very impersonal and I'd like aphone call every once in a while, like today he said I'll call you before I head to work and I had a feeling he wouldn't so I said promise, he said yes, then I received a text saying he forgot and is at work.

Well 1st of all consider the source of this advice... take a look at my post down below to see my situation... maybe I shouldn't be giving advice.

But with that said, I would try and sit him down and have a serious conversation with him about it. If he really respects you, he should do it. Sometimes texts are more convenient and some people just don't like the phone, but he should acquiesce if he cares aout you. Or if you want to play hardball, you can just not repsond to the texts, forcing him to call instead. But honestly, if you sit him down and he still refuses, you may have a larger respect issue going on.

Believe or not, some people are just weird about money!
I personally know someone would text because it's $5 unlimited.
Do u think he is cheap?

He is slightly cheep, but I think its something else

Reading some of the questions and answers posted , I'm confused on weather my boyfriend treats me bad or if I'm looking for too much out of him... I want to see him more then once/twice a week, I'd like to talk to him everyday more then once if possible(once would do tho) I want him to be involved in my life, and me in his, I just want us to be happy... is this too much to ask of my boyfriend of a year?

No you are not asking for too much. That is pretty standard boyfriend behavior. Most couples talk on the phone every day or every other day and typically see one another once a week maybe more. It all depends on both people's schedules.


What's going on with him Cher?

I really don't know what's going on with him, up until 2 months ago we'd see each other 4/5 times a week, talk 4/5 times a day, he'd always tell me he loved me and call me hun or baby, but now I barley see him, barley talk to him and when I do he always seems annoyed with me and finds any excuse not to see me, he says he loves me and wants to see me but is busy, but even when he's not busy or doing anything I never see him, I think if you love someone and want to see them, you will no matter how busy you are, am I wrong? What should I think?

How old are the both of you? How long have you guys been together? Have things been stressful for him lately?

I am 21 and he is 23, we have been together for almost a year... he has just started a new job a month ago and clamis to always half to work late, almost everyday weekday. He'll say I'm off at 4 I'll be right over after, but then he'll call me at 4 and say "i'm still wokring i'll call you when i get off", but he doesn't even call some times and when he does its not till midnight saying he just got off,and is way to tired to do anything... like working 18-20 hours 5 days a week, is he lying to me? And he gets weekends off but I never see him on the weekends he says he's busy with family or is to tired still. Just seems like he's always "saying" I'm coming to see you but never does, always "saying" I'll call but never does he even bugs out on plans last minute, like we had plans to go away together for the weekend for a month ,then the night before he tells me he has to house sit for his parents and watch there dog... are these all just excusses not to see me?

Okay you may not like what I have to say. This is just my analysis based on what you have said. I could be totally wrong but here is what I think. He wants to break up. When guys want to break up they look for reasons to not see you and make up bs excuses and say "oh I have to work late" and I have this obligation or that obligation. They will also "forget" to call you back or call you at all.

What is your sense of this situation? You're a woman you got the ladies intuition going on. What does your gut say?

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Originally Posted by Cher13

reading some of the questions and answers posted , i'm confused on weather my boyfriend treats me bad or if i'm looking for to much out of him...... i want to see him more then once/twice a week, i'd like to talk to him everyday more then once if possible(once would do tho) i want him to be involved in my life, and me in his, i just want us to be happy..... is this to much to ask of my boyfriend of a year?

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FYI... this sounds a lot like my ex-g/f prior to our problems. This, unfortunately isn't a good sign. The one thing I found out the hard way----the more you push, the more they pull.

See and that's the thing... this is why I'm confussed, I broke up with him last week! I felt the same thing, and I'm not the type of person to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me, not matter how much I loved them.. I felt things were different and this is ovious behavior of someone that wants out, but he called me telling me "this doesnt feel right, i love you more then anything, and want to be with you" but he's still acting like this!!

Okay here is what is going on. He treated you as if you were unimportant and you called his bluff and walked (good job by the way) and now he is going on no she actually walked away and didn't let me treat her badly. If you go back to him it will be great for a week to a month then he will be back to the same old patterns. You teach people how to treat you and right now you have told him you are not one to be treated badly if you go back you are telling him that it is okay to treat you bad because you will come back.

that's the best explination I have herd in a long time... I did go back though... I don't know what it is, I love him so much, and we both want the same things in life, get alonge great, I just keep thinking this time will be different, this time he means it (beacause we have talked about this 100 times already) and he says "your so right hunney, i'll try to be a better boyfriend" but for sum reason I just keep sticking around looking for excusses why he treats me like this, keep thinking once he gets a new job things will be back to the way they were or something like that, I think thinking what if I pretend I don't care anymore will that make him pay more attention to me? But I don't want to half to "pretend i dont care" about something I really do...

I'm so stuck! Everything I know and how I've been brought up is telling me to get out, but I have never felt suck a deep connection. I'm scared, not of being without him but that I won't have this connection/love for someone ever again... I know I'm young and there are plentty of guys out there but this was something special

I felt the deepest connection of my life with my ex. I thought we were going to get married in fact everyone around us was pretty convinced of it as well. We even talked about it. When we broke up I was devastated and never imagined that I would be able to get on and move on with my life. The further and further I moved myself away from the situation I was able to see that yeah we had a great connection but a relationship is way more then that. If both people aren't willing to put in the required work then it is going to fail.

Your ex has shown you that he is not willing to put in the work to keep the relationship going. He is completely unwilling - even when you talk to him about AND tell him that it upsets you- to change the behavior. What makes you think this will be any different? A week away from you is too soon to change. He just wants you now because you walked away or maybe it's a pride thing and he wants to be the one who dumps.

Wow that's to bad it didn't work out for you, have you moved on sense? Found someone else?

That's very true about both people needing to give it there all inorder for it to work, I don't know how to do it though, get out... the second he hells me what I want to hear I'm back beliving that we'll be fine

Then stop talking to him. You have to decide who you love more him or yourself? Its good that you recognize that he is simply telling you what you want to hear. Talk is cheap. Here is a great lesson that I wish I got in my early 20's was don't listen to what they say pay attention to what they do. If there is a disconnect then they are not the right person.

I've met a lot of great guys since him. Some I've had awesome connections with but not married yet. I however remain eternally optimistic.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Okay you may not like what I have to say. This is just my analysis based on what you have said. I could be totally wrong but here is what I think. He wants to break up. When guys want to break up they look for reasons to not see you and make up bs excuses and say "oh I have to work late" and I have this obligation or that obligation. They will also "forget" to call you back or call you at all.

What is your sense of this situation? Your a woman you got the ladies intuition going on. What does your gut say?

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I agree totally with what Glinda said. Guys that act this way are usually looking for a way out, but don't want to hurt you. (Even though in retrospect, they are hurting you more). Basically what it seems like he is doing is trying to make YOU leave HIM so that he doesn't have to be the one to say the words. I say let it go. See what happens. I know it sounds cliché, but it's true what they say, "Sometimes you have to let something go just to see if it will come back again." It may not seem right at the time, but love goes both ways. If he's not doing his part to keep the relationship strong, then it's not worth it. You can't play both parts. Take some time for yourself, think about things, and give him some time too! Good luck girl, hope everything works out for you (I'm sure it will... who knows, your happiness may lie somewhere you never dreamed).

Thank you for all the great insight... I helps me open my eyes, even if its just a little wider.:)

however it turns out for you remember that all people and things come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. You just have to learn to accept this and realize who your looking at for each of them. When there reason or season is over you just have to learn to let them go, even if it hurts. My mom always tells me to just relax and things will get better. Good Luck =o)

I think your holding on to a dream of what was, and its causing you a lot of misery because he doesn't give what you expect from him. For whatever reason, I think its time to leave him alone, and move on to someone who better treats you like you want. You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to and his action say, he doesn't want to make you feel wanted. Let him go and heal yourself by finding happiness without him, for your own sake.

I have read all your other posts and think you should let this go as its not worth the emotional drain on you and not worth maintaining. Find a better way to live.

:( so I had plans with my boyfriend today (who I haven't seen in 2 weeks) and for about the 100th time he called me 30mins before our pland started saying he doesn't think were going to do anythig tonight... made up some lame excuse of course and I just felt like some one riped out my heart once again, I told him that I'm getting sick of him standing me up and never having time for me, all of a sudden he freaked out and started yelling at me telling me I'm to needy, that he can't handel me and compairing me to his ex's, saying that he's sick of hearing my same sob story over and over again, and I said that the reason you keep hearing it is cause you haven't done anything about it, and we ended breaking up. It seems like I did the right thing but I amd so hurt and upset that its over I keep thinking what if I made the biggest mistake of my life? Should I have kept my mouth shut? Should we try to work this out? I'm just so friken sad right now I don't know what to do, I'm so lost!! Can anyone offer some advice?

I'm so upset feels like I can't breathe

Cher you made the best decision you could have. I really think this guy is going to keep doing this bad behavior, walking away then pulling you back in. You have to decide that the cycle is garbage and that you want nothing to do with it.

You deserve someone who will not break promises to you with some lame idiotic excuse. You are worth WAY more then that. Look at your picture you are a total doll and from what I've seen of your personality on here you are a sweet girl. You don't deserve someone disregarding you. You are better then that.

Feck him. Don't look back.

Don't let him call you needy because he is the rude piece of crap. I'm sorry but this behavior can only get worse. My last girlfriend used to complain about different things in our relationship but I never, ever stood her up. She should date your boyfriend and see what disrespectful is all about. That is very rude and highly disrespectful. To get someone's hopes up about doing something together and then backing out. And not just once. And 30 min after so you have no chance to make plans instead. Boyfriend or not, these types of people that break plans are some of the worst.

You weren't needy at all. You made a wise decision.

This is the best decision you could have made. You don't deserve someone who compares you to their exes and is always coming up with lame excuses for why he can't hang out. Good riddance to him, and one day you'll meet someone who treats you so well you'll wonder why you were ever sad over this guy!

Congratulations for cutting the confusion from your life. He wasn't worth it.

You say it was "about the 100th time" this happened. I could see where he'd call you too needy, etc if it happened once or twice. But if it's the kind of habit you're suggesting then there's definitely something not right. I think you did the right thing in breaking up with him. Now I hope you'll be strong enough to stay away. After all, how much of a "relationship" do you really have if he's constantly cancelling plans on you at the last minute and then not understanding why it upsets you? You have a "phantom boyfriend" at best and you need and deserve better than that.

I was doing OK from my breakup yesterday, realizing that I don't deserve to be treated so badly, when my ex called me/text me over and over and over till I finally answer'd only to hear how much he loved me, wanted to be with me and that us breaking up doesn't feel right... the problem, I have herd this before, not just once... my heart wants to give it another go but my head is telling me to wise the hell up, I'm so torn, I don't know what to do!

I've never been more confused and hurt in my life, as some of you know I have been having relationship troubles for the past 4 months and me and my boyfriend ended it... I was so hurt and just trying my hardest to get over it until Sunday night when I received a text message off my ex's phone saying "who the f*uck is this, and what s going oon between you and my bouyfriend"? So frantically I called him 100 times texted him 100 times but there was no answer, I couldn't sleep, was shaking violently I felt like I was about to die!! The next morning I gat a call off a random number asking me if my ex has told me about her, I was like "NO, is this a joke??? whats going on" she goes on to tell me they have been together this hole time, are ingaged, live together and the part that almost killed me was she said they just had a son together 20days ago, not to mention this was a planned pregnancy" I felt my heart sink into my stomic and almost couldn't breathe... so he calls me at the same time prettymuch, claiming it was a one night stand at a christmas party(when we wernt together), she only contacted him 4 months ago(witch makes sense for his weird behavour) that he was scared I'd leave him so he didn't tell me, and he never wanted to hurt me, and that everything she's telling me isn't true that she just is saying that cause she knows he loves me and wants to be with me and can't handel that, so now I don't know what or who to believe, I want to be with him so much and I love him more then anything but she says if he's with me she'll never let him see his son again, I don't even know what to believe... and the worst part is he doesn't even want to be with me right now, he needs to figure everything out, I told him that he should be with his son and pretend I never exsisted and not to contact me cause it just didn't seem like I fit in anywhere, but he still is and I still answer, I don't know what to do, I've never been so hurt or connfused in my life! Please someone help me with some advice!

He said he never cheated on me and wants to be with me, just not right now, am I just being strung along? I know he's going through the toughist time of his life and I want to be there for him, but am I just going to get hurt in the end?

I would believe her.

And IF she is lying this woman is always going to be a part of your ex's life since they have a child together. So she will always be causing problems if that is in fact what she is doing.

Could you call her and rationally speak to her about this? If they are living together and are engaged she will have to have some proof of all of this. If she is more then willing to provide you with proof... well if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck it's a duck.

I just have to add that reading you other post below your OP that I think you are the other woman. He wants to keep you on the side while he continues on with his life with this woman.

I really suggest talking to her.Find out what she knows about you and find out as much as you can about your ex and this other lady.