I met a man 6 months ago. (we are both divorced x 2years and 47 yrs old) I have fallen in love with him and have told him. H e says he is not ready for love, won't be for 6-12 months, he says he just can't trust his heart to anyone and its not healed yet. He knows I want more than friends and that's what he calls me, not a couple and that hurts. I feel since we are only dating each other are we not more than friends? Also he was in AA for 1 year was sober 9 months and has been back to drinking x 1 year. He says it is due to new job, new surroundings and still in pain. He has a great job, Comes over on the weekends, but has been drinking by then, drinks the whole day. We go to dinner the bar and back to my place to drink. I have one or 2 but he drinks all weekend and during the week after work drinks then goes to sleep at 830pm. He is always tired. He is a great guy, we have everything in common and I love him, But he can't commit to me and he drinks all the time. My friends tell me to leave cause he's an alcoholic and he won't change.(he lives with his parents, has no bills, but loves the drink) And he also loves women, talks about how hot all these women are when we are out and all the women he had including his ex and still talks to her.He stares when out with him, but I guess that's a guy thing. Should I continue with him when I love him or look for better? I hate to be alone. What do I do?

Let's see he told you he is not ready for a relationship, wants to only be friends and he is using some phantom heat ache to go back to being an alcoholic.

I'd suggest kicking this guy out of your life and finding someone who will actually be worthy of being with you.

If you stay around you are just going to get your heart kicked around. By you staying he thinks that you are fine with just being friends which is why he talks about girls around you and acts the way he does. You love him he does not love you.

So you need to decide who do you love more him or yourself?

Yes. Leave. This man is an alcoholic. You cannot help him or change him. No your love will not heal him. He is the only one who can make the decision to start drinking. And honestly you know his history and are enabling him.

If you stay you have no one to blame for your misery but yourself. You already know he is a drinker and will not stop and all his activities revolve around alcohol. By staying you help maintain an environment that says it is okay to drink like he does.

Enabler is the right word. Don't do it. You have a very sad life ahead of you if you stay. VERY SAD!

He is a drunk, and your life will be living at the bar, You can't have much else in common since that is all a drunk wants to do.

And you will just see him from bad times to worst times,

I am curious, why would you date someone who drinks most of the time?

Did he lie to you about his drinking problems or you were okay with that?

I understand he might get worse after you start dating him, but u can choose to leave him anytime you want.

If you don't want to leave him, and are blinded by the love you enjoy now, then don't complain about it.

Hello.

RUN as fast as you can... If he has stopped and started then him stopping for you is almost zero. He might play the game for a while, BUT lets be honest he doesn't treat you like th especial Lady you are drunk or sober so why stick around.

Im sure there are a number of Men that would treat you like the special you are so take your time and let Mr. Right sweep you off your feet.

Dennis777

This guy is not interested in you, he's interested in having you around. He loves the alcohol more then anybody, he has no desire to be with you or anybody else since he has a free ride at home... at almost 50 years old. I'd say you could do better.

I'd recommend that you try being alone. You can't ever know what you have to offer until you spend time with yourself, learning about yourself.

You love the man you see... but the man I see is not marriage material... so be with him... as long as you get fed up... and let go of him after awhile... he's an addict.. who is enjoying life at your expense... think about it...

No, you should not continue with him. Why? He cannot make his mind up, has gone back to drinking, admittedly "loves other women", lives at home with Mom and Dad and he is almost 50! By goodness! If you saw a movie with the main character like that you would think what a piece of garbage this guy is!

You hate to be alone and so you think that even a bad relationship is better than no relationship? That is not true. Being alone would be good for you. You can find other healthy and constructive ways to fill your day. Develop a hobby, volunteer (where you will meet other people), take a class, do something you have always wanted to do for yourself. Consider going to see a counselor and explain how you attached to a person who is a chronic alcoholic and cannot seem to get it through your head that this ia a bad relationship.

If you cannot see that you deserve better, then you do need a boost in yourself image and self esteem. Talking to a professional counselor would be a very good thing for you. Good luck.

Stay and be miserable, leave and have a chance at finding happiness. Those are the only choices you have!! Its not that hard, because he will drag you to hell with him.

As stated previously, I have been dating a man for 6 months. He is an alcoholic(was inAA 2yrs ago, sober 9 months, drinking again and loves women-talks of how many has had and many more he wants and still talks to his ex and about her). I have decided to leave him(hope that's not a mistake), but should I talk to him face to face and tell him why or call or email him? I feel I should tell him why and to him or should I just not answer the phone and cut the ties?
And I do love him, so can the two of us be friends? Is that possible with his troubles and my loving him?

Yes, I agree that you should tell him why. Face to face is better but if you don't have the courage, writing him a letter would be good, too. Good luck.

I think there are a lot of "red flags" here.

1. Alcoholic; and still drinking
2. Talks about women he has been with AND who he wants to be with
3. Still talks to his ex and talks to you about her (a lot?)

I ask you; doesn't this ring a bell in your head? I've known people like him, what he has to offer you shouldn't be taking. Unless he has shown violence before I would see him, break it off and move on. The "relationship seeds" he is planting are not going to grow love.

I work at a hospital every fri, sat, and sun overnites. I seem to have a hard time finding a guy that doesn't mind my working weekends. About 90% of the guys I have had contact with don't even want to take me on a date because of my schedule. So I met a guy, doesn't mind my schedule but he's an alcoholic. So why do people put an emphasis on when you work? Why do they care so much about weekends only?

The weekends are prime party time, and that's when most people are off work, and can go out. Don't worry you will meet someone who will enjoy being with you, despite your schedule.

I work every weekend(fri,sat and sun midnites) Would the guys out there have a problem dating a woman whom works that shift and try to be in a relationship with a woman working that shift? Are there guys themselves working the odd shifts looking for love, and having trouble finding it or is it just me?

Of course, in our office right now, we have a lady who works days and her boyfriend works evenings, I have yet figured when they actually go out, but they have been dating for some time.

There are people working all sorts of shifts and you find breakfest dates and the such to see each other

A man and woman both in their late forties have been seeing each other for 6 months, the man still considers her a buddy. Shouldn't they be more than buddies?(they are only seeing each other)

Why do you think that they should be more than buddies?? He might feel with her himself sharing all his worries and thoughts... nothing more... not every relationship between man and woman should be love sometimes friendship between them is much much better..

Ms. Redrose

If someone likes you for yourself and not after you for having fun or sex only he do his best to see you and be with you...

Ms. Redrose

First timer on here. Thought better to get advice from strangers than my own friends who will probably make things worst.
- Problem. My girl friend needs a break from not me, but to help herself. But we are broken up for the time being.
I seem to get better advice from strangers and I'm not even worried about telling my personal things to them.
We have been dating for 3.5 months. The summer we have spent EVERY day together, except weekens, Sunday, she goes to church with family and things. It was great. We both agreed we had the best summer in our lives. By the way. I am 22, Steven name, My girlfriend, is 18 ,Monica. Not really girlfriend anymore time being I guess. But anyway summer was awsome, we connected like never before. It was love at first site. Now, I was a virgin until I meet Monica, at age 22 I lost it to her. Not because I wanted to get some, I could have always did, but I wanted to wait for the perfect match for me. At same time, Monica gave it to me like the 5th time we seen each other. Think 2 weeks into relationship. Now, you may be thinking she's a slut or something but she's not, nor am I. It was really love at first site. She only had sex 2 times before me with her old Ex boyfriend, Brain. I just want to make out a point that we really really connected fast and great. OK back to the problem. The reason why she wants to break up for the time being is because she says its not fair to me that she's been thinking about her ex boyfriend. And me at the same time. This only started to happen once school started, when we seen less of each other. Now, this happened before with another boyfriend of hers, but she broke up with him, with me she says she wants to work it out. But I am not sure how too. I am very lost and confused. We broke up yesterday morning. We talked about it for some hours and decided that she does need some time to help herself with this problem. She told me she doesn't WANT to think about him, that she WANTS to be with me. She said today, "when this is over, our 2nd part of our relationship will be better than our first." I can tell she wants to still be with me but I just don't know what I should be doing at this time.
here are some textes, last time I've made connect with her.
Me to her: Monica I know what I have to do. I love you and I have to let you go for the time being until you can figure yourself out.
Her reply: =) you remember! Don't worry it will be over soon just a little time alone that's all to clear my mind.
Me to her: Monica if I don't reply or text you back just understand that I love you and I'm doing it so you can have your time alone.
Her to me: Ok thanks, Don't worry it won't be long.
Her to me: (later that night) Goodnight

" =) you remember!! " meaing she remembers that part from a movie that we just watched together on Saturday. Good Luck Chuck.
Now, as you can see she still wants to be with me, she even told me that. We already talked about getting married and having 2 kids, She already has names for them. Now she says she wants to forget him but its hard, him being her first and they dated for 3 years. So she wants this time to be able to forget him without hurting me by being with me. Now, I'm just lost on what I should do. Should I ignore her and make her realise that she does miss me and want to be with me? Should I answer when she calls and text, which I know she will. Im just clueless on what to do as of right now. My friend told me I should wait a week or so and get her flowers or osmething. But I already did that 2 weeks ago and on Monday, I gave her a poem with her fav. Color rose. Any advise or tips would be nice. I know she wants to be with me and needs space. Should I do what?
Thank you.

more information: Now she KNOWS I'm one in a million, she tells me all the time. When I first talked with her, all her friends liked me, I know I'm not a bad looking guy and she knows I'm a very good boy friend. She knows any girl would love to be with me. We know we can get through this I just don't know what I should be doing. I mean she's already excited about being with me at prom and going on a voaction with me next summer. When I taked with her yesterday, we were both crying. She was crying because she didn't want ot break up but had too and is only doing it for us. For the time being. I asked her. So am I able to go out with other girls for the time being? She said yes, theni asked do you want me to do things with them? She said no.. So its like a FOR SURE thing she wants to be with me... but I know its hard to forget about your first love... and 3 years is a long time, but she can't just do this in every relationship and she knows this. She has to forget the pass and look into the better future. Im just thinking What should I do? By the way, her parents are strict and they Won't ever allow her to see her ex, and his parents same for her..
SO its like this... is every girl like this about there first? Is it that hard to overcome? I mean.. I was yelling at her yesterday I screamed and said
"Monica enough of the bull what is it taht you want? do you want to work it out or not, what is it that you need."
she said
I want to work it out but need some time for myself. She said when she's ready she will come back to me and see if I still want to be with her.
I mean this all sounds great... but is she lying? Can she by lying to not hurt me more? I mean I was as hurt as I could get, I even told her that. Im lost... I think she's lost though.

You shoul do nothing and next time she calls Don't answer, I wouldn't be surprised if the ex boyfriend is on the seen in some way this is usually the case. Don't get your hopes up, at this stage you are in denial and I can clearly see that.
You ention I know she wants to be with me!!

That's wrong if she really wanted to be with you she would be! Clearly she does not want to be with you at the moment!
And one thing is for sure this girl DOES NOT LOVE YOU if she did she would be with you...

Don't kid yourself walk away and she will call when you don't answer she will call again let her know your busy girls love guys who are gettting on with life... Mke your life exciting and she will join!!

The ex boyfriend is not at all. She never sees him only like once a month at church if even, and her mother hates him and his mother hates her. And I thik she loves me and us, that is why she is doing this.. if she didn't love me, today she could have just said.. Look steven its over. I don't love you anymore, but she does. She just has to get though this problem. And yes you think I should ignore her? I was thinkng same thing but I wasn't sure... I mean why would she tell me in those text not to worry it will be over soon.. why not she tell me that its over.. and end it there? I mean she can't hurt me anymore than she did and we talked about it for a few hours in the morning

She is lost and wants to sort out her emotions and I would have to agree with mckenzie her ex is in the picture in some way, she is thinking about him after all. I would back off and let her come to you, if you pressure her you will lose her. It's a tough situation your in... stay strong and don't compromise yourself. She was your first and that is a strong emotion to battle, but if it was meant to be you will see it eventually...

Her EX isn't in the picture, he doesn't even talk to her, they only go to the same church and see each other like once a month or so.. but the problem is she is ONLY 18.. I am her 2nd she's been with and she only had sex with him twice, and he was her first... and I think she is just having trouble getting over it.. . think about it.. 3 years. That's a long time. And SHE KNOWS that she can never be with this guy again. I mean why would she text me those things? And why would she tell me we will work it out? I mean.. right there and then she could have just ended it... but there was NO reason too.. I never did anything wrong she's just ocnfused atm I'm thinking.

You ask what you should do? Don't do anything. Don't go out on dates or anything like that. If she calles or texts answer them. Make sure she knows that your there, and if she needs to talk your there. She needs time to just clear her head. I understand where she is coming from, and this will make your relationship stronger. You just have to let it happen. Don't pressure her about anything, because you don't want to push her away. If she loves you and you love her back then just let time take its course and the right things will happen. You can send her flowers, just so that she knows your thinking about her... And make sure that she knows that when she is ready your still going to be there...

This whole thing is still just killing me. You have no Idea how I've been treating her and been through with her. I have letters from her, from our first month together. About 5, some long 4 pages, and they are all love letters from her to me. Telling me how much she loves me and how bad she wants me to be in her life. Telling me how she trust me so good because she knows I'm a good guy. She used to tell me this all the time. "I love you more than yesterday, nothing compared with tommorow." Then it just stopped like few weeks ago.. when this problem happened. I just don't understand what is happening. I never yelled at her, never cheated or lied.. why is she doing this to me? It makes no sense. I mean we did EVERYTHING together... movies, walks on beach, nice dinners.. I've been to her family parties when and where I was the only white guy there (becuase she's mexican) I've been to church with her. What else do I have to do??

First timer on here. Thought better to get advice from strangers than my own friends who will probably make things worst.
- Problem. My girl friend needs a break from not me, but to help herself. But we are broken up for the time being.
I seem to get better advice from strangers and I'm not even worried about telling my personal things to them.
We have been dating for 3.5 months. The summer we have spent EVERY day together, except weekens, Sunday, she goes to church with family and things. It was great. We both agreed we had the best summer in our lives. By the way. I am 22, Steven name, My girlfriend, is 18 ,Monica. Not really girlfriend anymore time being I guess. But anyway summer was awsome, we connected like never before. It was love at first site. Now, I was a virgin until I meet Monica, at age 22 I lost it to her. Not because I wanted to get some, I could have always did, but I wanted to wait for the perfect match for me. At same time, Monica gave it to me like the 5th time we seen each other. Think 2 weeks into relationship. Now, you may be thinking she's a slut or something but she's not, nor am I. It was really love at first site. She only had sex 2 times before me with her old Ex boyfriend, Brain. I just want to make out a point that we really really connected fast and great. OK back to the problem. The reason why she wants to break up for the time being is because she says its not fair to me that she's been thinking about her ex boyfriend. And me at the same time. This only started to happen once school started, when we seen less of each other. Now, this happened before with another boyfriend of hers, but she broke up with him, with me she says she wants to work it out. But I am not sure how too. I am very lost and confused. We broke up yesterday morning. We talked about it for some hours and decided that she does need some time to help herself with this problem. She told me she doesn't WANT to think about him, that she WANTS to be with me. She said today, "when this is over, our 2nd part of our relationship will be better than our first." I can tell she wants to still be with me but I just don't know what I should be doing at this time.
here are some textes, last time I've made connect with her.
Me to her: Monica I know what I have to do. I love you and I have to let you go for the time being until you can figure yourself out.
Her reply: =) you remember! Don't worry it will be over soon just a little time alone that's all to clear my mind.
Me to her: Monica if I don't reply or text you back just understand that I love you and I'm doing it so you can have your time alone.
Her to me: Ok thanks, Don't worry it won't be long.
Her to me: (later that night) Goodnight

" =) you remember!! " meaing she remembers that part from a movie that we just watched together on Saturday. Good Luck Chuck.
Now, as you can see she still wants to be with me, she even told me that. We already talked about getting married and having 2 kids, She already has names for them. Now she says she wants to forget him but its hard, him being her first and they dated for 3 years. So she wants this time to be able to forget him without hurting me by being with me. Now, I'm just lost on what I should do. Should I ignore her and make her realise that she does miss me and want to be with me? Should I answer when she calls and text, which I know she will. Im just clueless on what to do as of right now. My friend told me I should wait a week or so and get her flowers or osmething. But I already did that 2 weeks ago and on Monday, I gave her a poem with her fav. Color rose. Any advise or tips would be nice. I know she wants to be with me and needs space. Should I do what?
Thank you.

more information: Now she KNOWS I'm one in a million, she tells me all the time. When I first talked with her, all her friends liked me, I know I'm not a bad looking guy and she knows I'm a very good boy friend. She knows any girl would love to be with me. We know we can get through this I just don't know what I should be doing. I mean she's already excited about being with me at prom and going on a voaction with me next summer. When I taked with her yesterday, we were both crying. She was crying because she didn't want ot break up but had too and is only doing it for us. For the time being. I asked her. So am I able to go out with other girls for the time being? She said yes, theni asked do you want me to do things with them? She said no.. So its like a FOR SURE thing she wants to be with me... but I know its hard to forget about your first love... and 3 years is a long time, but she can't just do this in every relationship and she knows this. She has to forget the pass and look into the better future. Im just thinking What should I do? By the way, her parents are strict and they Won't ever allow her to see her ex, and his parents same for her..
SO its like this... is every girl like this about there first? Is it that hard to overcome? I mean.. I was yelling at her yesterday I screamed and said
"Monica enough of the bull what is it taht you want? do you want to work it out or not, what is it that you need."
she said
I want to work it out but need some time for myself. She said when she's ready she will come back to me and see if I still want to be with her.
I mean this all sounds great... but is she lying? Can she by lying to not hurt me more? I mean I was as hurt as I could get, I even told her that.

Only time will show you what her intentions on. Trust what she is saying. She has told you that she intends to come back to as soon as she deals with what she needs to deal with.

Don't contact her, don't call, email, text, IM, send her letters, flowers, candy, singing telegrams. Let her be. Space means to leave her alone completely until she contacts you. When she has sorted through what she needs to do I'm certain she will come back. It sounds as if you two have a lovely connection and I'm sure she is not interested in throwing that away.

Best of luck with this.

If you love her, you sit back and wait. Don't stop having a social life, hang out with your friends, go out and have a good time. BUt don't be with anyone else. Make sure she knows that your there if she needs you. IF you love her, then don't let her slip through your fingers...

That's the problem... Everyone telling me something different.. some pll tell me to send her flowers... some are telling me to just say it and leave... what I do next can determine what happens between us... I'm lost. I mean... she calls or text, which I know she will... what should I do? Answer? Lie to her? Tell her I'm with a friend at the movies or something to make her jeoulous? Tell her I'm at dinner with a friend from school?

I agree... but what if I just keep thinking to myself that she will be coming back.. then in a few weeks she tells me that she wants to be single... then I will be even more crushed than I am now. So its like.. why shouldn't I see anyone else? She even told me... " dont let me keep you from seeing those girls who are interested in you."
Then I asked "do you want me doing things with them (beyond being friends)"
She said: No I don't.
So its like.. I even asked her.. Monica WHY did you break up with me... I asked her, we can get through this together, but she said she has to do it alone. Makes no sense if you ask me... And why can't I go out with other girls?? She BROKE up with me for NO Reason... a reason that she wanted to hide from me until she was better... but I sort of made her tell me what it was... I asked her what is it monica why you acting this way.. she said she didn't want to tell me but I made her and she told me this. This problem about her ex and her htinking of him. What am I suppose to do?? // wait around till my heart gets broken again??

If she calls talk to her. But don't reach out to her. This is her time. If you start bombarding her with calls or flowers or whatever she will feel that you are not respecting what she needs and she will walk.

You have to do what you feel is the rite thing to do. You have to follow your heart. SHe doesn't want you to see her upset over another guy. In my oppion. Just take it one day at a time... Thats really all you can do

Well as you read from my textes from what I sent her, last time we talked.. I told her that I won't probably answer if she textes ro calls me because I want her to her her space.. right away she replied... " dont worry wont be long" and things like that. So its like... I kind of want her to see how life is without me for a while. Same time I want her to see that I'm still here.. I was thinking of giving her a pebble.. like it is for penguins.. a pebble represents something very specail to the one you love the most. The poem I gave her, she said she put it in her locker at school hanging up, alone with the rose. I'm thinking maybe Monday ill give her the pebble in a bag or something.. JUST the pebble.. she will know what it means.. same time I might answer if she calls me... still not sure.

IM just starting to think that getting involved with someone 4 years younger than me was a mistake.. I mean why would she give me herself 2 weeks into relationstip... why would she send me textes EVERY night about " i love you so much and i miss you so much" why would she give me love letters and think about future with us with marriage and even kids names?? I mean WHY didn't she just tell me No when I first asked her out??

Sounds like you need your space from this as well. There is an old saying.. If you have a bird set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be. You both are very young. I'm not trying to diminish your feelings, but if she needs space then give it to her. You have already let her know that you are thinking about her and made your presence known. The ball is in her court. Take it from me, who has been down this road many times, sometimes this things work out and sometimes they don't.

It does hurt and it is a learning experience. If it doesn't work out, the answer why it didn't always reveals itself, sometimes sooner then later. She maybe ready to talk to you, but be prepared if she doesn't. Take a different approach. ( if she wants you, she knows where to find you ) good luck!

Drop back 10 yards and punt.

Don't give up, but don't put your life on hold while she figures out what's going on in her head. Respect her moving forward as you did while you were dating. Who knows? You may get back together some day. Heck, she may even tell her friends about how fantastic you are, and they'll want to get to know you better.

Pebbles , flowers , whatever your thinking Don't do it your not listening,, you are way to smothering no wonder this girl wanted a break you have made her your whole life... All she is asking for is some space to miss you and you can't even give her this...

Don't listen to anything she feeds you about it won't be long, why would you rush back to someone who does not feel that way about you at the moment. Take 2 weeks and relax don't answer calls, just cause she calls you it does not mean she wants to be back with you. She will give you false hope don't allow this to happen Start preparing for the worst outcome and then you won't be disapointed... Don't let her drag you along cause that is exactly what is going on here. The reason she is not just leaving is cause she still wants her foot in the door in case she changes her mind