Well this is my story:
I've been going out with an older guy. I'm 18 and he's 33. Our relationship is good. But sometimes he does this thing where he disappears. He doesn't call me or text me or anything for a whole day. Most of the time he's either drinking or doing drugs type ! He did that on Sunday and today he got mad. Saying that I need to stop trying to control him and that just because he doesn't call doesn't mean he's dead or something like that. But it hurts when he says these things to me because all I want is to take care of him. I don't want him to drink. And when he does this... I end up getting really depressed and have thoughts of suicide or thoughts of cutting (which I'm trying to stop!! ) I love this man so much! He is my first boyfriend the first person I love and the person I lost my virginity to. I'm afraid he's bored of me. That he realizes that he already got what he wanted so now he can leave me and forget me. It just hurts soooo bad. And every day I feel like I'm losing myself little by little... I just can't take it sometimes! Even my friends tel me that I look sad all the time and they want to see me happy again. I just don't know what to do! I don't want to leave him! He's my everything!! Sometimes I just wish I could die... maybe then I wouldn't be a bother to him anymore... I don't know I just need someone to help me!

You need to get this man out of your life immediately. He is not a good person for you to be around. Someone who abuses alcohol and drugs and treat you as if you are not important is not a good boyfriend. You deserve to be loved, cherished and treated with respect. You deserve to be loved the way you need to be love. No one has the right to diminish your feelings and make you feel bad enough to cut yourself.

Please run far away from him. Also, cutting is very serious behavior. Have you ever spoken to a counselor? They would be able to help you feel better about yourself and not feel the need to cut.

I'm to scared to! Not that he would ever hurt me. I'm just scared to lose him... ive just grown tooo attached to him. He sais he loves me.. but some times I just hear him say it.. but I don't feel it.

No I've never seen a counselor. I don't want to go on medications or nothing like that. I don't want anyone else to know.

Someone who loves you would not treat you this way. His actions are not those of love.

What are you scared of? Are you scared that you won't have anyone else? That's nothing to worry about. You will find someone who really loves you and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. What you are saying is that you are simply addicted to him. Well any addiction is bad too much of anything is bad. You need to go cold turkey on this. What he does start to physically abuse you? Would you stay then? You need to set boundaries for yourself.

Please reconsider seeing a counselor. If you do not want to take drugs they will not force you. There job is not to get you on drugs its to help you deal with things in your life and help you see when you are doing things that are negatively effecting you. The fact that you do not want to admit to the cutting scares me greatly. Keeping behaviors secret is not good. I feel very concerned for you. Are your parents still in your life? Do you have good relationships with anyone in your family?

That's exactly what I'm scared of! I mean I had a few guys wanting to go out with me but I ended up choosing HIM. But at first he was loving. He would ask me what was wrong if I was sad. He was there for me. Now.. its like he's over it because he already got sex. So I think... was he only nice to me to get what he wanted? Is that it. As for physicall abuse.. he wouldn't. I mean I've been around it since I was little. So to me it's a kind of norm. I remember saying once "if i annoy you just tell me to shut up, and if you want you can hit me. im used to being around it anyways"... yeah he was mad and said to never tell him that again because I meant the world to him . And he would never hurt me.

I've admitted to my cutting... I have a few friends who know. And HE knows... my parents found out last year. They just pretended nothing was wrong. So we never talked about it. Right now my relationship with them is really bad. They say they are tired of me and my brother. That they want to leave... ive heard them talking about it in secret!

Okay. Your boyfriend USED to treat you good. You should never stay with someone because they used to treat you good. You stay because they always treat you good. Not sometimes, not every now and again. Your boyfriend should make you feel good all the time. You should not spend more time upset, crying feeling hurt then you do feeling good. Its quite possible that he wanted to sleep with and he did sleep with you and now he is done. Some guys are jerks. It doesn't mean that you are not worth loving. All it means is this clown didn't care about all the wonderful things about you, he only cared about one thing.

I still think you would benefit from a counselor. Growing up in an abusive environment has effects on you now whether you realize it or not. If you can't afford it you can contact the dept of health and human services and your town. They have counselors who work there where you pay on a sliding scale. You can get help for as little as $5. Local colleges and universities with graduate degrees in psychology are even better. Students getting advanced degrees in psych need to practice and you can be a patient for them at no cost. There is no reason to not get help. Not only with the cutting but you also seem to suffer from low self esteem.

Girls your age who go through this really break my heart. I know how hard it is to be confronted with a first love who used you. I wish I could just give you a hug and let you know it will be okay.

I have to leave but I will be on later. So if I don't reply to a message don't think that I stopped caring I just will be away from my computer.

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Originally Posted by Princess_gama

well this is my story:
I've been going out with an older guy. I'm 18 and hes 33. our relationship is good. but sometimes he does this thing where he disappears. he doesn't call me or text me or anything for a whole day. most of the time hes either drinking or doing drugs type ! he did that on Sunday and today he got mad. saying that i need to stop trying to control him and that just because he doesn't call doesn't mean hes dead or something like that. but it hurts when he says these things to me because all i want is to take care of him. i don't want him to drink. and when he does this...i end up getting really depressed and have thoughts of suicide or thoughts of cutting (which I'm trying to stop!!!) i love this man so much! he is my first boyfriend the first person i love and the person i lost my virginity to. I'm afraid hes bored of me. that he realizes that he already got what he wanted so now he can leave me and forget me. it just hurts soooo bad. and every day i feel like I'm loosing myself little by little...i just can't take it sometimes! even my friends tel me that i look sad all the time and they want to see me happy again. i just don't know what to do!! i don't want to leave him! hes my everything!!!!! sometimes i just wish i could die...maybe then i wouldn't be a bother to him anymore...i don't know i just need someone to help me!

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You know pricess. It's so ironic that your user name is princess because you know sometimes we have to cherish and love ourselves so much that we won't settle for less. I feel that you really have to believe in you and have enough self worth to make some hard but good decisions in our life. I am the right one to talk because I went through a similar situation myself

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

okay. your boyfriend USED to treat you good. You should never stay with someone because they used to treat you good. You stay because they always treat you good. Not sometimes, not every now and again. Your boyfriend should make you feel good all the time. You should not spend more time upset, crying feeling hurt then you do feeling good. Its quite possible that he wanted to sleep with and he did sleep with you and now he is done. Some guys are jerks. It doesn't mean that you are not worth loving. All it means is this clown didn't care about all the wonderful things about you, he only cared about one thing.

I still think you would benefit from a counselor. Growing up in an abusive environment has effects on you now whether you realize it or not. If you can't afford it you can contact the dept of health and human services and your town. They have counselors who work there where you pay on a sliding scale. You can get help for as little as $5. Local colleges and universities with graduate degrees in psychology are even better. Students getting advanced degrees in psych need to practice and you can be a patient for them at no cost. There is no reason to not get help. Not only with the cutting but you also seem to suffer from low self esteem.

Girls your age who go through this really break my heart. I know how hard it is to be confronted with a first love who used you. I wish I could just give you a hug and let you know it will be okay.

I have to leave but I will be on later. so if I don't reply to a message don't think that I stopped caring I just will be away from my computer.

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Thank you sooo much for your help. I'm hopefully going to talk with him today. We were talking earlyer but he hung up on me while I was talking. The really hard part is that we work in the same place:( so its really sad seeing him there,
But I really want to try and move on. Its just really hard right now. You've helped me so much. Thank you. I appreciate it :]

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Originally Posted by specialwendy

you know pricess. It's so ironic that your user name is princess because you knw sometimes we have to cherish and love ourselves so much that we wont settle for less. I feel that you really have to believe in you and have enough self worth to make some hard but good decisions in our life. I am the right one to talk because I went through a similar situation myself

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I chose this name because that's the nick name I gave him. Weird huh? Its hard for me to have to think about myself though. I'm used to thinking of others first and me later. I get hurt a lot but as long as others are okay then to me it's the right thing to do. I don't want to be selfish so that's why I never put myself first.

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Originally Posted by Princess_gama

i chose this name because thats the nick name i gave him. weird huh? its hard for me to have to think about myself though. im used to thinking of others first and me later. i get hurt a lot but as long as others are okay then to me its the right thing to do. i dont want to be selfish so thats why i never put myself first.

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That is trapping that most women fall into. We put others feelings, needs, wants and dreams ahead of our own. To put your wants, needs, feelings and dreams before anyone else's is not being selfish its saying I love myself enough to know that I deserve to have my wants, needs and dreams fulfilled and that my feelings are valid. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You deserve happiness. It's a hard concept for a lot of women to get. You deserve good things in life, you really do. There is no reason for you to spend one minute unhappy in your life. If something is making you unhappy and you have the ability to change that thing, why wouldn't you? If anything gets in the way of you loving yourself and respecting yourself you just knock that thing away from you.

Princess to make others happy you must first be happy yourself! I was in a similar relationship with a nut who stayed spun out all the time. IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE trust me on this. It got so bad for me I was stuck in Cali with no $ just the cloths on my back no ID and trying to get home to Texas. Things can get really bad. As to the not calling for a whole day I don't think that's to big of a deal I mean you guys aren't married or any thing right? I am now in a relationship with a man 21 yrs older than me and he is great things will work out for you it just takes time. There are so many men out there who will treat you good don't take s*it from just this one leave him he is not worthy.

get Rid Of Him!!

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Originally Posted by CorrieNB

Princess to make others happy you must first be happy your self! I was in a similar relationship with a nut who stayed spun out all the time. IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE trust me on this. It got so bad for me I was stuck in Cali with no $ just the cloths on my back no ID and trying to get home to Texas. Things can get realy bad. As to the not calling for a whole day I dont think thats to big of a deal I mean you guys arent married or any thing right? I am now in a relationship with a man 21 yrs older than me and he is great things will work out for you it just takes time. There are so many men out there who will treat you good dont take s*it from just this one leave him he is not worthy.

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We are actually engaged. Yeah. We were in the process of planning our wedding... but I decided to leave him alone for a few days. I understand why he's acting this way... about 3 months ago he lost his 10 year old son to cancer... its hard on him to accept it. The other day I told him it would be okay and he lost it! He yelled at me saying "how can you say that to me?!!! i never want to stop loving him and i never want to stop missing him!!" I never meant for him to take it the wrong way. And he's been acting mean because its his way of coping with the loss... I hurt him... and I deserve to be punished for hurting him so bad... I just wish that things could go back to how they used to be. Back to when a small kiss and holding hands was enough to make him happy... back to when I smiled... but I'm scared that we will never go back to that.

Right now I'm trying to find a councelor its really hard though. Because I don't want my parents to know so I'm keeping it from them. But the hard part is how am I going to pay for it? I can't do anything on my own! And I'm starting to feel like I'm falling apart...

I just read your OP, seems like he has no good qualities at all.
Why would you like him?
I think to like someone it has to have many reasons... just my opinion, I could be wrong, but why would you like a man who does drug and drinks a lot?

Do you have guts?

This is gonna take guts.



Princess, if you are truly going to live like a princess you might want something that seems more obvious to an outsider than to you right now:

Your relationship will never ever ever never ever ever never never ever never never never ever ever never ever ever never never ever never never never ever ever never ever ever never never ever never never never ever ever never ever ever never never ever never never never ever ever never ever ever never never ever never never ever....work.


I know you love him, but he is not stable and right now neither are you.
So... even if he goes to rehab, it will be a lifelong battle and he does not seem to have basic civility with you on a daily basis.

If you talk to your parents they will understand. I hope. Regardless, This will take many months to get over - so be prepared for it to not be easy. But you need a THERAPIST - NOW. For recovery from this relationship and for cutting... (Their are resources available and often your doctor can give you names.. )

I am glad you reached out, and I hope it is possible for you to get on the road to recovery. It will not be easy, but choosing another road will be far worse.

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Originally Posted by Princess_gama

right now im trying to find a councelor its really hard though. but the hard part is how am i gonna pay for it?! i can't do anything on my own! and im starting to feel like im falling apart...

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Princess I told you exactly how to do so. It will can cost you nothing to as little as $5 a session.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

If you can't afford it you can contact the dept of health and human services and your town. They have counselors who work there where you pay on a sliding scale. You can get help for as little as $5. Local colleges and universities with graduate degrees in psychology are even better. Students getting advanced degrees in psych need to practice and you can be a patient for them at no cost. There is no reason to not get help. Not only with the cutting but you also seem to suffer from low self esteem.

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Originally Posted by Princess_gama

We are actually engaged. yeah. we were in the process of planning our wedding...but i decided to leave him alone for a few days. i understand why hes acting this way...about 3 months ago he lost his 10 year old son to cancer...its hard on him to accept it. the other day i told him it would be okay and he lost it! he yelled at me saying "how can you say that to me?!!! i never want to stop loving him and i never want to stop missing him!!" i never meant for him to take it the wrong way. and hes been acting mean because its his way of coping with the loss...i hurt him...and i deserve to be punished for hurting him so bad...i just wish that things could go back to how they used to be. back to when a small kiss and holding hands was enought to make him happy...back to when i smiled...but im scared that we will never go back to that.

right now im trying to find a councelor its really hard though. because i dont want my parents to know so im keeping it from them. but the hard part is how am i gonna pay for it?! i can't do anything on my own! and im starting to feel like im falling apart...

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Girl believe me I know how you fell no matter how bad my X was to me for some odd reason I always wanted to stay looking back at it now all I remember are the bad things wich took up 99% of the relationship any ways and we to were engaged for about a year I can't say for sure but I truly hope you see the light before you are in a flucked up situation like I was.I understand he went and is still going through a hard time over the loss of his son. But he is misplacing his hurt on you and that is not healthy. It can easly turn to violance and that's when the S*IT really hits the fan. You will have many bruises and un happy visits to the emergency room each time thinking it only happened once I know as you read this you are like this won't happen to me and I know no matter what any one says to you you will stay until you are ready to leave him but know this you are not alone :p

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

I just read your OP, seems like he has no good qualities at all.
Why would you like him?
I think to like someone it has to have many reasons...just my opinion, I could be wrong, but why would you like a man who does drug and drinks a lot?

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When I first met him. He was the nicest man in the world. He has a sense of humor always smiling and laughing. He was the first person EVER to tell he he loved me (not even my parents have told me they love me!! ) but I didn't just see the happy person he was. I also saw sadness in his eyes. And I wanted to help him. And friendship turned to love. And I just found out through my friend that he is still at his ex's house :(

Oh kiddo. This is no good. You cannot save someone they have to want to help themselves. Young girls fall into this trap so often. You cannot rescue him or make yourself responsible for his happiness.

If he is at his ex's house why are you not ending this? Darling I really think he is stringing you along.

Would you do me a favor? Call your local dept of health and human services and inquire about counseling, please?

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Originally Posted by CorrieNB

Girl believe me I know how you fell no matter how bad my X was to me for some odd reason I always wanted to stay looking back at it now all I remember are the bad things wich took up 99% of the relationship any ways and we to were engaged for about a year I can't say for sure but I truly hope you see the light before you are in a flucked up situation like I was.I understand he went and is still going through a hard time over the loss of his son. But he is misplacing his hurt on you and that is not healthy. It can easly turn to violance and thats when the S*IT realy hits the fan. You will have many bruises and un happy visits to the emergency room each time thinking it only happened once I know as you read this you are like this wont happen to me and i know no matter what any one says to you you will stay untill you are ready to leave him but know this you are not alone :p

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Thank you so much. My storry really does sound a lot like yours. Its very hard because he's my first love. He texted me last night saying he loved me. I told him I loved him too with all my heart. I'm trying hard to let go. But when ever I look at pictured of the two of us... I can't help but start crying... and my heart breaks again. And then I wish I had never met him... because if I hadn't I would never have felt this way... but then I regret wishing that and just pray that he will find the right path. I already took 3 days off work so that I don't see him for a while. My manager talked to me and said that I need to leave HIM alone for a while. And I know that. Yet, its still so hard to not look at that cell and dial his #... even though he never answers my calls anymore... but like I told my best friend. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling alone. I want to be the old me! The girl who always smiled and was happy... I WANT TO BE HAPPY AND I DESERVE TO BE ABLE TO SMILE AGAIN!! And even though its going to take me some time. I know I can do it! Time will heal all.

Department of Mental Health: Home Page

Here is the web page for CA dept of mental health

Delete his phone number and block him from your phone.

Someone who really loved you would not act the way he does. Please believe me on this. You love who he was not who he is. He is a different person now then he was when you first started dating. Its hard to let go of the past and live in the present. But he is not the same man. No one who loves you would let you feel as if you are suffering in this relationship. That's not love.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Delete his phone number and block him from your phone.

Someone who really loved you would not act the way he does. Please believe me on this. You love who he was not who he is. He is a different person now then he was when you first started dating. Its hard to let go of the past and live in the present. But he is not the same man. No one who loves you would let you feel as if you are suffering in this relationship. Thats not love.

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I know... thank you. I'm trying soooo hard to forget... and its going to take me some time. I just wish he could understand how he's making me feel... but I can't even talk with him. The healing is going to take me a while since I still love him even though he's been acting so mean to me. But in trying.

To be brutally honest he may not even care how he is making you feel. This guy sounds really selfish and I have a feeling the only person he cares for is himself.

Will you look into the mental health services? At your young age you can nip a lot of this bad stuff in the bud. I wish at your age I had instead of fumbling through my early 20's going from one bad relationship to another and have guys just treat me bad. Please don't do that to yourself. Its not fun and it really takes a long time to recover from.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

To be brutally honest he may not even care how he is making you feel. This guy sounds really selfish and I have a feeling the only person he cares for is himself.

Will you look into the mental health services? At your young age you can nip a lot of this bad stuff in the bud. I wish at your age I had instead of fumbling through my early 20's going from one bad relationship to another and have guys just treat me bad. Please don't do that to yourself. Its not fun and it really takes a long time to recover from.

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It hurts to know he doesn't care... because I wish he did... I can't believe I trusted him. He even told his parents that we were going to get married. And they were so happy... god this hurts.

I'm looking at the mental health page because I really want help. I don't want to end up committing suicide... I don't want to end up that way... I want to be happy!!

Well I certainly hope that you wouldn't let some jerk of a guy who can't see how amazing you are be something to throw your life away over.

Counseling will help you find yourself esteem and self worth. Help you see that you don't have to deal with someone who treats you bad that you are worth more then that. I know how hard it is when you feel rejected by your parents and you aren't shown how someone is supposed to love you and that you should be cherished by your partner.

I see myself in you. When you are in a bad situation you want someone to rescue you, love you and pull you out and take you away to someplace better. The one thing I've learned in my life is that sometimes you got to rescue yourself. You have to be your own knight in shining armor. If you can do that for yourself and love yourself and believe in yourself you will have no trouble getting through your life.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Well I certainly hope that you wouldn't let some jerk of a guy who can't see how amazing you are be something to throw your life away over.

Counseling will help you find your self esteem and self worth. Help you see that you don't have to deal with someone who treats you bad that you are worth more then that. I know how hard it is when you feel rejected by your parents and you aren't shown how someone is supposed to love you and that you should be cherished by your partner.

I see myself in you. When you are in a bad situation you want someone to rescue you, love you and pull you out and take you away to someplace better. The one thing I've learned in my life is that sometimes you gotta rescue yourself. You have to be your own knight in shining armor. If you can do that for yourself and love yourself and believe in yourself you will have no trouble getting through your life.

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Thank you for all your help. I'm glad I decided to join this site. You have all helped me so much. I'll check in tomorrow to tell you my progress^^
thank you
Luv,
Frankie :)

Good! I'm so pleased to see such a difference in you today.

I know it can seem silly but I really do care about you getting better and feeling better. I'm sending you hugs and lots of wonderful, positive energy.

Personally, I know what I have to say may not be in your favour, but from what you're saying I think its probably an obsesion. And these things do happen to people but its not a very good thing... like glenda said... I would advise you to see a couselor.. not necessarily for drugs and so on but at least to get some professional advice. Him being away from you for long periods are not very positive signs from someone who claims to love you... I believe he might be seeing someone else... this is just my assumption... but he probably does not know how to tell it to you in order to prevent you from getting hurt or he just duzn't want to get rid of you since he's got someone who would do anything for him... I always think that the weaknesses you have in you for others should be kept to yourself depending on what it is... like the cutting and the suicide... dont let a man know that he can do all these things to you then he would feel like he has you around his little finger and so he can do whatever he wants to... this is where you have to put your feet down and get him to respect you... you need to do it very early in any relationship otherwise you will find yourself in a lot of trouble and pain... you need to take yourself out of this relationship... you are very young and I believe most persons go through the phaze in life when you first meet someone you have all these feelings for, you feel as if you can never fall in love again with any one else or as much as you did with that one person... its not true... there are lots of fish in the sea... take yourself out of this and spend sometime with yourself... maybe meeting other persons may help... socially... sometimes it helps a lot... speak to your parents about your situation... you may not have a good relationship with them or them with you but believe you me, they will never let you down... seek advice from them and others and please try to take yourself out of there before it gets worse... its just not a healthy thing to be in esp at your age. Good Luck!

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Originally Posted by Princess_gama

well this is my story:
I've been going out with an older guy. I'm 18 and hes 33. our relationship is good. but sometimes he does this thing where he disappears. he doesn't call me or text me or anything for a whole day. most of the time hes either drinking or doing drugs type ! he did that on Sunday and today he got mad. saying that i need to stop trying to control him and that just because he doesn't call doesn't mean hes dead or something like that. but it hurts when he says these things to me because all i want is to take care of him. i don't want him to drink. and when he does this...i end up getting really depressed and have thoughts of suicide or thoughts of cutting (which I'm trying to stop!!!) i love this man so much! he is my first boyfriend the first person i love and the person i lost my virginity to. I'm afraid hes bored of me. that he realizes that he already got what he wanted so now he can leave me and forget me. it just hurts soooo bad. and every day i feel like I'm loosing myself little by little...i just can't take it sometimes! even my friends tel me that i look sad all the time and they want to see me happy again. i just don't know what to do!! i don't want to leave him! hes my everything!!!!! sometimes i just wish i could die...maybe then i wouldn't be a bother to him anymore...i don't know i just need someone to help me!

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i think the reason you think he is your everything is because he is your first real boyfriend when i first dated my first boyfriend i was so upset when he started acting distant and everyone thinks what would my boyfriend think if i died how would he react THAT IS NOWHERE NEAR THE ANSWER .. thats a perminant solution to a temporary problem. obviously if your thinking that your wanting to kill yourself your not in a good relationship your a young girl and hes 33 he has alot more relationship experience then you you need someone whose going to apreshiate you noone and their is someone out there.. you dont diserves to be walked all over who the hell does he think he is telling you not to worry about him being dead he should be flattered he needs to be set straight hes a screw up.. a 33 year old should be married.. not doing drugs and not telling someone who cares about him not to worry about him dieing.. guys are dumb and this one clearly isnt worth one second of your time GET RID OF HIM hes no good for you. you can do so much better =]

This man does not sound very dependable. Personally I'd break it off with him and get counseling for your emotional issues that lead you to make unhealthy choices such as this.

He is far too old for you, he's far to disinterested in considering your feelings, he's manipulating your emotions by disappearing, and his drug and alcohol problem is more than a phase at his age. He is a detriment to you in a thousand ways. I recommend you get some counseling to boost your self-esteem and work through breaking up with him immediately. YOu are trying to find what you are missing in yourself by being with him, and he will never fill that void. Love does not feel the way you are describing and you are going to find it, but can't begin to be open to it until he's out of the picture. When the right man is around for you, you will recognize him because istead of this frantic worry, self-doubt, and whirling emotion you will feel steady, safe, content and calm.

You are in love with the idea of a boyfriend, but can't possibly love someone who doesn't have more consideration for himself and for you, or self- care priorities to at the very least get off drugs.

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Originally Posted by Princess_gama

well this is my story:
I've been going out with an older guy. I'm 18 and hes 33. our relationship is good. but sometimes he does this thing where he disappears. he doesn't call me or text me or anything for a whole day. most of the time hes either drinking or doing drugs type ! he did that on Sunday and today he got mad. saying that i need to stop trying to control him and that just because he doesn't call doesn't mean hes dead or something like that. but it hurts when he says these things to me because all i want is to take care of him. i don't want him to drink. and when he does this...i end up getting really depressed and have thoughts of suicide or thoughts of cutting (which I'm trying to stop!!!) i love this man so much! he is my first boyfriend the first person i love and the person i lost my virginity to. I'm afraid hes bored of me. that he realizes that he already got what he wanted so now he can leave me and forget me. it just hurts soooo bad. and every day i feel like I'm loosing myself little by little...i just can't take it sometimes! even my friends tel me that i look sad all the time and they want to see me happy again. i just don't know what to do!! i don't want to leave him! hes my everything!!!!! sometimes i just wish i could die...maybe then i wouldn't be a bother to him anymore...i don't know i just need someone to help me!

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Dump him now because later on you will regret this you need to stop dating older guys! Really older! U need to that e guys your own age they are the right guys no older guys!

Not just your problem, Princess. Many women, most of my friends, would tell me that "oh, he is really nice, he smiles all the time,blah, blah..."
Well, you tell me who is going to act rude(on purpose) to get a chick?Who is going to show all his bad habits to get a chick?
Men are not dumb, women who think men are dumb are dumb. It takes long time to figure out a guy.
Good luck, and I know you are doing better and I am sure you will eventually get through it:)

Well i broke it off...I told him that i love him and i will always love him. but i dont think we should continue the relationship. we've been talking because well come on we work in the same place. so he saw how sad i looked. he said that he loves me.but that we need to work on each other first. he said that he need to work on his problems and that i need to get counceling too to get over my self esteem and my cutting isues. he said he doesnt want to see me hurt myself. and that even though we are only friends now. i can still call him when ever i need a friend to talk to. and that i should not worrie because he wont go back to his ex. he said that maybe some day when we are done working on our issues. then maybe the relationship can work out again. he sais he still wants to marry me and have a family with me. but that for now i need to worrie about myself and grow up a little more before we go back to eachother. and i think hes right. he also said we need to get to know eachother better first.

for now hes helping me get counceling. hes going to take me to some places to see if i can go there. what do you guys think???

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!
YAY!!
<BIG HUG>

However, I think that maybe you two should not see each other until you have both worked on your issues. It may be too hard for you to get better or move on with him still in our life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!
YAY!!!!!
<BIG HUG>

However, I think that maybe you two should not see each other until you have both worked on your issues. It may be too hard for you to get better or move on with him still in our life.

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thank you ^^

well I still have to see him because we work together. And I can't exactly quit right now since I'm going to college and I need the money! But I'm going to talk to him later so we finish figuring our problems out. And yeah today since I broke it off with him in the morning and then I saw him at work. It was sooo hard. I just wanted to break down. And I did cry a little but I'm okay now. I'm beginning to accept the break up a little more

It takes time.

One of our members Ash123 wrote a great guide to surviving a break up here is the link:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ghlight=Ash123

It is totally normal to mourn this relationship and to feel hurt. Its hard to do the right things for ourself sometimes. I am so incredibly proud of you for doing this. It is the right thing to do. People need to be healthy to be in a relationship or else problems erupt. What until you start with counseling things will get so much better for you. I'm also really happy to hear your in college. Have you checked in with them? Most colleges have counselors on staff to help students at no cost. I'd start there since its free.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

It takes time.

One of our members Ash123 wrote a great guide to surviving a break up here is the link:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ghlight=Ash123

It is totally normal to mourn this relationship and to feel hurt. Its hard to do the right things for ourself sometimes. I am so incredibly proud of you for doing this. It is the right thing to do. People need to be healthy to be in a relationship or else problems erupt. What until you start with counseling things will get so much better for you. I'm also really happy to hear your in college. Have you checked in with them? Most colleges have counselors on staff to help students at no cost. I'd start there since its free.

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Thank you^^ I'm really glad you care so much for me. My friend is going to go with me to see the counselor^^ she actyally wants to take counseling too :] and I suport her. We want to go to like a group counceling because she doesn't want to be alone! She's having trouble with her parents and she used to cutt too (I got her to stop doing that. I even checked her arms and legs for a whole month!! ) but now she's okay^^

I'm so glad to hear that! However the counselor may suggest individual sessions as the two of your progress since you share a common behavior but not common situations. But how wonderful to have someone to lean on during this time. You guys can support one another through all of this and how awesome will it be to see the changes in one another and help each other if you stumble.